by P. J. Belden
There has to be something I’m missing, something I haven’t seen.
I had never felt so empty. There were so many things in my life that I just brushed off when they were over or gone. I couldn’t do that with her. It felt like I was being gutted slowly. My heart was breaking with each second she was gone. Those tears I fought so hard against moments ago slowly started to fall down my cheeks.
Kayla was my everything.
God, I love her.
My world was so much better when she was around. How could she just turn and run and not even look back? I rested my head back against the wall and went over in my head everything that has happened. Could I let her go? Could I sit back and just let her push me away?
Hell NO!
There was no way I could let her go. I loved her. You don’t just give up on love because of a little fork in the road. Tomorrow I was getting out of the hospital and going to her condo to tell her exactly why she needed to stay with me.
Just as I was getting up, my door opened. I was expecting a nurse or security, but was completely shocked to see Nate.
“Hey man, did they call you?” I grunted as I got up off the floor.
It wasn’t until I looked up at my friend that I saw the look on his face and my stomach dropped. He was sad, scared, and pissed all at once. Something was wrong.
“What’s wrong? What happened to Kayla?” I immediately approach him.
“Sit down, Jay,” he said quietly.
“No, damn it! Tell me!” I demanded.
He sighed.
“It’s Kayla. She was raped tonight.”
My knees gave out and I fell to the floor. Tears filled my eyes and my heart broke; the world seemed to be pulled out from under me.
Please God - let her be okay.
“Wh-what happened?” I choked out.
“From what the nurse tells me she was beaten up pretty badly. She had been ripped open and sustained a three inch cut to her side. She came into the hospital and was treated, then given a rape kit and a morning after pill. He, uh, didn’t use protection. They told her the police would be called and she rushed out of the hospital before I could get here.”
Staring at my friend, I could tell even through my tears there was more to the story. Taking a deep breath, I prayed I could handle whatever was left.
“Tell me, Nate. Please.” I pleaded.
“She’s taken off. We don’t know where she is. Her dad called her and she told him she couldn’t drag anyone else down.”
He told me the rest of the conversation between her and her dad. There was no question in my mind what I needed to do, and I didn’t give a shit who said what about it. My life was out there running scared and, I’d be damned if she was going to be alone and without me!
Reaching up I yanked the I.V. out of my arm and moved to the clothes that Nate had brought me. I went to the bathroom and got dressed. When I got out, Nate was standing in my way.
“Dude, where do you think you’re going?”
“You know damn well where I’m going! Now you can either help me or I can beat the shit out you and do it anyway. Option one is a little less painful for you,” I hissed.
Nate held his hands up and backed up. I grabbed everything that was mine and left the room. Nurses were running after me, but none of it mattered. I was going to find her. When I got outside I realized that Kayla had my car.
“Shit!”
“You can use my car.”
I jumped when Mary spoke. Where the hell had she come from? I shook my head; that wasn’t important right then, Finding the love of my life was the most important thing to me.
“Thanks.”
Taking the keys from her, I walked to where she told me she parked the car. When I had the car started and ready to go, it hit me; I had no idea where she went. Dropping my head to the steering wheel, I sat there for a moment.
I pulled out of the parking lot and drove toward the clinic. She wasn’t home, so maybe she was there. She always said it was her sanctuary. Half way to the clinic a sudden thought occurred to me. I grabbed my phone and called Wayne Spets.
“Wayne, I’m sorry to bother you, but I need to cash in on my IOU, please.”
“Sure man, what’s up?”
“I need you to track my car.”
“You need me to track your car?”
When I explained the whole situation to him, he quickly went to work and I ended the call to wait for him to call back. Arriving at the clinic, all the lights were off. I walked around checking all doors and looking in all windows. She wasn’t in there. My heart sank at the thought of her out there by herself.
As a police officer and a detective, I had seen some pretty horrific things that can happen to a woman out late at night, and worse when they were alone. Kayla was beyond beautiful and had been through more of the horrific things than I cared to focus on, but what concerned me most was that she was attacked, and I had no idea how she was. Not just physically, but emotionally as well.
How am I going to find her? I have Wayne trying to track down my car, but I wasn’t sure how long that would take for him to get back. What if she’s was in danger now? What if whoever attacked her at the hospital had followed her? What if…
I had to stop thinking like that. I needed to keep with what I knew and figure it out from there. She was seen at the hospital after the attack. She was given the whole work up. Did that offer me some kind of relief? Yes, I guess it did. I knew she wasn’t bleeding or too badly injured. Swallowing hard, I walked back to the car and sat in it. I wished I knew where she would have gone. The thing with Kayla was she would never go to a place she’s been before. The thought made my chest tighten.
“I have to get this fucker!” I screamed to the empty car.
I closed my eyes for a moment to try and calm my anger. At some point, I must have fallen asleep because when I opened my eyes again the sun was up and the parking lot was full of cars. I looked down at the clock in the car and saw that it was already nine in the morning.
“FUCK!”
Digging out my phone, I dialed Wayne not paying any attention to the missed calls and texts. It felt like the phone was ringing for hours before he finally answered the phone.
