by K L Finalley
Yelling behind a closed door, Jacqueline replied, “Hey, that's not fair." She smiled to herself. She knew what had evolved between she and Mallory was love. Rocking in her office chair, she was swooning. When she heard her office door start to reopen moments later, she started to speak before she looked up, "I didn't get to say I love you."
"Yeah, and you probably shouldn't say it now."
Jacqueline looked up immediately. The voice that responded was not Mallory's voice; it was Clementine. Embarrassed that she had been caught having the kind of personal moment that she and Mallory had sought to prevent at work, she replied, "I'm sorry, Clementine. I thought you were..."
Interrupting, she said, "Mallory. Yeah, I know." Standing at the far corner of Jacqueline's desk in black slacks, a black pinstriped jacket, a white collared shirt with a black tie decorated with gold pineapples, she twirled Jacqueline's globe about its stand. But, she did not look at Jacqueline. Instead, she glanced through the side of her black horn-rimmed glasses and continued, "Hey, did you get my pic?"
Stunned that it was sent to her on purpose, Jacqueline frowned. "Yes, I noticed it this morning."
Shocked, she walked to the front of the desk and placed her hands firmly down and leaned forward. "You noticed it? You noticed it? Man, what has happened to you? Have you lost it?"
Irritated, "Lost what?" Jacqueline questioned.
She fell back into one of the black leather chairs that sat on the other side of the desk. "Saturday night, I went out to Livewire. Out in the Grand Central District."
At first, Jacqueline was upset that Clementine would presume that she did not know or had not been to Livewire. Just more than a year ago, Jacqueline had been there three to four times a week. She was prepared to explain that to Clementine when a cooler head prevailed. Instead of sharing her prior experiences at the bar, she feared where this might be leading. Rather than engage her prior to the staff meeting, Jacqueline collected her folio, laptop, and a pen, then said, "Before you get too far into this, we have a nine o'clock."
"Oh yeah. Okay, I'll tell you the story after the meeting."
"Actually, I have another meeting after the team meeting."
"Oh, yeah. Well, you are the Managing Editor." Clementine stood from the chair and headed towards the door. "I'll catch this afternoon."
"Okay." After Clementine had left the office, Jacqueline stood up and let out a long breath. She was starting to replay the odd conversation with Clementine when Grant entered. He was wearing his short sleeved saffron shirt with black boxes. The shirt was usually the cause of great conversation in the office. She had thought on many occasions to intervene on his behalf, but she had never been certain what her responsibility was. She assumed that Grant was aware that his penchant for fashionable dress, vast knowledge of men's grooming products, and healthy lifestyle had been reason for office chatter. Despite all the years of knowing each other, she was unaware of his sexual orientation and, truthfully, she had no need or desire to know. She had only fended off conversations about Grant when they impacted the work environment, but, on many occasions, she wanted to protect him from the cruel world that surrounded him.
"Are we ready, boss?"
"Morning, Grant. How are you today?" She grabbed her tea and headed towards him.
"I'm marvelous. I contacted Victoria Prescott like you asked. I haven't heard back from her, but I'll let you know when I do. And, here is this morning's agenda. I would've stuck my head in earlier, but you've had a line."
Taking the agenda, Jacqueline said, "Thank you, Grant. I appreciate your help. Forward me Vicki's responses when you hear from her."
"Of course," biting his lip, he said, "Are you really gonna do this? I mean, are you really gonna..."
She stopped him before he could finish. "Grant, you're my assistant. Some things I need held in the strictest of confidence."
"I know. I was only asking since you and I were alone."
While reviewing the agenda, she continued to look at it, but answered him, "Grant, no final decisions have been made, but it is on the table. At this point in my life, there are no bad options." Surprised by her candor, he did not ask any further questions. Instead, he waited for her next move. She finished her review of the agenda and said, "Looks good. Let's get this party started." Then, the two exited Jacqueline's office and crossed into the Conference room.
