I knew what I wanted though, and I was gonna get it. I ran my hands across her stomach, lifted myself and pushed her trousers down her hips. She wriggled slightly, just enough so that she could kick them off.
When she was completely bared to me, I took the time to just stare at her. God, even her pussy was pretty. Pretty and pink. Glistening with arousal. I wanted inside her so damn badly. I was aching for it.
But I wanted to tease her a bit, show her what she had been doing to me every fucking day for three months! I ran one finger between her folds and shivered at her loud moan. I flicked my finger back and forwards, excruciatingly slow. Then I added another, still keeping the steady rhythm, driving her crazy.
She was writhing, hips gyrating, pleading with her whimpers, but I didn’t speed up and I didn’t press harder. I wanted her begging for it. So damn slowly, I pushed one finger inside her, then another. My fingers were coated with her wetness and my dick was screaming at me for attention, but this was my show.
“Mason please.”
“Please what, Sunshine? What do you want?”
“I want, I don’t, Mason I don’t know! I just need something. More? I don’t know but please!”
As soon as she finished speaking, I rammed my fingers inside of her, hard and fast. I added a third and twisted. I loved her sexy little whimpers, they made me want to spend all day buried inside of her. As I felt her start to tighten around my fingers, I pulled away, ignoring her cries of protest.
I pulled a condom from my wallet, then released myself from my jeans and rolled it on. The game was supposed to go on for longer than that, but I just couldn’t take it anymore. I felt like I needed to be inside of her, more than I needed to breathe.
Harper
My orgasm slipped away when he removed his hands and I couldn’t prevent the pleading cries that left my mouth.
Before I could even process what he was doing, he slammed into me. Rough, hard...possessive almost. I clung to him, trying so desperately not to scream from the pleasure. That doesn’t really happen, the screaming, it’s just something you read about in books or watch on porn. It’s fake. At least I always thought it was. Until right then, being pounded into so damn hard that it felt like he was trying to climb inside me. I ran my tongue along sheen of sweat beading across his skin and clenched when he growled in response. It was so wild, so powerful and so fucking perfect.
I could feel myself building again and I was desperately searching for it, tipping my hips up to meet his every thrust. I knew he was close too because his strokes were becoming quicker and more erratic. I felt him stiffen above me and prayed, begged that I got finish too.
That did not happen.
Mother...fucker.
He thrust into me one last time, groaned, buried his face in my neck and just...stopped. My internal ache had developed into a fucking inferno, and he stopped! I felt my impending orgasm slip away from me again as he pulled out and rolled off me. I was so damn confused. Okay, so I’d only been with Mase a handful of times, but every single time he made sure I got mine first.
What the fuck?
He knifed out of bed, threw on his jeans and seeing as he didn’t even bother to remove his shirt, he had already gotten fully dressed by the time I managed to speak.
“Mase? Wha...?” I didn’t even get to finish.
Again!
He leant over, gave me a swift peck to the forehead and muttered, “Call ya another time Sunshine.” Before turning and walking straight out the door.
Seriously? What the actual fuck?
For the first time, ever, in my entire life. I felt cheap. Used. Dirty. I just felt, well, like a fucking whore. I hated everything about myself in that moment. I wanted to cry. I wanted to mope. I wanted to understand what the hell had happened.
I didn’t do any of that though. I got mad. Really fucking mad. Spitting venom, breathing fire, growing horns...I was ready to commit bloody murder.
And every last shred of my anger, was directed at Mason fucking Brent.
Mason
So I’m a bastard. Yep. I won’t argue with that.
She needed a lesson and she fucking learnt it. That was a fuck. Quick, dirty and most the time, if a guy is just out to fuck a woman, he doesn’t care whether she gets off or not. So I played a part. I was acting. I hated myself for doing it, but it also needed to be done.
