Protective Love (Hidden Secrets)

by P. J. Belden

  “All out of weapons now. You’re going to pay for that little episode,” he hissed.

  Grabbing me by the hair, he yanked me out of the kitchen. I had just moved into that house and hadn’t had a chance to unpack everything. My knives were still in a box. If he got his hands on me, I was not walking away and I knew it. I elbowed him in the side. His hand loosened in my hair and I immediately started to bolt. I was almost to the door when he pushed my head from behind and my face hit the door.

  Falling down to the floor, my hair was grabbed and I was pulled back to my feet. I let out a yelp when he yanked my head to the side so I was looking at him.

  “You don’t get it do you? You can’t get away from me. I. Own. You.”

  “No!”

  “Oh, but I do!”

  He yanked his belt out of his pants pushed me against the wall and started beating me. Again and again the belt hit me. Over and over it dug into my skin. The fact I had jeans on probably saved it from cutting me open. It didn’t stop him though. He kept swinging. When I heard the belt hit the floor, I began to panic. I could handle all the swings he wanted to give, but what was coming next… I couldn’t handle that. Each time he touched me, I died more inside. He chipped away at my soul and the life in me died away with each attack.

  I started screaming when I felt his hand on the front of my jeans.

  “No! God No! Please… somebody help me!” I screamed.

  I felt warm hands on my cheek and a soft kiss to my forehead. It wasn’t Alex’s touch.

  “Sunshine, wake up. Wake up. You’re safe.”

  “Jason?” I whispered.

  “Yes, sunshine. Open your eyes and let me see those beautiful eyes of yours.”

  I opened my eyes and was immediately met with his warm hazel eyes. Looking in his eyes was like seeing his heart and soul. Everything he felt showed in his eyes.

  “It was just a bad dream. You’re safe. I have you.”

  I cried into his chest for a while. One thing I hated most about everything was reliving them over and over again in my dreams. It was bad enough to live through them once, but to have to continue to relive them every time I shut my eyes was beyond torture. It wasn’t just a movie when I had the nightmares. I could feel everything; every sting, cut, punch, forced contact… everything. It wasn’t fair. I just wanted rid it all.

  A felt another set of hands touch the back of my head and screamed.

  “Shh, pumpkin. It’s only me.”

  “Daddy?”

  I turned and saw everyone in the room staring at me. Embarrassment ran through me and I could feel my skin heat up. In all the years it had gone on, they had never seen my nightmares. Mary had seen the one, but none after that. The only one close enough to see them was Jason.

  “Yes, pumpkin. How are you feeling?”

  I just shook my head. There wasn’t really anything that I could say at that moment. There was nothing that would change what they’d just seen or what I had been through. For that matter, what I had dragged them through. For so many years, I took extra measures to keep them out of this - out of the dark part of my life. Having done so meant that they were kept out of all other areas too, and that killed me every day. It hurt more than Alex’s attacks on me the fear I lived in day to day, or even the pain he inflicted. My family was everything to me and I’d lost that sixteen years earlier. To have them all in the room with me then – and under such circumstances – tore at me. I never should have turned my back. When it started, I should have told them. I knew they’d help me and support me, but still I kept quiet. Instead of getting the love and support then, I carried the pain alone.

  To say that I was scared was putting it way too lightly. I wanted several times to run and get help. So many times, I tried to tell my brothers and parents, but either I never could get the words out or Alex would show up and scare me quiet again. I lost myself. I lost the girl I once was. Kayla the adult… well, I had seen far too much. I had gone through far too much, but the future looked better; brighter.

  I looked at everyone.

  “Is he really gone?” I asked, scared I had dreamed it all.

  Everyone nodded with smiles on their faces. Slowly I turned my head back to Jason and I realized that he had cuts on him. I slowly reached my hand up and traced one on his forehead.

  “You were hurt. Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine sunshine. I’d do it again if I had to.”

  “What happened?”

  Carson walked forward and sat at the end of my bed and placed his hand on my leg, squeezing gently.

  “He is out of your life, Kay. This man - your soon to be husband - he saved you. He jumped through your glass doors at the clinic and beat the shit out of the sorry fucker,” He said, gritting his teeth.

  “You did that?” I breathed and looked up at him.

  “Kayla, I promised I would protect you at all costs. I wasn’t there when it first started, but I acted once I had reached you. I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”

  I stared at him. He looked completely heartbroken. It was almost like he blamed himself for what happened. It was in that moment that I realized it wasn’t just me that Alex went after it was everyone around. He affected us all, and all through me. Alex hurt my family by causing me to turn away. He hurt Jason by coming after me. Never in my wildest dreams did I realize that my life had such a domino effect on the things and people around me. We were all trapped in this game, and never realizing that one decision - one act - could change more than our own lives.

  “I’m so sorry everyone. Since I was twelve, I have put you all through hell and back and I could have stopped it. If I would have said something - if I wouldn’t have let him scare me, we may not be sitting here right now, all broken and hurting.”

