The Dotard

by Greg Curtis

  In a heartbeat Edrick’s elation turned to exhaustion. He felt tired. Exhausted. Where only a few moments before he had been filled with hope and excitement. But now he knew he had a new problem. A big one. If he had to find a gate that led to the right world, and many of the gates led to completely different worlds, his chances of returning to Coldwater had just decreased dramatically. And when thus far two of the three gates he had found had been unusable, the odds grew worse again. He might have to find fifty gates to find just one that would take him back. He might have to find fifty thousand!

  “Dung!” He shouted to the rocky plain. “Dung, dung, dung!” And then when the land didn't answer him, he shouted it again to the black sky, followed by some decidedly more colourful language.

  But Edrick soon found out that this wasn't a world that a man should shout in. He discovered it the moment a head suddenly lifting out of the ground in the distance. A giant lizard like head with red eyes. A head that when it opened its mouth, he realised was large enough to swallow him in one bite.

  Then a great river of fire came billowing out of that mouth, streaming across the rocky plateau toward him and his shock turned to panic.

  “Shite!” Edrick turned and dived back through the gate as swiftly as he could, closing it behind him even as he crashed into the dirt and tussock on the other side. He could almost feel the heat on the souls of his feet as he lay there in the dirt, his heart pounding.

  He was safe! Still he turned to look back, just to make sure. When he did though, it was to discover a new horror. The gate had opened again! How?!

  Edrick felt panic rising in his chest. How the damned gate had opened again was a question for later. Right now he just had to get it shut – especially when he could see another river of fire flowing his way. With a desperate thought he closed it again, just in time to avoid a fresh river of fire engulfing him. And then right in front of him it opened again and a wisp of flame sailed over his head!

  “Balls!” He screamed and shut it again. But even as he shut it he knew what was going to happen. And it did. The gate opened again. It appeared the creature was able to open it! Worse, the creature was a damned dragon. Something that was obvious to him when he saw it had leapt into the air and was streaking toward him. It looked like a fire breathing, lizard like, giant flying monster. That spelled dragon in his language.

  And it was coming closer!

  For a heartbeat Edrick stood there paralysed, watching it fly toward him, its mouth open wide, displaying huge yellow dagger like teeth that were as large as he was, surrounding the mouthful of flames it was belching. Understanding that the gate was his only protection Edrick shut it again, knowing all the while that it wouldn’t stay shut.

  It didn't. It opened almost immediately after he'd shut it. And when he looked again he could see the dragon was closing in on him. Edrick shut it again, knowing it wouldn’t help but feeling desperate. Sure enough, no sooner had he done that than the dragon opened it, and by then its huge maw was right in front of him.

  Then it was too late. The snout of the creature was just emerging through the gate and he couldn't shut it. It was following him through!

  Terrified beyond his ability to think, Edrick rolled to the side just as the beast’s snout came through and barely managed to avoid being hit. It missed him by a scant couple of feet, and Edrick thanked every god he knew that he hadn’t been standing at the time. If he had been he'd be dead now. The great head had sailed right over the top of him as he lay there. He could see every one of its scales glistening in the sunlight just a couple of feet above him. It was just so massive! He couldn't fight a creature that powerful he knew. No one could.

  Fortunately, he discovered a heartbeat later, he had an ally. The gate itself. It seemed the dragon couldn't get through. It might have had the magic to open the gate, but it was simply too big to squeeze more than the first twenty feet of its snout through.

  The dragon roared angrily when it discovered it couldn’t get through, while Edrick lay just beneath its snout, laughing hysterically at the realisation of what had happened. But it didn't give up. It kept roaring before it rammed its snout against the gate again. It was a sound that was powerful and angry enough to shake the very ground. But it was also a sound that finally returned a little of Edrick's wits to him. It seemed he might survive this day!

  Edrick rolled further away to the side, making sure he was as far out of reach of that terrible maw with those horrible dagger like teeth as he could get. Because it could still kill him in a heartbeat. All the beast had to do was smash its chin down into the ground and he would be crushed.

  Once he was out of reach he got to his feet, and then stood there staring from one side of the gate at the huge, scaled snout being rammed through it as hard as the beast could manage. And while it still couldn't get any further than the first twenty feet or so, it didn't stop trying.

  Again and again it rammed the gate, trying desperately to push the gate open. The sound of each impact was like a physical blow. So loud he could barely hear anything else. So powerful that each time the dragon tried once again to ram the gate open the ground shook. It kept on roaring angrily and soon Edrick had to back away and cover his ears. The dragon was certainly persistent and he had to wonder why it was so desperate to kill him. Maybe it was hungry, he thought, though surely he wouldn't even be a snack for something that large.

  But he didn't care about that. He only cared that the gate was holding. The ground was giving way by his feet, the standing stones were practically being forced out of the ground with every blow, but the gate was holding. And that was all that mattered. It let his heart slowly stop hammering crazily in his chest. It gave him the chance to start breathing again. Even to wipe away the sweat that he discovered peppering his brow. In time it allowed him to start thinking again.

