by K L Finalley
Drying her hair, Mallory said, "I can't do this with you all night."
Zoe noticed her mother's eyes. "Were you crying?"
"No, Zoe."
"Mom, look." She handed her the tablet. Zoe hadn't noticed that Jacqueline had sent another message telling her that she loved her and to behave. As Mallory read through the conversation, Zoe continued to talk. "Mom, she doesn't want space or whatever. She isn't doing anything. I bet she would come over here and be with us."
Mallory sat down on her bed and patted a spot next to her. "Zoe, come and sit next to me. I'm going to try to explain this to you. Try to understand. Jax has to go out of town in a week."
"Where's she going?"
"Baltimore."
"Is she gonna come back," Zoe started to look worried.
"Yes, she will. She's going to drive with Mr. Elet to pick up his wedding gift."
"How long'll that take?"
"A few days, I guess."
Zoe's spirits lifted. "Mom, can we go?"
"You have school, remember?" Zoe collapsed dramatically onto the bed. "Besides, when Jax is out there driving, she may start to feel different about me. She might remember what it was like to be without a girlfriend and a little girl in her life. What if she doesn't want us when she gets back?"
Confidently, she said, "That won't happen."
"Oh, really, how do you know?" Mallory asked.
"We're a family," Zoe said with ease. She slid from the top of the bed and started to leave. At the doorway, she stopped, turned back at her mother, and asked, "Can we see her tomorrow?"
Mallory sat in disbelief. She only half-heard what Zoe had asked, but she responded as all mothers do. "We'll see."
As she closed the door, Zoe said, "Okay, I'll ask her."
Mallory fell back against her bed and lost the battle against her tears.
~~~~~~~~
After a few hours of lying atop her flowered bed linens, she heard the vibration of her phone. Rustling amongst the covers, it beckoned her. Her face felt stiff. Her cheeks hurt. Forgetting that her voice might sound as she felt, she answered the phone. "Hello."
"Hi, honey. How's it going?" It was Jacqueline.
Mallory sat up in her bed. "Hi, there. How are you? What'd you do tonight?"
"Nothing." Jacqueline was distant. "Nothing. I just hung out here at home. I watched the game and took a shower. Now, I'm just sitting in bed." Jacqueline chuckled, "I keep waiting on you to join me, but you aren't going to."
"No, I'm not," Mallory rubbed her forehead.
"I miss you." Jacqueline admitted.
"I miss you, too." And, Mallory did. She had returned to her house hoping to run from her fears, but when she arrived, the fears were there, too.
"How'd things go when you went to pick of Zoe? Was Lauren weird?" Jacqueline asked, trying to lighten the mood.
"Uh," Mallory rolled onto her stomach and swung her feet in the air. "She's so weird. I rang the doorbell and Abbie answered. I told Abbie to go get Zoe, so we could go. So, I was standing outside just waiting, right?"
"Right."
"So, Lauren comes to the door and invites me in. I didn't really want to be bothered, but I went inside. She showed me the nursery and all the clothes she had for Mason. She took me to look at the bottles and the breast pump. It's not like we're twenty and this is her first baby. I've seen all this stuff before. So, there we are standing in her kitchen. She's putting the bottles she took off the shelf back up and there's silence. I'm not saying anything and she's not saying anything. She's still got her back to me when she says 'how are things with you.' I said fine. She said 'no really, how are things with you.' She said it like I was lying. So, I'm getting mad, you know."
"Uh oh," Jacqueline added.
"Right. So, I asked her what does she want to know. And, she says she wants me to know that she's here for me. I said thanks."
"Is that how it ends?" Jacqueline become interested.
"Yes, Zoe came in the room. I told her to say her good-byes and we left. But, isn't that so weird?"
"What does she want you to tell her?"
"Maybe, you're keeping me captive and I have to pass her secret messages to help free me."
"I think that she thinks you have some secret you need to get off your shoulders."
"What secret?"
"Well, I don't know, but she wants to be the confidant."
