Butterflies in Honey (Growing Pains #3)

by K. F. Breene

  Sean was at her side in an instant. “What are you doing?”

  “Going to put my arms around you.”

  He chuckled and muttered, “Stupid.”

  Krista was wrapped in the solid, safe arms of Sean McAdams.

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Krista was sitting on her deck, watching the ocean roll in, when the next wave of pain washed through her torso. She was about three hours in and gently floating with the tides of pain as they flowed and ebbed, hinting of stormy seas ahead.

  She and Sean had been married a little under three years. They had a small ceremony in Hawaii, and then flew to France for their honeymoon. Only the closest of their friends and family attended, which was exactly what they both wanted. Sean would have gone bigger, and almost did, but scaled it down at the last minute. He had never said why, but it became clear when, a week before the wedding, he got notice that his father wasn’t planning on attending. Business. He didn’t elaborate as to what kind. Sean was devastated, but he covered it well, muttering that he knew it and glad he didn’t have many people to witness it.

  His mother, a gracefully aged lady with expensive taste and a legacy of beauty, spent the whole time asking Krista if she was pregnant and bad mouthing Sean’s dad. Krista didn’t talk to her much. The woman could really throw a black cloud into a person’s day.

  Krista’s parents were there, of course—plain, sometimes frumpy, but reliable. Her mom was ecstatic that one of her children was getting married and her dad was constantly trying to wrestle the bills from Sean’s grasp. “The father always pays!” he would yell as Sean bought him another drink.

  Cassie, who had moved to L.A. shortly after ‘The Incident,’ fell in love with Krista’s parents and was adopted immediately. She didn’t like them half as much as Sean did, however, who became the favorite. Sean and Cassie’s desire for a close family melded with the Marshall parents’ desire to keep their family close. The four went together like mashed potatoes and gravy. The Marshall daughters were quickly and effectively forgotten.

  Although, and as a surprising turn of events, Cassie and Samantha, Krista’s sister, got on surprisingly well. Cassie got free reign to be villainous and took advantage of it. The two of them played practical jokes on everyone, much to Sean’s dismay. They both got scolded by the parents. Everyone else just shook their heads.

  Sean and Krista left for France straight from Hawaii. Describing their time there would be impossible. Simply put, it was the best time either of them had ever had in life. They tasted wines, they ate impossibly good food, and saw breathtaking countryside. With Sean knowing a word or two of French, and Krista speaking a little more, plus their love of good food and wine. all helped. It also meant they didn’t get as many snobby comments about stupid Americans. Krista had yet to meet Sean’s grandparents on either side, but Sean said they would work them into a trip the following year.

  The following year came and went without a trip or even a lengthy vacation—work turned unreal busy. Their branch was number one in sales by 10% and going strong. New York was hot on their heels, but with Krista’s ability to organize departments and motivate employees, and Sean’s unique solutions to hit unreal goals, they hit and stayed number one consistently.

  Tory’s daughter graduated from Harvard Business School and found a managerial position in San Francisco. It was about the time that Sean promoted both Kate and Jasmine, who were nearly as good as Krista at hitting numbers with the added bonus of being universally liked. Dean was long gone and the Arizona region was shut down because of lack of performance, so with the increased work load and vacancy, K-Jaz was forced into more responsibility. Neither really wanted it, but took to it like a fat man to a buffet. When the numbers bumped up in the next quarter, Ron nearly crapped himself he was so pissed.

  Krista and Sean were going strong. The few fights they had turned into an excuse for great makeup sex. They spent a lot of time together and never seemed to get tired of each other. Every once in a while, Sean would look at Krista with a somber look, remembering. Back in the day, it would be followed by a fervent bout of lovemaking that boarded on desperation, but as time wore on, he would simply wink at her and hug her tight.

