Painless

by S. A. Harazin

  Then I see Joe and Ruby standing at my door. Veronica pretends she’s dusting my desk. Ruby’s frowning. She eyes me. “What happened to your grandmother’s pain medicine?”

  I shrug.

  “He doesn’t show a grain of remorse,” Ruby says.

  “You don’t live here,” Veronica says. “You don’t know David.”

  “I know what he did to my grandson.”

  Joe snorts the way a dog does when sniffing something gross on the ground.

  I turn away.

  “This is pointless,” Ruby says to Joe. “I don’t know how in the world you deal with a kid like him. I’ll let myself out.”

  After she’s gone, I turn around. “She’s trying to get me into trouble,” I say to Veronica. “She wants revenge.”

  Chapter 18

  I’m in my room bashing monsters in the video game and trying to forget a dream I had last night that Luna was make-believe like Tyler was. Then Veronica knocks on my door and says a police officer wants to talk to me. He’s waiting in the study with Joe.

  “It’s probably nothing,” I say. Nana usually makes a contribution to a fund for wounded officers. I figure that’s why somebody’s here. Or maybe this could be about my dad. I bet it’s about my dad or maybe my mom. Or somebody’s been in an accident.

  A sick feeling builds inside me. Veronica heads into Nana’s room with a duster, and I have to go downstairs.

  In the study I sit on the love seat. Joe’s in the big chair. He introduces me to Officer Paige who is sitting in a wing chair.

  “David,” Joe says. “Officer Paige wants to know where you were on May first.”

  I look down. I have a cornflake stuck to my T-shirt. “Here. My grandmother died sometime during the night,” I say and look at Joe. “You could’ve told him that.”

  “I did,” he says. “The nurse was here too,” he tells the officer.

  Oh no. I better tell the truth or else. Once you lie, nothing else is believable. “The nurse didn’t show up. She’d hurt her back, and the agency didn’t send a replacement. I stayed with my grandmother.” I glance at Joe. “I would’ve called you, but the day nurse was coming early the next morning.”

  “Did you give her pain medication?” Officer Paige asks.

  “No. She took pain medicine.”

  “You saw her?”

  “No. I went to get her some water.”

  “Was she confused?”

  “Part of the time. I didn’t know she could reach her medicine.”

  “Did you fill her prescription that day?”

  “No. I don’t do stuff like that. The medication is delivered.”

  “A person could make a lot of money selling drugs.”

  “I don’t need money.”

  “Don’t say anything else, David,” Joe warns.

  “I’m finished,” Officer Paige says.

  Wait a minute, I think. What does he mean by that?

  Joe stands.

  “It’s routine. He is not under arrest.” Paige looks at his watch. He explains that an unidentified caller said I gave my grandmother an overdose of painkillers. He had to follow up.

  I try to stay calm. “What’s next?” I ask.

  “He’ll turn in his report,” Joe says. “Then we’ll hear.”

  “And I may be in trouble for something I would never do in a million years? That sucks. That’s not right to listen to somebody who’s out to get me. Why would I do that when she was dying?”

  Joe keeps standing, and the officer’s sitting. It’s his way of showing power. He does that to me.

  “Euthanasia, perhaps,” the officer says.

  An unsmiling Joe looks down at him. “David has a rare condition where he doesn’t feel pain. He doesn’t understand physical suffering. It’s documented on his medical record.”

  I could be in big trouble. I chew my lip. I don’t want people thinking I’d do anything to Nana. Just about every night, I’ve gone to bed thinking, Tomorrow when I wake, things will be better.

  Veronica walks into the room. “I have her pain medicine right here,” she says. “The pills had fallen onto the floor. Count them if you want. There are twenty-eight of them. I can’t believe you would harass a boy who is grieving without checking the details first. It makes me want to puke.” She looks at Joe. “And you should be ashamed of yourself.”

  I lick my lip. It tastes like a penny.

  The officer takes the bottle. He opens it and looks inside. He gives the bottle back to Veronica. “Ma’am,” the officer says, “we want to be informed whenever there is a concern, especially when there has been a questionable death.” He stands. “Thank you for your time.”

  Joe escorts him to the door.

  “Can I have the pills?” I ask Veronica.

  “Why?”

  “To turn them in to the drugstore so they can be disposed of. Nana told me never to dump pills into the garbage or toilet.”

  She trusts me. She hands me the bottle.

  But I have lied to her. The thing is, I don’t know if Veronica would lie for me or not, and I’m feeling like she would. Nobody asked to see the pills she placed in the bottle. Nobody wanted to count them.