  A song came to my head and it felt like it fit. I looked at everyone and when my eyes met Mary’s I winked. She smiled and nodded. Mary knew what I was about to do. Mary has been the only one in the family that had ever heard me sing. Right then, our pain needed to heal, and I feel like this might help some.

  I took a deep breath and I began to sing “Imagine Me Without You” by Jaci Velasquez. I started off a bit rough, but eventually my voice leveled out and I sang with all my heart. When I reached the chorus, Mary stepped up and joined in. Second verse was just me alone. When I reached the chorus again, I was shocked to see everyone join in. I finished out the song and my heart felt lighter.

  It was a new start. It was a new day to make things better and build our bonds stronger as time went on. It was a new beginning, and the ending was no longer clouded. Brightness shown and I looked at my family, knowing that things were truly going to get better!

  Soon I was moved to a regular room and I couldn’t wait to get out of that place and start my life. It sounded weird to say, but there I was, twenty-eight years old and I felt like now I was finally living.

  Jason has been amazing. He didn’t leave the hospital once, not even for a second. He had clothes brought and showered and ate all there in my room. I felt like a whole new me. The love I felt for Jason grew every day. Each day he proved to me that he loved me and would be there no matter what. The pain was pretty intense for a little while there, and he stayed with me. I had been at the hospital for several weeks, and they were finally talking about letting me go home soon.

  “Jason, are you sure you’re ready for me to be in your house?”

  EPILOGUE

  ~JASON~

  Kayla had scared me for a while there. Her pain was so intense that I thought she might have more wrong with her than the doctors were noticing. But the pain went away and she returned to being the Kayla before that asshole got a hold of her.

  My heart was so light, knowing that he would no longer be able to hurt her again, but as someone that worked in law enforcement I knew that the pressure was really beginning. She was going to have to testify in a trial and relive all her nightmares for all the world to hear. She was going to be airing what she spent half her life in hidi
ng. I wasn’t sure how she was going to handle that, but I hoped that she would allow me to support her as I longed to.

  “Sunshine, I couldn’t want anything more. My house - our house – needs you in it. When you left for work that day, it didn’t feel like home anymore. When you are there, it feels like home. Like heaven.”

  “You have been single for so long, and haven’t had anyone around constantly. I just worry that it is going to push you over the edge.”

  “You worry too much baby. It will be just fine. Besides, we’ve been practically living together for a while now with my staying at your place so much. If it was going to freak me out, it would have already. I love you, Kay. You said yes, remember?”

  A huge smile spread across her face.

  “Yes, I did.”

  @~^~ @~^~ @~^~

  Days had turned to weeks in what seemed like no time at all. It was time for Kayla to come home and I couldn’t be happier. She still had some recovering to do, but Kayla was as stubborn as ever. She didn’t like being babied, as she called it. Most people would love to be waited on hand and foot, but not Kayla. Though if I were honest, I didn’t like hovering either and that was all Kayla did for a long time after I was shot.

  Against the hospital wishes she walked out of the hospital. When I got her in the car, I could see how tired she was already in her face. She had to get used to moving again. Her body had taken some serious damage, but she could have had worse done to her. I was so grateful for her being there with me still. My life would not have been the same without her.

  Once I pulled up in front of the house, she tried to get out. I had to run to the side and pick her up before she could fight me on it.

  “Jason you are not going to carry me around like a fucking toddler or I will go back to my house.”

  “You don’t have a house anymore. Everyone moved your things here before you were released. I wanted you to be comfortable when you got home and you had already said that you wanted to move in.”

  “That’s fine. Carson already asked me if it was okay if they did. I just wanted to see if you would tell me,” she laughed.

  “You will regret that when you’re feeling better,” I laughed.

  “Promises. Promises,” she tsked.

  I carried her into the house and laid her down on our bed. I took a deep breath and just enjoyed the view of her laying in the very bed I thought I would never have a woman in. After everything went south with Kathi, I had this house built and bought everything new. I didn’t want to carry over any of the past with me to my new haven. I watched her yawn and smiled at her.

  “I’m going to make you something to eat. You get some sleep and I will wake you when it's ready, okay?”

  She nodded her head. “Can you open the doors? I like looking at the view of the lake while I fall asleep.”

  “Of course, baby.”

  I opened the doors and then walked over, gave her a kiss, and covered her up. She fell asleep almost right away. Heading out to the kitchen, I stopped in the doorway and looked at her for a moment. All the scenes of us together, laughing, playing, and loving danced before my eyes. How is it that in one meeting my life changed forever? I guess that thought can be said both ways.

  That one meeting with Kathi damn near killed me. I moved on, hardening myself and never letting anyone close. Then I met Kayla, and all the time and effort I spent blocking everything out and building walls was wasted because one look at her - one laugh from her – and BOOM! They all fell. She was mine and I was hers. It would never change.

  Heading out into the kitchen to make some food, I had no idea what to make for her. The hospital said to keep her food light at first. I looked through my cupboards and found nothing really appealing. Checking through my fridge and freezers, I found a bowl that had a sticker written on it.

