Desperation

by Bruno Miller

  Ben felt himself slipping into a trance as he stared out the window. That was the worst part about not being behind the wheel: too much idle time to think. He could only stare at the map for so long. Not that he didn’t dwell on things while driving, but it was a good distraction, and he could occupy his mind with navigating around the occasional wreck or crossing an overgrown median strip.

  He turned to check on Emma and was glad to see her sleeping, along with both dogs. He hoped Brad was doing the same but doubted it.

  “Good for her,” Sandy said quietly.

  “Yeah, she needs it. We all do.”

  “Why don’t you try to get some rest?” Sandy asked.

  “No, I’m not going to do that to you. Besides, we should be stopping soon. There’s got to be a gas station at the next town.” Ben eyed the map. “Looks like maybe twenty miles or less.”

  “Well, so far, so good. If the road stays like this, we should be there soon,” Sandy replied.

  “Let’s hope so.” Ben leaned over toward Sandy slightly and checked the fuel gauge.

  “At least it’s mostly downhill. We should be fine, right?”

  “Yeah, I think so.” Ben tried to sound more confident than he felt. But out of all the vehicles, he was most concerned with the Scout. Those after-market, high-performance parts he’d spotted under the hood weren’t there for fuel efficiency; they were meant for horsepower gains. And that meant making sacrifices when it came to fuel consumption. The aggressive, thirty-eight-inch tires wouldn’t help any, either. All that combined with Martin’s heavy foot and undeniable fascination with hearing the big V8 engine roar made for trouble.

  The only thing keeping Ben’s anxiety in check was the fact that they had two spare cans of fuel. Of course, he didn’t want to use them both on the Scout, and he didn’t want to stop before they reached a place where they could all fuel up.

  The guy had been through a lot, and Ben was grateful for him driving the rest of the supplies to Cloverdale, but he’d have to talk to him about his driving habits when they stopped. Ben cringed a little every time he heard the Scout’s straight pipes over the Blazer’s exhaust. He noticed Martin doing a lot of speeding up and slowing down in the old International, as well as some excessive side-to-side movements. Maybe the truck was too much for him to handle.

  Relieved to see the sign for Falls Creek ahead, Ben felt some of his stress slip away. There had to be a gas station here; it was the first place they’d seen in over an hour. Then, a little farther down the road, he saw what they were looking for.

  Sandy pointed. “Look, a sign for gas.”

  “It’s not what I was hoping for, but we might not have a choice.” Ben watched as the bright blue highway sign grew closer: EXIT 97.

  He could barely make out the red and white Pilot Flying J Center logo through the overgrown weeds. They’d stopped at one of those on their way east.

  “Take the exit?” Sandy asked.

  Ben nodded. “Yeah, I guess so.” He would have preferred if the gas station were directly off the highway, but it wasn’t, and they needed fuel now. Ben heard Sandy tapping the Blazer’s door as she signaled to the others that they were stopping. He was impressed she remembered the signal, although it was unnecessary this time. Ben took the radio from the console while waiting for Joel to pick up on his hand signal to contact them.

  “Stopping for fuel? Over,” Joel’s voice crackled.

  “Copy that. It’s not ideal. We’re gonna have to go into town a little way to get to it. Be ready for anything and tell Brad to stay low. Over.” Now Ben regretted letting his younger son ride in the Jeep.

  They had no idea what they were getting into, and Brad was exposed in the back of the Scrambler with nothing but gear to hide behind. And Gunner. Sandy glanced over at Ben when he pulled out the AR-15 and held it across his lap with the muzzle pointed out the window. Her concern didn’t go unnoticed.

  “Just in case,” Ben said.

  Sandy nodded and continued cautiously around the exit ramp. She knew the drill; they all did. It just seemed too soon—too soon to face another dangerous situation after what they’d just been through. Ben glanced back at Emma, who continued sleeping, half covered with dogs. It was the safest place for her right now, and with any luck, they’d fuel up and be out of here before she even knew they’d stopped, although he wasn’t naive enough to think that would actually happen.

