Until Lilly

by Aurora Rose Reynolds

  “Thank you, guys, for my gift. I love it,” I say, kissing Ashlyn’s forehead. She wraps her little arms around my neck, hugging me tightly.

  “Lobe you, Daddy,” she says, and my eyes start to burn.

  “You’re welcome, Dad,” Jax says, hugging my other side.

  “Can we go to the zoo?” Ashlyn asks, pulling her face out of my neck and making me laugh.

  “You always want to go to the zoo,” Jax says.

  “The zoo is fun.”

  “The zoo is lame,” Jax returns, and they both jump up so they are standing on the bed and proceed to argue back and forth. I lean forward, grabbing Lilly’s hand, dragging her up to me.

  “Thank you for this,” I tell her, running my fingers down the side of her face.

  “You’re welcome; we love you,” she says, laying her head on my chest, her fingers picking up the pendent to look at it.

  “Thank fuck,” I whisper into her ear.

  “Dad, we’re not going to the zoo, are we?” Jax groans, flopping down onto the bed dramatically.

  “Not today, little dude.”

  “But, Daddy…” Ashlyn whines.

  “Ashlyn Alexandra, no whining,” Lilly scolds, and Ashlyn crosses her arms over her chest in a pout.

  “But I want to see the wions.”

  “If you keep up the attitude, little miss thing, you won’t be going to the zoo for a very long time,” Lilly says, and I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing at the look on Ashlyn’s face.

  “Come here, baby.” I hold out my hand and she flops down on top of me, making me grunt.

  “How about we go do something that everyone will like doing?”

  “Like what?” she asks.

  “Well, we could go fishing,” I say. I haven’t gone fishing in a while, and I know that it’s something that Jax enjoys doing.

  “Yay! Fishing!” Jax yells.

  “Are we gonna fish for salmon?” Ashlyn asks.

  “No, baby. Catfish,” I tell her, pushing her hair away from her face.

  “Catfish?” Her face scrunches up, looking adorable.

  “Yep, catfish.”

  “Are catfish hairy?”

  “Catfish aren’t hairy,” Jax says, laughing and rolling around on the bed.

  “All right, guys, if you want to go fishing you need to go brush your teeth and get dressed,” I tell them both and watch as they bounce off the bed and run out the door.

  “So you guys are going fishing? That’s fun,” Lilly says, and I smile.

  “We are all going fishing.”

  “No, you and the kids are going.”

  “Babe, it’s my birthday, which means it’s my day. So we’re all going fishing.”

  “Fine.” She pouts, and I know exactly where my daughter got her attitude.

  “What did you tell Ashlyn about her attitude?”

  “I don’t have an attitude.”

  “Good, so get your ass up and get ready to go fishing.”

  “Cash.”

  “Lil.” I say her name, bending forward so that I can kiss her until she’s quiet.

  “So when it’s my birthday, I get to do whatever I want, right?” she asks breathlessly.

  “Yes, that’s a new rule.”

  “Good. Hopefully, the Fifty Shades of Grey movie will be out then and we can go see it,” she says, hopping off the bed and making a beeline for the bathroom. It takes me a second to realize what she said and I walk to the bathroom, opening the door and catching her just as she’s getting in the shower.

  “We’re not going to see that movie,” I tell her. I know all about that shit; Asher told Trevor and me all about it.

  “You said I get to do whatever I want,” she says, and I can tell by the tone of her voice that she’s smiling.

  “Okay, let me clarify that statement. We can do anything you want, as long as it’s something that the kids can be involved in.”

  “Fine, I will go see it with Liz and November.”

  “Are you interested in BDSM?” I ask her. When Asher broke the book down for us, he said this dude Grey had a bad childhood, and when he got older he had an urge to dominate the women he slept with.

  “Your kink is enough for me, thank you,” she says, laughing. I pull the shower curtain back so I can look at her.

  “I'm not into kink.”

  “You’re not?” She tilts her head to the side, studying my face.

  “No, I'm not,” I say firmly.