"Even if I had a secret, I don't know I'd tell her."
"Who would you tell?"
"You," Mallory said quickly.
"I think she thinks the secret is about me, so you can't tell me."
"It doesn't matter. We aren't that close."
"She thinks you are."
"Ya think?"
"Duh." Mallory was silent for a while. The jovial nature had given Jacqueline the confidence to admit why she'd called, "I was wondering if...maybe...since the day's over. And you spent time with Zoe alone. Maybe, I could come over and stay the night. We can rent a rom-com and watch it in bed. And, I'll even bring you ice cream," Jacqueline sounded nervous.
"That would be nice," Mallory began to smile. She didn't want to be without Jacqueline. She wanted nothing more than for Jacqueline to want to be with them. And, in this moment, talking to her, Mallory's fears were quelled. She thought back to the text conversation between Zoe and Jacqueline and her heart warmed. She wanted Jacqueline there and she knew that Jacqueline wanted to be there.
"Okay. I'm on my way." Mallory was about to hang up when she heard the best words she had heard all day, "I love you."
"I love you, too," Mallory responded with exasperation.
Chapter 7
As Jacqueline inched out of bed, she was careful not to wake Mallory. In prior months of their relationships, she had made a mental outline of the layout of the room. Carefully, she crept around the wrought iron bed hoping not to stumble into it. Perceiving the placement of the glider and its ottoman, she danced towards the bathroom door. She had almost achieved perfection; but, her super sleuth talents failed to remind her that the bathroom door was closed and she walked into it. Resisting the temptation to swear, she grunted and entered the small room. Turning the light on, she stared at herself in the medicine cabinet mirror that was suspended above the pink pedestal sink. The day before had been exhausting, but it had ended well. She hadn't let Mallory go to asleep alone. She hadn't let her go to sleep angry with her. She had sought her out and made peace. She had watched the rom-com movie of Mallory's choice without complaining about how they were all the same. She had eaten ice cream in bed as Mallory always wanted to do. She had held her close and tried to make amends for the rift the arch was going to cause. The arch. The arch was too large to be shipped to her. It was being shipped to Baltimore and she would have to find a way for it to be delivered here unless she was prepared to cause more damage by going to retrieve it.
Releasing her tight grip on the sink, she thought of how she had changed. Six months ago, she would have given no second thoughts to traveling to Baltimore, but not anymore. Now, she was concerned about how her travel would impact Mallory. Proud of herself, she thought of how Mallory must know the depth of her feelings, because of that change alone. Smiling and nodding at herself in the mirror, she was quite pleased of this indication of her commitment.
Having brushed her teeth and washed her face, Jacqueline proceeded into the kitchen. She started a pot of coffee for Mallory to enjoy when she awoke. She retrieved bacon and sausage from the refrigerator and placed two pans on the stove. While they heated, she began to mix a box of muffins. As she cooked a quick breakfast, she thought of how comfortable Mallory's house felt. It was smaller than the penthouse. Yet, it contained all the amenities of a home without seeming sterile, as Mallory complained that the penthouse did. She looked around the tiny kitchen as the bacon sizzled and thought that the back wall should be moved to expand the room. She ran her brown hands along the textured walls looking for the one that was weight-bearing. She peered into the tiny din
ing room and thought that her table would never fit in there. She was prepared to discard it and buy something new. She thought how she'd like to add a third room onto the house as well as a patio. Then, the smell of the muffins reawakened her. Mallory had not asked her to move in. In fact, she had come to her house yesterday to get away from her. Jacqueline was deflated. Her confidence was shattered and her appetite lost. She emptied the muffins from the muffin tin onto a plate and placed them with the breakfast meats in the microwave. She murmured as she cleaned all the pans and utensils and placed them into the dishwasher.
