Tell Me Lies

by Locklyn Marx

  “Can I borrow it or not?”

  “Are you going to tell me what the hell is going on?”

  She shook her head.

  He thought about it. Part of him wanted to just give her the money. She obviously needed it, and he wanted to do whatever he could to help her. But the other part of him thought that would be an easy fix, something that would only help her in the short-term. Alexis was obviously running from something, something bad. And if she kept running without facing it, things were never going to get better.

  “Come on,” he said, “let’s go upstairs.”

  She opened her mouth to protest, but then, after a second, she nodded. He put his arm around her and led her to the elevator and then upstairs to her room. He sat her down on the bed and pulled her close. All he wanted was to protect her, to make whatever it was that was bothering her go away.

  He stroked her hair for a moment, and then he pulled away, took her chin in his hands and made her look him in the eye.

  “Alexis,” he said, “can you please tell me what’s going on?” He could see on her face the internal struggle she was having. “Alexis,” he whispered, running his finger down over her lips. “Please.”

  And after a moment, she nodded.

  Chapter Seven

  They’d met in college. Alexis was the kind of girl who wasn’t really used to boys being interested in her. Yes, she had long blonde hair and blue eyes, but in high school, she’d had braces and she was quiet. She was much happier reading a book than out partying. She was also smart, and in high school, being smart was definitely not cool.

  When it was time to apply for college, Alexis studied the school catalogues endlessly. The kind of college she was looking for was simple – it had to be in a big city, it had to be in the Northeast, and it had to have a good psychology department.

  Alexis had been born in West Virginia, and she needed to get out. There was nothing there for her. Her small town was the kind of place where the opening of a Walmart was big news.

  She’d never known her father – he’d taken off when she was just a little girl, and her mother had died of breast cancer the summer before Alexis’s senior year of high school. She’d left Alexis just enough money to make it through her senior year on her own, paying the rent on their tiny apartment and keeping herself clothed and fed.

  Alexis didn’t remember much about that last year of high school. She knew she hadn’t cried that much, which now, looking back, didn’t make much sense. Up until that time, Alexis had been a very emotional girl, crying over sappy commercials and Lifetime movies, reading Nicholas Sparks books until the wee hours of the morning and getting choked up at the over-the-top endings. But when her mother died, it was like that part of Alexis got turned off.

  She told herself it was because she’d been expecting it. Her mother had been given six months to live, and four months later she was dead. But the truth was, Alexis was afraid that if she let herself feel that loss, if she let herself go there and really feel the emptiness, then she would never be able to go back. Alexis was afraid to cry because she worried that if she started, she would never stop.

  So while most of the kids in her class were ditching their last days of high school to go to the beach or shop at the mall or just cruise around looking for trouble, Alexis was studying. And poring over the college catalogs that kept showing up in the mail.

  She was going to need loans and scholarships. Since she wasn’t dependent on anyone, she didn’t have to claim her mother’s income on any of the paperwork she filled out. So she ended up qualifying for a fair amount of financial aid, enough so that with loans and the school scholarship she’d earned, paying for school wouldn’t be a problem.

  It was the first time in her life that she’d been thankful she was poor.

  After weighing all the pros and cons, Alexis finally decided on Temple University. It hit all her criteria – big city, Northeast, good psychology program. And best of all, it was a place where no one knew her.

  She lurked on the Temple message boards, reading the posts of the students who already went there. They seemed happy and well adjusted. And Pennsylvania seemed like a nice place – definitely not as intimidating as Massachusetts or New York, which Alexis pictured as being rich and stuck-up.

  She applied to Temple and nowhere else.

  When her acceptance letter came, she bought a carrot cake with cream cheese frosting at the Piggly Wiggly, then ate a slice at the kitchen table after lighting a candle for her mother.

  She spent the summer working at the new Walmart, stocking shelves and cashiering.

  When she took the bus from Georgia to Pennsylvania at the end of August, she’d managed to save two thousand dollars. Her financial aid covered the cost of living, but she’d scrimped and saved anyway, knowing there would be unforeseen expenses.

  It was her first day at Temple when he’d knocked on her door. Alexis had been putting the extra-long sheets on her bed, and she tucked in the last corner before going to see who it was.

  “Hi,” he said, leaning easily against the doorframe. “I’m Leo. I’m your RA.” He had blonde hair and blue eyes and a smile like you’d only see on television.

  “Hi,” she said, “I’m Alexis.”

  He asked her if she wanted to come to the floor meeting. She said okay. After it was over, he came back to her room to make sure she was settling in okay, and before he left, he invited her to breakfast in the dining hall the next morning.

  At first, she thought he was just being nice. After all, he was the RA. He had to make sure everyone felt welcome. But soon, as the other freshman on her floor started settling into their lives and making new friends, she realized his attention was more than just obligatory. They’d share meals together, study together, walk to class together. But they were just friends, and even though Alexis was attracted to him, she knew better than to get any romantic delusions. Guys like Leo – handsome, outgoing, wanted by most of the female population – didn’t end up with girls like her.

