Cross Your Mind (An Emerson Novel Book 3)

by K L Finalley

  "Probably, but I can't imagine he'll think it's a bad idea."

  "No, he'd love for me to go back to the Sun." Tapping her foot, Alex contemplated the news. "Well. Well. Well. Okay. I need to update my resume."

  "Yeah, go do that."

  "Well, thanks for looking out, gurl," Alex was biting her nail. The acrylic stopped it from breaking off.

  "Anytime," and Mallory was gone.

  Mallory had been right to presume that Alex was unhappy at UpBeat. It was part of a multi-million-dollar entertainment conglomerate. It had access to entertainment at all levels. While as an associate of the conglomerate, Alex had gone further, interviewed more, dined more, and wined harder than she ever had. Yet, there was something missing. She had missed crafting articles for the second most widely read newspaper in southwest Florida. She had missed staff meetings that occurred in a conference room rather than as a web conference. While she knew that she needed to discuss Mallory's news with Elet, she knew what she wanted. And, she knew what he'd say. He'd want nothing more than for his new wife to leave an environment that focused on ranking the sexiest men each year to rejoin a publication that broadcasted important events - that just happened to be managed by his best friend.

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~

  Alex returned to the Tampa Sun Tribune in late January. As she sat at her desk on Leap Day, she thought back to how she stormed back into the office of her former employer in her fourth month of pregnancy. While her urgency to vomit at the sight, smell, and thought of most things was diminishing, it was not completely behind her. But, she thought she'd be able to reveal her pregnancy in her own time. In fact, she recalled contacting Jacqueline and Paige, by text, the night before.

  Alex: Neither one of u have told anyone about the baby, have u?

  Jax: Not me.

  Paige: Oh, Alex. Don't worry about it. It's wonderful news. Everyone will be excited to hear it.

  Alex: Paige, answer the damn question!

  Paige: No, I haven't

  Alex: Good. I'll tell them when im ready for them to know.

  And, that was the entire conversation on the baby until she walked into the office. She had chosen a stretch, floral tea dress with a fitted bodice and a flared skirt for her second first day of work at the Sun. She wore yellow pumps and a yellow scarf in her hair. It was a fifties, retro throwback look that she thought would remind them of the Alex who had left not so long ago. It was the perfect outfit to remind them of who she was and what they loved about her without drawing attention to the widening of her waist, the pot under her navel, and her suddenly fuller breasts. When she slipped into the revolving doors and entered the lobby, she was reassured. The guards welcomed her. Surprised by her returned, they smiled, they flirted. They did everything that she expected them to do. They took her box. They retrieved the elevator. They made a big deal about her return and never mentioned that she looked like she might vomit. They didn't ask why she could no longer stride in her shoes and didn't dare ask why she was winded.

  When she stepped in the car, she felt a tad dizzy. Happy to be alone, she closed her eyes and took those moments to resettle herself. Then the doors opened, she braced the contents of her stomach by holding onto the elevator car wall. Feeling beads of sweat on her face, she tried to blot her face with the back of hand. Then, she stepped onto the newsroom floor with the largest, fake smile she'd ever created. She smiled, shook hands, nodded, and hugged. The world was happy to see her. She was going to right the ship. She was their saving grace. Mallory had left. She had taken Hannah with her, but Alex had returned. Alex was gushing in bravado until Jill Hanover, the Human Resources Director came to her cubicle office to meet with her.

  In a black pencil skirt and white shirt, Jill seemed to have thinned since Alex had last seen her. Wanting to acknowledge the change, Alex remarked, "Girl, you look great."

  Glowing, Jill said, "Thank you. I've been doing CrossFit. You were always so nice looking, so thin, so well put together. I always said I wanted be just like you, so one day I just started. And, look at me now."

  Adding to the ego that overflowed Alex's mini-office, she said, "Well, it's paid off."

  "Yeah, and who knew that you were gonna go, get married, and get pregnant," Jill laughed. "I didn't see that coming at all, but congrats to you."