  The one thing that ran between them with the force of an underground river was when to start a family. If it were up to Sean or Cassie, Krista would have gone off birth control on their honeymoon. Krista wasn’t so eager, however. She was still young and had a couple years of drinking and acting stupid left on her roster. Being that she was the woman, and it was her body that would get destroyed, Sean deferred. There were no arguments or heated discussions, there was just Sean, looking at Krista like a puppy dog, saying that he was ready whenever she was ready, and wouldn’t bring it up again.

  Of course, he didn’t have to. He had Cassie. She brought it up constantly. She’d found a man shortly after moving to L.A. who thought the sun shone out of her ass. They were married a year after Sean and Krista. Cassie wanted to start a family, but wanted to do it at the same time as Krista so she wouldn’t be the only one. Kate and Jasmine were still dating Mr. Right Now and Ben wasn’t having much luck, either. Krista told Cassie to get on with it, and Cassie would reply that Krista’s eggs were dying.

  Cassie fought dirty, obviously.

  To Sean’s credit, he never said so much as “boo” about the situation. He was patient, despite his sister. But every time he saw a family at the beach, or a dad holding a toddler up in the water, or a chubby little girl waddling by, Sean would get a soft look in his eye and snuggle up to Krista. It wasn’t conscious, but it didn’t stop Krista from hearing the metaphorical clock ticking every time he did it.

  Finally, a couple years into their marriage, Krista decided it was time. She felt she had a good run socially and was in a place where change would be welcome…and she wasn’t getting any younger—thanks mom, and Cassie. She thought about telling Sean she was ready and that they could start trying, but she got nervous that he would unknowingly put a bunch of pressure on her. She’d never been pregnant before—what if she had a hard time getting knocked up? What if it took a while? She didn’t want to get her period and feel like a failure. Sean wouldn’t think that way, sure, but the female brain had the propensity to be a crazy place. Krista knew from experience that it came up with irrational stuff; Krista didn’t need anyone else witnessing that.

  Since she knew he still wanted children—Cassie made that clear—she stopped taking the pill. She had her monthly membership fee of womanhood, and then just went cold turkey. She heard it could take a while for a girl’s body to adjust. She had also heard stories of those who got pregnant right away. Then, of course, there were those who didn’t stop and still got knocked up. You just didn’t know until it happened.

  Or didn’t.

  Well, it turned out that one of Krista’s problems in life was not fertility. Two months after she had sworn off contraception, she stopped getting visits from Aunt Flow.

  At first, she didn’t realize it. She was sitting in Kate’s office chatting when she made an offhanded comment on how bad her boobs hurt lately.

  “That sucks. Are you about to start?” Kate said as she scrounged through her desk for her hot spot happy hour list. She was way too organized at thirty.

  “Uh, probably.”

  Krista looked at the calendar and realized that she had no idea. Without the pill to keep her regular, and also to subtly point out when things would get messy, she was flying blind.

  Kate looked up quickly. “What aren’t you telling me?”

  “It’s a secret.”

  “When was your last period?”

  “Um…” Krista looked hard at the calendar.

  As Krista was trying to count back weeks, Kate said, “You’re off the pill? Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I don’t know?”

  “You’re trying aren’t you?”

  Silence.

  “You’re trying and you’re worried of failure, aren’t you?”
<
br />   It was scary how well Kate knew her.

  Krista grimaced. “Yeah, a bit. Sean doesn’t know.”

  “Are you serious?!”

  “He wants one. He said whenever I was ready. I’m as ready as I’ll ever be, so…”

  “I don’t think Sean would like to hear you aren’t 100% in this. Especially with his parents’ track record.”

  “I am, it’s just that I’m scared. My body is going to stretch and go crazy, I’ll look ugly and misshapen when it’s all over, and let’s not forget the needles and horrible pain…”

  “Oh. Yeah, that makes sense.”

  They went over the calendar. It was quite possible that Krista was a week late. They went online and looked up pregnancy symptoms. Sore boobs was one of them. Krista broke into a cold sweat.

  “You’re coming over tonight and we are going to deal with this. Jasmine and Cassie are coming,” Kate said sternly.

