Protective Love (Hidden Secrets)

by P. J. Belden

  It wasn’t that I was aiming to drive Jason nuts, but, well, we hadn’t done anything yet. I mean we’d had oral sex, but I thought I might be ready for more.

  When getting ready for the night, I mentioned to Mary that I thought I might be ready, and she tailored my outfit in a way that would drive Jason nuts enough to forget to proceed with caution and just—in Mary’s words—take me. He had been giving me an out and if he kept doing that I was never going to push it there.

  To complete the makeover, Mary pulled my hair off my neck, leaving a few of my curls down around my face, with a little make-up. I wasn’t sure if I liked the makeover. Jason had been so damn patient with me that it was even beginning to piss me off. When I heard the door, I gave myself one final pep talk.

  It’s time to enjoy the man you love and show him how much you love him. He deserves this, and so do you.

  I took a deep breath and walked out of the bathroom and down the short section of the hall until Jason came into view. He hadn’t noticed me yet, so I took a moment to take him in. He was wearing black slacks with a button up white dress shirt and a suit jacket with no tie. He looked sexy as sin, and I could feel that familiar tingle starting to build. When he still hadn’t noticed me, I started to wonder if I looked horrible.

  Just as I was about to step back, he turned and looked at me, the smile dropping from his face and a shocked expression taking its place. My body heated as his eyes moved down my body taking me in.

  Let him like what he sees, or this whole night will be ruined.

  When his eyes met mine with his mouth hanging open, I saw the fire in his eyes. Mentally, I breathed a sigh of relief. I smirked at him and held my arms out.

  “Is this nice enough?” I said as I spun around in a slow circle.

  His throat bounced as he swallowed and nodded his head. His mouth still hung open. His reaction made me smile. He cleared his throat.

  “You look… you’re…” He sighed. “Wow,” he breathed.

  “Thank you. You look pretty… wow, yourself.”

  I didn’t know who this woman was talking. I sounded so much more confident than I actually was. Inside I was literally shaking in my boots. We needed to get away from prying eyes. Jason must have been thinking the same thing, because he grabbed my hand and asked if I was ready to go. Nodding and telling my sister good night, we walked downstairs, hand in hand. Neither of us spoke.

  When we got to the car, I was so nervous you would think it was our first date. He reached for the door, and then I wasn’t really sure what happened. Suddenly, I was against the car and his mouth was on mine in a rough, breathtaking, soul breaking kiss. His tongue pushed into my mouth with none of the gentleness that he usually used. It was almost like he was starving. Starving to kiss me, to touch me, to claim me. I grabbed his shirt holding on tight as he kissed me hungrily.

  Pulling back he rested his head against mine. Both of us were breathless, I kept my eyes closed. I wasn’t sure what happened and I definitely didn’t want to see the look of regret on his face.

  “Kay…” he breathed.

  Keeping my eyes closed, I waited for his apology. Not for kissing me, but for the way he kissed me. Ever since meeting Jason, I could tell that control was vital for him, as it was for me. So for him to lose control the way he did meant I was close to what I was realizing I wanted…badly.

  “You look… you’re driving me insane. I need you more than I need my next breath.”

  My eyes flew open and I was immediately caught up in his eyes. They burned with an intensity I’d never seen before. It caused my breath to catch. He smiled down at me.

  “Jason,” I breathed.

  “I love you so much. Tonight is all about us. Just us,” he said as he cupped my face tenderly in his hands.

  With that, he stepped back and opened my door. When I got in, I brushed against him as Mary had told me to do. It worked because I heard him try to muffle a groan. As I sat in the car and watched him walk around the car to the driver’s side, a laugh escaped as I watched him adjust himself in his pants. I was still laughing when he sat down. He smirked at me and shook his head.

  “You find that funny, do you?”

