A Family To Cherish

by Carole Gift Page

  “I’m sorry. I thought it might be Pam and Benny bringing Janee back. I should have known better. It hasn’t been a week yet.” She gestured toward the sofa. “Sit down. Can I get you some iced tea?”

  “No, thanks. I’m fine.” He sat down and stretched out his long legs. “You miss her, don’t you?”

  “More than I dreamed possible. I never thought I’d feel this way again about a child. I guess I would never let myself. I was too afraid of being hurt again.”

  Trent nodded, his gray-green eyes shadowed. “I know what you mean. I wish I could care for someone again the way I cared about Sheila. But right now I can’t even imagine it.”

  Barbara sat down beside Trent and touched his arm. “Don’t lock your heart to the possibilities. That’s what I did, Trent. After Caitlin died, I built a wall around myself. I wouldn’t let anyone in. Not Doug, not God, not even another child who needed love. But somehow, when I came to this cabin with Janee, God broke through and showed me I could open my heart to love again. He’ll show you, too, if you let Him.”

  “I’m not a praying man, Barb. I wouldn’t even know what to say.”

  “That’s the beauty of it, Trent. If you just open your heart to His love, He gives you the words. Try it sometime.”

  He grinned. “Sure, why not? If it works for you, who knows?”

  “It’s not just glib advice, Trent. I’ve spent this afternoon wrestling with God over my own hurt and anger. And He made me realize He really is there for me. The Bible says, ‘If God is for us, who can be against us?’”

  “A good motto to live by,” Trent agreed.

  “Wait, there’s another one. I’m a little rusty at this, but it went something like this. ‘If God gave His own Son for us, won’t He also freely give us everything we need?’”

  “That does have a certain poetic ring.”

  “All my life I’ve believed that God gave His Son to die for me, Trent, but I rarely think about all the other things He gives us. Maybe I’ve just never let the simple truth of His love penetrate my heart. I’ve gotten so used to thinking of God as someone who snatches good things away from us. Like Caitlin. Like Sheila. But that’s not the God the Bible speaks of. It says our God is a God who freely gives us all things.”

  Trent chuckled. “Keep it up, Barb, and I’ll get you your own pulpit.”

  She stifled a smile. “I was preaching, wasn’t I? And you know I’m not usually one to wear my faith on my sleeve.”

  “That’s okay. I can use all the good words I can get.”

  Barbara shook her head, marveling. “Usually my attitude is, Live and let live. But today was a real breakthrough for me. And I know you’re struggling with the same deep grief.”

  Trent raked his fingers through his hair. “I know there’s an answer out there for me, too, but it’s going to take me a while to find it.” He squeezed her shoulder. “You and Janee have been a real help. Just spending time with the two of you these past couple of weeks has helped me see there’s still a life out there for me—somewhere…with someone.”

  “You’ll find it,” Barbara assured him. “Or should I say, you’ll find her, whoever and wherever she is.”

  “Maybe.” Trent stood up and Barbara followed. “Listen, I almost forgot the reason I came over,” he said with a crinkly-eyed smile. “I was wondering if you wanted to run out and grab a bite to eat with me. Nothing fancy. A pizza maybe, or a couple of burgers.”

  “I’m sorry, I can’t, Trent. Doug will be driving up tonight. I was thinking of fixing him something special.”

  “Sure, I understand. You’re a great gal, Barb. I never should have let you get away.” He drew her gently into his arms. She resisted for a moment, then relented. After all, it was just a comforting embrace between friends. “Thanks for being here for me, Barb. You’ve been a godsend.”

  “Thanks, Trent.”

  He was still holding her when she heard the doorbell ring. Was it Janee this time? She looked over and saw Doug through the screen door. His expression was sullen and his eyes bored through the screen at the two of them.

  Trent released her, and she stepped back awkwardly. “Doug,” she exclaimed, “I didn’t expect you this soon.”

  He came inside, letting the screen door slam shut behind him. “That’s obvious. Maybe I should give you two a little more time. Or maybe I’ve given you too much time already.” He said it as if he were making a joke, but there was a bite in his tone.