  But I do. I want to know if Nana took the pills when I wasn’t paying attention. I’m going to check them out.

  I’m in a bad mood when I go to my room. I go online and look up Percocet. I find a picture. Then I open the bottle and dump out a couple of pills. I examine one.

  This is Percocet.

  I put the pills back into the bottle and set it on my desk.

  How can somebody accuse me of murder? That’s what Ruby was doing. I’m thinking I should tell Ruby she could’ve ruined my life.

  I imagine what will happen.

  Ruby will answer the door. I’ll smile. First I’ll say, “Veronica found all of the missing pills.”

  Ruby will smile. “I’m an idiot for thinking you’d ever harm your grandmother. Can you ever forgive me? Would you like to come in? I’ll tell you about your parents.”

  I’ll go in. She’ll tell me about my dad. “He’s living with an isolated tribe in Peru in the Andes. He’s teaching the tribe to read. He is very dedicated and forgets everything else when he’s working. And your mother never has seen you. She gave him complete custody before you were born and then went on her way. That’s why nobody knows anything about her and why you have no memory of her. Have a cookie?”

  Wrong. Ruby talked to her a few years ago.

  It’ll be more like this.

  She’ll open the door. I’ll tell her Nana’s medicine was found and wait for her to apologize.

  She’ll nod and look at me as if I’m a stranger. Then she’ll say, “Get off my property or I’m calling the police.” That’s probably what she’ll do, and I’ll end up in big trouble.

  I have to let this go.

  I go into the kitchen thinking about how to show Ruby what an idiot she is. I say hey to Joe and Veronica. I open the cabinet to get a glass, feeling as if they’re watching me and shaking a little as if I’ve done something I shouldn’t have. A bowl slides out, hits the counter, and breaks on the floor. I turn around. I was right. Joe and Veronica are staring at me.

  “I’ll clean it up,” I say.

  “I’ll do it,” Veronica says. “You’ll cut your hands to pieces, and then I’ll have to mop up the blood. Go practice the piano. I haven’t heard you play in a while.”

  I’m a total klutz. I can’t do anything right. I feel depressed—like I want to go to sleep and wake up with everything almost the way it was and get asked questions by Nana. I never liked her asking before.

  I head to the living room. I sit on the piano bench and start playing. That way I can’t hear anything but the music, and it’s the only beautiful thing around here.

  “You’
re getting better and better,” Joe says. He hovers tall over me.

  I stop playing. “How come you’re still hanging around?” I ask, looking at the keys.

  “I have news about Carlee.”

  “Really? What?” My heart pounds in my ears.

  “The detective found her. She sends her condolences about your grandmother. She doesn’t think it’s a good idea for the two of you to meet.”

  “Ever?”

  He nods.

  I’m shaking. “Why?”

  “I don’t know. Your grandmother had asked her to visit several times. One Christmas, Carlee was supposed to visit. She didn’t show up.”

  “Nana never told me that.”

  “She felt it was better not to tell you,” Joe says. “She didn’t want you to be disappointed.”

  “It doesn’t really matter to me,” I say with a shrug. Talking about my mother makes her too real. I’m doing fine with a figment of my imagination. I turn around and look toward the window. “I don’t need her. I never have.” I don’t understand why a mother would get rid of her kid. Maybe she’s like a guppy. Sometimes guppies eat the babies.

  “Did Carlee say where my dad is?” I ask Joe.

  “She hasn’t heard from him in years.”

  I don’t need him either. I run my fingers across the piano keys.

  “You’re okay?”

  “Yeah.” I don’t really want to talk anymore.

  “That’s not all,” he says. “My trip to Belize is coming up. I’ve had this trip planned for a year, but I can cancel if I need to.”

  “You don’t need to cancel,” I say. I sound sad so I try to smile. “You need a vacation.”

  He rubs his forehead. “I’ll probably have sporadic Internet or cell phone access.”

  “I could go with you,” I say.

  Joe frowns. “I have to go alone,” he says. “You’ll be better off here with Veronica.”

  It’s not like I need him. Or anybody. It’s actually all right that Joe would rather not take me to Belize with him. I don’t want to get too attached to anybody.

  “Tomorrow is your checkup with Dr. Goodman. I’m taking you so that I have a chance to consult with him. I want to make sure you’re okay before I leave for Belize. Be ready at eleven.”

  “I will,” I say.

  It’s crazy, but this is the best news I’ve heard all day. Luna works in the building where Dr. Goodman has his office. I might run into her. I might not. My best hope to see her is to ask her to lunch. We could eat in the snack bar, and I could take a cab home.