  Chapter Three

  Falls Creek looked as ruined and broken as any other place they’d seen in their travels. Ben didn’t really expect to find anything different here, but a part of him always held out hope they’d discover another Cloverdale. He’d happily settle for a place with people who simply didn’t want to kill them. But in their condition, he’d be just as satisfied to see a deserted main street that showed no signs of activity.

  Sandy pulled wide around two black, scorched cars, a result of the EMPs and the subsequent head-on collision between them. The scene wasn’t a new spectacle by any stretch of the imagination, but it still caught Ben’s attention. There was no escaping the constant reminders of the world they were living in.

  Some days were harder than others, and today was no exception. Ben noticed how easily distracted he was by common sights. He’d been dwelling on things more than normal on the ride, and he attributed that to his fatigue. He just needed to hold it together a little longer. Maybe a couple more hours on the road and they could all rest. He tried not to think about sleep; it just made the task at hand seem more difficult. It was going to take more effort than usual to fuel up with four vehicles and three extra people to keep tabs on.

  Although he didn’t anticipate Rita or her husband being too hard to keep track of, he also couldn’t count on the older couple to help with the fueling process, either. Ben didn’t expect them to, but it didn’t help alleviate his building anxiety.

  No matter how smoothly they carried out the refueling process, they were destined to be here for a half hour or more. That was going to be the way things went for the foreseeable future, at least until they parted ways with their new friends.

  As Sandy rolled up the entrance into the Pilot station, Ben tried to calculate how long it would take to top off all the vehicles. It normally took them fifteen to twenty minutes to fuel up the Blazer and Jeep. Of course, setup and breakdown of the pump and hose accounted for some of the time and wouldn’t change regardless of how many vehicles they filled. But that was the only silver lining he could find in the whole scenario, and he quickly gave up trying to figure out how much this would set them back timewise.

  He was too tired to think about it anymore and knew worrying wouldn’t change any of it. They would have to pace themselves anyway; moving fast and trying to rush the process wouldn’t be wise in this heat. He also intended on assigning someone to keep a lookout for trouble. That would allow them to breathe a little easier. The others might think it was overkill, given their desolate surroundings, but then again, after the morning they’d had, probably not.

  The gas station looked similar to the other shops and restaurants they’d passed on the way into town. The ones that weren’t burned down, anyway. No glass, no doors, nothing but an empty shell of a building, picked clean by looters long ago. In a way, it was comforting to know there was nothing of any value here, and therefore, there was no reason for anyone to be around. That was what Ben hoped, anyway, as Sandy made their customary circle around the perimeter of the property and they scouted the place for any sign of trouble.

  “And there goes Martin.” Sandy snorted as they watched the Scout come bounding into the parking lot and pull right up to the gas pumps.

  “I wouldn’t be surprised to see him hop out and head inside for a coffee.” Ben shook his head and smiled.

  “He’s got a lot to learn, doesn’t he?” Sandy looked away as she continued around to the backside of the building.

  “Yeah, he does. I’ll have a talk with him. I was planning on it anyway. If he keeps driving his truck like i
t’s a race car, we’re gonna have problems down the road.” Ben kept his eye on the back door of the building and a small fenced-in area near a dumpster while Sandy finished her loop around the place.

  “Well, what do you think?” Sandy glanced around the property.

  “Do we have a choice?” Ben asked.

  She checked the fuel gauge. “Not really.”

  “It looks fine, but let’s be on our toes just the same.” Ben located the bank of fill pipes for the underground fuel tanks and pointed them out. “Over there.”

  Unlike Martin, the others followed Sandy around the property and pulled in next to the Blazer as she parked in a small patch of shade created by an overhead billboard at the edge of the property.

  “Is this good. Can we reach from here?”

  “Yeah, I think so.” Ben opened his door as she killed the engine.

