The Secret Ingredient

by Dianne Blacklock

  ‘Hi,’ said Andie. ‘I just tried to call you.’

  ‘Yeah, I saw, I had my phone on silent. I had to come outside to make the call – Mum gets mad if I use my phone inside the hospital.’

  ‘What are you doing at the hospital?’

  Dominic looked up.

  ‘You haven’t heard anything yet?’ said Brooke.

  ‘No,’ Andie said. This was starting to worry her.

  ‘That bitch,’ she muttered. ‘Sorry, Andie, but I thought it was weird you hadn’t turned up, that’s why I called you.’

  ‘Brooke, what are you talking about?’ she said urgently. ‘Why are you at the hospital?’

  ‘It’s Dad, Andie,’ she said. ‘He had a heart attack.’

  Andie couldn’t catch her breath, it was like all the air had suddenly been sucked out of the room. ‘Is he all right? Is he . . .?’

  ‘They’re just trying to stabilise him for now, but they think he’s going to need surgery.’

  ‘Oh my God, they have to do a bypass?’

  ‘No, they said something about implanting some kind of device to stop his heart from racing.’

  ‘A pacemaker?’

  ‘I don’t know what it’s called, we really haven’t been told much yet.’

  ‘Where are you, Brooke? Which hospital?’

  ‘St Luke’s.’

  At least that was close. ‘Okay, I’ll get there as fast as I can.’

  ‘Great, see you soon.’

  Andie hung up the phone.

  ‘What’s going on?’ asked Dominic, coming around the bench to her.

  ‘It’s Ross, my ex,’ she said, her voice wavering. ‘He had a heart attack, but it doesn’t sound like a regular heart attack. I don’t really understand, his heart was racing or something,’ she said. ‘And apparently they’re going to have to implant some kind of device.’

  Dominic was nodding. ‘An uncle of mine had that. Arrhythmia, I think it’s called.’

  ‘Did he have the thing implanted?’ Andie asked.

  ‘Yes, he did, as a matter of fact.’

  ‘How did it go?’

  ‘Well, he’s dead now —’

  That was it, the banks burst and Andie started to sob uncontrollably.

  ‘Andie . . . Andie,’ Dominic held her by the shoulders and tried to get her attention above the sobs. ‘Andie, listen to me, you didn’t let me finish. He died years later, it was a long time ago now.’ He brought his arms around her and held her close, and she started to calm down.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘It’s just a shock.’

  ‘Of course it is,’ said Dominic. ‘So where is he? Which hospital?’

  ‘St Luke’s.’

  ‘Do you want me to take you there?’

  ‘No, you have to go to work . . . What am I saying? I have to go to work.’

  ‘Don’t worry about it.’

  She looked up at him. ‘You can’t give me special treatment, Dominic.’

  ‘Andie, this is a family emergency,’ he said. ‘I’m not giving you special treatment, I wouldn’t expect anyone to turn up at work under these circumstances.’

  ‘Okay,’ she relented. ‘Then I might just be a bit late, I’ll come as soon I find out what’s going on.’

  ‘Andie,’ he said, taking her hands in his. ‘Don’t worry about work. You’re upset, you need to get to the hospital and find out what’s happening. One thing at a time, okay?’

  ‘Okay.’

  ‘I can drop you off on the way.’

  She took a deep breath. ‘No, I better drive myself, then I’ll have my car, whatever I decide to do.’

  ‘Are you sure?’

  She nodded. ‘I’m sure.’

  ‘I can make those eggs up quickly, if you like?’

  ‘No, thanks, I don’t think I could eat now anyway.’

  ‘All right, well, finish your juice at least,’ he said, passing her the glass. ‘It’ll bring up your blood sugar.’

  Andie gave him a grateful smile, and drank the rest of the juice. She glanced down at herself. ‘Oh God, I can’t go looking like this to the hospital. I must have left my cardigan upstairs. I better find it.’ She bolted up the stairs and looked frantically around the room, spotting it on the floor halfway under the bed, along with her hairclip. She grabbed them both and gave the cardigan a shake, pulled the flimsy top up over her head and slipped on the cardigan, buttoning it all the way as she stood in front of the mirror. That would have to do. She twisted her hair and caught it up with the clip. When she hurried back down the stairs, Dominic was waiting at the front door.