  When I nodded my head, he laughed. He started the car and pulled out of the parking lot. As we drove along, my nerves began to get the better of me. We were leaving town and headed more into the countryside. It scared me being so far away from my comfort zone. Jason reached over and took my hand.

  “Sunshine, you are safe with me. I promise you, baby, I am not taking you anywhere that isn’t safe.”

  I nodded my head, but kept quiet. He squeezed my hand and soon we were pulling up in front of a beautiful wrought iron gate. Jason rolled down his window, pressed some buttons on a keypad, and drove through. He paused only for a few moments to allow the gates to close. The road was lined with trees of different colors and sizes. Wherever we were, it was peaceful. He pulled over to the side. I could almost be certain that the drive led to a house, but I couldn’t see it, and Jason had pulled the car over to the side.

  Moving around to my side of the car, he opened the door and helped me out. It was absolutely beautiful out there. There was a point in time I wanted to live out in the middle of nowhere like that, but anymore, I wasn’t sure I could. The thought of what could happen without the risk of being overheard by neighbors scared the shit out of me.

  “Almost there,” he said as he walked me to the side of the road in the direction of the trees.

  “Almost where?” I laughed nervously.

  “I won’t let anything happen to you. I promise. Just let me show you, and if you do not feel comfortable, we can leave and go back in town, okay sunshine?”

  That was what I loved about him. He just genuinely wanted to make me happy and because of that, tonight I was going to make him happy. I would push past my fears and make him happy.

  What if he leaves once he gets what he wants? What if that was all he was waiting for?

  Mentally, I shook my head. If that was all he wanted he certainly wouldn’t have waited this long for it. He had said he loved me, and I believed it.

  We walked through the trees until we came to a clearing. It was the most beautiful, picturesque view. There was a huge lake with a picnic blanket, candles, and covered platter. A radio sat next to the blanket with a bucket full of ice and a wine bottle resting inside, but what made the view over the top was that the sun was starting to set and it just amped up the romance factor.

  “Surprise,” Jason quietly spoke in my ear with his arms wrapped around my waist from behind. “Is this okay?”

  “Wow,” I breathed. “Where are we?”

  He chuckled. “This is mine. I bought it a few years back and built my house. I own it all as far as the eye can see, and even beyond that some. I wanted you to see it.”

  “Oh, Jason. You did this?”

  “Yes, I wanted to show you how special you are to me, and I thought I picnic at sunset by a lake with dancing would be a good way to give you a glimpse.”

  “You… this…. it is so amazing!” I walked out into the clearing and did a little spin and took a deep breath. “It is so beautiful out here.”

  He led me over to the blanket where we dined on pizza and wine. I laughed. They didn’t exactly go together, but I loved it. That night was amazing. I was certain nothing would ever top this moment. Just then he turned on the radio and stood, holding out his hands.

  “May I have this dance?”

  I giggled as I said, “Yes, you may.”

  After the dance, we sat down and finished our food and wine, talking about his property and what made him want a house this far out of town.

  When we finished eating, we walked along the edge of the lake hand in hand, talking about anything that popped into our heads. We danced to several songs. He softly sang the words to Bryan Adams’ “Everything I Do (I Do it for You)”. I giggled when he got confused with the words. He turned me around with my back to his front and we danced
close. I leaned my head back against his shoulder and crossed my arms with my hands resting on his arms. He kissed my neck. The feeling made me shiver, but not from being cold.

  “Cold?” He asked against my neck.

  I shook my head but kept my eyes closed. At this point, I didn’t trust my voice.

  “Sweetheart, do you know how much you mean to me?” he asked as he kissed my neck again, followed by my shoulder.

  The music stopped playing and I opened my eyes. The view above me caught me and held me.

  “Wow, you can see all the stars out here. You can’t see them in the city,” I laughed softly.

  “What’s so funny sunshine?”

  Turning so I could look at him, “I was thinking about when I was little. I would love to go camping just so I could look up at the sky and see all the stars. I loved camping. It was peaceful.” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “One time I got my brother Eli to take me camping and we saw a shooting star. He told me to make a wish, anything at all and it would be mine.”