  “Where are we?” Emma yawned. The dogs had ruined her nap now that they were awake and whining with anticipation about the pit stop and the chance to get out of the truck.

  “We have to get gas. You can get out and stretch your legs if you want. Maybe make sure the dogs don’t get into any trouble.” Ben barely got the words out before Sam jumped the center console and shot out through the open door. Bajer’s approach was slightly more timid but just as direct. Ben was forced to put all his weight on his bad knee as he stepped back to avoid the dogs’ hasty exit and was reminded very quickly of how sore he was. There was no way he could go chasing after the dogs if they got into something here.

  “I’ll help.” Ben was surprised at Emma’s willingness to participate, especially since she’d just woken up from a nap. It wasn’t like her, and he wondered if the run-in with the moonshiners had given her a new outlook on things. Knowing you had cheated death was a liberating feeling, a feeling Ben was all too familiar with but one he wished the kids didn’t have to experience.

  But this was all new to Emma and Brad. Other than the incident with the two would-be thieves at Jack’s, his youngest two hadn’t been exposed to evil anywhere near the likes of what they’d just escaped.

  “Now that’s just cruel.” Joel walked around to the front of the Jeep and laid his AR-15 on the hood while staring up at the billboard that was providing their shaded oasis. It was a Starbucks ad for some over-the-top iced coffee of some sort, complete with a towering pile of whipped cream and loads of ice inside a cup dripping with condensation. Ben was never a fan of the place, but he had to admit, the drink in the picture looked refreshing. Meant to lure travelers off the highway at this exit, the sign now stood like a beacon, reminding them of times past. The destroyed coffee shop across the street from the gas station proved it.

  “I don’t even want to look at it.” Allie climbed out of the Jeep and made way for Gunner, who was anxious to join the other dogs in their exploration of the parking lot. Brad found his own exit from the Jeep and climbed over the side, using the tire as a foothold.

  “It’s so hot here, even in the shade,” he moaned.

  “Get some water. We all should while it’s still cool,” Sandy instructed.

  “What’s he doing over there?” Allie glanced over at the Scout.

  “I have no idea, and neither does he. Joel, you want to get started? I’m going to go talk to Martin for a minute.” Ben thought the guy would’ve put two and two together and joined them by now.

  Joel nodded and started to gather what they needed to refuel. Ben grabbed a water bottle and his M24 from the truck before heading toward the Scout, which was nearly halfway across the parking lot. He struggled to walk without showing too much of a limp and tried to convince himself the exercise would be good for his knee.

  “How can we help?” Carlos shouted from the Toyota.

  “Just rest up for the drive ahead,” Ben said. “We’ve got it handled.” Carlos looked like he was about to protest, but Ben didn’t give him the chance and kept walking past the couple’s truck as fast as his knee would allow. They wouldn’t be any help to Joel, and it was more important for them to save their energy.

  Looking back at the Blazer and the other vehicles, Ben was glad Martin had parked over here. The billboard wasn’t casting a large enough shadow to shade all the vehicles at once. But more importantly, the Scout was in a good position to see down the road in both directions. From here, Ben could even glimpse a portion of the interstate.

  Martin was standing outside the vehicle, basking in the shade of the fuel island canopy and staring at the closest pump when Ben reached him.

  “How do we get the gas out?” he asked.

  Ben tried to remember this was the guy’s first dose of the new reality they lived in and probably his first time pumping gas since the EMPs hit.

  “We don’t, at least not from here. We’ve got a system using a hose and a hand pump to pull the gas from the underground holding tanks. Joel can show you how it’s done so you can help fuel the Scout when it’s your turn.”

  “Want me to pull over there?”

  “Might as well leave it parked in the shade here until the other trucks are done. Then you can trade places with someone. Go head over and see how it’s done. I’ll stay here and keep an eye on things. Tell Joel to leave the Blazer, will you? I can handle that.”

  “Okay.” Martin turned and started walking away.