“About fucking time!” I growled.
“Well, good mornin’ to you too,” he replied sarcastically.
“Sorry. I just-”
“Look, I understand. I do have some news. The car has been located at some dive hotel. The problem is—and this is what is worrying me—the car hasn’t been started since it stopped last night. I don’t know if she ditched the car or what. Just prepare yourself for it.”
“Address,” I stated.
Before he could even finish with the address, I was already on the road to find her. Wayne was right; I needed to prepare myself for the possibility that she may not be with the car anymore. My stomach was rolling around. I didn’t like not knowing where things were going and what was about to happen. All my life, I needed control over everything. But the urge to control everything became noticeable to others before I became a detective. Those events in my life will never be forgotten and have dictated my life until now. Kayla changed everything. Yes, I still wanted to control everything, but for a whole different reason.
The time seemed to drag on and I felt like I was never going to make it there. It was the panic that kept me going with no pit stops or delays. Panic for her safety and her peace of mind.
Hell, my peace of mind!
Finally pulling into the hotel parking lot, I spotted my car and pulled up next to it. There were so many doors that I wasn’t sure what one she’d be in. Instead of bothering any of the other guests there. I decided to walk in and pull my detective rank.
I walked into the office and the girl behind the counter looked up and her mouth dropped open. This might just be easier than I thought.
“Hello, I’m Detective Gold. You have a Kayla Williams staying here. I need her key and room number,” I said, flashing my
badge as I spoke.
It was the first time I’d ever tried anything like this. Hell, I wasn’t even sure how to play it. My only hope was that she didn’t know the procedure, or would get caught up in her serious gawking session and give me what I desperately need. I held my breath while I waited for her response waiting trying to keep my face unreadable.
“Y-yes, Sir. She’s in room twelve. Here’s her key.”
I smiled at her and thanked her and headed out of the office. I was trying not to run until I was out of sight, then I bolted down the twelve doors to where only a door separated me from my love. I took a couple deep breaths before using the key and going inside.
I quietly closed the door behind me and walked over to the bed where she lay face down in a robe. Her head was facing away from me. Carefully I laid down on the bed and pulled her against me. She screamed, and was up and out of the bed faster than I could blink.
“Sunshine, I’m sorry. There was no way I was letting you walk away. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
Her eyes wide and breathing heavy, she dropped down to the bed. Moving to lay on my back, I saw what the prick did to her. I saw the cuts and scrapes on her head. She stared at me for a moment longer before she crawled over to me and laid her head on my chest. Kayla’s body began to shake with her silent sobs and I felt like a complete ass for having scared her like that.
“I’m sorry Kay. I’m so sorry.”
She looked up at me. Her mouth opened like she was going to say something, but she didn’t. Instead, she laid her head back down on my chest and whispered, ”Thank you.”
“Have you eaten?” I asked after a few moments of silence.
“No, I’m not much in the mood to eat,” she murmured.
“Sunshine, you need to eat. Do you want me to go get something?”
There was a long silence and I was getting ready to ask again when she finally spoke.
“No, can you just hold me for a while? Please. That’s what I need right now.”
I wrapped my arm around her and held her tightly, moving my arm in the sling as far as I could without it hurting too much. I held her and just breathed her in. I had been scared she wouldn’t take me back - that she wouldn’t want me there. The question kept spinning in my head and finally I had to ask her.
“Sunshine?”
“Hmm?”
“Why did you tell me we were done?”
“I… you… Jason, I’m broken. I’m trash. Why would you want to be with me? You need to walk away and find the girl that can give you everything that you deserve. As much as I want that girl to be me, I can’t right now. That’s why I left. That’s why I told you what I did.”
“It had nothing to do with you being attacked outside the hospital?”
I could feel her stiffen and her breathing stopped.
“How…?”
“Nate was the detective going to the hospital on a rape report, but when he got to the hospital you had run out. He came up to me after the nurses told him everything about your condition. He said he was going to judge my mood, but I had already smashed the room to shits. When I looked at him, I knew that something was wrong. Kay, you can talk to me about anything. I just want to be with you. Whatever you want to give me, I will take it. I—”
“Can you just hold me please? I’m really tired. I didn’t sleep well.”
“Sure, sunshine. I’m here, I have you.”
I ran my hand up and down her back and stroked her hair. I felt her fall asleep. Her body went limp and her breathing leveled out. Moving my lips to her head, I kissed her hair for a moment before resting my cheek on her head.
“I love you, Kayla. One day, I will be able to tell you that. When you’re ready to believe me, I will scream it from the roof tops. I love you so much. There is nothing that will make me stop loving you. Nothing.”
I fell asleep with the love of my life in my arms.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
~KAYLA~
“Carson, I’m not feeling well. Can you take me home, please?”
“Oh, come on, Kayla! If I take you home, that means I have to stay there with you and I really want to spend some time with the gang at the fair. Even if you have to tag along.”
He whispered the last part.
