The Shifter's Secret

by R. A. Boyd

  Jace sighed, wanting to grab her hand but respecting her wishes. No touching. “Emma. You were always it for me. I never stopped loving you. It was never about whether or not we had kids. I mean, that’s what made me think I was doing what was best for you. For me. Doing what was best for me. I was selfish. I didn’t want us to adopt or use a donor but never have Jax and Damon find their third. And I’ll tell you why. You and our children would grow old and watch me stay the same. I didn’t want you to hate me, and I was… I was scared you would. The thought of you finding someone else to grow old with was far better than having you resent me because I couldn’t age. And I didn’t want to watch you fucking die. But I always knew you were it for me.”

  He knew she was the one the moment she dropped her ice cream cone on his shoe eight years ago. She was everything to him in that moment. She still was.

  His fingers itched to reach over and touch her smooth, mocha-colored skin. God, she was the most beautiful thing he’d seen this side of Heaven.

  “I’ve fucked other women over the centuries—”

  “Obviously. But I really didn’t need to know that,” she interrupted.

  “But you do. You want honesty? I’m giving you everything. Right now. No exclusions,” he said, pinning her with his gaze. “Before you, I fell in love three times. And even though I loved them, I knew none of them were the one. It was different with you, and that’s what scared me more than anything. I loved them, but it always ended the same. They started to secretly despise me as they grew older and I stayed the same. They loved me just as I loved them, but they knew they would die and I would go on. I was prepared when two of them passed away, but the last did something to me. I lived away from my family for a while, and that’s when I met her. Wren and I were together for over twenty years. She was fierce and funny and loved life. But a small part of her couldn’t take it.”

  Wren had stopped looking in the mirror when he was around. Even though she knew he was faithful, she would cut her eye and blame him when he caught the eye of other women. It sometimes seemed as if she hated him just as much as she loved him.

  Watching Emma, he shrugged and searched her eyes, trying to read her emotions. She was a mystery to him now. She was guarded. Not only wary of what he had to say but how she responded to his presence.

  “So,” he continued, glancing over her shoulder at the water of the Inner Harbor. The sun reflected off its surface. The bobbing buoys were the only indication that the water moved at all. “It was 1693. I went to go visit my brother Ambrose, and when I came back…” He should have been there for Wren. Should have known what the people had planned. “They burned her at the stake as a witch when I left.”

  Emma gasped, one hand flying to clutch the collar of her shirt and the other reaching for his hand. “Oh, Jace. I’m sorry.”

  “We should have left Andover long before it happened. She was tried and punished in less than ten hours. Because of me. The town’s people said I was a demon. I didn’t age. I was strong. Too many of the wrong people saw my eyes glow when I was angry. She was accused of consorting with a demon who lived forever, and that it was because of me she was an unruly, unholy woman who was unafraid of the counsel in town. It was,” he said with a laugh. “She knew I would kill anyone who stood against her. And they waited until I was gone to do it. The only reason I didn’t burn that place to the ground is Ambrose. He’s my brother, but he doesn’t live in New Rose. Not anymore. Ambrose helped me stay level. Helped me to focus. I hunted down and killed every single person involved in Wren’s murder.”

  And when she died, Jace promised himself he wouldn’t love another woman until Jax and Damon found their mate and healed them all.

  But Emma came before they found Cass.

  He couldn’t keep her gaze any more. He dropped his eyes to his hand that Emma held in hers, stroking the back to soothe him. Didn’t she know? Her presence right now did more to calm him than anything in the world.

  “I was a coward,” he whispered. That’s not what he meant to say out loud. It was the truth, but he still intended to keep that in his head. “I didn’t want to face you dying or hating me. So I hurt you to make you run. I said those things to make you fall out of love with me so that I could just go on. Just exist. But I didn’t. I think of you every fucking day. And damn-it, I hate myself for what I did. It was wrong. Baby, I’m sorry. If I could change it I would, but I can’t, and I need you to forgive me. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but please just…” Jace ran his hand roughly through his hair and pulled until his head rested against the seat.