  “What did you wish for?”

  “A fairy tale happy life.” I sighed and turned and walked away a few steps and looked up at the stars. “About six months later is when Alex came into my bedroom. Some fairy tale, huh?”

  “You could still have it. It’s never too late to have a happy ending.”

  The conversation basically ended there. He knew I didn’t believe that. An argument would have surely followed if I had kept going on that path and I don’t want that. I wanted the night to be perfect.

  We danced for a few songs under the stars and then walked along the edge of the water. He pulled me into his arms again when “Love of a Lifetime” by Firehouse started playing. He danced me around and suddenly dropped down to one knee. My hands flew up to my mouth and I could feel the burning starting in my eyes.

  “Kay, I love you. I have from the moment I saw you. Over the past several months, I have watched you start to come out of your shell and become the woman you would have been had all that horrible stuff not happened to you. I fall in love with you more and more each day I am with you. I think about you all the time when I am not with you and when I close my eyes at night to sleep, my dreams are of you. I cannot remember what my life was like before you. I do know that it was not filled with love as it is when I am with you. I do not want to imagine what my life would be like if I had to live without you now. I got a glimpse of that already, and I don’t want it to happen. Will you make me the happiest and luckiest man alive, and marry me?”

  Staring at him, I swore he just asked me to marry him. No, he couldn’t have done that; I was damaged and we had only been together for about nine months. I looked down at the box.

  Oh, he asked me all right.

  The ring was gorgeous! It was a round cut diamond in the center with four small diamonds on either side set on a platinum band. The ring caught the light of the moon and shimmered. When I looked up, he was watching me. If I wasn’t mistaken, there were tears in his eyes and he looked worried. I looked back down at the ring again. He was asking me to marry him.

  I looked back into his eyes.

  “Y-yes. Yes, I will marry you, Jason!”

  He pulled the ring out of the box and slid it on my finger. It was then that a tear slid down his cheek. He pulled me into his arms and kissed with so much passion that it took my breath away. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I pressed myself closer to him. Kissing him was an experience all on its own. The feel of his soft, smooth lips gliding on mine, the feel of his silk like tongue sliding against mine; it all just took on a feeling of its own and drove me freaking crazy!

  He moaned softly as he pulled me closer to him. I could feel his erection digging into my stomach. A shiver of excitement and nervousness ran through me. Jason’s mouth moved to trail kisses along my jaw and up to my ear.

  “I love you so much, Kayla.” He whispered before nibbling on my ear.

  “I love you too, Jason.” I breathed.

  His mouth moved back to mine, and he kissed me deeper and more intense than before. My knees gave out causing him to tighten his hold on me. He continued to kiss me as he lowered us to the ground. He sat with his legs crossed and pulled me over to his lap so I straddled him.

  Jason ran his hands up and down my back as he kissed me deeper. His hands cupped my ass and pulled me closer to him. I gasped at the feeling of his hardness pressing against the spot that ached for him. Without realizing what I was doing, I began to grind into him. His growl vibrated through his chest and into mine.

  Jason and I had played the oral game for a while. Mary had told me that it would be a good compromise and would buy me time until I was ready to go all the way. She said guys love oral just as much as they love sex. She did tell me that he wouldn’t be happy with it forever, but it would give me time to figure out how to banish my fears and try to enjoy what had been only in my nightmares before.

  Even though we had done that, he still had not seen me naked. The closest he had come was that night in the hospital. I couldn’t bring myself to get over the fear of him seeing all my scars and be completely repulsed by me. I loved him. I didn’t want to lose him over that.

  He broke the kiss and rested his head on my chest, breathing heavily. There was no talking for a minute. We just sat there holding each other, catching our breath. He pulled his head back and looked at me with his beautiful eyes and amazing smile and I was lost immediately.

