The Paper Detective

by E. Joan Sims

  “Wow! Horatio, who was it?” I marveled.

  “Unfortunately, we cannot answer that question as of yet because the call was placed from a public telephone. But we do know the location. It was in a shopping mall on the interstate exit outside of Morgantown.”

  “The Beaver Dam Outlet Mall. I know where that is. And it’s not far from Fort Morgan. That call must have had something to do with my little visit to Ta’Ronda.”

  “Precisely what I was thinking, my dear,” he winked.

  “But why, Horatio? How could anything my daughter have done cause someone such distress. I’ll be the first one to admit that she can be trying at times, but to threaten her life?”

  Horatio and I grinned at each other in spite of the circumstances.

  “I don’t believe it was Paisley who caused the distress, my dear.”

  “Then who?” she demanded.

  “Leonard!” Horatio and I answered together.

  “Why, of course, Horatio!” I exclaimed. “At the time I didn’t realize it, but it was Leonard’s name that wigged Ta’Ronda out! Somehow my paper detective, Leonard Paisley, has created real live enemies.”

  “Precisely, my dear,” agreed Horatio. “Somewhere down the line, Leonard has stepped on some very tender toes.”

  “It can’t have been too long ago, Paisley,” offered Mother. “Or they would have come after you before now.”

  “You’ve made two very good points, Anna,” observed Horatio.

  “Why two?” I asked.

  “Paisley, you’ve been writing Leonard’s books for almost two years. The first two did not engender this sort of interest. The last one, the one Anna gave me when I was ill—Virtual Violence—is our catalyst.”

  “Okay for point number one. What’s point number two?” I insisted.

  “They came after you, Paisley, instead of Leonard. Today a new ingredient was added to le bonne soupe.”

  “Me? You mean when I put my own self in harm’s way?”

  “Isn’t that what you do best, my little unpredictable one?” he smiled knowingly.

  Horatio insisted on spending the night, or what was left of it. We talked between yawns until almost three in the morning. Twice he received phone calls that he preferred to take in the hall and out of our hearing. Mother never once mentioned how tasteless it was to place a telephone call after nine in the evening. She sat without speaking until Horatio returned and looked at him expectantly as if he were going to announce that all was well and we could go to bed. After the last call, when he said no such thing, she began to realize we were in for the long haul and should make the best of things. She said as much and then began to make plans.

  “Horatio, you might as well take the summer suite. It’s been closed since August, but it won’t take much to air it out and warm it up. You’ll have plenty of room there with the two bedrooms and sitting room in between. I’ll have the separate telephone line activated tomorrow and you can have complete privacy for your, ah, business. I’ll fill the bar fridge with your favorite beer and…”

  “Whoa, Mother, what in the hell are you planning for, a siege? I hardly think this is that serious. It’s not, is it Horatio?”

  “Hard to tell yet, my dear. Could be, and again, maybe not. Better to be safe than sorry.”

  “Well, that’s a cryptic answer,” I complained crossly.

  I was getting really sleepy. I never was able to stay up very late, and it was way past my bedtime.

  “I have to go to bed. Please excuse me, but I have some things to do in town tomorrow and I have to get some…”

  “Ahmmm,” interrupted Horatio. “Please don’t plan on going anywhere alone until this thing is resolved, Paisley.”

  “WHAT? Don’t what?”

  “Horatio is quite correct, dear. We must take precautions.”

  “I don’t believe this! I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself, I’ll have you both know!

  “Yes,” responded Horatio with a dry laugh. “We’ve seen the results tonight.”

  “Hummpf,” I grunted childishly. “Come, Agatha, let’s go to bed.”

  I don’t know which one of us looked sillier. Me grumping off to bed like a spoiled child, or the dog grinning like a fool with the knowledge that she had been invited back up on the bed with my down pillow.

  Chapter Nineteen

  I tried to sneak out of the house before breakfast the next morning, but snow had drifted against the screen door in the back, and the library door was iced shut. The fruitless banging and cursing alerted Mother to my plans.