  “Hmm…so what about the time you held me down and wouldn’t let me come? Or the time you tied me to the bed? Or all the times you’ve threatened—which you haven’t followed through, I might add—to spank me? Or what about the time you had me on my knees and—”

  “Fuck me, I'm into kink,” I breathe. I have no idea where this is coming from. With Lilly, I always feel a need deep in my soul to show her who’s in charge. I glare at her when she starts laughing. “Keep laughing and I'm going to turn your ass pink,” I growl. She moans then puts her ass in my direction.

  “Jesus, I think it’s you that’s really into kink,” I say, and I can’t help but to run my palm over the curve of her ass. “We don’t have time to explore this right now, but later, I will definitely find out how kinky you are,” I say, smiling when her cheeks turn rosy. “I'm gonna go check the kids.” I adjust myself before leaving the bathroom. Walking out of the room, I try to think of every baseball stat or piece of construction equipment I know, and not the fact that tonight I'm going to see just how kinky I can get with my woman.

  *~*~*

  “He’s so ugly!” Ashlyn cries as I remove the hook from the catfish’s tail.

  “He is ugly,” Lilly says, still holding the pole.

  “Babe, I don’t know how you keep hooking them in everything but their mouths, but this is your third one. I hope Fish and Game doesn’t show up.” I smile and she laughs. We have been fishing for over an hour and none of us have caught anything except Lilly, and every time she catches one, it’s never hooked in the mouth; it’s always through some part of the fish’s body—like this one now. Somehow, she caught it right through the tail.

  “You said when I felt a nibble to tug, and I did what you said,” she counters.

  “I did say that.” I smile, and once I finally have the hook removed, I put another worm on her it for her and set up Ashlyn’s again with the fish dough. She doesn’t like to see the worm on her hook. Jax is sitting next to me, handling his own fishing hook while massacring three worms on it. “Dude, you don’t need so many worms.”

  “If the fish are hungry, they will like it.” His little face is scrunched in concentration.

  “Good point,” I say, finishing with Lilly’s bait and watch as she walks down the long dock. Her tight jeans show off the curve of her ass and her long legs. Ashlyn runs off, following close behind her wearing her life jacket. A few seconds later, Jax follows behind them wearing his life jacket as well. After I get my pole hooked up, I start making my way down dock when Lilly yells that she’s got another one. I watch as she brings it out of the water. The fish is hooked through the mouth this time, his body flopping around. Lilly starts screaming when the fish makes its way towards her; she keeps backing away from him but still has the pole in her hand, so the fish is following her the whole way. I'm laughing so hard, and so are the kids, until Lilly continues her backwards walk right off the dock. She cries out right before there is a loud splash. I have never in my life met someone as clumsy as she is. I shake my head and run down the dock just as Lilly comes back up and starts treading water. She wipes her hair out of her face laughing. Both the kids are cracking up, dancing around the dock.

  “I can’t believe I did that,” she laughs. I reach down to give her a hand up; she takes it then tugs, and I'm falling over the edge of the dock into the water with her. When I come up, I'm sputtering. I look at Lilly, who is laughing her ass off, then up at the kids, who are looking down on both of us with giant smiles on their faces.

&nbs
p; “You think this is funny?” I ask, and then start to splash water onto the deck at the kids.

  “No, Daddy! There are fish in that water!” Ashlyn yells, running away while Jax looks at me, then Lilly, and jumps in.

  “This is so much better than the zoo,” Jax says, climbing onto my back.

  “Come in, love bug,” Lilly calls.

  “Will the fish bite me?”

  “No, they are all scared,” Jax says.

  “The water is icky, and it’s too cold!” she says, looking at the water, then at us.

  “You’re such a girl,” Jax yells, then tries to dunk Lilly.

  “I know I'm a girl. I'm a princess. Right, Daddy?” She puts her hands on her little hips and glares at her brother.

  “Right, baby,” I say, putting my hands up on the dock and pulling myself up and out of the water.

  “You two ready to get out?” I ask, putting a hand down to Jax, who kicks his way over to me. I take his hand and pull him out of the water, and once I’ve gotten him and Lilly out, Jax starts chasing his sister around threatening to hug her, causing Ashlyn to scream and run away from him.

  “This is way better than the zoo,” Lilly says, and I toss my arm over her shoulder, pulling her into my side. “It’s a good thing that warm front came through or this would really suck,” she says with a little shiver.