  ‘Does this look all right?’ she said, pushing up the sleeves. She hoped she wouldn’t get too hot, but it would be air-conditioned at the hospital.

  ‘You look fine,’ he said, touching her cheek. ‘Maybe a little flushed. You need to slow down, take a breath.’

  She did as he suggested. ‘I’m sorry about this, Dominic.’

  ‘You don’t have to apologise.’

  ‘Still . . .’ She took a step closer. ‘I just want you to know I had a wonderful time last night.’

  He smiled down at her. ‘I did too,’ he said, kissing her gently on the lips. ‘Call me when you know what’s happening?’

  ‘I will.’

  ‘Drive safe.’

  Andie did her best to stay calm, but as the traffic snarled and knotted the closer she got to the hospital, she could feel her anxiety building. She finally parked several floors up in the parking station and made her way back out to the main entrance of the hospital. She hurried through the doors, and was immediately confronted by a barrage of signage that only served to confuse her. It was quicker to ask someone.

  She was directed up a couple of floors, left towards some wing, right when she got to the end of the corridor, and on it went. Why did hospitals always have such hopelessly complex layouts? Wasn’t there some kind of imperative to make it as easy as possible to find your way around, considering all the sick, anxious, stressed people who frequented the place?

  She had to ask again twice along the way, but she finally made it to the waiting room of the cardiac ward, spotting Brooke immediately, over by a window.

  ‘Andie!’ she called. Joanna and Matty turned in their seats, standing up when they caught sight of her. They all rushed at her at once, and Andie braced herself – do they hug, kiss, what? Brooke just barrelled straight at her, throwing her arms around her. Andie felt a little self-conscious; she hadn’t showered, she could still feel Dominic on her skin.

  ‘I’m so glad you’re here, Andie,’ said Brooke. ‘Maybe you can deal with Stalin McHitler-face in there.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Hi, Andie,’ said Joanna. ‘She’s referring to Tasha.’

  ‘Oh.’ Andie turned to Matty who was standing awkwardly to the side. ‘Hi mate, have you grown, like, another foot taller?’ she said.

  He smiled shyly and stooped to give her a quick, clumsy half a hug. ‘It’s good to see you, Andie.’

  ‘So what’s happening?’ she asked, looking to Joanna.

  ‘What we’ve been told, so far, is that Ross collapsed at the gym, and then apparently his heart went into arrhythmia, which is when it speeds up to a dangerous rate. They had to use those paddles on him, and put him on a ventilator to get him to the hospital.’

  Andie brought her hand to her mouth.

  ‘He’s on a heart monitor and oxygen still, we think. They were trying to stabilise him, I’m not even sure if he’s conscious.’

  ‘How long has he been here?’

  ‘A couple of hours now,’ said Joanna, glancing at her watch.

  ‘And they can’t tell you any more than that?’

  ‘I told you,’ said Brooke, ‘Trasha won’t let us anywhere near him.’

  ‘How does she have the right to do that?’ said Andie.

  ‘He’s in the high-dependency unit,’ Joanna explained. ‘They’re only letting in one visitor at a time, and she’s refusing to leave his side.’

>   ‘And the doctor won’t tell you anything else?’

  ‘She’s controlling the whole show,’ said Brooke. ‘We got bits of information from the nurses coming in and out. You have to do something, Andie.’

  Andie blinked. ‘What do you expect me to do?’ Shouldn’t Joanna be the one in charge? She was the first wife, and the mother of his children. Besides, she had a far more credible aura about her – Andie had never been good in these kinds of situations, she crumpled before authority.

  ‘We’ve just been wondering what her legal standing is,’ said Joanna. ‘She has moved in with Ross, but it’s only been a month or two, so that doesn’t really give her de facto status. Someone might have to sign consent if they have to operate. I don’t know if there’s a grey area after a divorce, where you still have some rights.’

  ‘We’re not divorced,’ said Andie.

  ‘You’re not?’ everyone seemed to say at once.

  ‘But you said it was with the lawyers last time we spoke?’ said Joanna.

  ‘The property settlement was,’ Andie explained, ‘but we have to wait twelve months from the date of separation before we can file for divorce.’

