Ready To Love Again

by Annalyse Knight

  When he came to, he heard people yelling, and his head lolled to the side while he tried to open his eyes. The pain in his head was unbearable, and he had a fleeting moment when he thought he’d been hit with a baseball bat.

  “I think she’s breathing!” someone yelled. Chase groaned and tried again to open his eyes.

  “He’s coming around, too! Did you call 911?” The stranger’s words started to register in his mind, and Chase remembered a flash of light and Terri, in her green dress. He forced his eyes open, and the world spun out of control. The throbbing in his head made it hard to concentrate.

  “He’s got a hospital sticker in the back window!” the voice yelled again. “Sir, sir! You need to wake up! Are you a doctor?” Chase felt strong hands on him shaking his shoulder, making him wince in pain.

  “Sir, your wife. You need to wake up.” My wife? He tried to open his eyes again, and this time, everything slowly came into focus.

  “Are you a doctor?”

  Chase glanced up at the man towering over his open door with a flashlight and gave him a half nod. The vision in his left eye was fuzzy, so he tried to avoid any fast movements.

  Then it hit him. I’ve been in an accident. His head snapped to where Terri sat, and it took him a moment to comprehend that the door and dash had sandwiched her against her seat. His stomach hit the ground, and he reached for her, trying to find a pulse. Chase’s fingers shook when he pressed them against her neck. He felt the faint beat under his fingers and let out a sigh of relief.

  “Did someone call 911?”

  The man with the flashlight informed him that the CHP and paramedics were en route. Chase pulled himself up until he was hovering over Terri’s unconscious form, and he fought the rising nausea.

  She’s going to be okay.

  He checked her airway before he assessed the extent of her injuries. Her cheek and forehead were slashed open from the shattered windshield. There was a lot of blood, and he kept reminding himself that head wounds always bled more than other injuries.

  “I need towels or something to stop the bleeding and a first aid kit now,” he called over his shoulder. The man with a flashlight went in search of the items he requested while Chase’s eyes continued to travel down Terri’s body.

  The front of her dress was soaked in blood. Chase reached for her neckline and yanked open the fabric. The light from one of the other car’s headlights gave him a view of her left side. There weren’t any major wounds that he could see, but the door kept him from evaluating anything on her right side. He looked out her window and found that the front end of a red car rested on top of Terri’s door, trapping her underneath.

  “Someone get that car out of here,” he yelled. Terri’s head lolled to the side, and his hands went to her face.

  “Terri, baby. Can you hear me?” She let out a loud groan in response. “Terri, I need you to talk to me, sweetheart. Please, baby, open your eyes.” Her lashes fluttered on her cheek before they opened, and he noticed that several blood vessels in her eyes had burst. “Baby, can you hear me?”

  “Chase?”

  “I need you to tell me where it hurts.”

  Blood pooled in Terri’s mouth. She tried to speak, but he couldn’t make out what she was saying between the ragged gasps.

  Where the hell are the paramedics?

  “My head,” she whispered, clear enough for him to understand her.

  “Anything else?”

  She slipped back into unconsciousness before she could answer. With a curse, Chase turned to the man with the flashlight and snatched the towels out of his hands. “Get that car out of here. I have to see what other injuries she has, and I can’t do it until that damn car is moved!”

  “The police just arrived. They’re going to try to move it, but both cars are sitting on the edge of the cliff. One wrong move and they could go over.”

  Chase looked out his side window. Sure enough, they were inches from the edge. There was no guard rail, and he cursed the idiot who’d decided they didn’t need to put one in that particular spot. He refocused on Terri, reaching his hand below the door to feel her legs. Her entire right leg from hip to ankle was crushed, and a whimper came from his mouth when he closed his eyes and tried to remember his training. A voice bellowing orders drew his attention, and Chase opened his eyes to see a police officer leaning in through the broken window.

  “Sir, are you okay?” he asked. “Are you hurt in any way?”

  Chase could feel the blood dripping through his hair from the gash where his head had hit the window, but he shook his head slowly. “No, I’m fine. My wife—”

  “I’m going to have to ask you to exit the vehicle.”

