Dice Mage: A GameLit Adventure

by Andrew Beymer

  As the wolf hit the ground he almost thought he saw numbers floating above the creature’s head. Negative thirty. He almost thought he could faintly see numbers that said the thing had five out of thirty-five hit points remaining.

  If this were any other night but tonight he would’ve been willing to admit that maybe it was time to go and have a nice sit down with a real bottle of whiskey rather than hanging around with a bag that had once contained a bottle of whiskey.

  Tonight, though? Well if the universe was trying to tell him he’d just taken thirty hit points from an armored werewolf then he was going to take what the universe was telling him at face value.

  Improbable as it might seem.

  “This is really fucking weird,” he said.

  “Really fucking weird?” Gwen asked. “What the hell was that? What the hell did you just do to that thing?”

  Mike looked down at her and it suddenly hit him just how close she was. Like pressing right against him close. Close enough that it was causing an awkward situation to rise between his legs, but for a wonder she pressed against him even more. She had to feel that thing, and he knew what it meant when a lady felt something like that pressing against her and her first instinct was to get even more up close and personal rather than running screaming for the hills.

  “Well I can’t be totally sure,” he said, still a little dazed and in shock from everything. The werewolf was the least of the things causing him a touch of shock considering what she was doing with her body. “But I’m pretty sure I just hit it with a critical strike with a fireball.”

  “Are you fucking kidding me?” Gwen asked.

  Mike blinked a couple of times at the obvious question. From the way Gwen was starting to shake it was pretty clear she was having some trouble with this too. Which might account for her incredulous tone.

  “I mean I don’t think I’m kidding you?” he asked, though he wasn’t quite sure why he was framing his statement in the form of a question. It was the sort of night where he found himself questioning everything.

  Honestly, he was having trouble processing everything too. After all, it wasn’t at all normal to step out of a strange gaming shop and find himself saving a cute girl from an armored werewolf. It definitely wasn’t normal to start seeing things like statistics hovering faintly over the werewolf’s head.

  Considering the relationship he’d just got out of it wasn’t normal to feel a girl pressing against him either, but he wasn’t going to complain on that score.

  “I mean all that stuff about critical hits,” Gwen said. “You’re seriously trying to hit me with a gaming analogy right now? And what was that you threw at that thing? Do you have a gun or something? Were those fireworks?”

  Mike let out a giggle that was half nervous and half amusement. From the look Gwen hit him with this wasn’t the time for giggling, or even smiling, but he couldn’t help himself.

  “I’d give all the money I make at my job to know exactly what the hell is so funny about this,” she said. “Admittedly that’s not much money, but still.”

  “Nothing,” he said.

  “Seriously,” Gwen said. Then she sighed. “I could use a little bit of a laugh right now. After…”

  Her eyes moved to the hulking creature. It twitched and Gwen cried out, but from the way its hit points kept ticking down he figured the wolf wasn’t long for this world.

  “No need to worry about that thing,” he said. “It’s on its last legs.”

  “How do you know?” she asked.

  He stared at the hit points ticking down slowly over its head. The more he looked at it the less faint those hit points got. Like his mind was adjusting to the craziness and it was easier to see the numbers underlying this encounter the longer he stared.

  “Because I can see its hit points,” he said, figuring honesty was better than trying to bullshit her.

  “You’re serious,” she said.

  “Totally serious,” he said.

  He looked down at her. Took in everything. The way she stared up at him with wide eyes. The way she was breathing heavily which only served to press her delicious body against him which was having more of an effect on his body. The way she glanced down as she finally seemed to realize what she was doing to him, then glance up and smile a little half smile that said she knew what was going on there and she welcomed it.

  Mike took a deep breath. Sure somewhere in the back of his mind Christine’s voice was there telling him that no other woman would ever want him, but the feel of a beautiful woman pressed against him was a hell of a counterbalance to that internalized negativity.

  He figured if the universe was doing a bunch of crazy shit to try and ruin his life then maybe it was time for the universe to do him a solid as well.

  Besides, on the off chance this was all a crazy bad trip thanks to hot toga girl, that’d explain why he kept seeing her in his mind, then at the very least he might be able to do a little bit of lucid dreaming and turn this whole scenario into something a bit more interesting.

  More interesting than it already was, that is.

  So he leaned down and pressed his lips against Gwen’s. She squeaked in surprise, but she didn’t pull away. Though he still had his arms around her. For a moment he thought she might not welcome the contact. That she might pull away and slap him for daring to touch her like this.

  Then she started to respond and he knew he was in like Flynn. Which was far from a term the kids were using these days, but he liked old movies. At least the ones where some buckles were getting swashed. And he had sort of just defeated a sword wielding bad guy even if the bad guy had the kind of makeup effects they never would’ve dreamed of back in Erol’s day.

  Gwen’s kiss got more insistent. She ran her hands up and down his back and the next time she let out a noise it was less of an indignant squeak and more of a gasp.