  The first time he kissed her was right before semester break. The dorms had been almost empty, with most students having gone home for the break. Alexis was staying at school. There was no family for her to go home to, and so she’d taken a position helping her psych professor with some research.

  Leo had come to see if she needed anything, and to have her sign a waiver saying that if she got hurt during the break, the university wasn’t responsible.

  “You have cute handwriting,” Leo said as he watched her sign her name.

  The compliment made her blush. “Thanks.”

  “Of course, everything about you is cute.”

  She looked up at him then, and he kissed her. It was sudden, and it took her by surprise. They’d spent a lot of time together, yes, but up until that point, he’d never shown interest in her as anything more than a friend.

  Before Alexis knew what was happening, they’d fallen onto the bed. They kissed for what seemed like hours. When they finally came up for air, Leo decided not to go home – he told her he didn’t want to leave her alone over the holidays.

  At the time, she thought it was ridiculously romantic. But looking back, she realized it was the start of a pattern behavior that was very unhealthy.

  They began to spend every moment together. At first, it was fun. They’d eat together, study together, and spend Saturday nights curled up in Leo’s bed watching movies.

  At the beginning of the spring semester, Alexis started taking a biology class, and she had a lab partner who she started to become friends with, a girl named Melissa.

  Leo didn’t like Melissa. He said she dressed like a slut, and that she was a bad influence on Alexis.

  “No, she’s not,” Alexis would say, rolling her eyes. “She’s nice.”

  But soon Leo started giving her a hard time whenever she spent time with Melissa, accusing Alexis of cheating on him.

  “You like going to her dorm because she lives on a floor with all guys,” he’d say
when she’d come back from studying at Melissa’s. “You like to flirt with them.”

  “Leo, I don’t flirt with them.” The idea was ridiculous. She didn’t flirt with them. She didn’t know how to flirt. And even if she had, she didn’t want to. She loved Leo.

  “Then why won’t you sleep with me?” he demanded.

  She’d put off having sex with him, not because she didn’t want to, but because she’d told herself that she wasn’t going to lose her virginity until she’d been dating someone for at least six months.

  “I told you,” she said. “I want to wait.”

  “Because you don’t love me!” He shook his head. “Maybe we need some time apart.”

  The thought had terrified her. Desperate to keep him, she’d slept with him that night, feeling like she had to do it to prove her love.

  But it wasn’t enough.

  By the next year, Leo had gone from being jealous to straight out possessive. He hated when she wore anything that he deemed too revealing. If she wanted to go to a party, he had to be with her. She couldn’t have any other friends, or he became convinced she was cheating on him.

  When he graduated, he told her she needed to move off campus and into his apartment with him.

  “Leo, I can’t,” she said. “My financial aid only covers my housing if I live at school.”

  “Then I don’t see how this is going to work out,” he said, shaking his head sadly.

  “We’ll be living in two different worlds.”

  So she moved in with him. At first, things were great. Leo had a new job at a computer software company, and so he was happy to pay the full rent. Alexis’s classes were going well, and she actually enjoyed having a quiet place to come home to that was off campus.

  Leo was sweet and doting, cooking dinner for her almost every night while she studied.

  The trouble started halfway through her junior year. Leo began spending more and more time at the office and coming home from work later and later. One night, she’d called him at work to see what time he was coming home, and she got his voicemail.

  Something wasn’t right, she felt it, and so she’d driven to his office. His car hadn’t been in the parking lot.

  When he finally got home at around nine, he told her he’d been in a meeting, and that he’d had to turn his cell phone off. But he smelled like booze, and so Alexis confronted him, telling him she’d driven by the parking lot and that his car wasn’t there.

  He became enraged, screaming at her that she had no right to do that. The fight had escalated and he’d grabbed her wrists, pinning her arms to her body and then slamming her up against the wall.

  As soon as he’d done it, he immediately stepped back, a horrified look on his face. The next morning, she had bruises. Leo brought her flowers, and promised he’d never do anything like that again.

  Alexis told him she thought it would be a good idea if he moved out for a few days. He told her he’d do whatever she wanted, he’d go to counseling, anything. She cried all day, and Leo spent a few nights on a friend’s couch. When he came back, he was being so sweet Alexis thought that maybe they’d gotten past it.

  Leo treated her like a princess for the next few weeks, holding her close at night, cooking dinner for her, and never coming home late from work.

  And for the next year, things were back to being perfect.

  Until Alexis got the job working with Dr. Berry.

  It was another research position, only this time, it came with the added bonus of teaching a class and possibly working on a paper that would be published. She was ecstatic. She was a senior now, and had already been looking into grad schools so she could get her PhD. She wanted to stay at Temple if she could, and Dr. Barry seemed to think working with him would give her a great shot.

  Dr. Barry’s other research assistant was a grad student named Todd. He was likeable and easy-going, and he and Alexis began logging long hours together in the lab.

  One night, as Todd walked her to her car, Leo pulled up next to them.