  “Remember what Horatio said about going out alone, dear. I’ll get dressed in a moment and come with you.”

  “Oh, great,” I snorted. “My mother, the bodyguard. And what are you going to do if I’m accosted? Get out your hair spray? Or maybe beat the buggers to death with the September issue of Vogue?”

  “No need to be cheeky,” she sniffed, and turned to go back to her room.

  I felt instantly contrite and stopped laughing. “I’m sorry, Mother. I’m an unfeeling cad. I know this must be upsetting for you. But you know me, the court jester. I have to make fun of everything.”

  Slender shoulders shook underneath her white satin dressing gown as she cried silently.

  “Oh, Mommy, I’m sorry!” I begged. “Please forgive me?”

  I held her in my arms. Mother was always so vivacious, so on the move. It wasn’t until moments like this when she was still and standing close to me that I realized how slender and small she really was. But fragile she wasn’t, and I told her so.

  “You’ll be fine,” I promised. “And so will I. Horatio and his old fogey brigade will see to that. And our vicious little watch­dog will destroy all intruders.”

  She laughed and wiped away the tears with one of the little lace-trimmed hankies she always has tucked into whatever she happens to be wearing.

  “I know, dear. You must forgive me. It’s been a long time since I’ve had to worry about anything. I’ve just lost the hang of it.”

  I smiled and hugged her tightly. “That speaks well for our life, doesn’t it?”

  “Yes, darling. We’ve been very blessed,” she agreed.

  “I’ll start the coffee and scramble some eggs. You get dressed and we’ll go to town together. You can help me pick out some girlie makeup.”

  “Oh!” she exclaimed clapping her hands. “Why didn’t you say so? How absolutely delightful. And maybe Gennie can even up your hair a bit.”

  “Don’t push it!” I warned.

  She smiled brightly, full of anticipation and hope for my improvement, and hurried off to get dressed.

  “Old fogey brigade, is it?” spoke Horatio from the shadows in the hallway.

  I jumped half a foot straight up.

  “Oh, my God! Horatio! You scared me half to death!”

  “Quite! And I’m just an old…”

  “Oh, for Pete’s sake! Not you, too. Just accept my apology and get the eggs out of the refrigerator.”

  “That’s how it could happen, my dear. You must become more aware of your surroundings. The very air in any given space holds clues to…”

  “Horatio, I’m starving. Can we at least wait until I’ve had my first cup of Earl Grey before we have our little class in Cloak-and-Dagger 101?”

  He smiled and tightened the belt on his burgundy velvet smoking jacket.

  “I’ll fetch the eggs.”

  We had a very nice breakfast. Mother was in high spirits anticipating my makeover, and Horatio announced that he had done a bit of ruminating after we had gone to bed.

  “Yes, I think I’ve settled on quite a few things we need to do. Anna, my pet, do you mind if I arrange some minor security measures?”

  “Why, of course not. On the contrary, anything you can think of to protect Paisley will make me more than happy.”

  “Very well, then. That’s settled. You two go on to town and have fun. I don’t think we need worry too much about anything during the dayli
ght hours. Just keep an eye open, Paisley. Remember, be aware of your…”

  “Yeah, yeah, I know—the very air around me.”

  Rowan Springs wasn’t exactly a shopping mecca. Aside from a very nice antiques mall, a craft shop full of wonderful handmade furniture, and a spiffy sporting goods store, there wasn’t much to choose from. The “five and dime” had closed long ago, and the only cosmetics the feed store had were tins of Bag Balm. That was great stuff for winter hands, but I needed something more. I turned my nose up at the offerings in the big discount store on the edge of town. As I told Mother, it’s not worth doing if you can’t do it right. And as far as I was concerned, doing it right meant spending way too much money on something totally overpriced in lovely little containers with charmingly decorated boxes. For that, we had to drive to Wieuca City, which was almost fifty miles away.

  “I’m not sure Horatio would approve of our traveling so far out of town, Paisley.”

