My Mother's Keeper
Page 10
their classmates, Alice. She sat behind her in
English Comp, and was always amazed at how she
could take over a conversation. It didn’t matter
who was talking, even the teacher, Alice seemed to
selfishly monopolize the conversation. Everyone
tried to avoid her for that reason, but she never
seemed to realize that.
“Hi, Christine. Richard, are you helping
Christine with her assignment? I could use some
help, too. Let me get my work out and you can
check it and see if it is what Mrs. Jamison wants.” Alice seemed oblivious to the frustration both
Richard and Christine were showing. She pulled
her paper out, plunking it down on the table
between them.
“Alice, Christine and I were working on my
paper. We need to finish before class. Can’t you
get someone else to read your paper? We are
about out of time. I am not the one to do it,
anyway. Christine is helping me with mine.” Alice
looked at Christine with open disbelief.
“Christine? Helping you? No! I don’t believe
it.” Alice had a shrill, strident voice that grated on
people’s nerves. She was not at all aware that
everyone dreaded seeing her approach. She
thought everyone was her friend. She was so
socially unaware that she didn’t realize she was
insulting. “I thought maybe you had to help her.
Oh, well, I am not going to worry about it. I am
glad to have your help. Thanks for offering.” Alice
didn’t seem to realize that Richard hadn’t offered
anything.
“We’re going to be late to class. We have to
leave. Thanks for your help, Christine. Maybe
later today we can finish it up, if you have time.” “Sure, that will be fine.”
“Oh, when are you guys getting together? I can meet with you and we can all critique each other’s work.” Alice didn’t seem to notice that Richard and Christine weren’t welcoming her into
their group.
“I’m not sure, yet,” Richard said, obviously
being evasive. At least, to Christine it was obvious
he was trying to avoid her. But Alice didn’t seem to
notice.
“Well, just let me know and I will meet with
you all.”
After class, Richard and Christine managed to
avoid Alice and slip unnoticed to Christine’s car.
They made arrangements to meet later that night.
They planned to meet at the library at seven
o’clock and critique each others work. Christine let
Richard know she would appreciate his feedback
as well. Thankfully, they were able to avoid letting
Alice know their plans. She was busy talking to
some of their classmates.
Christine told her mother her plans when she
got home. “I am so glad you have another date. I
have been so worried about you since you and
Allen broke up. That boy was just not right for you.
I am glad you found someone else. Is he nice? Is
he as nice as Allen was?”
“Mother, it is not a date. We are meeting to go
over some work for school. But, yes he is nice. He
is probably nicer than Allen, but I don’t know him
that well yet. We are just getting together to work
on some class work. Don’t get your hopes up.
Don’t make more of it than it is.”
“I’m not. I am just interested. I just want to
know if he is going to hurt you like Allen did. I am
still angry at him for what he did to you.” Christine
had finally shared what had happened, though she
had been careful to downplay the significance of
her mother’s illness on their break up. She just let
her know they had found out they were
incompatible, and that he couldn’t tolerate illness.
She didn’t share that he was scared about the
particular illness they were dealing with.
“Richard and I are just classmates. We are
getting together to help each other. There is
nothing romantic about it.” Not yet, Christine
thought to herself. For some reason, the thought of
becoming romantically involved with Richard gave
her a special thrill. She must be crazy to think
about getting involved with another boy. She had
learned the hard way that boys couldn’t be
depended on. What if Richard felt the same way
as Allen? What if all boys did? She would never
get married if they did. She would just have to plan
her life without a man in it, then if someone came
along she would be pleasantly surprised. She had
fleeting thoughts of telling Richard about her
mother, but they weren’t dating, so she decided
against it. She didn’t want him to think she was
assuming a relationship when none was there. But,
if they went out again or if they went out in any way
beside just to study together, she would tell him
immediately.She would not make the mistake of
letting things go like she did before.
Christine and Richard worked for a couple of
hours on refining their pieces of writing. It wasn’t
like work at all to Christine, and Richard seemed to
enjoy working on his as well. He really was a good
writer, but didn’t have much confidence in his ability
to write. He mentioned that a teacher he once had
told him writing was not his strong point. He had
been self-conscious about it ever since, he told her.
She really tried to praise him and build up his
confidence.