  “Thanks for giving me this,” I tell her, kissing the side of her head.

  “It’s been a lot of fun.” We make our way to our blanket that we had laid out on the grass, along with our cooler full of drinks and snacks. Jax runs to the blanket, gets a towel and his extra set of clothes from the bag that Lilly packed. I have no idea how she knew that we would need all that; I guess it’s a mom thing. I take him to the truck to help him get changed and bring back a jacket for Lilly to throw on over her wet clothes. We all sit down on the blanket and Lilly hands the kids each a sandwich before handing me one. Her eyes roll back before she sits forward and pulls out her cell phone from her back pocket.

  “Shit,” she mumbles, looking at her phone.

  “You said a naughty word,” Ashlyn informs Lil.

  “Sorry,” she says, smiling.

  “Don’t worry, babe; we can get you a new one,” I tell her, pulling her phone out of her hand and looking at it. I can see water in the screen, so I know that it’s not salvageable with a bag of rice.

  “I can’t afford a new phone,” she says, looking at it.

  “Will you stop doing that?”

  “Doing what?”

  “I didn’t ask you to pay for the phone, Lil. You can get a line on my account. It’s past time for you to get a Tennessee number anyways.”

  “But I really can’t afford it. I still have to pay the lawyer,” she says quietly, looking at the kids. And just like that, I’m reminded of the shit that is still happening around us. That shit, along with my ex, is something that I don’t like to think about. Lucky for us, both have been quiet lately. The case against Lilly has been put on hold due to lack of evidence. And Jules has not made any contact since she went to Lilly’s school and attacked her. The day Lilly showed up at my jobsite in tears from what Jules did to her, it took everything in me not to kill her myself. Not that I didn’t track her down and make it known that if she continued her bullshit I would make her life a living hell. But even though she’s been quiet lately, I know that she is up to something. I just don’t know what.

  “I love you, Lil. You and Ashlyn are mine, and it’s my job to take care of you. So please, let me do my job.”

  “It’s not your job,” she huffs out, looking annoyed.

  “Yes, it is.”

  “A job is something you have to do whether you want to or not.” Her eyebrows come together, creating a small crease between them.

  “Lil.” I shake my head; she’s so frustrating sometimes. I lean over, running my finger between her brows. “This is something I want to do. I love taking care of you guys.”

  “I don’t want you to resent me,” she says so quietly that I almost miss it.

  “How could I resent you?” I run my hand down the side of her face.

  “I don’t know.”

  “Babe, you have to stop doing that. Are you happy?” I ask quietly, looking at the kids. They are now off running around in the grass, chasing birds that keep coming to them because they are dropping bread as they run.

  “Yes.” She watches the kids and a smile comes to her face. “I just don’t want you to feel like I’m putting all this on you, you know?

  “Baby,” I laugh, pulling her over to me. “If you told me that you were going to stay home from now on, that would fucking thrill me.”

  “Why?”

  “I like knowing that you’re at home when I get home, and that my kids are being taken care of by you.”

  “Cash—”

  “Hey, I didn’t say that you were going to stay home forever, but as long as you are, I’m cool with it.”

  “Just promise me that you will tell me if you get to a point where you’re not cool with it anymore.”

  “Where’s all this coming from?” I ask her, not understanding what’s bringing all these doubts to the surface when we have been doing so well.

  “I don’t know. I’m just used to working, so me not working is messing with my head. I love being home with both the kids, but...” she trails off, shaking her head.

  “But what?” I ask when her face pales slightly.

  “Um…I…it’s nothing.” She shakes her head again and I know it’s not nothing.

  “Lil, please talk to me.”

  “Jules came by yesterday. The kids were down for a nap, and I answered the door not thinking, but I think she realized that I’m living there.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I didn’t want you to be worried, and when she saw that it was me who answered, she left without really saying anything.”

  “Next time she comes by, you need to call me.”

  “Sorry.”

  “It’s fine, babe, but I will not allow her to fuck with you or my kids.” I take a breath, trying to calm down. And speaking of the devil, my phone starts ringing, with Jules’ name coming onto the screen. “Yeah?” I answer on the second ring. Standing, I walk away from the where Lilly is and the kids are playing.