  “Relax, Mother. What Horatio doesn’t know won’t hurt him. Besides, nobody is stupid enough to attack us in Lord & Taylor’s.”

  “I have to admit, I am having fun. It’s been a while since we went shopping together. Maybe we can even have lunch at that delightful…”

  The truck hit us hard from behind, then sped up and went barreling past as we slid helplessly into a wild and uncontrolled spin down the center of the highway. We careened off the guardrail on the left and went sliding across the road to the one on the right as I tried desperately to control the skid. The car finally came to a shuddering halt on the shoulder after scraping the paint off the passenger side of the Lincoln.

  The engine had cut itself off and the ensuing silence actually hurt my ears. I tasted blood in my mouth and glanced up in the rearview mirror. I had bitten into the tip of my tongue, but I was grateful to see Mother was sitting ashen-faced but unhurt next to me.

  “My goodness,” she gasped. “What an interesting experience.”

  “You do have a talent for understatement, Mother.”

  “That truck…”

  “Did you get a good look at it? I was too busy trying to stop the car.”

  “It was olive green, that’s all I remember.”

  “My God, they had the cojones to come after us in a military truck!”

  “I don’t know what that means, but it sounded quite nasty, Paisley. You should be saying a little prayer of thanks instead of fouling your mouth…”

  “Say one for me. I’ve got to get us out of here before they come back to finish the job.”

  “Finish? You really believe they meant to…?”

  “I think so. Otherwise they wouldn’t have dared use a truck that is so easily identifiable. Without witnesses…”

  “Someone’s coming, dear,” she said urgently. “Is that the truck?”

  “Yes! Quick, Mother,” I shouted. “Open the door and run as fast as you can.”

  “I can’t! The door is jammed against the guardrail! Get out, Paisley,” she screamed. “Please, jump. Never mind me!”

  I grabbed her tightly and held her face against my chest as the big green truck came speeding down the highway. The driver crossed the median and headed straight for us. I could hear the mumbled words of Mother’s prayers and feel her warm breath against my collarbone. The thunderous blast of an air horn drowned out her voice as a big eighteen wheeler came rushing up from behind us. At the very last minute the army truck veered away, and the huge eighteen wheeler loaded with cattle went by close enough to rock the Continental from side to side.

  I dropped my head against Mother’s and said a prayer of my own. My arms were trembling so much I had a difficult time turning the key in the ignition. But I knew we had to get far away as quickly as possible.

  “Do you think they’ll come back again, dear?”

  “I’m not waiting around to find out. Let’s vamoose!”

  The car miraculously started on the first try. We pulled away from the guardrail with the sound of scraping and tearing metal, but neither of us gave it a second thought.

  “Mother, you know this area like the back of your hand. Can’t we get off the main highway and take some little cow path back home?”

  She closed her eyes tightly and tried to remember.

  “Yes!” she answered after a few moments. “Your grandfather Howard used to go fishing around here somewhere. Don’t wait until the next exit. Make a U-turn and go back the other way. The original road runs parallel to this highway for about a half a mile. If the bank is not too steep we can drive down to it. Then we can go east and double back to Rowan Springs.”

  “Terrific! If we manage to do it before the truck comes back, he’ll think we’re still going north. He’ll go all the way to Wieuca City before he realizes we’re not in front of him. Way to go, Mommy!”

  I increased our speed and watched for the silhouette of the truck in the distance. Mother sat in the edge of her seat looking for signs of the old highway below and to the right of us.

  “There! Up there,” she shouted. “Do you see it?”

  I slowed down and looked over the snowdrifts and taller dry grass on the shoulder. The embankment was too steep. Her car was so low—I was afraid it would never make it down without flipping over, and I told her so.

  “Never mind the flipping car!”

  “Mother! Language, please!”

  I laughed even though it sounded hollow.

  “And never mind your silly jokes! This is serious business, dear. My car can be replaced—you and I cannot. If you slow down, I think you’ll see a place up a little farther where you can get off safely.”