“What have you got planned for Saturday
night?” Richard suddenly asked her, breaking a
silence that had developed as each worked over
their own revisions.
“I don’t really have any plans at this time,”
Christine answered, her heart doing a flip flops.
She was excited to think that he may be going to
ask her out on a real date.
“Want to take in a movie and dinner? I don’t
know what is playing, but with twelve screens,
there is bound to be something we would like to
see.”
“Sure.” Christine suddenly became tonguetied. She really needed to be very candid with
Richard, but didn’t know how to approach it. They
hadn’t really dated yet, but Christine had promised
herself she would tell her next date before their
very first date. How could she tell him, though?
And, would telling him seal her fate, losing him to
her forever?
“Uh, Richard. I don’t know how to tell you this, but there is something you need to know before we ever date the first time. Uh, I . . . ” Christine couldn’t think how to get started to tell him. How do you tell someone that you are tainted,
damaged property?
“What is it, Christine? What do you need to
tell me?” Richard looked intently into her eyes,
stopping everything and leaning forward toward
her. She just melted. She felt weak and didn’t
know if she could continue or not. But, she had to.
She just had to tell him. She could see it would be
so easy to really care for him,
and she didn’t think
she could stand losing another significant person in
her life. She just had to go ahead and tell him. “There is something about me, and about my
family, that you should know if we are going to
date. It won’t affect you unless we get serious
about each other, but I want you to know before
that happens. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think we
are getting serious about each other yet. But, I do
want you to know this anyway.”
“I could see us getting serious,” Richard
interrupted, giving her a look that just melted her
heart.
“Let me tell you. Just listen. This is so hard to
do.”
“I am sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt. I will
be quiet and listen. Tell me whatever it is, though I
can’t imagine it being so serious.” He just didn’t
know, Christine thought.
“There is something in my family that you should know. Something that may affect your desire to get to know me better. You may want to run far from me when I tell you.” Christine knew she was stalling, but she really didn’t know how to
get started.
“Okay, I’m game. What, do you have a
criminal in your family? So what. Doesn’t affect
us.”
“No, not that. My mother is ill. Her illness is
very devastating. It could be heredity. I could get
it, and so could any children I have. If you don’t
want to have anything else to do with me, I will
understand. Really I will. Just tell me and I will
leave right now. You don’t have to explain or
anything. Just let me know you don’t want me
around and I will disappear.” Christine realized she
was rambling so she wouldn’t have to face the
moment that Richard rejected her. If she kept
talking, he wouldn’t have the chance to tell her he
wanted nothing to do with her.
“Hey, slow down. Listen to me.” Richard took
her hand in his, and lay his forehead against her.
He spoke very intimately to her. Only the two of
them could hear what he had to say. “Christine, I
have not known you for very long. But, I know that
I am starting to care for you very much. You are a
special person. Your persona sends out positive
vibes to me. I can really get to care for you a lot, to
maybe love you, given time. We need to get to
know each other better. But, when I care for
someone, when I love them, then whatever affects them affects me as well. Whatever is your problem is my problem. Nothing can come between me and the person I love. If you are that person, after we get to know each other, if we decide we love each other, then nothing in the world can change that. Not illness, not skeletons in the closet, nothing at
all. Do you understand what I am staying?” “Yes, but I am not sure you will still think that
way. Let me tell you what is wrong with my
mother, my father, and maybe even me.”
“There is nothing wrong with you. You are
perfect the way you are. But, tell me anyway.” “My mother has a condition known as
schizophrenia. It is a mental illness, incurable, but
not contagious.” Thus, Christine began the
account much as she had done with Allen. She
was very nervous the whole time, fidgeting,
stuttering, and basically struggling to recount her
story. “So,” she finished, I don’t blame you if you
never want to see me again. I will understand.”
Still, she thought, it will hurt me deeply.
“Christine, I can’t believe you would think I
would let such a thing as a mental illness affect the
way I feel about you. I mean, mental illness is
supposed to be so much better understood now
than the past. I don’t think anyone would think
badly of you in these current days and times.” “Some people do,” Christine said, not letting
on about what happened between her and Allen.
“You do understand there is a hereditary element in
mental illnesses, don’t you? And, do you understand that both my mother and father have a mental illness? Not the same one. But, they both are mentally ill. I could show up with either or both illnesses at any time. In fact, sometimes I think I
have bipolar like my dad.”