  “No one tells Sean.”

  “No one tells anyone! You might be as ready as you’ll ever be, but I’m not even that ready yet. Yuck.” Though neither wanted to admit it, Kate and Jasmine both were in serious relationships. Kate’s man was just about to pop the question, it was obvious. Kate swearing off marriage and babies was her way of waiting patiently for a ring and eternity.

  At Kate’s house, Krista was given a birth control test, shoved in the bathroom, and yelled at to hurry up. After the pants were back in place, all four women crowded in and watched the test, which turned positive within thirty seconds.

  “Oh yeah, you’re pregnant,” Jasmine said. “When it turns that fast, you are definitely pregnant.”

  “Oh my God, you bitch!” Cassie roared, taking the test. “Why didn’t you tell me? Now I’m behind!”

  “Because you would have told Sean,” Krista said, not quite sure how to feel.

  “True. Okay, do another. Then I’m going to do one just to see if there is a miracle.”

  Krista did three. Cassie did one. Krista’s were all positive. Cassie went home directly to get pregnant. Kate and Jasmine toasted to Krista with a glass of wine. Krista had juice.

  Cassie being sworn to secrecy wouldn’t last long—she was way too excited. For that reason, Krista had to get on the ball with telling those closest to her. Sean, obviously, being the first. She wanted it to be special, though. She wanted him to remember the day he found out.

  She stayed late that night at Kate’s, saying they were talking girl talk. She skipped surfing, pretending she had a hangover. She tried to stay busy all day to avoid Sean—she never could get anything important past the man; he read her as easily as a freaking billboard. At the end of the day, she raced home before him, getting a ride from Kate, and put one of the most easy to read pregnancy tests on the counter with a blue and pink intertwined ribbon. She then punched Cassie in the arm when Cassie said that meant she’d get twins.

  All their closest friends—who would not judge and who would have been told before the three month mark anyway—waited quietly in the backyard. It was Autumn and still nice out, so no one minded in the least.

  When Sean came home, he stepped beside the door to deposit his keys in the bowl, like he always did. He moved into the living room to switch on the TV and saw a note on the remote that said to turn on music. It wasn’t unusual—sometimes Krista didn’t want to hear people talking after a busy day. He did as instructed, only then seeing the weird looking white object with the ribbons. It looked like a digital thermometer.

  That, of course, made Sean nervous, since Krista tried to pretend she wasn’t sick until she was basically on bed rest. He had picked it up and surveyed it.

  Instead of temperature, in the window, it had the digitally displayed word: ‘Pregnant.’

  Sean’s life burst into color. He read it again. He turned it over and flipped it back, reading it a third time. He looked around to see if Cassie would pop out and this would all be a joke. It didn’t happen, so he read it a fourth time.

  Being that there were ribbons on it, it meant he was supposed to see it. It wasn’t hidden away or thrown in the garbage. It wasn’t something Krista was ashamed of. It was left for him, as a surprise.

  In a daze, he wandered out to the deck, to his chair overlooking the ocean. He sat back and held the stick close, not realizing or caring that it had been peed on. It would later be the thing everyone made fun of.

  That was where Krista found him ten minutes later. He was sitting, staring out at the ocean, his eyes glassy, with the test hugged to his chest. When he noticed her, she smiled shyly. His eyes were so full of love, Krista got a lump in her throat.

  “Hey,” she said, walking out onto the balcony.

  Sean watched her cross in front of him to take her balcony chair. His eyes were blazing with emotion, the foremost being hope. He held up the test.

  “Is this what I think it is?”

  Krista wanted to say something witty but decided it wasn’t the time. “Yes.”

  Sean nodded slowly, looking at her intently. “Are you okay with this?”

  Fear raked Krista’s chest for the first time. Cassie had promised he would be excited. She had ardently swore that he would be eager to share that moment with those closest to him.

  “Uh…aren’t you?”