  And, that let the air out of Alex's sails. A few months ago, she might have yelled and screamed. She might have jumped up from the office chair and threatened violence, but sitting there, trying to hold down the dry cereal she ate hours ago, she just couldn't waste the energy. Besides, the secret was out. Moments later, the security guard appeared with her box of things. There were pictures of Elet, pictures of her and Elet in front of the house, and a picture from the wedding.

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~

  That was more than a month ago. She had entered her six month of pregnancy and was more than thirty pounds beyond her pre-pregnancy weight. There was nothing a flared skirt could do to hide the girth that had developed. She had lost sight of her feet and her tiny frame seemed as though it would no longer be able to support her ever enlarging stomach.

  When Athena, a staff writer, came to float an idea about an upcoming art festival by her, she startled her. "Oh, I'm sorry, Alex. Did I scare you?"

  Frightened, Alex lied, "No, I'm fine."

  "You're shaking," Athena recognized.

  "I'm okay," Alex said. She didn't want the fuss. She didn't want the attention or the opinions about pregnancy. She didn't want to hear about what she should do or what had happened to other women, wives, sisters, or mothers. Her pregnancy wasn't a public spectacle that required continual input.

  "Are you sure? When was the last time you ate? Maybe you need a little something to snack on?"

  With tears in her eyes, "I can't just keep eating. I'm never going to lose all of this weight. I don't want to be fat forever." Uncertain what to say, Athena stared at her. Alex wiped her eyes and touched her stomach.

  "Do you have pain," Athena was alarmed by Alex's hand on her stomach.

  "Yes, but, I'm fine. It's the baby."

  "Is something wrong?" Athena bent down closer to Alex. Her long, straight brown hair hung over Alex's shoulder.

  "No," she sighed. "It responds now." Athena looked confused, so Alex explained, "Like if I get worked up or if I eat something it likes or if it likes the music."

  "That's pretty cool," Athena placed her hand on Alex's shoulder.

  There were more tears. "Is it? Is it really?" Alex stood up, pushing Athena back. She walked past her down the aisle to the elevator with purpose in her steps. When she reached the small, filigreed elevator that led to the management floor, she placed her hand on her belly and rested against the wall. As soon as the doors opened, Mrs. Pennington and Grant both stared at her.

  "Are you all right, dear?" Mrs. Pennington asked as she started to stand from behind her desk.

  Flagging her to stay seated, Alex said, "I am, Mrs. Pennington," then, she turned and asked, "Grant, is Jacqueline available?" It was courtesy. She hadn't slowed her motion. She hadn't stopped at his desk. She asked this question while exiting the elevator, passing between the desks, and beelining to Jacqueline's door.

  "She just finished a difficult performance review and is trying to reach Jack, but she's in her office. She might be..." He was talking when Jacqueline's office door opened.

  Jacqueline had been on her phone. When she heard her door open, she stopped dialing numbers and hung up the receiver. When she saw that it was Alex and that Alex was holding her stomach, she stood. "What's going on?"

  "Nothing. The baby's kickin'."

  "In a good way or a bad way?"

  "Depends on your perspective."

  "Come and sit down." Jacqueline raced to her office door. She braced Alex's arm as if she might fall, but it wasn't needed. As she led her to a chair, she asked, "Should I call Elet to come and get you?"

  "No, no. I'm fine. I mean, I had a breakdown on Athena, but I'm fine. I don't need a doctor or any
thing."

  "What do you need?"

  Tears filled her eyes. "A nap."

  Jacqueline leaned against her desk. "I could tell you to go home, but I guess sleeping's tough these days."

  "I'm just a mess. I'm fat and tired. I've gained so much weight I can't even see my feet anymore. I'm hungry all the time. I mean, like really hungry. Like I want my food and Elet's food. He says don't worry you're eating for two. That doesn't make feel better." Then, she cried. Just a bit. Jacqueline thought to hug her, but, as she walked near her to put her arm around her, Alex continued. "And, look." She placed her fingers in her nostrils and stretched them. "Look! My nose is spreading. I thought that was an old wives' tale. But it's happening." And it was. "I'm getting older, fatter, blacker, and, my damn nose is huge. What's happening to me?" Then, the tears streamed down her face.

  "Well, you're growing a baby," Jacqueline tried to reassure her.

  "Yeah, well, that might have been a bad idea," Alex spoke through her tears.