Even though I left, I didn’t go far. Actually I didn’t go anywhere. I slammed the door shut, and sat, with my head buried in my hands, resting against the other side. I really did feel like a grade A bastard. No, worse, I felt like a grade A fucking cunt.
I sat there for no more than about two minutes when the door swung open. I couldn’t steady myself in time to stop my fall and crashed back on to my elbows. I looked up with a frown, into the face of one very, very pissed off girl.
I jumped to my feet, silently cursing myself for not getting out of there quicker.
“What the fuck are you still doing here?” She asked, throwing her hands on her hips.
“Ermmm...” Yeah, I was stuck. I didn’t know myself what I was still doing there, it wasn’t part of the plan. So if I couldn’t tell myself, then I couldn’t tell her!
“Ermmm...” She mimicked, then pissed me even more. “Just fuck off Mason. The only reason I wanted to spend time with you at all was because you were a decent fuck, and today you couldn’t even be that. I have no use for you anymore. Just...fuck...off. I hate you.”
Well. She was lying through her teeth, that was plain to see. She didn’t want me to fuck off, she wanted her orgasm. Badly.
My poor baby.
Now, yes I should have apologised, took her back inside and made love to her properly. But apparently I’d had a brain-to-mouth malfunction, because I didn’t do that.
“Doesn’t feel nice does it? Getting fucked.” I sneered.
Shit!
She reared back as if I’d slapped her and I couldn’t hide my wince. Seeing this obvious sign of weakness, she went in for the kill.
“Really? That’s what you were doing? Fucking me?...” She began softly. I’d never heard that voice from her, it was almost childlike and I won’t lie, it scared me.
“Because to me Mase, it seemed like you were trying to teach me a lesson. You think I couldn’t feel that? You might have screwed me over, but you also did it to yourself. You are not that guy. You’re a good guy, or I thought you were. I don’t even know who you were in there...” She threw her arm out in the direction of the bedroom and then finished. “But do you know what’s even worse? Now you really are just one of them. You’re just another number, another notch on my bed post. I hated fucking most of them, and just now? I hated being fucked by you too.”
I gave it one last try, for the sake of it.
“Then tell me. Tell me why I know you want more. More than being treated like a common slut, more than forgetting the name of most men you sleep with. Come on Harper, tell me!”
Her silence told me all I needed to know. I had to give her up. It was just too fucking messy, and I didn’t wanna keep going round in circles. I was acting like someone I didn’t even recognise and really, I was just making things worse.
“Sunshine…” I closed my eyes and prayed what I was about to say would come out how I wanted it to. “I just, I can’t do this anymore. Every fucking day, you’re breaking my heart just a little bit more. I’m so damn sick of being your little lap dog and I’m not doing that anymore. You don’t want me around? Well babe, you’ve finally got your wish. I’m done. You know...I love you” I ignored the look of shock that crossed her face, because in all honesty, she shouldn’t have been shocked by my admission. I had shown her often enough. I continued, “and no matter how much I wish I could, you can’t choose who you fall in love with. But I’m a fucking guy! A good guy, and I don’t deserve this shit. What haven’t I done for you? Huh?”
Clearly, she didn’t have an answer, so I continued.
“We don’t laugh anymore, I don�
��t get excited to see you anymore, and if we’re not fucking, then we don’t work. I’m not happy, and I know you’re not either. If neither of us is happy, and we’re not going anywhere, then is there really any point? No, there isn’t. No more games Sunshine, I’m out. Maybe one day, you’ll find that guy. The one who really does make you let go of those chains, the one who’ll make you fall in love and understand that all those bullshit rules of yours are just that. Bullshit. It might have taken a while to realise, but I’m just not that guy.”
I completely hated the look in her eyes. It was just empty. She was usually so expressive, so fiery. None of that was evident.
“Do you know what it’s like to live in chains?”
She’d asked that before. But her question still took me off guard and it took me a second to answer. Although even when I did, it wasn’t really an answer.