  And she was right. I headed the big car down the steep embankment as fast as I dared. The snow and mud underneath the wheels finished the job for me. I tried to brake but it was impossible. We went skidding and bumping down the hill at an alarming rate. Before Mother could say another prayer we bounced out onto the old road and came to a sudden stop as we knocked over a mailbox on the shoulder.

  “Wow!”

  “My sentiments exactly, dear.”

  I turned around and looked at out tracks. The gouges in the hillside were raw and deep, exposing the red earth below. Anyone who bothered to look would know immediately where we had gone. I hoped Mother was right—that the murderous little turd driving the army truck would assume we were still headed north and keep going in that direction.

  I started the faithful car again. We drove parallel to the highway for five hundred yards or so and then turned left into an old tunnel that doubled back under the highway. The road was rough and full of potholes, but it was our road to salvation. I followed Mother’s directions past the farm where my grandfather used to fish for crappie and then on a few miles farther until we reached the outskirts of town.

  “Don’t you think we should go see Andy Joiner and report this?”

  “Let’s wait. We need to talk to Horatio first. We can always call Andy later.”

  “Very well. But do stop at the Quickie Mart, dear. We need some milk.”

  “You’re some piece of work, Mother. I love the way you keep your priorities straight.”

  Chapter Twenty

  Horatio was in the library when he saw us drive up. He opened the French doors and came out to greet us. The blood left his face when he got a good look at Mother’s car. I must admit, I felt like an old friend had died when I climbed out and saw the havoc our little adventure had wrought. Mother’s beautiful Lincoln Continental, her pride and joy, was a wreck. She couldn’t have cared less.

  “You should have seen us, Horatio!” she laughed excitedly. “We outsmarted the devils. They tried to kill us but we escaped using our wits and Paisley’s driving skills. It was thrilling. You should…oh, I don’t feel very well.”

  “Mother? Are you all right?” I asked in alarm.

  Horatio got to her side before I did. He was the lucky one she threw up on. I will hate myself forever, but I couldn’t help it. I lay across the damaged hood and laughed until tears came to my eye
s at the sight of my elegant Mother barfing on Horatio’s patent leather toes.

  “Paisley,” he shouted gruffly. “Stop that! Help me get your Mother inside. You’re both suffering from shock.”

  I hiccoughed and stumbled my way over to Mother and helped Horatio walk her into the library. We got her down on one sofa and he insisted I lie down on the other. Horatio started the fire and covered us both with blankets. I didn’t realize until that moment how cold and shaky I was.

  I closed my eyes for a moment and went spinning off into a tunnel of darkness. When I opened them again, Horatio was at my elbow.

  “Drink this soup, Paisley, love. You’ll feel much better.”

  “Mother?” I asked, as I tried to raise up on one elbow.

  “She’s fine. She had some soup and a little brandy. When she wakes up again she’ll be fit as a fiddle. It’s you I’m worried about.”

  “Me? I’m fine. Don’t worry about…”

  “Someone wants to shut you up, Paisley. And they’re not afraid to commit murder.”

  “Maybe they were just trying to warn me. You know, like the phone call.”

  He shook his white head vigorously. “One bump from behind with a twenty ton truck is a warning. When it turns around and comes back to smash you head-on at sixty miles an hour—that’s attempted murder.”

  “Oh,” I responded in a very small voice. “Oh.”

  “Oh, indeed.”

  Horatio made me finish my soup. When I was done, he handed me a cup of hot tea laced with brandy. While I drank, he told me what he had been up to.

  “I drove your mother’s car down the lane and back over in the field where I parked it under some cedar trees. If it weren’t so big and white, the overhanging boughs would have been enough cover, but I had to cut off a few extra limbs to drape over the top just to make sure it couldn’t be seen from the air.”

  “From the air?” I asked in astonishment.

  “Paisley, until we know exactly what we’re up against, we must take every precaution,” he explained. “With the car hidden, there’s a good chance they may think you’ve gone to ground somewhere else. But we can’t take any chances. We’ll have to close the shutters and draperies tonight. We must keep the lighting to a bare minimum if we don’t want any unwelcome visitors.”