  “Hey, don’t forget your weapon,” Ben reminded him before he was able to get too far.

  “Oh, I mean…do you think we need them here? Seems quiet enough.” Martin lifted his shoulder in a half shrug as he looked around.

  Ben’s eyes widened. “Looks can be deceiving. Trust me on that.”

  Without another word, Martin nodded and retrieved his AR-15 from the Scout while Ben set up his rifle across the hood, facing the interstate. He still needed to have a word with Martin about his driving skills, or lack thereof, but figured he better wait until after they fueled up. He didn’t want to come off as too bossy. They needed him, and he was probably doing the best he could. This was a lot for anyone to take in, let alone a malnourished guy who’d just lost his wife and spent the last two weeks or so locked in a cage.

  Ben used his scope to study the interstate before turning his attention in the other direction. The road that led them to the gas station continued on for another mile or so into a more congested area of town before separating at a four-way intersection. The only movement came from an occasional piece of trash blown across the street by a hot, dry breeze, which Ben hadn’t noticed until now.

  He continued his observation through the scope for a few more seconds, running the optic up and down the sides of the street, checking the smashed and burnt-out storefronts for any signs of life. Satisfied for the time being that they were alone, he relaxed his eyes and leaned against the truck. The metal was still hot from the sun, but it felt good to take some weight off his knee.

  The cracks in the pavement under his feet were brimming with weeds. It was happening out on the main roadways as well. During their travels here today, he’d spotted several tufts of vegetation sprouting up through the pavement. They were only a few inches tall, but nature was beginning to reclaim what was once hers, something that was impossible with traffic constantly running over the surface just weeks ago, but not anymore. It was anybody’s guess when the last vehicle had come through here.

  The overgrowth along the roadways was well past completely covering some of the smaller signs now, and the mile markers had disappeared altogether. The highway sign that led them to this gas station was barely visible through the tall grass. It amazed him how fast things were growing in this hostile environment. How long before nature reclaimed the roads to the point where they were nothing more than glorified trails? Would it actually come to that?

  Chapter Four

  Ben remained vigilant at his post until Martin and Sandy returned in the Blazer. She maneuvered the vehicle under the canopy and pulled in behind the Scout.

  “She’s all fueled up,” Martin announced as he hopped out of the truck before
Sandy came to a complete stop.

  “I was going to help,” Ben said.

  “It’s fine, no big deal.” Martin headed right for the Scout.

  “It was Joel’s idea. You’ve done enough today.” Sandy climbed down from the driver’s seat of the Blazer.

  “I’m perfectly capable of helping out if one of you wants to take my place here.” Ben took his M24 off the hood of the Scout and slung it over his shoulder when Martin fired up the engine.

  “It’s fine. Relax.” Martin smiled through the open window as he drove the Scout over to Joel, who was waiting with the fuel hose in hand. Ben waved at his son and nodded his appreciation for him taking the lead on this and getting it done. He felt guilty about not helping out, but it was nice to see Joel had it under control.

  “Come on, sit in the truck and rest your knee,” Sandy pleaded.

  “I’m actually enjoying the breeze.” Ben moved the rifle to the hood of the Blazer. “Besides, I can see better out here.”

  “Yeah, where did that breeze come from? It’s been picking up steadily the last half hour or so.” She looked up toward the sky. Ben noticed it, too. The horizon to their north was unmistakably growing darker by the minute. He’d been watching what looked like a sky full of heavy rain clouds in the distance but didn’t want to get his hopes up.

  “Oh, wow, I couldn’t see that from under the billboard. I can’t remember the last time it rained,” Sandy added.

  “It’s been a while.” As far as he could remember, they’d only seen rain twice on the trip so far. The more he thought about it, the surer he was. It was easy to believe. Nearly every area they had traveled through showed signs of drought. No wonder it looked more like the beginning of fall instead of late June. The only things that seemed to be thriving were the weeds and wild grasses sprouting up along the roadways.