  For Kayla

  A smile broke on my face. My mom came here and cooked her homemade soup for Kayla. Pouring the contents in a pan, I placed it on the stove and turned it on. I grabbed my phone and dialed my mom.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey Mom. Did you and Dad make it back okay?”

  “Yes, dear. How’s Kayla? Did they release her yet?”

  “Yes, I am warming the soup you left for her. Thank you Mom.”

  “Oh, dear. She is going to be our daughter soon. Kayla is an amazing woman and I couldn’t have picked better for you if you let me. She will keep you on your toes and grounded at the same time. I love you, honey. Remember, always treat her that way, no matter what happens in the future. Love is what makes things grow and work is what makes them last.”

  My mom was amazing. She and my dad fought many years to have kids, but mom had her own problems and so did my dad. They didn’t give up though. They kept trying and trying. One day a doctor told them that they could do in vitro fertilization, but not to get their hopes up. It still wasn’t a guarantee that it would take. Now, almost 30 years later, I stood there, a grown man. Mom was giving me this speech because she and my dad stayed together, still loved each other and knew that even if they couldn’t have kids they’d still have each other.

  When mom had me they found out she had cancer and had to have a hysterectomy making me the only child that I am. Sometimes I felt like there was far too much pressure on me to have all that on my shoulders, but then I think about the stories that other family members have told me and that pressure seems more like an honor.

  “Mom, can I ask you something?”

  “Sure honey.”

  “Do you ever wish… I mean, was I enough for you and dad? Do I make you proud?”

  My mom remained quiet for a long period of time before she finally spoke. Her voice was shaky and I could hear the tears falling down her cheek just by the way she spoke.

  “Jason Nichols Gold, how could you ask such a thing? You were the best thing that ever happened to us. We have never wished for anything else a day in our lives. You have never disappointed us. Even when you turned to drugs and alcohol and trouble after the evil witch and evil scum came into your life. You picked yourself up. You took control. There was nothing more that we wanted than to see our pride and joy functioning and happily. Were we happy that you closed yourself off from the world? No, we weren’t, but we knew that one girl was going to come along and knock the life right out of you. We couldn’t be happier that it was Kayla. She comes from a great family and has an amazing head on her shoulders. We love you, Nicky. Nothing you can do will ever change that or make us wish differently.”

  “Thank you, Mom. I love you too. I will keep you updated on how Kayla’s doing. The soup is done and I need to get her to eat so she can take her meds. I’ll call later, okay?”

  After saying goodbye, I served up some soup for Kayla and carried into the room. Waking her gently, her heart capturing eyes were glued to mine.

  “Hey. How long was I asleep?”

  “Not long. My mom made some of her famous soup and I reheated it for you. You need to take your medication you need to eat, please.”

  She nodded and I helped her sit up. It was the most amazing feeling in the world. I finally had the love of my life. She was sitting with me, wearing my ring and in my bed.

  “When would you like to get married?”

  “March fifteenth,” she answered hesitantly.

  “How…?”

  “Our parents are close, remember? I heard my parents talking about it one day. If you don’t want to I understand. I just thought that maybe it might…” she trailed off and shrugged.

  “You sure? My sister would have been honored, but Kay, I want this to be a dream wedding.”

  “What could be better than honoring your sister on her birthday? I would have loved to have met her. I bet she would have been beautiful.” She whispered.

  My parents got pregnant shortly after they had me. My mom was about five months along when they found out she had cancer. A tumor had attached itself to the placenta and was basically sucking the life out of my sister. My parents m
ade the difficult decision to give birth and she lived for only two days when she passed away on the seventeenth. I often wondered what she would have been like and what it would have been like having a sister.

  Now I look at what the Williams brothers have gone through for their sisters and I knew exactly what I would have done; gone freaking nuts. Her room remained half finish for a long time after that. I was standing at the top of the steps when I was ten and heard my parents talking about how painful it was to see it like that. So when they went to town, I finished the room for them. My mom cried for days, but she said they were happy tears because I helped her and my sister. I never understood what she meant, but whatever she meant by it, mom was able to move past her pain after that. I was grateful. One of the hardest things for me was seeing her cry and I’m sure it hurt my dad too.

  “Kay?”

  “Hmmm,” she said as she took a bite of soup.

  “Do you want kids?”

  “Yes, but if it is not in the cards for us, I just want you.”

  Our life was about to begin, but I had to wonder how everything that has happened recently was going to affect everyone else involved. Would there be more changes to come or will things just go by smoothly. Only time would tell, but for now, life couldn’t get any better than in that moment.

  Fantasy Attraction

  Book 2 in the Hidden Secrets series.

  PROLOGUE

  ~Carson~

  The Trial

  It was exceptionally hot outside, but the temperature inside this room was extremely cold. Honestly, I was surprised you couldn’t see your breath. The temperature was odd considering the room was packed full of people. It made me sick really. It was like they were all there to get some kind of entertainment at the expense of my sister. I wish this had been a closed courtroom, but when the judge came back and denied the request my heart sank. Not for myself, but for Kayla.