  "Don't say that. You don't mean it. And she…or, uh, he, can hear it," Jacqueline was fumbling. She was in unchartered territory. She'd wanted to contact Mallory and ask for advice, but she thought Alex may become more upset by that. Alone with an upset pregnant woman in her office, she thought to handle it the only way she knew how. Redirection. She asked, "By the way, when are we gonna know the sex of this baby?"

  "Don't start with me. I can't figure out what I want to do," the waterworks ended and anger crossed Alex's face.

  Jacqueline could handle anger. It was one of her better emotions. Feeling more comfortable, she sat in the chair next to Alex. "Jesus, Alex," she said as she reclined into the chair. "You're making this too hard. It doesn't have to be production. Send a text. Have a cookout. Let's go out to dinner. Everything doesn't have to be a giant wedding announcement."

  "How's about we stop talking about me? Let's talk about you," Alex had started to sniffle.

  Jacqueline got up from the chair and headed back behind her desk. Things had been going well for her. She was prepared to be on the hot seat if it helped Alex feel at ease. She intertwined her fingers and placed them on her head. "Shoot."

  "Are you really selling the condo?"

  "Yes, I told you I was."

  "Are you sure about this?"

  "Listen, I'd be selling it if she and I weren't together. It's just not me anymore. I mean, I complain about carrying things from the garage. I never go to those clubs or restaurants anymore." With a shrug of her shoulders, she admitted. "I think I've outgrown it."

  "Okay, but this is all moving so fast," Alex persisted. "You haven't even been dating a year."

  "Well, not officially. But, I'm want credit for all those nights we spent together when we weren't officially dating, but we were out of town, up all night, in a hotel, at shows and at dinners as dates," Jacqueline winked. "You know, it's not like you don't like her, so what's the problem?" Redirection, at its best.

  "The truth?"

  "The truth."

  Alex thought for a second as if she was considering her phrasing, then she said, "You're giving up everything. Your money. Your condo. Your stuff. What's she giving up?"

  "You know she makes six figures now, right?" Jacqueline said with pride in her eyes.

  "Your six figures beat her six figures."

  "But, she doesn't need me. Trust me, my six figures aren't worth everything she's gonna go through," Jacqueline answered easily. She'd anticipated these questions. "Look, I love her. I'm selling the condo. And, she's going to walk a rough road trying to make a life with me. You and I both know it. I can give up stuff. I can buy more stuff. You and I both know she risks more than losing things. She's gonna lose family and friends."

  Alex sat quiet for a moment. Her face rustled as she mulled over the idea. "Fair enough. You know, I don't think she wants the money. I think she really loves you."

  "I hope so. I'm selling my condo, " Jacqueline teased. "Are you okay now?"

  "For the moment," Alex conceded.

  "I'll take that. I have my own question," Jacqueline lowered her gaze. "Are you ready for it?"

  "Good God. Go ahead," Alex shuffled in the seat. She placed her arm on side of the chair and rested her hand in her palm.

  "When are we going on vacation again?" Jacqueline blurted out.

  Alex chuckled. "How in the hell, can we ever go on vacation ever again?"

  Jacqueline looked up at the ceiling and stroked her cheeks. "By the time, you take your kids to theme parks Zoe'll be too old to want to go. Maybe, Kelsey and Bryce will still go. Oh, maybe Olive will have another one?"

  Alex laughed. "God, I hope not. There's too many damn J names already." The two sat and laughed, then Alex asked, "When's my performance review?"

  "You aren't getting one."

  "What? I'm filing a complaint."

  "You weren't here a year."

  "I need a review."

  "Don't be mean to Athena. Eat and sleep regularly. And, have a baby shower. There you go."

  "I don' t think I want one," Alex said.

  "A shower?"

  "Right. I don't think I want a shower."

  "That's outta the question," Jacqueline announced. "The entire time you were on the honeymoon. That's all they talked about. The shower. The theme. The location. Who to invite. That they would all host it. Oh, it's on."

  "Fuck, is that why they keep asking about the baby's sex?"

