Protective Love (Hidden Secrets)

by P. J. Belden

  “Just fucking say it!” I screamed.

  He took a big shaky breath.

  “I don’t feel the same way about you.”

  I laughed. I couldn’t help it. He had to be joking with me. What I’d felt from him over the course of our relationship -those weren’t lies. They couldn’t be. That first night back after the hotel, he needed to be with me just as much as I needed to be with him. It couldn’t have all been a lie.

  “That’s not funny, Jason,” I said, my voice shaking about as bad as my body was.

  He closed his eyes again and sucked in another shaky breath. His face portrayed pain and loss, but yet he still says.

  “It wasn’t meant to be a joke, Ms. Williams. I…”

  I jerked my head back and stared at him.

  Ms. Williams?

  It wasn’t sunshine or Kayla… it was Ms. Williams.

  What the hell just happened?

  My heart was aching and I felt like my knees were going to give out. I stared at him. His mouth was still moving, but I couldn’t hear anything he was saying. I shook my head and took a couple of steps backwards. I felt like I had literally been punched in the heart.

  “When we started this case, we were supposed to be portraying a couple…”

  I shook my head again as some of his words broke through my pain. I just stared at him until I realized I needed to leave before I lost it. There was no need to listen to the rest of his speech. Without saying another word, I just turned and walked away. I kept telling myself that I needed to hold it together until I made it to my condo. I just needed to make it there. I found myself repeating that over and over again in my head on my walk home.

  It took everything for me not to just run full force all the way home, but I had to keep it together. I had to keep my head on straight until I was in the privacy of my condo. With each step, it got harder and harder to pick up my foot to keep moving. With each step, my heart broke a little more. How could I have read the situation all so wrong?

  Oh my God! I let him touch me in a way I have never let a man do before. I touched him.

  I started shaking as I thought back to all the things I let Jason be a part of that I had never let anyone else before. How could I have been so fucking stupid? How could I have been so blind? A sob desperately wanted to leave my body, but I had to hold it back.

  Keep it together Kayla. Hold on just a little while longer. Don’t let anyone see you break down. You can do it. You can hold on. Just until you reach the condo.

  Somehow I managed to do it. I managed to hold myself together until I closed my door and was in the safety of my condo - if you wanted to call it safety. It was transformed into a constant reminder of my shattered heart; a reminder of broken promises given by a man who was nothing but a liar. A reminder that I couldn’t have what I dreamed of, and how much of a fool I was to believe I could.

  I walked over to my radio and played the one song that spoke to exactly how I felt. “Why Won’t You Love Me” by Toni Braxton.

  Walking into my kitchen, I set my things down on the counter as the lyrics started to ram into my heart, each word cutting deeper than the last.

  My hand gripped the counter as I leaned over, clutching my chest. The pain I felt was real. It was like my heart had literally shattered into a million pieces in my chest, and each piece was frantically working to support me as my whole heart would have.

  I screamed as I threw whatever was near me. A loud crash filled the empty condo. My chest ached. My heart had shattered just as the water pitcher against the wall. Unable to support myself any longer, I dropped to the floor.

  “Why? Why did he have to pretend?” I cried.

  Tears fell, and sob after sob escaped. Not quiet sobs that were more a breath than noise, but heart wrenching, chest squeezing, breath losing sobs. I pulled my knees up to my chest and cried.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  ~JASON~

  I watched her walk away. Watched her deflate from the vibrant, beautiful woman who had come to bring me lunch and who loved me, to the broken and devastated woman who left. I wanted to run after her and tell her how I really felt, but I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t tell her that I loved her more than she would ever know. I couldn’t tell her that my heart was with her even if she didn’t want it anymore. Tears fell down my face, and I didn’t care if anyone saw me.“Oh God! What did I just do?” I whispered.

  “Exactly what you were supposed to do. Get back to your post.”

  “You’re a fucking asshole. Once this bastard is caught… I fucking quit!”

  “Sure you do, son. You love your job too much. You just proved it.”

  “They call you Captain Dick, you know? I think you’re a dick because you don’t have one big enough to satisfy anyone, so you take your sexual frustrations out on us,” I growled.

  “Gold! You’re out of line!” he bellowed.

  I walked into the command center just as Kayla walked in her door. My heart broke even more when I saw her face. Tears falling down her face, I had to grab the chair in front of me for support. She screamed and threw a pitcher full of water and then collapsed to the floor, hugging her knees and crying. The song playing in the background was killing me. I wanted to scream to her that I did love her. I wanted to hold her in my arms and promise her the forever I wanted with her.

  “Why? Why did he have to pretend?”

  Every sound, every jerk of her body from her crying; tore at me. I’d reached my limit.

  Fuck this!

  I turned and started walking out.

  “Gold, you walk out of here and you’re fired.”

  Turning slowly, I glared at the Captain.

  “No, I’m not because I fucking quit! Whether or not that woman-” I pointed at Kayla still crying on the floor on the monitors, “will take me back is far more important than this fucking job!”