“I...erm, what? I guess not. I don’t really understand the question”
“Chains. Control. Restriction. All of it. I had that, for sixteen years of my life Mason, I’ve told you that. I know what you’ve been through. You never told me though did you? No, Taylor did. It must have been torture. I can’t even imagine. But you don’t think my life was just as much torture all the same? Different circumstances yeah, I get that. This was emotional torture. It’s fucking hard to break free of that, but I did it. I pay my own way, I do my own thing and I don’t live by anyone else’s rules. I’m not down playing what you’ve been through, I know it was worse. And I’ll openly admit that you’re a stronger person than I am for getting through that. So don’t use it against me that I can’t do the same thing Mason. You don’t have a clue what it was like, so don’t pretend you do.”
There was a hell of a lot to get pissed off at during her little speech, but instead of saying something I might regret, I stayed silent. She rode it for about three seconds before speaking again.
“My parents were not just strict. I’ll never be able to explain it to you so I’m not going to waste my time trying to. All you have to know is that I’ve all that shit before, and really, you need to grow up Mason. You’re playin...”
Fuck this.
Harper
“WHO FUCKING CARES!!!!” He roared, right...in...my...face!
I stumbled back slightly, feeling like he’d delivered a punch to my stomach, because in all honesty, he may as well have struck me. How could he?
How fucking could he?
I was fuming. Everything I’ve been through, I try and lay it out for him thinking maybe, finally he’d understand and give me a break, but no he reduced it to the fact that no one fucking cares?
What the fuck?
“What?!” I hissed, my voice breaking slightly in anger.
“That’s right Sunshine...” Normally when he called me Sunshine, it was almost an endearment, an inside joke, togetherness, but not that time.
Nope.
It was said with venom. Like a knife to heart, said to hurt. But he wasn’t finished with me, he went further, sinking the knife right in and twisting it, ensuring those wounds cut deep.
“No one gives a fuck. I definitely don’t. You’ve got issues yeah, but they don’t come from your parents...no...That’s wrong. It may have started with them, but since then? It’s all you. You’re just a bitch, playing at being an adult when you’re really just a lost little girl. So what if you had strict parents! Have you heard yourself? Telling me to grow up, like you’re better than me? You need to take a fucking long hard look in the mirror Harper. I’m sick of your shit. I’ve spent the last few months being your fucking whipping boy, well not anymore. Screw you. Be a bitch for all I care...”
Chapter Thirteen
Harper
He was still talking, but I couldn’t take anymore, he didn’t have a clue. Strict! Ha! I wanted to hit him, like...I really wanted to hit him. If I’d have had any idea how to actually throw a proper punch then I’d have done it!
I didn’t though.
Nope.
I told him.
My secret, the secret that I buried deep inside me, never telling anyone. Never speaking a single word about it. He won, I fucking told him. It was a whisper, a broken whisper, a voice so soft, so childlike, I didn’t even know I was capable of it. Though he was still talking...He heard.
“He hit me.”
He froze.
Just stopped moving, talking, breathing. His mouth was hanging open, his eyes glazed, skin pale...looked even worse than I assumed I did. I swallowed, hard. I didn’t want him to know. I wanted to take it back, swallow my words. Couldn’t do that though. He knew.
“Your dad?” He asked, and I nodded. “I...what...how...Harper?” He fumbled over his words, didn’t make any sense, I wanted to take pity on him, help him out. But fuck...him. It was my problem, my history, my demons...he didn’t get to feel pain over it. Though he kind of looked like he was in pain, I didn’t give a flying fuck.
“So now you know. You can kiss my fucking arse Mase...so your past didn’t affect you, mine did. I didn’t want to tell you that. Never wanted to tell anyone that. You’re so perfect, so open, so honest...well I don’t want perfect Mase. I just want to enjoy every...single...second that I’m breathing. Why shouldn’t I?”
He seemed to snap out of his freeze and instantly looked full of regret, but it was just too late. The words had been spoken, the wounds opened. No going back.