  If he could get down on his knees right now in his truck and beg for her forgiveness, he would. He’d been a fool. He could see that now. All he needed was one more chance and he would do better.

  He glanced at Emma. She dropped her tear-filled gaze as he pleaded with her. He hadn’t meant to make her cry; only understand why he had been afraid to hold on to her so tightly before. Hell, with everything going on with Ronin and the Rogue clan, Jace didn’t know how he would get along if he wasn’t there to keep her and her daughter safe.

  Reckless anger burned through is veins. He pulled his hand away from Emma’s comforting touch and gripped the steering wheel until the dark leather groaned beneath his strength, and his knuckles went white from the force of his hold.

  Ronin.

  “What the fuck am I doing here?” he growled out. He shouldn’t have come back. What if Ronin found out about Emma and her daughter? She didn’t need this brand of crazy in her life. Heart beating against his sternum so hard he had to put his hand to his chest to calm himself, he shook his head, watching as Emma’s beautiful eyes went round with worry. “Emma. I shouldn’t have come back. The Rogue pack that’s coming after me and my family are crazy, and my brother that’s possessed by an insane angel is their leader. He was fucking insane before he was possessed.”

  He was being selfish again. Why hadn’t he thought of this before he came to talk to Emma? If Ronin found out about her, she would be in danger. Her daughter would be in danger.

  “Jace,” Emma said, crawling up on her knees in the passenger side chair. “Calm down.”

  Kicking off her shoes and hiking up her skirt, she climbed over the center console of the truck until she straddled his hips. If his windows weren’t so dark, any passerby would think they were making out.

  She grabbed him by his cheeks, forcing him to look at her. “Jace. Calm down. Are you having a mantrum right now?” Her tone was serious, but the curve of her lips was teasing. “Wait,” she said, wiggling her hips until she was settled and comfortable in his lap.

  Damn-it, he was having a mantrum, but if she didn’t stop moving her beautiful, curvaceous body over his dick like this… too late. He was hard.

  The light scent of her shampoo or whatever the hell smelled like coconuts and maple syrup surrounded him. Her gentle touch sent shivers down his spine, causing a cooling calm and a burning fire to boil low in his belly.

  “Jace,” she said, still holding on to his face. “You just had a panic attack. Why are you hard?”

  He looked down at her body over his, her raised skirt showing off her pink lacy panties. “Do you have to ask?”

  “You were freaking out like two seconds ago.”

  With a faux pissed off tilt of her lips, she shoved his head back against the chair and tried to climb back into the passenger seat. He grabbed her waist and pulled her back down onto his lap, lifting and repositioning his hips so that her knees would have more space. He wanted her comfortable so she wouldn’t feel the need to move.

  “You know why I’m hard, woman. You positioned yourself over my dick. And your tits are rubbing against my chest. There is no way in hell you could have imagined any other outcome.”

  “I was trying to make sure you didn’t hyperventilate and pass the hell out.”

  He reached up and ran his hands over her soft hair, grasping her silky tresses behind her ears. Her eyes rolled closed as he tightened his grip. She
always loved it when he pulled her hair, especially when they made love.

  “Jace.” Her voice trembled as she whispered his name.

  The fragrance of her arousal called to him. Pulling her hair tighter between his fingers, her body went rigid as she fought to regain the control that slowly slipped away from her. She was like this in the beginning, passion and inhibitions coiled tightly just waiting for him to unravel it. He was pushing this too fast.

  He loosened his grip and swallowed thickly. “Yes.” His voice was quiet as he watched her move.

  She opened her eyes and rested her hands on his chest. Swallowing a few times, she laughed nervously and then cleared her throat. “My dad told me what was happening. Well, not about your brother. He did tell me people were trying to kill you and why. I’m not afraid of them. But I can tell you one thing. I am afraid of you hurting me again. My heart wouldn’t heal if you tried to break me again.”

  “I never wanted to do that. I just—”

  “Jace. I get why you did it. It was stupid, but I get it. But I need to know something. During your freak-out just now, you said you shouldn’t have come back. That scares me. You’re a runner. Things go wrong, and you start running.”