Previously, the room was used only for Board meetings and the delivery of bad tidings, a truth Jacqueline had regretted. Since the restructure, she had begun holding meetings of varying importance in the Conference room to reassure the staff. As Grant distributed the agenda and straightened the high back leather chairs, Jacqueline took her place at the head of the mammoth mahogany table. At the far back of the room, she was the first face that latecomers would see. However, today, she turned her chair and stared out at the boats that filled Tampa Bay. She imagined herself pulling her boat out from the dock in her backyard. She could see herself relaxing on its bow. Wearing sunglasses and a Rays hat, her hands were firmly holding the wheel as she felt the breeze brush her face. She was at peace until Mia spoke.
"Oh, Jacqueline. Oh, Jacqueline. It would be better if you could wait to daydream until Nelson begins speaking." The shrill undertone of bitterness filled the air.
"Such spice so early in the morning, Mia," Grant responded as he brought in a cart of breakfast refreshments.
"My God, Grant," Mia said as she rolled her eyes.
Jacqueline had her head resting on the back of the chair. She had returned to her boat when she heard the only voice that made her reality more desirable than her daydream. "Good morning, Mia," Mallory said. She was wearing dark gray slacks and a light pink short sleeved shirt. Jacqueline did not speak, but she sat upright in her chair and smiled in Mallory's direction. Mallory met her eyes and smiled, then quickly, she turned away. She sat at the far end of the table as she always did. The Tampa Sun Tribune was a well-respected paper with regional recognition. In recent months, the paper had gained national attention, but, at heart, it operated as a small company. The Boyd family had controlling interest in the paper. Relatives had worked together. People celebrated on another's successes and mourned each other's losses. Jacqueline was the Managing Editor. She had promoted a team of editors, which included her girlfriend, that represented the various departments of the paper with the blessing of the Editor-in-Chief, Jack.
The office had been aware of the burgeoning relationship prior to the two of them becoming aware of it. When the two returned from vacation in the summer, the editor promotions were announced by Jack. As the early retirement program reduced the staff, the Sun became both leaner and more focused. In the weeks after the announcement, staff was reallocated to specific departments. Lines of supervision were announced and employees settled into their new expectations. In the midst of the changes, Jacqueline was seen about the news floor more often. She was engaging staff and being more accessible. She had decided that her presence might reassure them. Instead, the staff became aware of that the rumor of a relationship was truth. There were no missteps, no inappropriate acts, but the stares and smiles had become apparent.
~~~~~~~~
Wanting to reassure herself that she was not being unethical or irresponsible, in the summer, Jacqueline scheduled a meeting with Jill Hanover, the Human Resources manager. When Jill entered her office, she fumbled to explain, "Jill. Thanks for coming. I know that you're probably busy."
Unsure of the formality, Jill responded cautiously, "Uh, sure, no problem."
"Listen, I know that things are changing around here." Jacqueline stood from behind her desk and began to pace her office. "And, I want to make sure that I'm a good...partner?" she seemed to question the choice of her word aloud. "Yes, partner with you."
Unsure where this was headed, Jill simply said, "Of course."
Placing her hands in her pockets, she went on, "I now have a group of editors who report directly to me and each of them has a staff of people reporting t
o them."
"Yes, I know. We wrote the job descriptions and created all of the teams together."
"Yes. Yes, we did." Feeling more confident, she removed her hands from her pockets and folded her arms across her chest. "I want to be fair to everyone and be transparent. I want them to know that I'm accessible to them and act as a good steward for them."
"I agree."
"Good, but I need your help to make sure that happens."
Still in the dark, Jill asked, "My help?"
"Yes, you see, I'm as complicated as the rest of the staff is. I have a personal life that sometimes intersects with my professional life, but it doesn't drive my decisions." Standing at the window overlooking the writing floor, she whispered, "But, they won't know that. I mean, they won't believe it if you don't help me."
Then, the light came on. Jill knew that Jacqueline and Mallory had been dating. The entire office knew and HR was no different. And, while Jacqueline appeared unaware that the world was watching, it was always watching. "Don't worry about Mallory."