  ‘Oh my God,’ said Joanna, ‘you’re right. Andie, you’re still his current wife, you have all the legal rights – and responsibilities – of next of kin.’

  ‘Excellent!’ Brooke exclaimed, hooking her arm through Andie’s. ‘Let’s go put out the trash.’

  ‘Brooke,’ Andie and Joanna chided at the same time.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Tasha is probably in shock,’ said Joanna. ‘She was there when it happened. So let’s show a bit of empathy?’

  They approached the nurses’ station and a woman looked up. ‘Can I help you?’

  ‘Hello,’ said Andie. ‘My . . . husband has been admitted. Apparently he’s in the high-dependency unit?’

  She turned to the computer screen. ‘Name?’

  ‘Ross Corcoran.’

  The woman looked up again. ‘You’re his wife?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Someone came in with him . . .’ she said tentatively.

  ‘That would be his girlfriend,’ said Andie. ‘It’s okay, we’re separated, but I am still his legal wife, and these are his children, and they’d really like to see their dad.’

  ‘Of course, Mrs Corcoran,’ she said. ‘I’m afraid I do have to ask, do you have some kind of proof, ID?’

  Andie frowned. ‘I don’t carry around my marriage certificate.’

  She smiled. ‘A driver’s licence will do. Is it in your married name?’

  It was. Andie had gone to the RTA to change her address, and thought she might as well revert back to her own name at the same time, but they were not so amenable to the idea. She was told she would need three forms of identification, but as all of her ID was in her married name, except for her birth certificate, she didn’t know how that would even be possible. So she put it in the too-hard basket and decided to wait until after the divorce.

  She handed her licence to the nurse, who nodded. ‘That’s fine, Mrs Corcoran.’

  It didn’t mean she necessarily wanted to go by that name. ‘Please, it’s Andie.’

  The nurse looked up at her. ‘You’re Andie?’

  ‘Yes.’

  She glanced back at the driver’s licence.

  ‘It’s short for Andrea,’ Andie explained.

  ‘He was asking for you when they brought him in,’ said the nurse.

  ‘He was?’

  ‘He was still quite out of it, we couldn’t get much sense out of him, we thought it was his son, or a brother maybe . . .’

  Brooke squeezed her arm.

  ‘After you’ve been in to see him, there are some forms that need filling out, basic information, medical history, that kind of thing, and we need to know his health fund. His, ah . . . companion didn’t seem to have much information.’ She came around the desk. ‘Follow me,’ she said, glancing at her entourage. Andie wasn’t going to explain who Joanna was right now, things were complicated enough.

  ‘You know he can only have one visitor at a time,’ the nurse told her.

  ‘What about his . . . companion?’ said Andie.

  ‘Don’t worry, you outrank her.’

  They followed her down the corridor to a set of double doors. She turned to face them. ‘You have to turn off all mobile phones and electronic equipment before entering,’ she said.

  ‘That’s off, not silent, you two,’ Joanna warned Brooke and Matty, as they all scrambled in bags and pockets for their phones.

  The nurse had to swipe a card for the doors to open. Inside resembled a command-control centre. There was a long desk directly in front of them which housed, along with assorted computers and phones, an angled panel with rows of buttons and lights, some of them flashing. Staff in scrubs and masks strode around purposefully, in and out of the glass-walled cubicles which ran the length of the opposite wall; they were so full of high-tech equipment you could barely make out the hospital bed within. The place had a distinctly sci-fi atmosphere, which made it somewhat intimidating.

  ‘I’ll just go ahead and sort this out,’ the nurse said to Andie. ‘You all need to stay back here, behind the desk. You can’t wander around in this area.’

  She walked across the main floor, stopping briefly to talk to another nurse, before entering one of the cubicles through an automatic sliding door. It wasn’t long before a young woman came marching out of the same doors; her dark hair was tied back in a ponytail and she was wearing leggings, trainers and a very tight, hot pink singlet with the slogan ‘Life’s a Game, Play It!’ emblazoned across the chest. Andie sighed inwardly. The top left nothing to the imagination, and she wasn’t wearing a bra. Andie would recognise those breasts anywhere.

  Tasha came to an abrupt halt in front of them. Andie was shocked to see how young she was close up.

  ‘Joanna,’ she nodded. ‘Brooke, Matthew.’

  Then her gaze landed on Andie, and her contempt was palpable.