  “I’m a doctor, and my wife is hurt. I need to see the extent of her injuries. You just worry about getting her out of here,” he said with authority. There was no way he would leave her side. The officer must have sensed Chase’s determination, because he nodded.

  “I understand, but you need to know how dangerous the situation is.”

  “I know. Just get to work and get my wife out of here.”

  “Yes, sir.” The officer turned and began telling people to back up. Chase tried to squeeze his hand between Terri’s stomach and the door, but it was useless. He pressed the towel to the side of her head, since it was the only thing he could reach, while he checked her pulse again. All his experience would be of no use unless she was removed. The scraping sound of metal penetrated his concentration while several people tried to push the red car away. After a few more attempts, the officer informed him that they would have to wait ten more minutes for a tow truck to pull the cars apart. Chase let out a feral cry of frustration and anger. If they had been in town, he would already have her in the ER.

  After several excruciating minutes, a yellow tow truck pulled up. Chase let out a sigh of relief when he heard the sound of grating metal while the other car was pulled away. The police and firefighters went to work, and he held Terri’s hand.

  “Chase?” Terri’s eyes were wide with wonder. No, this isn’t happening. He pushed away the thoughts of patients he had witnessed taking their dying breaths. She’ll be fine. I can fix this.

  “I’m here, baby.” Her breathing became raspier while she gulped for air and struggled to speak. His hands went to her hair, and he pushed away the strands that had escaped her twist. “Shhh. Save your strength. We’ll be out of here in a minute.”

  “We’re going to have to get him out of there before we pull this apart!” one of the firefighters yelled to his comrades. Chase ignored what was happening outside the car and leaned in closer to hear Terri over the noise.

  “No, I-I need to tell you—”

  “You can tell me after we get you to the hospital and fix this.”

  She shook her head and gasped. Chase felt a tear slide down his cheek. It killed him to watch her in so much pain.

  “Make sure to give Liz my mom’s bracelet.”

  What? Hell no!

  “Terri,” he said with a harsh clip in his tone. “Stop talking like that. You’ll be fine.” Her head moved to the side and a sob broke from her throat. He squeezed her hand, knowing it was the only place on her body that wasn’t in agony.

  “Anthony . . . you need to read to him every night, and make sure he’s always a gentleman.” She opened her lips to speak, and when she did, more blood oozed out of the corner of her mouth.

  “Hurry up!” he roared over his shoulder when the windshield ripped away.

  “Tell them both I love them.” Her eyes drifted closed, and he couldn’t catch his breath as his panic took over.

  “Terri! No, don’t close your eyes. I need you to stay with me, baby.” His fingers went to her throat and felt that her heart rate was slowing.

  No! This isn’t happening.

  “Sir, you’re going to have to get out of the car now,” an EMT said.

  Chase shook his head in a flat-out refusal. “No, I’m not leaving her.”

  “Sir, if you d
on’t exit the vehicle, we will remove you.” The man’s voice was firm. “I promise we’ll be quick and do our best not to hurt her, but we can’t proceed with you in the vehicle.”

  Chase let out a loud growl before he kissed her lips. “I’m still here, baby.” Once he was out of the car, a firefighter pulled him aside and tried to tend to his injuries, but he waved him away. The metal of Terri’s precious Shelby was peeled back, inch by inch, like a sardine can. When her gut-wrenching scream came from the car, he darted forward. A burly firefighter wrapped his arms around Chase’s chest and pulled him back.

  “Let me go! She needs me!”

  Chase threw his elbow into the firefighter’s stomach, and he released him with a grunt. Taking three steps, Chase made it halfway to the car before a couple large men forced him to the ground. He screamed for them to release him until he calmed down enough to make sense of what they were telling him.

  “You have to let them get her out. You can help her when they’ve done their job, but if you get in their way, it’ll take twice as long.”

  Chase stopped struggling. They hauled him to his feet but didn’t release his arms until the door was torn away. He rushed to Terri’s side and tried to hold in his shock at how extensive her injuries were.