  Jacqueline felt the conversation slide into the quick sand. She was being slowly suffocated. She knew she had to fight back with speed, not power. "Well, I think they just want to know. Well, that and the baby's name. But, it might not have to do with the shower, too. But, mainly, they're nosy as fuck."

  Alex started to push herself up out of the chair. Jacqueline went to help her. She shooed her help away. "I don't know the baby's sex."

  "Interesting," Jacqueline said as she watched the whale unbeach itself.

  "That's all you have to say!?!" Alex said as she steadied herself and waddled to the door.

  Perplexed, Jacqueline asked, "Should I be upset? I figure we'll know in June."

  "And, that's why he's your best friend," and she walked out of her office.

  Jacqueline was still smirking at the interaction when Grant paged her. "Jack's downstairs waiting."

  "Thanks. Let him know that I'll be right down."

  "Will do."

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~

  Jack Boyd Junior sat in the back of a chauffeured, luxury car in the front of the Sun building. He was the Editor in Chief of the paper, yet, he did not come into the office. He called Grant to notify Jacqueline that he was awaiting their lunch date in the car on the street. When Jacqueline arrived, the driver opened the door and there sat Jack. He was dressed in a black suit with a black tie and black leather loafers. At first sight, Jacqueline was overcome with a sense of grief. "I'm sorry, Jack for bothering you today."

  In his normally playful tone, he replied, "You should. I had a helluva nap planned for this afternoon."

  "No, I'm being serious. It's obvious you had something serious going on today."

  "Hell yeah, it was. But, it's nothing to be upset about. It's great news. I can't talk about it yet, but I'll tell you all about it soon enough."

  She patted his leg. "Whenever you're ready, I'm here for you."

  "No. It ain't like that. No one died, Jacqueline. This is my serious suit."

  Embarrassed, but relieved, she apologized, "My bad, this looks like your death suit."

  Rubbing the lapel, he stared at his suit jacket. "I paid eighteen hundred dollars for this suit."

  "That's too much for a funeral."

  "Shut up," Jack said. In the time that Jacqueline and Jack had spent working together, they had forged a special bond. Jack was the eldest son of the former editor, Big Jack Boyd, who'd founded and run the paper for years. He'd stepped down as Editor in Chief for health reasons and the Board of Directors installed Jack as Editor in Chief to show stability. Jack h
ad no interest in the newspaper, in being Editor, or in news, for that matter. He had voluntarily acted as a figurehead giving Jacqueline the room to execute the running of the paper as she thought it should be run. The honesty and dependency of that kind of agreement had created a friendly bond between them - one that felt like family.

  "I'm just letting you know," she said.

  "Thank you very much, asshole."

  Gaining her composure, she said, "In all seriousness, we didn't have to go to lunch. I just wanted to talk to you about something disturbing I discovered during one of the performance reviews."

  "Mia drinks at her desk?" he said and slapped his leg. "I knew it. No one can drink that much coffee in a day."

  "Uh, no, but you drink at your desk."

  "That's how I know what she's doing," he looked at her with complete seriousness.

  "Anyhow, read this exchange between Nelson and Clementine." She passed Nelson's phone to Jack. She watched his manicured hands scroll through the conversation. She saw the smile that turned to near laughter, then she saw his brow frown in surprise at the various pictures. "I hired her. I take full responsibility."

  "Bullshit!" he said as he continued to read and scroll.

  "You haven't even finished. You don't even know how bad it's going to get." The car stopped in front of a Mexican restaurant. The driver was coming to open the door as Jacqueline reached for her handle. She hesitated, but, eventually, obliged his help, thanking him upon her exit.

  She stood on the sidewalk and awaited Jack to join her. He stood and stretched as the driver opened the restaurant door for them both and escorted them inside. They walked past the hostess table and were seated at a round table meant for a large party in the back of the restaurant. It was decorated with a large white table cloth, wine goblets, double plates, saucers, and bowls for a party of eight. Without speaking or ordering, waitresses appeared with water, beer, chips, and salsa. Jacqueline thought nothing of it. She imagined that this was customary for all patrons. She thanked the various servers who delivered food and beverages to the table. Jack was still perusing the text conversation when a plate of nachos and beans and rice appeared. "Jack, look up. Food is being delivered and we haven't ordered."