Quietly, she returned back to the bedroom. In the far back of Mallory's tiny closet was a place for Jacqueline's clothes. She selected a pair of khaki pants and a blue, pink, and white striped long sleeve shirt. Sitting in the rocking chair, she put on her socks and glanced at a peaceful Mallory who looked very much at home in her bed in her house. Now, she wondered what Mallory thought of a future for them. Jacqueline did not mind sharing time between the penthouse and Mallory's house. She was fine in either place as long as they were together, but what had Mallory wanted? More time in her own home? It would make sense. This little bungalow in Clearwater was closer to Zoe's school and friends. It was closer to their life. But, Mallory didn't own that home. She rented it in haste when she relocated from Daytona. She had talked about Zoe changing to a better school. She had mentioned on a few occasions looking into the schools around the penthouse. Jacqueline had and discovered the schools in her area were not the best. Then, she sought out the best schools in the area. She contemplated relocating to give Zoe the best, to give Mallory the best, and to find a place that felt like home for them all. It would need to be a place with a pool and space for entertaining and room for Zoe's friends to visit. In recent days, she had thought about checking out the market. She thought maybe it was time. But, she wasn't sure. She looked back over at a sleeping Mallory and wondered ~ what does she really want? Before her thoughts intruded on her day any further, she removed her pants from behind her and slide them onto her long, brown legs. Once on, her feet found her brown boat shoes resting under the window. With her pants still undone, she removed her t-shirt and replaced it with her button up. Buttoning it up and tucking it into her pants, she gazed outside at the rising sun. It was nearly six in the morning and the day beckoned. While carefully folding her sleeves to the elbow, she returned to the heated curling iron in the bathroom to place a few curls in her closely cropped hair, then tussled them about with her fingertips. Once the look was complete, she leaned down and kissed a sleeping Mallory, before she exited the room.
Crossing through the tiny house, she entered Zoe's room to kiss her good-bye as well. She found her asleep in a tiny ball with her quilt on the floor. When Jacqueline leaned to kiss her good-bye, she smelled the scent of an unbathed child and shook her head. As she was leaving the room, Zoe spoke, "Jax?"
"Yes, it's me. Go back to sleep."
"When did you get home?"
Home, she thought. "You were asleep when I got here."
"Did you get all your space?"
"Yes, now go back to sleep."
"Will I see you tonight?"
"Yes, but I've gotta go to work, so I can pick you up from school."
"Okay."
That appeared to be the end of the conversation and Jacqueline closed the door softly. Before she could make it out of the front door, Zoe had come out of her room. She was approaching Jacqueline who had stopped and placed her hands on her hips. "Zoe, it's not time for you to be up yet. Go back to bed." Zoe continued to walk to her as though she hadn't heard her. Jacqueline placed her messenger bag on the floor and waited for Zoe's arrival.
Still rubbing her eyes, she walked to Jacqueline and hugged her. With her head in Jacqueline's stomach, she said, "I love you."
Jacqueline closed her eyes and melted. With her hands against Zoe's back, she said, "I love you, too. Now, go back to bed. I left you a treat in the microwave, but I want you to shower before you eat it. Okay?"
Zoe gave a faint agreement and returned to her bedroom. Jacqueline thought that she had better leave before the child returned. As she locked the front door, Mallory closed her bedroom door.
~~~~~~~~
While Mallory and Jacqueline had dated for only five months, it had been nearly a year that Jacqueline had been picking up Zoe from school. It started as one friend with no children offered to help a friend who had to work late. But, now, it was a ritual. In truth, Jacqueline and Mallory could have dropped Zoe off at school together, traveled to work together, and left together to retrieve her from school. To Jacqueline, it seemed like too much togetherness; to Mallory, it seemed like too much time in the Laredo. As the engine started, the new twin exhausts garbled. Jacqueline loved the sound of it. She turned down the radio to listen. As she backed out of the driveway and headed down the tiny neighborhood street, she turned her phone on. She had turned it off when she arrived at Mallory's house the prior evening. She had not wanted any unexpected texts or phone calls to ruin the already delicate visit. The phone vibrated and alerted her to two voicemails. The chime of emails rang and text messages filled her inbox. As she waited to turn onto the US19, she checked her text messages knowing that this would be a good time to block any former women who had tried to make contact in the night. The times that she hated the most were the moments when all was going well and then, there was an unexpected ding of an unwanted text message. Whenever it occurred, she worried that it was from some woman from her past that was saying hello, asking how she was, inviting her to do something, or, worse, sending a picture. In truth, this had happened for years. She had had the same cellphone number since college; so, often, she received unwelcome conversations. Rarely did she respond, but now, five months into a relationship the contact had become burdensome. This morning, she sorted through only a few hellos and G-rated pictures. She blocked the senders whose phone numbers were no longer listed with names in her phone.