  The paramedics strapped her on a gurney while he focused on his training and shouted orders for what he needed. His main concern was to stop the bleeding before she hemorrhaged out. As soon as they were in the ambulance, the paramedics hooked her up to an IV and heart monitor while Chase worked frantically to stem the blood flow.

  He continued to assess the damage while the paramedic squeezed the IV bag to get the fluid into her as quickly as possible. Chase’s eyes flew to Terri’s face when he heard her gasp, and her eyes were locked on his. The determination on her face made his blood run cold.

  “No. Don’t do this.” Chase shook his head. “Don’t tell me goodbye.”

  “I love you,” she whispered. Grabbing the paramedic’s hand, he pressed it to the gauze he held to her chest. Chase grasped her hand and leaned over her until their faces were inches apart.

  “I love you, too. I promise you’re going to be fine.”

  She smiled a sad smile, and a tear ran down her cheek. “Promise me you’ll be happy.” Her breath became shallow, and her eyes fluttered closed.

  “Don’t . . . don’t do this, Terri. I can’t lose you. Please hang on.” A sob tore through his throat, and he pressed his lips to her forehead. The long buzz of the monitor indicated her heart had stopped. He sat up and pushed the hands of the paramedic away to administer CPR.

  1 . . . 2 . . . 3 . . . This isn’t happening. 5 . . . 6 . . . 7 . . . She’s going to make it. 9 . . . 10 . . . 11 . . . What the hell is taking so long? 13 . . . 14 . . . 15 . . . If I hadn’t been speeding. 17 . . . 18 . . . 19 . . . We should have taken the BMW. 21 . . . 22 . . . 23 . . . If I would have given in and let her have dessert. 25 . . . 26 . . . 27 . . . If we hadn’t stopped and danced. 29 . . . 30 . . . breath . . . Oh no. The baby. The paramedic started to secure her airway by intubating her.

  “One amp of epi in!” the paramedic yelled while Chase continued to pump her chest. After several minutes, the paramedic yelled, “Hold CPR.”

  He reached for Terri’s neck to feel for a pulse while the loud, piercing sound of the flatlining monitor echoed in his ears. “No pulse, continuing CPR,” he muttered, going back to his compressions.

  Every scenario streamed through his mind while he relived every change in their evening that could have led them down a different path—a path that didn’t include watching his wife die.

  No! That will not happen.

  “Sir, let me take over,” the paramedic said. He would have hit him if his hands weren’t occupied. Chase’s head turned toward him while he continued to pump her chest.

  “Shut the hell up. You’re a damn paramedic. I’m the one with the medical degree,” he growled. The paramedic nodded and sat back while Chase continued to push on her chest. “Give her another round of epi now.”

  The driver let them know they would arrive in two minutes, and he felt some hope that once he had her in the operating room, he would be able to fix this. The sound of the long buzz of the heart monitor drove him crazy. He turned and ripped the cord out of the machine, then went back to work.

  Seconds after they arrived, the gurney moved under him, and he looked up to see Dr. Lee and several of the nurses pulling Terri from the ambulance. In a fog, he jumped out and continued compressions until they were in the trauma room.

  “Chase, let us take it from here.” Dr. Lee’s voice was firm but compassionate.

  Chase shook his head and continued. A hand clamped down on his shoulder, and he tried to shake it off.

  1 . . . 2 . . . 3 . . . 4 . . . 5 . . . 6 . . .

  “Chase, let her go.” Carlos’ voice soothed, giving him the ability to let someone else take over. His hands stopped, and he looked into the eyes of his friend. As soon as he hesitated, they rolled Terri’s lifeless body into the trauma bay. Chase paced back and forth, his hands gripping his hair, while they continued to work on her.

  “A-systole,” Dr. Lee said. “I’m going to call it.”

  No, no, no, no, no.

  “Time of death . . . 23:14.”