  Was it a dragon? Had he found the world of dragons? Edrick wondered about that as he stood just off to the side staring at the great scaled snout being rammed into the gate again and again. Certainly it looked like one. Or at least the head looked like a dragon's head from the stories. And it breathed fire and flew. But no one had ever said that dragons had mouths filled with broken yellow teeth. Or that they had their own world of volcanic terraces. He'd imagined they lived in caves in the mountains and cliffs that stood high above the world, not chasms in the ground

  What was more important he eventually realised as he stood there staring in disbelief at the sight of the creature desperately trying to break through into the world and refusing to give up, was that it meant that exploring these other worlds was going to be dangerous. Extremely dangerous. If there was a world out there full of dragons, what else was there? And what sort of dangers might he have to face? And how many worlds would he need to visit before he found the right one?

  At least he was safe for the moment. It couldn't get its body through. And its head couldn't reach him. Though it didn’t stop Edrick shaking slightly as he stood there staring at the great beast's snout being rammed into the gate. Watching the very ground give way under its assault.

  But even as he tried to tell himself that, the beast proved him wrong. A moment later he watched as the snout opened a fraction – all that it could manage as the gate limited its movement – and then let loose another river of fire. Naturally it missed him as he was standing to the side, but it caught his steam wagon full on and a heartbeat later it was on fire.

  “No!” Edrick cried out in horror as he watched his transport go up in flames, feeling more than a little shocked. Suddenly he was about to be trapped here with no ability to get anywhere save on foot.

  Before he could dwell on that any further he heard the snorting of another beast and turned to see a unicorn streaking for the dragon's snout like a bullet.

  A heartbeat later the two beasts met in combat, and from the moment they touched the world seemed to explode with magic and violence. The fire of the dragon was met by the glowing white light streaming from the unicorn's horn. />
  Edrick was tossed backwards by the blast, the shock wave felt like that of a cannon, only far more powerful. But even before he hit the ground, the battle had ended. The dragon's snout vanished, the gate closed, and the unicorn streaked through where the gate had been, fast as lightning. And this time, he discovered after he stopped tumbling over the dirt and then just lay there in shock, the gate didn’t reopen.

  It was over. It took Edrick some time to realise that. He kept expecting the gate to reopen and the dragon's great snout to appear in it again. But it didn't. The gate remained closed and all he could see was dirt and tussock.

  But as he picked himself up off the ground and started brushing down his latest set of bruises, Edrick knew it had been close. Much too close. He could not face a creature like that alone. No wizard could. And yet what did it mean he wondered, that a unicorn could stand against it? He'd known they were powerful – all wizards knew that – but that powerful? And why had it attacked? Had it been protecting him? Or was it protecting the gate? Or the realm? Perhaps it just hated dragons?

  He would have asked but the unicorn was nowhere in sight. Of course, since it also couldn't speak, his asking wouldn't have gained him any answers.

  Edrick had a more immediate problem though. His steam wagon which was burning away in front of him. Quickly Edrick set to work calling a rain cloud down on it. But it took time for the rain to arrive and put out the fire, and by the time it did, he could see that the wagon had sustained extensive damage.

  The wood of the wagon was badly charred. Particularly the wood at the front though the entire bed behind the engine was also blackened. His button leather couch had been reduced to a coating of ashes sitting atop a sprung metal skeleton. Even the metal of the levers and the steering wheel had melted. He had a spell to repair the damage, but the book was back at his home and he doubted he could remember a spell that complex. He would have to drive back to get it, so he could fix the damage.

  Yet in that he was lucky because the engine had clearly survived. Even as he watched he could hear it chugging away. Apparently it took more than even the fire of a dragon to melt a boiler and furnace.

  The sound of an animal snorting softly made him turn around. There standing behind him was the unicorn who had done battle with the dragon. Edrick went to the beast, worried that it might have been hurt in the battle, brief as it had been. But he could see no sign of injury. Nor any sign of alarm. The unicorn seemed as much at peace as its kind always did.

  “Thank you.” He patted its neck. “And I promise I won't ever try to hug you again!”

  He was truly grateful for the beast's help, and it seemed happy with that. Of course, such help didn’t come free. Edrick discovered that as an image of his vegetable garden suddenly appeared in his mind. It made him smile. The unicorn felt it was owed something for its heroic save. It was right. He could never have stopped the dragon. He sighed.

  “You win. I'll open the gate when I return.” What else could he do? The unicorn had protected him from his own recklessness, saved his steam wagon, and maybe even stopped a dragon from entering the realm. He owed it. Even if it cost him his garden.

  That seemed to please the beast, and he watched as it nickered happily at him before trotting off, heading back the way they had come. No doubt it would be back at his home before he was.