Finally, she saw a name, Clementine, and a text notification. Happy that it was a text from someone she knew and someone who knew that she was in a relationship, she opened it. Much to Jacqueline's surprise, Clementine had sent a picture. As Jacqueline waited for it to download, she cruised along I-275 east into Tampa. She had read Clementine's comment:
Time to get up and get back on the grid.
Eager to see the picture, Jacqueline continued to check. She expected some picture of the telecommunication wires or an Internet reference. She thought it might be a picture of where she had gone over the weekend. Much to her surprise, it was a picture of a naked woman lying face down in a disheveled bed. Jacqueline could not look away. She had seen plenty of naked women in life, but she was stunned. She wasn't quite certain why she had received the text. She raised her hand up to her mouth with the phone still in her grasp. The picture of the naked woman lying across the bed flashed in her mind. She knew from the woman's size that it was not Clementine, but she had not understood why her employee would send her such an image. She was baffled. She had been working long hours with Clementine to configure the paper's online presence. Their conversations had been friendly, but they were never explicit. Jacqueline thought of past interactions and conversations making certain that she had never acted or been inappropriate. By the time, she whipped into her space in the parking garage, she had decided that the text was probably sent to her in error. She thought that she would not mention it to Clementine; she did not want to embarrass her. She would just delete it and no one would ever be the wiser. Especially not, Mallory.
~~~~~~~~
She was sitting behind her desk working hard at work when the staff began to pour onto the news floor. From her vantage point, she could oversee much of their activities from her desk. While she had not been looking, the sounds of voices and the presence of lights brought to her attention that it must be close to eight. She stood from the behind the desk, reached for her cup of tea, and walked to her observation area. From her glass wall, she could see Mia, the
Business and Finance editor, removing her tailored black suit jacket and hanging it on a coat rack she had added into her cubicle office. She glanced past Mia to Nelson, the Metro Editor, who occupied the cubicle parallel to Mia. He was surrounded by his staff members. Jacqueline assumed that they were already discussing the stories to be featured as well as drafts of ones being worked. Pleased, Jacqueline smiled. As Managing Editor of the second largest paper in southwest Florida, the Tampa Sun Tribune, she was orchestrating a monumental change. She was perched at her surveillance post delighted with her success when Mallory came into her office.
"Good morning."
Startled, Jacqueline whirled around, "Hey, there. I didn't see you come in."
"I noticed," and she smiled. Jacqueline thought how nice it was to see her smile, to see her face light up. "I brought you something." Mallory had had her hands behind her back since entering the room, but Jacqueline had not noticed. As Jacqueline approached her, Mallory revealed a small white cake box, which had been hidden behind her back.
With a rush of emotions, she said, "You stopped at the bakery?"
"Yes, I did and," she opened the box, "I got you the honey drizzled croissants you like." Her smile was so wide that her eyes smiled, too.
"Aw, hon.." Jacqueline stopped herself. "I know. No display of affection in the office." While the office was aware that they were dating, the two had decided to keep their personal life as private as they could. They restrained from pet names, personal business, hugs, and other displays of affection. Their efforts were futile. The office knew of the relationship. They could tell by the quick glances, smiles, the pauses in their speech, and the words that were not being said. "However, I'd like for you to know that I really appreciate this surprise and I'm very grateful to have you in my life," Jacqueline said.
As Mallory turned to leave the office, she whispered, "I love you, too."