  “No! Damn it!” he shouted, launching himself at Dr. Lee. Chase grabbed the front of his scrubs and shoved him away from his wife. “Why the hell did you stop?” His hands went to her chest to resume CPR, and that was when he noticed how much of her blood was on his hands. He shook his head in denial while he held them out in front of him.

  This is not happening. This is not happening.

  He stared down at the body of the woman he loved and gasped for breath. His heart clenched, and he grabbed his chest. The pain was unbearable. Chase took Terri’s hand and held it to his chest, staring at her wedding ring. The strangled cry that escaped his lips sounded foreign to his ears, and he collapsed in a heap, clutching her hand to his cheek.

  Fingers gripped his shoulder, and he glanced up to see Carlos holding a syringe, asking for his permission to ease the pain. Chase nodded, unable to bear the truth in his eyes—Terri was gone. He felt a pinch in his arm and had a brief thought of Elizabeth and Anthony before his world went black.

  ~*~

  Tears streamed down Katie’s cheeks while he told her the details of the night Terri died. Her heart ached for his loss of not only his wife but also his unborn child. While she’d always known he had been at the accident scene, she had never comprehended, until that moment, how horrifying it must have been. A small shiver ran down her spine when she imagined the terror of watching someone she loved die in her arms. She stroked Chase’s hair and pressed her lips to the top of his head.

  Once he’d recounted the story, she had a better understanding of why he never spoke about it. He felt responsible for Terri’s death, blaming himself for circumstances he couldn’t change. An adjustment in any one of their decisions could have altered their fate, but then again, maybe it wouldn’t have changed anything. That didn’t stop him from thinking he could have saved his wife if he’d made different choices.

  Chase had never spoken of his unborn child to her, and Gina had mentioned that he never talked about the accident to anyone in the family. Katie closed her eyes as the reason behind his silence became clear. The pain they endured would have doubled if they’d known the extent of their loss. He kept these things to himself to spare the ones he loved the awful truth.

  Katie stroked his hair while her tears continued to slide down her face. She wished there were something she could do to ease his suffering, but Chase had to get past this hurdle on his own if they were ever going to have a future together. He’d bottled up his feelings for so long, and he needed to finally face them.

  “Katie?” Chase said when his breathing had returned to normal.

  “Hmm?”

  “I know what I need to do,” he whispered against her chest. Katie pulled away to get a look at his
face. His eyes were full of resolve, and she breathed a small sigh of relief that her Chase was back.

  “What’s that?”

  “I need to go see Terri. It’s time.”

  Chapter 25

  Chase played with Katie’s hair, her warm body snuggled against his. He couldn’t sleep. As soon as they’d arrived home, he called his mother and asked if she could keep the kids for the night. Katie and Chase stayed up late discussing what had happened out on the cliff.

  Katie cried with him while he recounted the days after Terri’s death and how he had to tell Liz and Tony their mother wasn’t going to come home. She asked questions he had never answered before, and he was surprised that he wanted to tell her. Chase recounted his long leave of absence and how he disconnected himself from his family until Gina threatened to take his kids away. They discussed the overwhelming anger he’d felt when he found out the driver of the other vehicle was drunk. The man had pled guilty, saving Chase’s family from a trial, and he’d opted out of participating in the sentencing. He couldn’t bring himself to even write a letter explaining how the drunk driver had changed their lives, and he certainly didn’t want his family to find out about the child they would never know.

  While he lay there, tears formed under his closed lids. He’d spent years avoiding his memories of the accident, but after letting it all go, it felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders. The energy it took to avoid thinking about it had taken a toll on his mental health over the years. Now that it was out in the open, he let himself feel every emotion he had experienced that fateful night.

  He had blamed himself for something he had no control over. One small change could have saved Terri’s life, but there had been no way of knowing it at the time. Chase looked down at the beautiful sleeping woman beside him and buried his face in her hair. If their fates had been different, he wouldn’t have found Katie, and she and Shawn wouldn’t be a part of his life. That thought made his stomach constrict with guilt. He loved Terri, but that chapter of his life was over. It was time to move on. Terri would always hold a piece of his heart, but Katie had become the woman he couldn’t live without.