Jacqueline's eyes grew big. She swung her body around and faced Jill. "What? I never said anything about Mallory. I mean, I want to be fair to everyone."
Nonchalantly, Jill asked, "Aren't you dating?"
Jacqueline had not planned this to be her coming out moment. She had worked at the Sun for years without discussion of her sexual orientation. There had been co-workers who had assumed she was a lesbian, but she had never shared the details of her life or discussed relationships at work. So, she stood stunned when Jill asked so earnestly. Fearing that she could not lie to the Human Resources Executive and request her help, she responded, "Well, yes, but no one knows that."
"I think everyone knows it."
"We haven't told anyone. I mean, Paige knows, but no one else knows," Jacqueline stammered.
"Jacqueline, you don't have to tell people for them to know, but don't worry about it. I have not had any concerns brought to my attention. The structure that you created prevents you from having any direct involvement in her annual review process, compensation, bonus, or employment status. If anyone asks me, we are well prepared to prove that you didn't give her the job and you have limited control over her financial package. You make requests. I make the determinations. Jack approves or disapproves us both. We have a check and balance." Rising, she said, "Are we done?"
Deflated, Jacqueline nodded, "Yes, I guess so."
"Good." And, Jill exited the office.
Silent and alone, she returned to her desk and went back to work. There would be no fanfare. No PowerPoint presentation, no email or cake to congratulate her having just come out of the closet at work.
~~~~~~~~
Leaning back in her seat, she remembered how she'd felt that day. For a second, she had forgotten that that was in the past, and that the present needed her attention. The room had filled with the department editors bustling about enjoying pastries and beverages selected by Grant. They clamored about the room until Clementine entered. The sudden silence as they turned to face the opening door awoke Jacqueline from her thoughts.
She boomed, "Ah, Clementine, I'm glad you were able to join us." Clementine nodded and flashed her broad smile as she proceeded to the chair to Jacqueline's right. She continued, "I think that we have everyone here, so let's get started. As you can all see, I have asked Clementine to join our Monday morning staff meetings."
Immediately, Mia spoke, "Well, we can see that, but why is she here?"
Tapping her silver pen upon the table, Clementine nodded in Mia's direction. She preferred the open hostility that oozed from Mia to the sarcastic pleasantries she received from other members of the staff.
Now, energized, Jacqueline stood up and walked to the dry erase board Grant brought to every meeting. "Thanks, Mia, for asking that question. As you all know, our creating a sound and effective online presence was one of the chief goals of our mission. The goal was not to, merely, place the paper online in a very static form, but to enliven the Tampa Sun Tribune as an active forum within and beyond the community. Clementine was hired to help achieve that goal. I have had each of you meet with her and her team to discuss layout and format of your departments' online presence. It's my understanding that those conversations have been beneficial to all of you." She paused. Glancing around the room, she waited for signs of confirmation. Paige was nodding in unison with Jacqueline; but, as Production Editor, Paige had had very little contact with Clementine. Guy Flynt, the Sports Editor, sat in a too tight shirt comparing the sizes of his fists. He had them both squeezed and stared from one to the other. Next to him sat Nelson, the Metro Editor who had been the most resistive to the notion of engaging the public. Through Clementine's report, Jacqueline had given Nelson's concerns great thought, but, siting in the meeting next to Clementine, he nodded as though he agreed. Across the table, Grant was dutifully recording Jacqueline's every word while Mia stared cross-armed as though she may spring into a brawl with Guy. To her left, Bob, the Politics and International News Editor, had various stacks of papers placed in front of him anxiously awaiting a presentation of some kind. To Mia's right was Mallory who sat in her chair assuredly smiling at Jacqueline as a supportive girlfriend might. As Jacqueline caught Mallory's eye, she felt the right corner of her mouth rise. Knowing that looking at her for longer than a glance could cause her to lose all focus, Jacqueline returned to her chair and her thought. She continued, "So, I thought it would be better for her to just join these meetings. If this proves to be more of a distraction or not beneficial, then we can certainly rethink it. Agreed?" No one agreed.