  ‘I’m Andie,’ she piped up, she wasn’t going to be fazed. ‘Thanks, the kids really want to see their father.’

  Tasha shrugged. ‘I need to get home to shower and change anyway,’ she said tartly. ‘I’ll be back as soon as I can.’

  ‘Um, one thing, Tasha,’ Andie stopped her.

  She raised an eyebrow.

  ‘Could you have a look for Ross’s health fund papers? Bring them with you when you come back?’

  ‘I have no idea where he keeps that kind of thing,’ she sniffed.

  ‘The desk in the living room, over in the corner?’ Andie prompted her. ‘Is it still there?’

  ‘I guess.’

  ‘It has file drawers, you could try checking there.’

  ‘I won’t have much time,’ she said.

  ‘It’s just that the hospital’s asking for them,’ Andie said, keeping her cool.

  ‘I’ll see what I can do.’ She turned on her heel and headed for the double doors, her trainers squeaking on the vinyl floor.

  ‘Piece. Of. Work,’ said Brooke.

  ‘Okay, which one of you wants to go in first?’ said Andie.

  The nurse had rejoined them. ‘I think you should go in first, Mrs Corcoran . . . Andie.’

  ‘Oh . . .’ she hesitated, glancing at Brooke and Matty.

  ‘I told Mr Corcoran you were on your way in,’ the nurse explained. ‘He was very relieved.’

  ‘It’s fine, Andie,’ said Brooke, ‘you should go.’

  ‘Well, I won’t stay long,’ she said. ‘Then you two can spend some time with him.’

  Andie followed the nurse across to the cubicle, but she stopped in front of the door. ‘You need to prepare yourself,’ she said. ‘There are a lot of tubes going in and out of his arms and his chest, providing oxygen and pain relief, and wires that are monitoring his heart and other vital signs. They all help to keep him stable, as well as the staff informed of exactly what is happening. He’s also very pale, unnaturally pa
le, but don’t be alarmed, it’s completely normal after a heart episode such as this.’

  But his heart ‘episode’ could hardly be described as normal.

  ‘Can he speak?’ asked Andie.

  ‘Oh, yes, oxygen is being administered via a nasal tube, his mouth and airways are not obstructed.’

  ‘So he is conscious?’

  ‘Yes, but extremely fatigued, as you can imagine. The main thing is not to overtax him, keep him calm.’

  She pressed a button on the wall and the door slid open. ‘I’m Sue, by the way. Sing out if you need anything. You can go in.’

  Andie stepped tentatively into the cubicle. The bed was surrounded by assorted machines on trolleys, beeping and pulsing and flashing – they were vaguely menacing. She looked past them to the bed, and the figure of Ross, pale and shrunken into the pillow. He looked like an old man. He stirred, opening his eyes.

  ‘Andie.’ He mouthed her name, his voice barely making it out of his throat.

  ‘I’m here,’ she said, coming closer. She took hold of his hand, and she felt him squeeze hers, though there was hardly any strength behind it. ‘What have you done to yourself?’ she chided gently.

  He gave her a wan smile.

  ‘How are you feeling?’

  ‘How do I look?’ he rasped.

  She smiled then.

  ‘Like shit, eh?’ he said.

  ‘I’ve seen you look better.’

  He fixed his eyes on her, they had lost their vividness, they looked washed out, she wanted to say lifeless . . . but then again, she really didn’t.

  ‘You’ve never looked so good to me,’ he managed to say.

  ‘So, Brooke and Matty are both outside waiting,’ said Andie, steering him away from wherever he was heading with that remark. ‘Do you think you’re up to seeing them?’

  ‘Don’t go,’ he said.

  ‘They won’t let you have more than one visitor, Ross.’

  ‘Don’t go, Andie,’ he repeated.

  ‘I won’t go yet.’

  ‘Don’t leave me.’

  ‘Ross . . .’

  He started to cry. Oh shit. She held his hand between both of hers and leaned closer. ‘It’s okay, Ross, I won’t go anywhere. But you have to stay calm. They’ll make me leave if they think I’m upsetting you.’

  There were tears streaming down his face. Andie reached over and grabbed a tissue from a box fixed on the wall above the bed. She gently dabbed his cheeks while he stared up at her.