  I stormed out of the van and ran full speed to Kayla’s condo. All I could think about was how I was going to make her believe that she was my world, that I was nothing without her. No ideas popped in my head. For the first time in my life, I had no plan of action. I had nothing but hope, love and faith. I just hoped that I hadn’t completely ruined everything between us.

  When I arrived at her condo building, I was actually surprised with how quickly I’d made the trip. I was up the two flights of stairs in no time, and standing in front of her door. I debated for a quick second on whether to knock or just go in with my spare key she gave me. I passed up the knocking and used my key. Barging into her place, I ran directly to her sliding on my knees across the floor. Scooping her up in my arms, I carried her over to the couch.

  “I love you, Kayla. I have from the moment I laid eyes on you at your parents’ house.”

  “No you don’t! You said so,” she sobbed as she punched my chest.

  “I know what I said. I was forced to say that by Captain Loser or he’d shut the undercover operation down and we’d never catch the bastard. He thought that if I wasn’t in the picture, Alex would be making contact.”

  My heart broke more the longer she didn’t believe me. It felt like she may never forgive me for it. In actuality, I couldn’t blame her if she didn’t forgive me. Hell, I didn’t even forgive myself. How could I have put my job before her? Kayla was my first for everything. She was the first thing I thought about when I got up, and the first thing I saw when I closed my eyes. I cupped her head in my hands and lifted her head to look into her eyes. The destroyed look on her face destroyed me in turn, and my own tears fell.

  “Kayla, please, sunshine, look at me?”

  She opened her eyes and my tears fell faster. Her eyes were empty. They held no emotion other than pain.

  God, please don’t let me have fucked this up!

  “Kayla, I have loved you since the minute you came running out of your parents’ house. I fought it, but I did. You were all I thought about ever since. You can ask Nate, he knows. I didn’t know it was possible to love someone as much as I love
you, but I do. Please what can I do to prove it to you?”

  My mind was racing trying to think up ways that I could make it up to her, but I was coming up empty. Everything in me knew that I didn’t deserve her love, but heaven help me I couldn’t live without it. There was no way my life would survive without Kayla.

  “Tell me what happened,” she finally whispered.

  “I told you Captain-”

  “No, I mean in your past. How were you hurt?”

  I froze for a moment. My past? I never talked about it; it was my past for a reason. I would much rather have kept it there than relive it. But then I looked at the beautiful woman on my lap, and I realized that her past was far worse than mine, and she shared it with me. It was time she knew. She deserved to know. It was just hard going back in time. I looked at Kayla, the love of my life, and I wondered why I hadn’t told her before. She told me all about her past, but I still kept mine from her.

  “I forgot all about my past the day I accepted the fact that I was head over heels in love with you, but you’re right. You deserve to know.” I took a deep breath.

  “It was several years back. I was in the process of becoming a detective. I had gone out to a bar with my partner at that time, Aiden. A few hours later, this woman walked up to me, flirting big time. Her name was Kathi. Anyway, we ended up dating – or at least, that was what I was led to believe.

  “It turned out her and my partner were married. I had no clue until Aiden came to my house telling me that I was sleeping with his wife. He started a fight, and I ended up beating the shit out of him. Apparently that was what they wanted. They sued me. She claimed I seduced her and so on. They found out that I had money and wanted a piece for themselves. Even though they found evidence of the lie and the case was dropped, I almost lost my job. The department frowns on any disagreement between partners and mine escalated into volatile.

  “However, I passed the detective’s exam and scored really high on the rankings, so they gave me another chance. I was given a four week suspension. During that four weeks, I practically drank myself to death. To be lied to by someone that you had – on countless occasions – trusted your life with, well, it hit me hard. One day Nate came by for a visit and found me trashed and unconscious on my kitchen floor. He helped me get back to normal, then transferred here to be my partner. I won’t go into all the stupid and dangerous things I did during that dark period in my life, but I will tell you that had Nate not stepped in when he did, I might not be sitting here having this conversation with you now. I was in a dark place, and as the days ticked on, they only got darker. It’s hard to say what woke me up, but Nate knocking me around probably helped,” I smirked.

  “That’s why you don’t hang around anyone. And why you were afraid to let me close.”

  “Yes, but no matter how hard I tried to deny how I felt for you, I felt it all the same. I meant it Kayla. I’m sorry I hurt you, and myself, for that matter. I love you, sunshine. I understand if you can’t forgive me for what I’ve done, but I do love you.”

  I waited for her to give me some kind of indication that she might be able to eventually, but she said nothing. A few minutes passed with us just looking at each other when she sat up in my lap and looked at me. My heart was falling and about to shatter in a million unrecognizable pieces, but she just continued to look at me.

  “I love you too, my Konane,” she smiled.

  There it was the look, the smile, the words - I kissed her with everything I had. I ran my tongue along the seam of her lips until she opened and allowed me to slide my tongue in her warm, seductive mouth; the mouth I could never get enough of. I moaned as our tongues touched and began to dance together. She shifted on my lap trying to get closer. I turned her around until she straddled my lap.