  “What are you doing here?” Alexis asked, confused. She turned to Todd to introduce them, but before she could, Leo slammed his car into park and came storming across the parking lot.

  “You stay the fuck away from her!” he screamed. His face was turning red, and he was so enraged he was shaking.

  Before Alexis could even process what was happening, he’d punched Todd in the face. Blood spurted from Todd’s nose, and Alexis screamed. “Leo!” she yelled. “Stop!”

  But he didn’t. He punched Todd three more times, and by the time he was finished, he’d broken Todd’s nose.

  The police were called, and Leo was arrested for assault. Since he had no prior record, he was put on probation.

  Alexis moved out of their apartment, and this time, she didn’t talk to Leo for two months. She’d had to quit her research assistant job. There was no way she wanted Todd to be put in any more danger, and so after a meeting with Dr. Barry, they’d agreed it was best.

  She applied to grad schools in New York and Boston, deciding it was time for a fresh start, time to get away from Leo and everything that was in Pennsylvania. She got accepted at Boston University, and she planned on leaving right after graduation.

  Her graduation day was painful. Alexis couldn’t help but feel as if she hadn’t gotten as much as she could out of her college experience. She had no friends, only acquaintances that she’d met through her class work. She’d hardly been to any parties.

  She had no one in the audience to cheer for her when they called her name, and the only applause she got was the polite clapping people were doing for everyone.

  She was packing up her apartment when Leo showed up at her door.

  He was wearing the navy blue t-shirt that brought out his eyes, and his hair was longer than she remembered.

  “I miss you,” he said simply.

  She missed him, too. It all came rushing back to her. The fun they’d had. The way it had felt to belong to someone and to have someone that cared about her. Still.

  She knew he was bad for her.

  “Leo,” she said, “I don’t think this is a good idea. You shouldn’t have come here.”

  “But I love you,” he said. “I love you so much.” He took a step toward her, and he smelled just as she remembered, like leather and hair gel. “Please,” he said. Give me one more chance. I’ll do anything. Whatever you want.”

  She was powerless to stop it. She gave up her spot in the graduate program at Boston University. It was too late to apply anywhere else, and so she moved back in with Leo and took a job teaching at the local elementary school. It was just supposed to be for a year, until she could reapply to grad school.

  But when the year was up, she decided to postpone going back to school. Things were going so well for her and Leo that she didn’t want to upset the balance. One more year, she told herself, and then you’ll go back to school. But another year turned into two.

  Things started getting progressively worse. Leo would get moody. A couple of times they got into horrible fights that culminated with him putting his hands on her. He hadn’t hit her, but he’d pushed her out the door and locked her out of “his” apartment.

  Another time he’d grabbed her so hard he’d causes bruises to bloom all over her arms.

  He always apologized, always told her he was sorry.

  It went on like this for years.

  Until last week.

  She’d stayed late at school to have a parent/teacher conference with the father of a boy who’d been having problems with his schoolwork. The father had been helpful and understanding, and along with the school psychologist, they’d come up with a plan that Alexis had felt good about.

  She was humming a little tune as she drove home and singing along with the radio. When she pulled into the parking lot of her apartment complex, she realized that Leo was behind her. She wondered what he was doing home from work so early.

  Maybe he’d taken some paid time off. He
liked to do that sometimes in the spring, when the weather got nicer.

  She pulled into a spot and cut the engine.

  She’d just stepped out of the car when she felt his hands grab her shoulders.

  “Who the fuck was that, Alexis?” he screamed, spit flying out of his mouth.

  “What?” She was so confused that it took her a second to realize what was happening.

  “Who the fuck was that guy you were with?”

  “What guy?”

  He slammed her up against the car so hard her whole body shook.

  “The guy I saw you coming out of the school with!”

  “That was a parent,” she said.

  “Why was he touching you like that? Why were you guys smiling and laughing?”

  “He wasn’t touching me.”

  “Liar!” He slammed her up against the car again.

  “Stop,” she said. “Leo, please, you’re scaring me.”

  “I’m sorry,” he said, pulling her close. But it didn’t have the same effect on her as it usually did. She didn’t feel sorry for him. She didn’t feel like she wished things were different. All she felt was disgust. “I’m sorry, Alexis.” Leo was stroking her hair, and bile rose in her throat.

  But she didn’t pull away. She couldn’t pull away – she knew that if she did, it would just make him more upset. So instead, she said, “It’s all right. Why don’t we go inside and have some dinner?”

  “Okay.” He stepped back and shook his head, then ran his fingers through his hair. “Dinner. Good idea.” He took her hand and started pulling her toward the apartment.

  She kept up the charade while they ate and watched a movie. At around nine o’clock, she told him she was going to take a shower before bed. As soon as she was in the bathroom, she pulled out her iPhone and checked her bank balance.

  She knew there wouldn’t be much in her checking account. After paying her half of the bills (Leo had long since stopped paying for everything), there wasn’t much left of her paycheck. But every month she would deposit a little money into her savings account. Last time she’d checked, about two weeks ago, she’d had around six thousand dollars.