  “I told you, I would wait until you were ready. I would rather never have a child if you aren’t 100% sure this is what you want.”

  “If it wasn’t what I wanted, I wouldn’t have stopped the pill.”

  Confusion flashed across Sean’s face. Then a flicker of a smile.

  “You were trying for this?” He wasn’t accusing her, he wanted verification.

  Krista smiled, pleased with his obvious delight.

  His smile flickered brighter, the corners tugging upwards. “For how long?” The words came out in a breathy gush, his joy was barely contained in the confines of his body.

  “Well, I stopped taking contraception two months ago. Or so. Maybe three. Surprise!”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  Krista shrugged and looked out over the ocean. “There were too many unknowns. I just wanted to see if it would happen. I knew you were in so I just…went with it.”

  “You don’t seem as thrilled as I am…”

  It occurred to her how this all looked to Sean. He was worried about her, worried that something was wrong, thinking it might be him. He gets home to a positive pregnancy test. He is elated, but then worries she is unhappy because she got a nasty surprise. He had been a nasty surprise. His life was lived in the shadow of that surprise and it never lost its taint. Suddenly his hope was dripping with fear that Krista hated the life they had created.

  It was pretty heavy.

  She got up and went to him immediately. She went to plop on his lap, but was received with velvet gloves. He was already handling her like a fragile vase.

  “Honestly, I’m scared. It was sudden, kinda. I thought it would take longer. And it is a big deal. I can’t drink, I have to take it easy—I mean, life is going to completely change for us, Sean. We have it good. We have it great, actually. But what if I get all stretch-marky and fat and ugly? What if my body never bounces back? And a baby puts strain on even the best marriages.

  “And then there is the labor. All that pain. What about the lack of sleep? I won’t have a clue as to what I am doing, Sean. Not a clue. I don’t know anything about babies. What if I screw it up? What if I ruin its life forever?”

  Sean hugged her gently. “If my parents didn’t screw me up, we’ll be fine. And we’ve had strain in our relationship before, love—we always make it through. We will always make it through. You can’t control everything, so stop trying. Let life happen.”

  Krista laughed and snuggled into his warmth. “Let life happen? Did you find that stenciled on a napkin or something?”

  “No, a pillow, but it was a goodie.”

  After a few minutes of cuddling, Krista had to lay down the law. “You can’t tell anyone until three months.”
/>   “Why?” Sean was heartbroken already.

  “There is a 12.5% chance I will miscarry. After three months, that number dramatically reduces.”

  “What, did you look that up or something? Who has statistics on stuff like that?”

  “You married a statistician, darling. Although, I am young and in great shape and healthy—my chances might be lower. But still, it’s best to keep that in mind. And if it does happen, it’s okay because it meant that something wasn’t right. We’ll just try again at that point.”

  “Okay,” Sean sighed. “Thank you.”

  “Don’t thank me yet, McAdams. I might become a raging bitch. Hormones will probably eat me alive.”

  Sean shrugged. “I’ll do whatever I can to support you through this, Krista. Please believe that.”

  “You better. Also, if you are up to it, a few of our friends are getting the grill fired up for a celebratory BBQ.”

  Sean smiled. “I thought we couldn’t tell people?”

  “It’s just Marcus and Ben and everyone those two would tell anyway. Cassie will be along shortly, she is trying to get pregnant at the moment.”

  “Gross. Let’s cuddle for a second longer and then go, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  Sean proved he was serious about helping Krista through it. He made her soup during the month of morning sickness—which was not just reserved for the morning, it lasted all day. He rubbed her belly, he rubbed her feet, and he made her lunches and dinners. He massaged her back when she got bigger, and came to her office for their one-on-one meetings. He even had leisurely strolls with her along the beach after he had his harder workouts. He did everything but quit drinking. She tried to get him to do that, too, since not having her glass of wine with dinner, or a beer with the girls, was unreal hard (misery loves company) but he just smirked and said he failed her.

  Chapter Thirty-Five