  “Hey, ol’ man, I’m on my way out.” Trent gave Doug a good-natured tap on the shoulder. “Take good care of our girl here. She’s one in a million.”

  “You’re not telling me anything I don’t already know.” Doug walked Trent to the door and pushed it open. “You have a good night now, Trent.”

  “I intend to.” Trent looked back and waved, then walked off into the night whistling to himself.

  Doug locked the screen door. “That man irritates the life out of me.”

  Barbara went to her husband and kissed him lightly on the lips. “You almost sound jealous, darling.”

  He pulled her into his arms. “Not jealous. Just…I don’t know.”

  “Trent is part of my past. You know that. He’s just a friend. And after losing Sheila, he needs a friend.”

  “Does it have to be you?”

  “I didn’t plan it that way. We just somehow ended up neighbors again after all these years.”

  Doug nuzzled the top of her head. “Well, just make sure he doesn’t get too neighborly.”

  She laughed in spite of herself. “You are jealous, aren’t you? I can’t believe it—my husband jealous of an old boyfriend.”

  “Not jealous!”

  She looked at him. “Yes, you are. It’s as obvious as the scowl on your face.” With her fingertips she traced the line of his lips. He had a full, sensuous mouth she had always loved to kiss. And yet it had been months—no, years—since they had kissed with the passionate abandon of teenagers. Was that Doug’s fault? Or hers? “Darling,” she said, tenderly. “If I’d wanted Trent, I would have married him instead of you. It’s you I wanted. Only you.”

  He held her more tightly. He was obviously pleased with her declaration of love, but he would never admit it. “You’re in a good mood, Barbie. Did something happen?”

  “Only in my heart,” she murmured. She wanted to spill out every detail of her spiritual journey today—her prayers, the passages of Scripture that had touched her heart, the amazing sensation that God was holding her in His arms and comforting her. But she couldn’t find the words. There was no way to explain how God had finally broken through the stony wall of her heart and filled her with His love and peace. At last she could begin to trust Him with her life, her hopes and dreams. But the experience was too fresh, too fragile to confine with mere words.

  “Barbie, we’ve got to talk.” There was a disturbing edge to Doug’s voice. Something was wrong.

  She searched his eyes. “What is it? What happened? Is it the house? Not another earthquake. I haven’t had the television on, but surely I would have felt something here.”

  “Not an earthquake. Not the house.”

  “Then what?”

  “Sit down, hon.” He led her over to the sofa, and they sat down stiffly, facing each other. His hand moved to her shoulder. He massaged her neck, kneading the muscles with a nervous, repetitive gesture, as if he were concentrating hard on something else, far removed. “It’s Janee.”

  “Janee?” Barbara’s heart stopped. “Is she hurt?”

  “No, she’s fine. I didn’t mean to alarm you.”

  Barbara smiled with relief. “Doug, you scoundrel, you scared me. Now tell me. What about Janee?”

  Doug’s lips tightened. There was a weariness around his eyes she hadn’t noticed before. He inhaled sharply and said, “Pam and Benny won’t be bringing Janee home.”

  “Won’t bring her home? What are you talking about? They’ve got to bring her home!”

  “I’m afraid they do
n’t see it that way, Barb. I don’t know how to say this—”

  “Just tell me, Doug!”

  “Pam and Benny have petitioned the court. They want to adopt Janee.”

  Barbara scoffed, her throat letting out a little explosion of laughter. “Adopt Janee? Pam and Benny? You must be kidding!”

  Deep furrows marred Doug’s forehead and his dusky blue eyes glinted with rancor. “I wish I were, Barb. I’m sorry. It’s not a joke. Pam and Benny are dead serious.”

  “How do you know? Did they tell you so?”

  “I was served with papers today. From their lawyer. There’ll be a court hearing, Barb. A judge in San Francisco will decide who keeps Janee.”

  “But how can that be?” Barbara shook her head in bewilderment. “We have Janee. The will said so. We’re her guardians.”

  “Her legal guardians, yes, but we’ve made no petition for adoption. Now Pam and Benny have.”