“I understand all that, and I accept the risks.
When a person loves another, it doesn’t matter
what happens to them, they love them anyway. If I
make a commitment to you, it will be a lifetime one,
through thick and thin. Whatever you face, I will
face. We will face it together.”
What he said sounded so sweet, and he was
so earnest, that Christine couldn’t help but tear up.
One small tear slid down the side of her cheek.
Richard wiped it off, then kissed his finger and
touched it to the side of her face where the tear
had been.
“Let’s worry about other things, okay? Let’s
just move on to getting to know each other, and let
come what may. We need to focus first on passing
this English Comp course. You are better at it than
I am. I am having to really work to get my grades
up. Let’s focus on that, okay?”
Over the next few months, Richard and
Christine became very close. They spent most all
of their free time together. Richard often came to
Christine’s house to study. He finally stopped
making the pretense of coming to study and just
came to visit with her and her mother. Christine
didn’t believe it would have been possible for her
mother to have been closer to Richard than Allen, but she was. She really grew to like Richard, and Richard seemed to respect her. He often asked her advice on a tie color or something. He talked to her like one adult to another. Her mother
reveled in the attention.
“Mom, have you been taking your medicine
lately?” Christine asked one evening. Her mother
had been pacing and mumbling for a couple of
hours. Nothing she could do would settle her
down.
“Mom, sit down. Come on. Talk to me.” Her
mother continued to pace and to be seemingly
unaware that Christine was talking to her. Richard was coming by at any time. Christine
didn’t want him to find her mother like this. He
seemed accepting of her mother’s condition, but he
had never seen her like this. He had witnessed
some of her mother’s quirkiness when she forgot
her medicine for a while, but he always talked her
into starting back on her medicine, and she didn’t
get very bad at all.
He had not seen her like this. He would
probably leave and never come back when he saw
what schizophrenia could periodically do to her
mother. She couldn’t let him see her like this.
Maybe she could get her mother to go take a nap.
She often stayed in her room and took long naps
when she wasn’t doing well. Maybe she would
sleep the whole time Richard was here. Then, she
would work with her to get her to take her medicine
again.
She had been so busy, and so interested in
spending time with Richard that she had neglected<
br />
to make sure her mother took her medicine. She
had been really good about taking it lately, but still
had to be reminded some times. Christine hadn’t
paid any attention in a long time to whether her
mother had taken her medicine or not. She was
way too interested in her dating and making a good
impression on Richard. Maybe it was best if she
didn’t date, and just took care of her mother. She
could feel herself slipping back into that codependent relationship again. She hated it. But,
someone had to look out for her mother. She was
the only one available. They had no one else. Christine was trying to calm her mother and
get her into the bedroom for a nap as well as
coaxing her to take her medicine. The phone rang.
She ran to get it, and her mother came back out of
the bedroom. The doorbell rang. It must be
Richard! Ms. Mabry was on the phone. She put
her on hold to get the door. All the time she was
trying to talk her mother into waiting on her in the
bedroom while she got her medicine.
“Hi!” Richard said, giving Christine a quick
peck on the lips. He seemed unaware of her
frustration.
“Richard,” she said, breathlessly. “Come in.
Mother is a little upset. I am trying to get her
settled for a nap. Ms. Mabry is on the phone.
Could you pick it up and tell her I’ll call back. I’ll
just see to mother.” She rushed off to coax her mother back into her room. Richard stood and surveyed the scene for a moment, then went to get the phone. Christine finally got her mother to go into her room, and even got her to swallow her pills. She was trying to get her settled into bed
when Ms. Mabry walked into the room.
“Honey, you let me take care of this. Go on
with the plans you and Richard made. You’re
going to a play, I think he said.” Ms. Mabry bustled
around, tucking her mother in and clucking to her
like a mother hen. Christine’s mother loved that
kind of attention. She immediately settled down
and began to dose off. It was obvious she had not
slept well the night before. In fact, when Christine
thought about it, she remembered hearing her
mother up in the kitchen for the past couple of
nights. She hadn’t thought anything of it, assuming
she was getting a snack. Now, she realized her
mother had been in that sleepless phase of her
illness. That often happened when she first got off
her medicine for a period of time.