  Just how clever were unicorns, he wondered? It wasn't the first time he had wondered about that. They seemed to know what was needed when it was needed. They understood what he wanted too. They even understood that he meant them no harm. And they could understand the concept of a reward. Maybe even a deal. No horse and no deer could understand such things. And none of them could speak – or at least share thoughts. How could they? So were the unicorns truly beasts? Or were they something else? Something he didn't understand?

  Edrick climbed back up on to his wagon, brushed down the worst of the charring from the seat, laid his jacket over the exposed metal frame and then pushed the twisted, melted levers to get the wagon moving. The puzzle about the unicorns was just another mystery of this strange realm. One he would probably never solve. Unless they could actually speak – and he wasn't completely sure they couldn't. Maybe they just didn't want to talk. Not to humans anyway. Nothing would surprise him anymore. Not after today.

  But it might surprise him he thought, if he managed to get home without losing copious amounts of blood, since he could feel the steel springs of the seat, forcing themselves through his clothes and into the tender skin of his backside.

  The other thing that occurred to him as he began his painful journey home, was that he needed a new plan to get back to Coldwater. His first plan had been the portal spells. That had failed, largely due to his ineptitude with the spells. His second plan had been rebuilding the gate. That too had failed, but not because of his failings. Because of the very limitations of magic. And now his third plan – finding a gate home – had just turned into a nightmare.

  It was beginning to look as though he was destined to remain trapped in Faerie for a lot longer than he wanted. Long enough perhaps to even learn to speak with the unicorns.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Snuffling sounds distracted Edrick from his book, and he looked around to see his cat being bothered by a pair of griffins. They were rubbing their huge beaks against her as she lay on a tree stump trying to sleep. She didn't look all that impressed by the attention. Still, he was impressed. Not by the act – he'd seen it before – and not even by his cat's complete lack of fear of the giant creatures. Instead he was impressed by the fact that the griffins were trying to make friends with a small black cat. Were they trying to mother her? Did they view her as a chick or a cub or whatever it was that griffins had? It was spring after all, and undoubtedly his neighbours' thoughts had turned towards nests and babies.

  The griffins were surprisingly friendly creatures which didn't seem right to him. You didn't expect lions to be friendly. You expected them to try and eat you. And you didn't expect eagles to be friendly either. But somehow these strange hybrids of lions and eagles were. At least they were to his little black cat. Him, they mostly ignored.

  He chuckled a little at the sight, no doubt earning the displeasure of Blackie, and then returned to his reading.

  The days following his terrifying encounter with the dragon had been peaceful. That surprised him from time to time. Sometimes it worried him. The understanding that time was passing so easily without him actually doing anything, worried him. It was as if he was beginning to accept his fate. It was now ten days since the dragon attack, and he hadn't done anything. He hadn't gone exploring again – he didn't dare. He hadn't tried to restore the gate's magic either – there was simply no spell he knew that could help. And his practice with portal spells was going nowhere.

  Edrick was sure he should have been doing something. But what? That was his problem. The sun had shone most days and the air had been warm. And after repairing his steam wagon Edrick had returned to his life as a wizard – which was to say he'd spent his time mostly reading.

  This apathy just wasn't right! He should be doing something! Edrick knew that. After all, he'd been trapped in this land now for twenty-eight days – nearly a month. He was running low on supplies. And he was getting extremely tired of talking to his cat and the unicorns. He wanted to see Coldwater again. And Carrie. Right now, reading was all he could do.

  For the moment he was reading up on portals and the magic involved in their creation. It was time for his third option. He couldn't rebuild the ancient Faerie gate. And after the disaster with the dragon, he'd decided against trying to open any more of them, fearful of what he might find on the other side. It was time to learn how to create his own portal. A smaller one that he could control. If he could just manage that he would return to Riverlandia

  Unfortunately, if he ever got back to Riverlandia it would be a one-way trip. Because while he might be able to create a portal to bring him back to Riverlandia in time, he would never be
able to create a gate. That was magic that only the Faerie had had. And whatever portal he finally managed to create, even if it was by some miracle two way, would fade with time. His chances of then creating another portal back here, were less than slim.

  That saddened him. After ten years living here this place had become his home. Still, he couldn't stay here forever. It wasn't just a matter of his running out of supplies. Even he needed to have people to talk to from time to time. The unicorns couldn't meet that need. Nor could the griffins. And Blackie wouldn't want to if she could. In the end he simply didn't want to grow old and die here, alone. So he had to leave.

  After that he didn't know what he'd do. Build a new home in Coldwater? Now that everyone knew his secret, he supposed he could. Then again, if he did his father would quickly track him down and then he might arrange another marriage for him. Edrick shuddered at the thought. Alternatively, he could find a new town to call home. That would mean he would have to start over.

  Edrick sighed as he thought about the various options. None of them appealed. He wanted his life to return to how it had been. But it was clear now that it couldn’t. He could either stay here or leave and never return. Those were his choices. There was no third option.