  “But why? Why would they want her now?” Barbara cried.

  “I don’t know. Maybe she somehow awakened their maternal and paternal instincts.”

  “You don’t believe that any more than I do.”

  “If it didn’t sound a bit malicious, I’d say Benny’s got his eyes on Janee’s trust fund. Whoever adopts her would have control over it until she’s twenty-one.”

  “Why would Pam and Benny want Janee’s money? They’re wealthy.”

  Doug nodded. “The way they live, you’d think they’re rolling in dough. But maybe the used car business isn’t what it used to be. Maybe they’re overextended. Who knows? I just feel there has to be a financial motive behind their sudden interest in Janee.”

  “How can we find out?”

  “I don’t know. If you want to fight this—”

  “Of course, I want to fight it. I want Janee. Don’t you?”

  “Yes, I’ve wanted her from the beginning, but I wasn’t sure how you felt.”

  “I want her, Doug.” Barbara’s voice broke with emotion. “I love her. I never knew I could love a child again.”

  “Then we’ll have to get ourselves a lawyer.”

  “We have a lawyer.”

  “A corporate attorney. But we need someone who can win this case for us.”

  “Where do we begin?”

  “We’ll do what Pam and Benny did. File a petition to adopt Janee, to make her our own little girl.”

  “What if they win, Doug?”

  “We won’t let them, Barbie. Janee’s ours.”

  Barbara closed her eyes and pressed her fingertips against her throbbing temples. “Oh, Doug, it’s happening all over again, isn’t it? We’re losing the child we love.” A sob tore from her throat. “Just when I thought I could trust God again!”

  Doug pulled her to him and wrapped her in his warm, strong arms. “There, there, Barbie. It’ll be okay. We’ve got to believe it’ll all work out right.”

  “No, Doug. I can’t bear it. I can’t live through it again. I’d rather be dead than face that pain again.”

  His arms tightened around her. “We’ll get through it, Barbie,” he whispered, his voice raw with emotion. “I promise. God help us, we’ll have our Janee back if it’s the last thing we do.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Throughout the weekend Barbara could think of only one thing: Pam and Benny were going to take Janee away from her. That dreadful possibility darkened her time with Doug. How could either of them put on a happy face with such a threat looming? How could Doug’s own flesh and blood pull such a vile trick? Worse, how could God allow this to happen when Barbara had just made her peace with Him after all these years?

  Such bitter irony belonged in some Greek tragedy. Imagine, just when she had decided to trust God completely, He had pulled the rug out from under her again.

  On Monday morning, after a quiet, solemn weekend at the cabin, Doug packed his small valise and prepared once again to drive back down the mountain. As Barbara walked with him to his car, he urged her to come with him. “This place is so lonely and isolated, Barb. Why don’t you just throw a few things into a bag, lock the door and ride back with me? Maybe you’d feel better in town with all its hustle and bustle. It would keep your mind off things.”

  She declined. “It would mean lonely days in some dreary motel room while you work long hours at the hospital. No, I’d rather remain here in the cabin. It’s filled with happy memories of my days here with Janee.”

  “Are you sure you’re not just torturing yourself?”

  “Maybe, maybe not. I just know I can’t leave.”

  “Okay. Have it your way.” Doug embraced her, gave her a brief kiss on the lips and climbed into the driver’s seat. “I’ll make a few calls today and get the ball rolling to get Janee back in our custody until the court hearing.” He shut the door and rolled down the window. “The way I see it, until a judge declares otherwise, we’re her legal guardians.”

  Barbara leaned into the open window. “Please, Doug, do whatever’s necessary. Get her back as soon as you can.”

  As he drove away, she felt a twinge of regret. Maybe she should have gone with him. What was she going to do in the empty cabin until he returned? She’d go stir-crazy, for sure. She stood with arms crossed as a chill breeze rippled through her cotton shirt. Doug’s car was out of sight now, but she didn’t move. She felt frail and painfully vulnerable, as if the buffeting winds might topple her, send her over the edge.