  He never thought of it that way. No one had ever affected him like Emma. No one had ever caused panic and love and a ferocious protectiveness he felt over her. Maybe it was too much. To him, protecting Emma meant pushing her away. That had to change.

  Taking a deep breath, he leaned forward and rested his forehead on hers. “You’re right. I never meant to.”

  “I know. But you need to understand something. I can’t be with a runner. You let me know right now if you can handle this because if you can’t I will walk away for good. Don’t try to keep me safe by shoving me out.”

  That sounded like she was giving him another chance. God, he hoped so.

  “Never again,” he said, smiling as her long eyelashes fluttered against his cheeks.

  He missed her like this. Missed her body being close to him, talking to him like he was her best friend and wasn’t ashamed or afraid to tell him exactly what she was thinking. It was one of the things he loved about her. She was honest. Feelings be damned, if she had something to say she let it go.

  Through most of his life, he’d kept things from people. Sharing with his brethren was one thing, but letting others in on his secrets wasn’t something he did easily. But Emma was his mate. There would never be another secret between them.

  “Now, I’ve got to tell you something. I don’t want you to judge me,” Emma muttered, sitting up to pull away from him. “Within four months of leaving New Rose, I was married and pregnant. It wasn’t supposed to happen that way, but I think I was messed up over everything that happened between us. A friend of mine set me up on one of those websites where you find your life partner.” She snorted a laugh and shook her head, sitting back farther on his legs and resting her back against the wheel. “Richard and I met, dated a few times, and then I got pregnant. I didn’t mean to. He invited me to a wedding in Vegas. Sounds cliché but we were drunk, and he didn’t use a condom, and when we woke up the next morning we were married. What happens in Vegas does not stay there.”

  “Didn’t they make a movie out of that?” he joked, trying to move his mind away from being jealous.

  “Shut up,” she laughed. She poked his chest and then rubbed the spot to make up for her finger abuse. “I told him we should get the marriage annulled, but he didn’t want to. A few weeks later, we found out I was pregnant. His parents were upset they weren’t there to be part of the ceremony, but they were happy to be grandparents. My mom and dad were pissed, but still happy.” Her brown eyes crinkled at the corners as she smiled. “Everything was pretty good until it wasn’t. When I was eight months pregnant, I went into false labor. Richard was not prepared. After my midwife sent me back home, Richard told me he wasn’t ready to be a dad. That it was a mistake. That I was a great wife, but he wasn’t ready to be married either.”

  Son of a bitch. How the hell could a man get a woman pregnant and then bow out like it was just a regular day? Sounds like Richard doesn’t need kneecaps anymore. Or maybe he deserved a pizza for leaving Emma so Jace could be with her now. Nah. A nice thank-you note and no kneecaps.

  “Don’t,” Emma said, slapping his chest. “I can see it in your face. You’re angry. But you don’t need to be. I got a lawyer, got a divorce, and sole custody of my Lily. He was happy. His parents still visit and want to see our daughter, but it’s good. There are no hard feelings there. I told you that to let you know she’s mine. There are no weekends away or visits with her dad. There will be no breaks. She’s four and she’s all mine. Well, my dad steals her away sometimes, but I am a full-time mother. No breaks. So, it’s your turn to decide. Is that what you want? Because God help you if you break my daughter’s heart. And I’m sorry, but you don’t get to meet her right away.”

  There was no need to apologize. Jace could tell that Emma was protective of her daughter. He didn’t blame her one bit for wanting them to get to know each other again before she introduced him to her little girl.

  He nodded and rubbed his hands up and down her arms. “I get it. All of it. She’s part of you, and I accept her already. And I don’t need time to think. I want you. Every part of you. I fucked up before, but it’ll never happen again. You might get mad at me because I’m always around to make sure you two are safe. Even before I met you, you were on your own. I’ll give you your space, but you might have to tell me to go away sometimes. Even then, I’ll still be around. I’ll give you anything. All of me.”