“Curry, I really don’t feel good. You don’t have to stay. I’m fourteen! Mom and dad have let me stay home alone before. I’m really not—”
Before I could finish my sentence everything in my stomach was flying out of my mouth all over the dash of Carson’s car. I puked for what seemed like hours. I was still gagging when I could feel Carson’s hand on my back. I jumped.
“I’m sorry, Kay. I’ll take you home and stay with you. I thought you were just being a pain.”
He didn’t complain about the mess in his car or the smell. He just kept talking to me soothingly and checked me every few minutes until we got home. I was so weak and my legs were shaking so much I couldn’t stand. My brother picked me up—puke covered and all—and carried me inside.
He started the bath in my room. I could smell my favorite bubble bath. The smell suddenly hitting me like a ton of bricks thrown at my stomach, I went running as fast as I could to make it to the toilet in time. My brother was there right behind me, holding my hair back.
“Jesus! You’re burning up! I’ll be right back. I’m calling mom and dad.”
Before I could stop him, he was gone. My stomach lurched again and again. I don’t like it at all. I hate being sick. Sickness was for the weak people. I wasn’t weak. I was a survivor. Hell, I’d picked myself up and brushed myself off more times than anyone I knew.
When my parents rushed into the bathroom, I was puking again. My mom’s small hand rubbed my back. It was both calming and terrifying at the same time. Her hand touching me actually made my skin hurt.
“Mom, stop… that hurts,” I mumbled between puking.
They took me to the hospital. Doctors rushed around me and talked in hush tones about tests and diagnosis. It was what I heard them say before my mom broke down and started crying. I didn’t hear anything from anyone for a while and wondered if they had all left.
“Mama? Daddy? Curry?” I croaked.
Carson was next to my bed and held my hand. When I looked up and saw the tears in his eyes, tears of my own started. I didn’t know what was going on, but I knew enough that my family was falling apart because of it.
“What’s wrong Curry?”
“You’re sick, KK. We are all very worried. You just get some sleep and we will talk when you have gotten some rest, okay?”
“Are you leaving?”
“Nothing can make me leave this room right now.”
I closed my eyes. I don’t know how long I slept, but when I woke up all my siblings and my parents were in the room. I looked around at each of them. I loved my family, but none of them knew my life anymore. The thought caused my face to fall. I tried to move, but I was so weak, and my head was killing me. I groaned. Everyone turned and looked at me, then moved closer to the bed.
The closer everyone got to the bed, the more I saw the sadness and tears. Something was wrong to have all my family together in one room – especially when everyone was so busy with their own lives.
“What’s… going… on?” I struggled to get out.
My mom tried to answer, but she couldn’t. She started crying and my dad held her and tears rolled down his face as well when he looked at me. No one was telling me anything and I wanted to know. Finally, my brother Jake took my hand in his and I watched him take some deep breaths.
“Sweetie, you’re really sick. They think…” He chokes back a sob.
“They aren’t sure you are going to make it.” Eli finished, his voice cracking as he said it.
I smiled at all of them. To say they all were shocked by my response would have been putting it mildly.
“Thank God! I’ll be free!” I whispered and closed my eyes.
The last thing I remember hearing were my brothe
rs saying my name over and over again, but I couldn’t respond. Finally, I was going to be free of my nightmare. Finally, I was going to have safety once again. I was ready to be free. Two years was long enough to endure the nightmare. It was finally going to stop. As everything went black around me and the noises faded away, I felt at peace. I was free.
When I woke, I found out I had been ‘asleep’ for a week and a half. Part of me hated that I was awake, but another part of me was relieved that I woke up. I didn’t want to leave my family. Maybe this would cause them to be more observant and the attacks from Alex would stop.
I had to stay in the hospital for two more weeks. I think I slept the whole time I was there. I had an infection caused by an unhealed wound. When I was asked where the cut to the back of my leg came from, I told them I didn’t know. I did know, and I wanted to tell them, but right as I was about to tell them, he walked in with Carson.
I hated my brother for being friends with him. I hated my brother for bringing him around so damn much! Most of all, I hated my brother because I couldn’t hate him or blame him for any of the hell I’d been through. I had an amazing family and at one time we were all so very close. I wasn’t close to any of them anymore, and I think they knew it.
Weeks passed after being sick, I was all caught up with the school, I’d missed and was working on getting ahead like I liked to be. My parents were entertaining downstairs with some friends. I wasn’t sure where my siblings were, but I sat in my room like usual working on my homework and extra credit that I really didn’t need to do. I had my headphones on, listening to my study music. It was my way of concentrating and remembering what I was studying.
Suddenly the chair was yanked out from under me, and my chin slammed on my desk as I fell to the floor, causing me to bite my tongue. I could taste the blood in my mouth. A hand grabbed around my throat, pulling me to my feet. When his cold eyes met mine, my body stiffened in fear.
“You were going to tell them, weren’t you?” he growled after taking my headphones off.
I shook my head and tried to answer, but he was holding me too tight. I could barely breathe, let alone talk. The fear that was running through my body was strong and it was causing me to shake.