He opened his mouth to speak, but his words came out as a jumbled mess.
“Shit. Ok, fuck, I think...can we...can you talk about it? Like, not that I deserve it yeah, but I want to know, did you ever report it? Did he go to prison? God, what the fuck is it with shit parents beating their kids? Mother fucker.”
“No. You’re damn right you don’t deserve it. After how you just spoke to me? I swear if I was a violent person, I’d have ripped your fucking head off.” I answered, meaning every last word.
“Ok yeah, I shouldn’t have said what I said, and you’ve gotta know I didn’t mean a word of it. You just pissed me off, and yeah, I wanted to hurt you. Harsh obviously, but honestly babe, what do you think the last few months have done to me?!...I hate, hate that you’ve been through that, and I’m still not sure I understand even slightly, but if you never said, how are we supposed to know? How am I supposed to know?”
“You shouldn’t need to know Mase. It’s that simple. It shouldn’t matter that it happened.” I declared.
“How can you say that? Of course I need to know these things. I’m there thinking I was all wrong, and you’re really just a raving bitch, when deep down, you’re still hurtin’...”
I tried to cut him off, but he talked over me.
“Don’t deny it. That shit’ll hurt forever. But let me help. I’m already in, so it isn’t about that. It’s about compromise, and Sunshine, you don’t know the meaning of the word.”
I clenched my teeth together and fought the growing urge to punch him. I wanted to hurt him, I really did.
Bastard.
“Why do you want to know?” I asked. Even though I knew, of course he wanted to know, everyone did, I know it’s a big deal, but it’s also in the past and I didn’t want to go back there.
“Don’t ask stupid questions Harper. I don’t get it. Why don’t Taylor and Jase know? If you were being beaten by your dad, you should have told someone! He didn’t do anything worse right? Not that it can get much worse than a parent beating their own child but I just...I just don’t get it.”
He genuinely sounded confused.
Poor soul.
Fuck him.
“You wouldn’t get it Mason, because I was sixteen and I never told anyone.”
“What?” His brow was furrowed with confusion.
“You heard me. I was sixteen.”
“I don’t understand Harper, you need to talk to me, I thought you lived with Taylor when you were sixteen? I know damn well she knows nothing about any beating. You’re gonna need to expand on this a little.”
He was wrong. I
didn’t need to ‘expand on it’ I could have walked away, never spoken to him again, but the need was compelling, I wanted him to know. To get it all out and let go of the one thing left holding me back.
I suggested we sit down and he followed woodenly, still looking at me like he’d never really seen me before.
I took a deep breath, and began my story.
“So, you know I didn’t get on with my parents right?” He nodded, I went on... “I was wrong before, it wasn’t that they were bad people exactly, they were just, cold. I was expected to adhere to their every whim, no matter what it was about. Bedtime, curfew, what I ate, what I wore, how I spoke, who I associated with. Absolutely everything. It wasn’t just rules Mason, this was more than that. They controlled everything about my life. I never rebelled, not once, I just did what they said, it was easier that way ya know? They were all my dad’s rules, my mum was just a shadow of a person, he said jump, she said how high? It was literally like she hung off his every word, so she made sure I did the same. He had some sort of God complex I swear.”
He was watching me intently, nodding in all the right places, but I couldn’t help but feel like he still didn’t get it. Then came the hard part.
“When I was sixteen, there was this guy, a nice guy that I went to school with. We spent time together, but only during school, he was just there for me. I know I’ve always had Taylor and Jase, but this was different, he just liked me liked me. I’d always sort of been centre of attention, because I’m loud! But it was the time I’d had attention from a guy. So fast forward a couple of months, for the first time ever, I lied to my parents, told them I was going to Taylor’s, and went to see Mitch. One thing lead to another, and we slept together. It was my first time, and his, so it was kind of awkward and...”
Resist (London) Page 12