  Just like the rest of his brethren, Jace was ancient and had been saving money since before banks were even a thing. Emma and Lily would never need anything.

  Emma drew in a deep breath and held it, cheeks puffed out as her gaze traveled everywhere but to him. “Deal. But,” she said, raising both hands and resting them on his chest. “Lily and I will stay here in Baltimore for a while. If it was just me, I might be crazy enough to move back to New Rose and see how this works out. But for now, I’m going to keep my distance. It’s a lot of bad stuff going on with you and your family, and I don’t want Lily involved in that. Do you understand?”

  She seemed embarrassed to say it. Her face scrunched up like she was ready for him to take her words negatively, but he understood. Before Emma was anything, she was a mother who put her child first. That’s just the kind of person she was. Loving, loyal, caring. Damn, he couldn’t wait until her belly was round with his cub.

  “You’re hard again.” Playful exasperation rang in her voice. “I’m going to hug you now. A real hug.”

  He breathed a sigh of relief when she leaned forward, closing the distance between them. She wrapped her arms around his neck and rested her cheek against his. For Jace, it felt like coming home. Pulling her soft curves to his hard body was better than a warm breeze from the wooded area that surrounded the Ghost shifter community. It cleared him, hollowed out all the trouble and filled him with rest and hope. She eased his soul.

  Closing his eyes, he held on tight as she melted against him.

  “It’s so good to hold you again, Emma,” he whispered softly into her ear.

  He buried his face in the bend of her neck, breathing in her scent. This, this was love in tangible form. Love wasn’t always an emotion that sang to your heart or filled the pit of your stomach with flutters. It was a touch that quieted all the noise in the world. All the noise in your head. It was a single word that let you know everything was okay.

  Gripping the back of her hair, he pulled her closer and let go of a breath that he’d been holding on to since the day she left New Rose five years ago. Even if she wasn’t in his house, in their town, she was home in his arms. And in his heart. By the way she was slowly letting him in, he could tell she felt the same.

  She sniffed, and when she inhaled her body shivered. “I’ve missed you so much. God, I haven’t been hugged like this in ages.” He could f
eel her heart thud against his chest as she settled into him.

  “Emma,” he said, still holding on so she wouldn’t float away. This had to be a dream. “I’ve loved you since the beginning of time. The promise of you has never been far from me. Even when I behaved like an idiot, my heart has always been yours.” He brushed his fingertips up her spine, following the trembles in her body, starting them up again when they faded away. “Your love is better than the flights I took when I still had wings. Deep down before I shifted into a saber-tooth all those millennia ago, I wanted a choice. The choice to be free of the directives all angels take, and free to choose the one who would be mine. It was all for you. To find you.”

  He’d never said those words aloud, not even when he was alone.

  A sob escaped her lips, followed by a giddy laugh the relieved him. He thought he’d done something to hurt her.

  “When I was pregnant, I would imagine it was you with me. At the doctor’s office, in the lab taking that horrible glucose test,” she said, voice light and breathy as if she’d just run a marathon. “And when I was all alone during the labor, waiting for my parents to get there –oh, how I wished it was you. It’s always been you. Even when I told myself I hated you and wanted to stab you in the thigh, I still loved you.”

  Stab him in the thigh? Yep. Emma would fit it just right with the Ghost shifter women.

  Just to feel closer, he slid his hands beneath the soft fabric of her shirt and ran his palms up and down the smooth, warm skin of her back. If they’d been anywhere else, he’d be separating the little clasps of her bra strap and trying to convince her to slide the warmth of her pussy over his hard length.

  As if she’d read his mind, she pulled back and pressed her lips against his and pushed her tongue past the seam of his lips. She rolled her hips against him and let out a low, helpless moan that made him desperate to be inside her. Fuck, he wanted to devour her sweet smelling cunt more than his next breath. Tasting her, watching her try to run from the orgasm he forced from her body had always been the way they started before he sunk his cock into her soft body. His cock was large and never wanted to hurt her, and he always made sure she was drenched and ready to receive him.