  “I’m sorry, I got carried away. It seems I do that a lot around you. You have no idea how happy you have made me today, sunshine. I will give you the happily ever after of your dreams, baby. I promise you will.”

  Taking a deep breath, I knew it was now or never. If I was going to fully give myself to him, tonight would be that night. There was no way I wanted to go on that way, and him feeling like he has to tip toe around me. It was time to start replacing all these nightmares with good things; things that only Jason could give me.

  “Can you do something for me?” I tried to keep my voice steady as I spoke.

  “Anything for you, my love? Just tell me and I will do it.”

  I swallowed hard and almost began to panic. He cupped my face tenderly in his hands and looked into my eyes, and all my panic disappeared, leaving me with only the love and happiness he gave me.

  “Will you make love to me?” I breathed.

  He froze and stared at me. For a moment my panic returned and I felt like I shouldn’t have said anything to him. Just as I was about to get up and try to walk away with as much dignity as I could muster, he shook his head and swallowed.

  “Are… are you sure? I don’t want you to do anything that you are not ready for. So if you feel like I’m-”

  I had to cut him off. It hadn’t crossed my mind that he might think like I felt forced into moving to this step of the relationship and, I definitely didn’t want him to feel that way.

  “Jason, I have been going over this in my head for a while now. You make me feel safe, even with that psycho out there. You make me laugh when everything around me is falling in on me. You give me love when I feel like I just don’t deserve any. Now I want you to give me the very last piece to my puzzle. I want you to love away all my nightmares and scares. Give me a reason to not fear a touch or a kiss. Show me that when you love someone the act is more of a connection than domination. Make love to me now, because you love me. Make love to me now because you need me - long for me.”

  Jason’s mouth was on mine again. There was a sense of desperation in this kiss, but more importantly, there was love, desire, passion as he kissed me. His hand moved up to the top of my zipper on the dress. Slowly he lowered it down. Before I realized it, he was pulling my dress over my head. He broke the kiss only long enough to pull it all the way off.

  I pushed his jacket off his shoulders and began to slowly unbutton his shirt. Once the last button was opened, I ran my hands up his bare chest. The feel of his hot skin under my hands felt like nothing I can describe. He had
a small amount of chest hair to dust across him and the ridges of all his muscles. While I explored his chest, he removed his jacket and shirt completely.

  Rolling us over, Jason lay on top of me. He was still in his pants and me in my panties. He continued to kiss me as he rocked his hips into me. I moaned at the feeling he was creating. A tingling sensation ran through me from head to toe and back to my core where it seemed to build. Jason ran his fingers up my side until he cupped one of my bare breasts.

  His mouth left mine as he trailed soft kisses and nips down my neck until his mouth covered my nipple. My body arched into him. His hand trailed down and slid into my panties. He ran his fingers over my clit, causing my hips to jerk up.

  The need to know what he would feel like inside me spurred my hands into action and I had his pants undone and his erection freed before he could tease me another second longer. Jason sat back and took the remainder of his clothes off before pulling my panties off.

  “Are you sure about his, sunshine?”

  “Yes.” I answered without hesitation.

  For the first time in my life, I wanted it; I wanted to have sex. Moving between my legs, I could feel his tip at my entrance. Sucking in a deep breath, I closed my eyes and waited. He pushed in slowly and I tensed.

  “Kayla, look at me.”

  Slowly I opened my eyes and was immediately lost in his eyes. In them, I could see the love and the desire for me. It made me relax. He started to move in a little more. I tensed again. It was involuntary. I couldn’t control it, and I was worried that it was going to ruin our evening.

  Leaning down, Jason took my lips in a kiss unlike any other. It was a kiss that spoke volumes and screamed desires. It made me forget everything, but the feel of his lips on me. It wasn’t until he moaned that I realized he was all the way in.

  “God, Kay. You feel… damn,” he breathed.