  Mike pulled away. Stared down at her in amazement. It’s not that he had trouble with the ladies. It’s just that he’d been with Christine for so long that she’d become a voice in the back of his head whispering that he wasn’t good enough as she brushed off his advances, and now here was Gwen looking at him with pure sex in her eyes subtly grinding against him.

  “Cookie shop,” she said. “Now.”

  “What?”

  Before he could think to ask anything else she pulled him out of the alley and into the cookie shop. What she had in mind became obvious pretty damn quick as she slammed the door shut behind them, making sure to latch a large number of locks that were presumably there to keep drunks out and wouldn’t stand a chance against an oversized werewolf, but he wasn’t saying a damn thing about that and risking ruining the mood.

  As soon as the last lock was in place she jumped him, and for the next little while as his hands ran all over her body and then they started pulling clothes off in a frenzy of celebrating being alive after such a close brush with death he didn’t worry about anything hunting them down.

  He figured monsters stepping out of the pages of a horror book could wait for just a little while.

  12

  Toga Goddess

  “Uh, hello?”

  Mike was brought back to reality by a voice coming from the front of the store. Gwen’s eyes went wide.

  “Shit,” she said. “They’re not usually here this early unless…”

  Her eyes darted to a digital clock hanging over the door that wouldn’t have a chance at protecting them if another one of those creatures decided to come after them.

  “Shit. It’s later than I thought.”

  She hopped off of Mike which was a profound disappointment for him. Still, her hopping off of him gave him one hell of a view. Gwen was curves in all the right places, and as she tried to quickly throw on her clothes she was jiggling those curves in all the right ways.

  It was a feast for the eyes, and it was almost enough to make him forget all the supernatural craziness that’d been going down today. Almost, but not quite.

  Ther
e was a part of him that couldn’t help but wonder if what’d just happened with Gwen was part of that supernatural craziness.

  “They’ll wait for a minute,” he said, standing and leaning in for a kiss.

  To his surprise Gwen pulled back as he leaned in for that kiss. Though he wasn’t sure why he should be surprised. Of course the universe would continue flipping him the middle finger. It’d just done it in a roundabout way this time where it gave him something he really wanted and now it was taking it away from him.

  “Whoa there,” she said. “What just happened here was fun, don’t get me wrong. I’m just not sure I’m up for more than a little fun right now.”

  Mike shrugged and tried to play it off. Meanwhile Christine’s voice, buried deep in his mind where it was always ready to fuck him over, was telling him that of course it would wind up like this. Maybe he got the girl for a little while thanks to saving her life, but he wasn’t the kind of guy who got the girl for good.

  The moment was interrupted by a loud noise that sounded like what he’d heard when he grabbed the dragonbone dice. The more he thought about it the more he was starting to wonder if there wasn’t more to that than he’d thought.

  “A new player has entered the game! The Sword of Destiny has been claimed!”

  The voice was loud and booming and it rattled Mike’s brain. It was like standing right next to a massive speaker at a concert where they hadn’t heard of hearing loss and the nasty things it could do to a person if they stood next to a high decibel source for too long.

  “What the hell was that?” Gwen asked, pausing in pulling her shirt on and giving Mike a hell of a view of her chest. It was the sort of view that was worth taking in.

  “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you,” he said, thinking again of the hot toga chick.

  As though thinking about her was enough to summon her, an image of the hot toga chick filled his mind. Again she looked like she was less than happy. At least she wasn’t swearing up a blue storm this time, but he got a feeling she could start at any moment.

  Then she was gone and Mike was swaying back and forth in the back of a shop that provided cookies and caffeine to drunk college students enjoying a night out on the town.

  “Okay, so it would seem I’ve pissed off the new powers that be on campus tonight,” he muttered, wondering what the hell he ever did to toga chick to…

  Thinking about toga chick brought her back in front of his vision again. It was like every time he thought of her it got easier and easier to see her. It got easier and easier to…

  Shit. Was she in a bath or something? It looked like she was reclining in a hot tub, and what he saw just under the water in that hot tub was ridiculously distracting. He’d already been pretty sure that lady had dangerous curves in all the right places, and the way the steamy water was curling around her…

  Toga chick looked up. Locked eyes with him. Seemed to realize he could see her. She frowned. That was about the sort of reaction he’d expect from a girl he caught in the hot tub. Then she shook her head. But she made no effort to cover up. Then again the water was just barely covering up the twin orbs of her breasts, and there was some maddening soap floating in the way.

  It’d moved over her when she realized he could see her, and he wondered if she’d done that on purpose.

  “What the hell are you doing looking in on me?” she asked. “Honestly. You’re peeping in addition to being useless?”

  “Excuse me?” he asked. “What the hell are you talking about being useless?”

  She rolled her eyes. Looked him up and down which gave him the impression she could see all of him, and not just his floating disembodied head peering through the small window of unreality before him. Which made him very aware of the fact that he was still mostly naked after getting done with Gwen. He quickly moved down to cover his business, blushing the entire time.

  Her eyebrows rose as her eyes reached between his legs. “Whatever shortcomings you might have as a hero, you certainly don’t seem to have any in that department.”