  “So you moved in that chick?” she asks with venom in her voice

  “Lilly is not a chick; she’s my woman, the mother of my child, and soon, my wife. Second, you don’t ever get to question what I do, or when or how I do it. And third,” I growl when I hear her trying to cut me off, “you do not get to show up at my house unannounced ever.”

  “I think I have the right to know if there is a criminal around my son.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “I heard that she is a criminal.” I can tell she is smirking; I’ve seen her smug face enough to know what she sounds like when she’s doing it.

  “Who the fuck told you that?” I ask, my gut twisting.

  “Don’t worry about who told me, just know that I know all about her.”

  “You don’t know shit. Why are you calling me?”

  “I want to see Jax,” she says nonchalantly.

  “Not today.”

  “Why not today?” she whines, and I clench my fist. She never wants to see Jax, and she never calls to check on him. Even when he had to stay in the hospital with strep, she wasn’t concerned enough to see him.

  “It’s my birthday. We’re spending the day together.”

  “So you could come too,” she says in what I'm sure she thinks is a sexy tone. All that shit does to me is make me want to punch something or cut off my dick.

  “Have you lost your damn mind?”

  “Please, I want to see our son.”

  “I will call you tomorrow and set up a time to meet up with you,” I say, hanging up. I lean my head back, looking up at the sky through the trees. I hate that I’m going to have to deal with her ass for the rest of my life. I feel ar
ms wrap around my waist, and my hands go to Lilly’s on my stomach. I look down when I feel arms around each of my legs, and I know that no matter what bullshit Jules pulls, if I have this, I will be happy.

  Chapter 9

  Lilly

  “Don’t touch me,” Ashlyn says from the backseat.

  “I'm not touching you,” Jax says.

  “Don’t touch me!” Ashlyn yells this time.

  “I'm not touching you,” Jax repeats, and I can hear it in his voice that he is smiling and really trying to piss off his sister.

  “Mommy, Jax isn’t touching me! Stop not touching me!” Ashlyn cries and I laugh. Looking through the rearview mirror, I can see that Jax has a finger close to his sister, but far enough away that he is not actually touching her.

  “Jax, leave your sister alone,” I say, trying to sound firm, but it’s really funny so it’s difficult. I never had siblings growing up, so I have no idea what it’s like, but I love how Jax is with Ashlyn. I love that she has someone there for her. And I know that, yes, he picks on her, but let someone else try to pick on his sister and he turns into a twenty-year-old and lays down the law. No one, but no one, picks on his sister except him. Things have been good—no, that’s wrong—things have been perfect…well, that is if you don’t count getting accused of check fraud and losing your job.

  The good thing is that I had my meeting with the school board and my case was dismissed. They were not happy about what happened, but after the union heard my case and saw for themselves the evidence against me was all false, they said I could return to work. And I would, just not at that school. I don’t want to work somewhere where the principal didn’t even give me a chance to speak, due to her own feelings and her own situation. I want to be somewhere that people know me and my character enough to realize I would never do what I had been accused of.

  So for now, I’m a stay at home mom. I love having the kids, but I miss teaching. I have put in an application at the local middle school, and I’m waiting to hear back from them. So, things are going awesome, and we have all settled in. I’d thought that it would be weird living with Cash, but it isn’t; I love it. I love that the kids have each other. I love that I get to wake up to Cash every day. I love him coming home to the kids and me, and having family dinners. I love that his family has started acting more comfortably around me. The only thing that I don’t love is his ex. I know in my head that she is Jax’s mother, but my heart doesn’t like that very much. I hate seeing the disappointment on his little face when she is supposed to show up and doesn’t. When he does see her, I hate the way he acts when he comes back to us. I hate that Cash is subjected to dealing with her when she wants to act like she cares about Jax, then how he has to put up with the aftermath of Jax, and trying to explain to him why his mom is such a bitch. So if not for his ex, things would be perfect, and that is one thing that worries me. When Cash and I were together before, things were like they are now, minus the kids. I’m concerned about getting too comfortable, but at the same time, he makes it so easy to fall back into a place where I feel safe and loved.