  The need I felt for this amazing woman was intense, overwhelming, and consuming. She wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled herself closer. My hands moved on their own accord down her back and cupped her ass, pulling her closer and against my erection. She moaned, but it didn’t sound distressed. Even in my lust fogged brain, I knew not to push my luck. However, my body seemed to be working on its own. I rocked her against me as I started running kisses down her neck to her shoulders. Her head fell back and she breathed out my name.

  Running my hands across her shoulder, knocking the straps to her sundress off, I placed tender kisses where her straps once sat. Her skin was addicting. The taste of her on my tongue was like nothing I had ever tasted before. It was salty, sweet, and almost had a fruity flavor to it.

  “Mmmm, you taste amazing, sunshine.”

  She moaned and took my lips with hers.

  “I love you, Jason. I love how you make me forget everything but you,” she breathed against my lips.

  Pulling down gently on her dress, I looked her in the eyes.

  “Kayla, you do the same for me. Nothing exists besides us. Nothing matters besides the way you make me feel and the way I want to make you feel.”

  Her breathing was just as ragged as mine, and it drew my attention down to her breasts. The dress was down far enough that the swells of her breasts billowed out over the top. I leaned down to taste them. She cupped the back of my head with her hands and threw her head back again.

  “Jason,” she breathed.

  Just as I was about to pull her dress down and see her amazing breasts that I had been dreaming about, my phone rang, and we both groaned. I held her still as I fished my phone from my pocket and realized it was a text.

  Nate: Cameras dude! Don’t do that to her!

  Me: Fuck! I forgot. Thanks bud!

  Nate: Brothers until the end.

  Me: Talk later.

  I put my phone back in my pocket and corrected Kayla’s dress. I swallowed.

  “As much as I would love to make love to you right now. We have both forgot something very important.”

  When her face paled, I knew she remembered.

  “The cameras,” she whispered.

  I couldn’t help but laugh at her face.

  “Don’t worry. No one could see anything. Are we okay? I understand if you can’t forgive me, but I need you to believe that when I told you that horrible lie, it wasn’t because I wanted to. I thought I was putting the right thing first; catch the bastard.”

  Kayla looked down suddenly and shifted off my lap. There was something going on that she wasn’t telling me.

  “Kay?”

  “Okay, look, I will tell you everything if you take me to my dad’s office. I only want to have to say it all once and they have to hear it too. Please.”

  I nodded my head. While she wrote out a new note for Carson and checked on him, I cleaned up the mess I caused and we headed out the door. I was glad that I had my car and not the station’s undercover car. The drive to Williams, Williams and Associates was short and quiet. My mind was racing on what it was she had kept from me, and why it involved her dad and brother.

  Kayla walked right into the office and straight for her dad’s office. She didn’t stop at reception. The last time she chased Kayla down, but this time she just simply glared at her and went back to work.

  Kayla opened the door to her dad’s office and walked right in. Again, I was just shocked. Even I would have at least knocked, but then again, it was her dad.

  “Oh good you’re both here. I need to talk to you both now and it's important.”

  Both Larry and Eli put the files they’d had open in front them away and looked at Kayla. She began to pace.

  “Did you guys get your proof?”

  “No, they will only release that to the police.”

  “Well, I’ll tell you who it was, but remember the minute I tell you that there is more I need to say, so please keep your calm until it is all out in the open. Promise me, all of you.”

  She looked at me, and I nodded my head as I promised, as did Larry and Eli. Just as she was about to tell us what she had to say the door opened, and in walked a gentleman about the same age as Larry, but
he definitely didn’t age as well.

  “Lar—Oh I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were in a meeting.”

  “This is my daughter, Kayla and her boyfriend, Jason. Guys, this is David Black.”

  When David walked over to shake our hands, I felt Kayla stiffen and I could sense her fear. My protective instincts kicked in and I stepped in front of her before David could get to her. I wasn’t sure why, but something told me that the man was not an honest one.

  “I don’t think you need to go any further. Back the fuck off, now,” I spat at him.

  I was acting on pure gut feeling at the moment. I would apologize later if need be, but right then, Kayla was scared, and I was going to eliminate the cause of it. Then I heard three words that replaced my urge to protect Kayla with anger.

  “It was him.”

  The next few moments happened in a blur. I swung my fist nailing him right in the jaw. He stumbled backwards and into the door. I moved on him and nailed him in the stomach repeatedly. It wasn’t until Eli pulled me off him that I stopped swinging. I was breathing hard from the exertion. I shrugged out of Eli’s hold and went to Kayla, who hugged me.

  “What the hell got into you, son? This is one of my longest standing friends.”

  “You didn’t hear Kayla? It was him. That fucker is the one that raped her at the hospital that night. That cut her and beat her up. That fucker touched Kayla. He’s lucky y’all were here to stop me. He deserves far worse than what I gave him.”

  Larry and Eli went still. When I looked down at David, there was terror in his eyes as he looked between the two Williams men. It was hard telling who moved first, Larry or Eli, but both of them grabbed David and slammed him against the door. I had a feeling that I shouldn’t have let it happen - I could very possibly have witnessed a death that night. Kayla was the first to speak.

  “Stop! I want some answers, and if you kill him, I will never know!” she yelled.