  The corner of her mouth curled up in a smile, and Mike couldn’t help but smile right along with her. Though he quickly wiped that smile off his face when he glanced to the side and saw Gwen staring at him like he’d gone insane.

  “Just a minute,” he said to Gwen.

  “What was that?” toga chick asked. “Do you have someone there with you?”

  She stood and oh God it was everything Mike had hoped for and more. He was unable to say anything under the sheer force of the hotness.

  Like he’d seen insanely hot women before. He’d been with a few hot women before. His recent experience with Gwen came to mind.

  It’s just that none of those experiences came close to watching this girl standing in all her glory. It was like there was something supernatural about her beauty, and the more he looked at her the more he thought he was right on the money with that assumption.

  She was the kind of woman he wanted to get to know better. Only she looked pissed off. She twirled around, and the window he was using to look in on her moved with her until she was facing Gwen.

  If she’d looked displeased on seeing Mike peeping in on her, well that was nothing compared to how annoyed she looked when she realized he had company.

  “What’s this?” she asked, turning to him.

  “Who the hell is that?” Gwen asked. “And what the hell is going on here? Is this some weird new holographic phone or something?”

  Mike had never been in a situation where he’d had a girlfriend meeting a side chick before. He’d always been a one at a time kind of guy when it came to relationships. Only with the two of them staring like they were less than pleased at seeing one another he could sort of understand the situation.

  Even if he hadn’t exactly locked anything down with Gwen, and he would’ve been pretty sure the other woman was a hallucination if it weren’t for the fact that Gwen could totally see her.

  “Um, so you can see her?” he asked.

  “Of course I can see her!” Gwen said. “What the fuck is going on with the weird shit happening tonight?”

  “One thing at a time,” Mike said, turning back to toga chick. “Weird shit has been happening all day today, and I think you owe me an explanation.”

  The woman arched an eyebrow to let him know what she thought of that. “I owe no one anything. Least of all my piece on the board.”

  Mike crossed his arms. Looked at her in defiance. “Yeah? Well I get the feeling you’re talking about a game or something. I’ve read enough and watched enough to know that means you’re using me in some game of the gods or some bullshit like that.”

  Her eyes went wide. Like she was genuinely surprised that he would catch on. It was simple enough for the pieces to fall together in his mind now that he knew this was all real and not part of some weird trip he was on because she’d hit him with something fabulous and new.

  “Yeah, that’s right,” he said. “I also know there’s nothing worse than a game that doesn’t go the way you want it to. So unless I get some answers about exactly what the hell’s going on here tonight I’m going to sit my happy ass right here in the back of Caffeine and Cookies until you give me some answers. Got it?”

  She smiled. A thin smile that seemed to indicate sh was less than pleased. A thin smile that was difficult to keep his eyes on considering everything else that was on display.

  “Hello? Is there anyone here? I need some munchies like now! Send out that cute girl that’s always working the counter!”

  Gwen rolled her eyes, and finished pulling on her clothes. Which was a damn shame as far as Mike was concerned, but then again he’d already seen everything. He wasn’t going to complain too much.

  Though he got the feeling toga chick showing up was going to put a serious cramp on his chances of getting to see everything that was under Gwen’s Caffeine and Cookies uniform ever again.

  “I need to go take care of that,” she said. “You finish whatever
the hell this is.”

  Toga girl didn’t say anything as Gwen stepped out of the back room. Mike almost expected her to ask Gwen to stay, but when she was gone toga girl whirled around on him. Or rather the shimmery window in reality she was staring through spun around so it was facing him rather than where Gwen had been standing moments ago.

  “You’ve certainly been getting busy with your power,” she said. “I thought you’d be better than that.”

  Her eyes ran up and down his body. “Then again, this does suit you.”

  “What are you talking about?” Mike asked. “I know it’s probably not a good idea to get pissy with a goddess and all, but it’d be nice if you told me a little more about what the hell is going on here.”

  “Hell is pretty close to the truth of what’s happening here,” she said. “At least a lot of the stuff that went into that myth is going to be making an appearance very soon.”

  “Like the wolf thing I killed out there?” he muttered, more to himself than anything.

  Hot toga girl fixed him with a sharp glare. She leaned in closer, and Mike wasn’t above taking a look at some of the nice view that gave him. She caught him looking, but she was all intensity and no flirtation.

  “You killed something?” she asked, her voice sharp. “Tell me everything that happened.”

  Mike glanced towards the front of the store. It sounded like there was a drunk college kid out there getting more and more belligerent with every passing moment. He felt like he should go out there and help Gwen, but at the same time he felt like he should stay here and talk with this woman, goddess, whatever the hell she was, while she was in a talkative mood.

  So he told her about coming out of the game shop. That earned him an eye roll that brought to mind the shouting she’d done in his head when he grabbed those dice. He went through the bit about hearing a scream and seeing the wolf creature. Using the dice to fireball the thing’s ass. He even threw in the bit about seeing what he was pretty sure was the thing’s hit points appearing over it.