For the next hour and a half, each department provided updates on larger stories being investigated, researched, or written. There was talk of scandals from the prevalence of performance enhancing drug use in Florida to changing Environmental Protection Agency guidelines and how it affected the Bay Area. There was talk of the Chamber of Commerce's involvement in major league sports which caused a fiery debate between Mia and Guy. Mallory presented the near completion of a project being worked between Lifestyles and Production that would yield a smaller, weekend paper that discussed local events. In all of these conversations, suggestions were given by other department editors as well as Jacqueline, Paige, and Clementine. As the conversations came to their natural close, Jacqueline said, "I want you to know that Jack and I are very proud of all of the hard work each of you have been doing. Your efforts are very appreciated. If there is anything that any of you need, please do not hesitate to let me know." This was how she closed each of her meetings. It had become her sign off message. Typically, when she said it, people began collecting their belongings. Rarely did anyone ever speak after the statement and when they did, it was done after most, if not all, of the room's occupants had left in hushed tones.
But, today was different. Today, Clementine pointed to Mallory with her silver pen and added, "Was that for all of us or just Mallory?"
There was silence. Mallory, who had been gathering her belongings, lifted her head and stared into Clementine's direction. She wasn't used to be taken off guard. People rarely surprised her, but she had not expected this quip. Clementine sat facing Mallory with her back to Jacqueline.
Jacqueline arose, squinted her eyes behind her glasses, and batted her eyelids repeated. As she spoke, she sighed audibly, "No, that was meant for you all. Is there something that you need, Clementine?"
"No, nothing at all," she smirked as she winked at Mallory.
Seething, Mallory stood up and left the room. The other editors followed her. Paige dallied about the room hoping to have a word with Jacqueline. When it was obvious that Jacqueline was waiting for the room to clear before she reprimanded Clementine, she nodded in Jacqueline's direction and left.
With the room empty of everyone except Grant, Jacqueline said, "Do you wanna tell me what that was about?"
"What?"
"Let's not play games. What's on your mind?"
"I was just having a little bit of fun."
>
"Fun?"
"Yeah, fun. Come on, it was funny."
"No. It wasn't. Not at all."
"Relax. No one took it seriously. Everyone knows that you two are fu..."
Before Clementine could finish, Jacqueline interrupted, "Don't say it. Don't you dare say it. What I am doing in my personal life is personal. While everyone may know, we do our best to keep our personal life out of here and I will not let you make light of that. But, when it is time for business, it is time for business. Do you understand me?"
"Yeah, yeah. Sorry. I was just having some fun. Lighten up. I know things about you that you don't even know that I know. I've heard things about you, so don't pretend like you're all business."
"I don't know what you think you know, but I am all business here." She pressed her fists into the table. "You got that?"
"Okay. Okay," with her head bent, she slipped out of the Conference room.
Jacqueline turned and hit her fists against the window frame. She was staring outside. Her eyes had found a houseboat when Grant said, "She's just jealous."
She snickered, "What?"
"J-E-A-L-O-U-S. She's jealous of you."
With her head against the glass, she yearned to be on the houseboat drifting around the Bay. "I'm pretty sure that's not her problem."
"Nope. I know people. She's just jealous. Mark my words," he said as he wiped off the table. "She's got an angle."
"Grant, I don't have time for angles. I have my hands full with the straight edges," and she walked out of the Conference room with her hands in her pockets.
Chapter 8
When Alex left the Tampa Sun Tribune, she knew that it would be hard to make a fresh start with a new company. But, she never imagined that it would be hard to meet new people. At the Sun, she felt special and unique; she was the pinnacle of fashion. She had a youthful presence that was contrary to the serious notions of the newspaper business. At Upbeat, she was not the only woman wearing expensive, new clothes that were designed to look vintage. She was not the only African-American woman proudly displaying her natural hair. She was not the only woman with youthful exuberance. In fact, youthful exuberance was a job requirement.