  Barbara spent the afternoon looking at Janee’s scrawled crayon drawings and her quaint pinecone people with the felt hats and coats. Awash with nostalgia, she took magnets and placed several of the drawings on the refrigerator door, remembering how Nancy’s refrigerator had dazzled with Janee’s colorful renderings. Barbara mentally replayed the hours she and Janee had spent going for walks in the woods and feeding the squirrels and building nesting boxes. She retraced every memory of Janee she could summon, until a knot of anguish tightened in her chest, so painful she had to stop and catch her breath.

  At last she ambled over to the window and looked out at the red sunset blazing through the silhouetted pines. Aloud she said, “What do You want of me, God? Is this a game You’re playing? Testing me to see what it takes to break me? I’ll tell You. It won’t take much. I’m at my wits’ end, and I don’t know how long I can hang on.”

  She brushed away an uninvited tear. “Are You really there, God?” she whispered. “Do You love me? Then help me, because I can’t help myself. I can’t spend my days being all maudlin and weepy. I’ve lost too much time mourning for Caitlin. I can’t do it for Janee, too. Lord, help me to get through this. Please, help me!”

  She waited, silent, hardly breathing, listening for the sound of God’s voice in her heart. She heard only the wind in the eaves and the caw of a bird in flight. Just as she was about to despair, the thought came to her, No matter what I take from you, you will always have Me, and I am sufficient.

  The words rang in her heart, as stunning and remarkable as if she had heard them aloud. Learn in your heart of hearts that I am enough. I can meet your needs no matter what else happens to you. No matter what you lose, you have everything in Me.

  The idea was revolutionary, that she could lose everything she cherished and God would still meet her needs. He would be her all in all.

  “I want to believe it, Lord. Please, help me. And help me to live it, Father.”

  Every day for the rest of the week Barbara prayed and meditated on God’s Word. She found herself feeling refreshed and able to cope with the uncertainties surrounding Janee. It was such a simple thing, spending time alone with God, and yet it made all the difference in her outlook. How could she have been a Christian all these years and yet have missed this vital truth?

  When Doug arrived on Friday night she was eager to tell him of her spiritual odyssey. But before she could find the words, he announced with a broad smile, “Pam and Benny are flying down tomorrow. They’re bringing Janee home.”

  “Oh, Doug, thank God!” She flew in
to his arms, and he swung her around. Her mind reeled with euphoria. But after a few heady moments, the questions tumbled in. “Does this mean they’ve dropped the petition to adopt Janee? Can we keep her, Doug?”

  A reluctant frown erased the earlier laugh lines. “I’m sorry, Barb. It’s just temporary. Until our court date. I’ve lined up a good attorney—Randolph Tate. He reminded Benny’s lawyer that we’re Janee’s legal guardians and they can’t keep her without our permission.”

  “But we still have to go to San Francisco and fight it out in court?”

  “Looks that way. San Francisco was Janee’s home, and that’s where the will was probated. The court there holds jurisdiction. So we’ll have to fly up early next month.”

  “When?”

  “Tuesday. The fifteenth.”

  “And if the judge says they can have Janee…?”

  “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. Meanwhile, we’ll build the best case possible.” Doug shrugged off his herringbone jacket and loosened his tie. “I did some checking, Barb. Nothing official. Just some private inquiries.”

  She looked quizzically at him. “You checked on Pam and Benny?”

  “More specifically, Cotter Motors. I have a few banker friends in high places. I learned via the grapevine that Benny’s business is in financial trouble, Barb. Some bad debts. I don’t know what all. Anyway, Benny’s been trying to get a loan, but he was turned down. Word has it he was inquiring whether he could borrow against Janee’s trust fund.”

  Barbara put her hand to her throat. “You’re saying all Janee is to him is a meal ticket?”

  “We have no proof, but that’s my guess.”

  “We’ve got to tell the judge.”

  “It could get tricky, Barb. It could seem like we’re just trying to smear Benny’s name, and we could end up looking like the bad guy.”

  “Then, what can we do?”

  “Just plead our case as honestly as we can.” He drew her into the circle of his arms. “And trust God for the rest.”