  I like who I am when I’m with her.

  Then Veronica brings a stack of cards and tells me I need to write thank-you notes for the flowers Nana received and mail them tomorrow or else. I don’t know what “else” means.

  I better get the thank-you notes written.

  I better be ready to see Dr. Goodman.

  Or else.

  Anything can happen.

  I text Luna.

  I have a doctor’s appointment. Want to meet at the snack bar at noon?

  While I’m waiting for a reply, I look up Belize on the Internet. It has tropical forests, Mayan sites, caves to explore, the longest barrier reef in the Western Hemisphere, and snorkeling. The summer’s a great time to go, even though hurricanes are a threat.

  I check my cell phone. No reply from Luna.

  All of a sudden I’m wishing I hadn’t sent her a message.

  Chapter 19

  Dr. Goodman has a look of shock on his face after Joe asks him if I need to live someplace where I’d be checked on frequently. He tells Joe to go to Belize, have a good time, and don’t worry about me. Then he turns to me and asks me if I made a list.

  “Yes,” I say. “I got my driver’s license.”

  “Good for you,” he says. “Keep going.”

  Joe and I get on the elevator. “What kind of list?” he asks.

  “A bucket list,” I say.

  Joe presses the button to go to the lobby.

  In the lobby I look over at the circular information desk. I don’t see Luna, and she didn’t answer my text last night. She’s probably not going to show up, but there’s no reason for me to go home. Having lunch here might be interesting. I can watch people, pretend I’m normal, and then go home.

  “I have something to do,” I tell Joe. “I’ll get a ride home.”

  “What?” he asks.

  “I’m meeting Luna,” I say. I hope.

  He nods, gives me a slow smile, and offers me money.

  “I’m good,” I say, shifting my feet. I brought some money, and I have a credit card and a debit card. It isn’t like I didn’t plan ahead.

  Joe says he’s glad I have friends. He reminds me to text or call when I get home. He’s going to his office. The truth is, I could text or call from almost anywhere, and he wouldn’t know the difference.

  I head for the snack bar. Luna’s not there either. I check for a new message on my cell phone. There’s no way I’ll text her again. Then I buy a hamburger and water and sit at a table. She could at least message me and say she can’t make it.

  I know what I’ll do. I’ll text her again in a half hour. I eat the hamburger slowly and watch people coming and going.

  I think Luna lied to me about having a job, just like she made me believe we’d be seeing each other. I stand and take my burger wrapper and napkin to a trash can outside the entrance to the snack bar and then go over to the desk.

  But I don’t ask. It’s obvious Luna doesn’t work here, and I’m scared I’ll never see her again. It kind of feels like that hamburger is stuck in my throat.

  I’m not going to call or message her.

  When I turn around, I see Luna getting off the elevator. She looks toward me, and I don’t know if I should wave or not. I’m not sure she sees me. But tomorrow, the next day, or maybe next year I’ll be wondering if she saw me, why she didn’t answer my message, and why I didn’t do something when I had the chance.

  So I wave. She can pretend not to see me if she wants.

  She waves back and walks my way, perhaps because she feels like she has to now that I’ve seen her getting off the elevator.

  “Hi, David,” she says. She’s wearing scrubs like she did the first few times she came to my house.

  “Hey!” I say, sounding too eager to talk to her. “How are you?” I should’ve said hi in a normal voice.

  “I’m fine.”

  “That’s good,” I say. Pretty soon I’m going to ask her what’s going on, if I get brave enough. I imagine she’ll say we have nothing in common or that she has a boyfriend. She won’t say she doesn’t want to be around somebody like me.

  “How are you?” she asks.

  I shrug and look away. “Fine.”

  “You had a doctor’s appointment?”

  “Yeah. Joe dropped me off. He had to go to his office. He’s way behind.”

  Blinking, she smiles slowly. “I can’t believe he left you alone.”

  I’m not alone. “Did you get my message about meeting for lunch?”

  “No. I dropped my cell phone into the toilet and haven’t replaced it yet.”

  I have a funny feeling it was disconnected. “You never need to call before coming over,” I say.

  “You had all those people around, and I haven’t had extra time working two jobs.”

  “I didn’t see you working at the information desk.” I say.

  “I work at the main desk in x-ray,” she says. “At night I’m a waitress. She looks at me. “Oh my god. You think I’m lying to you.”

  “I guess I did, but only because I never knew anyone who had two jobs.”

  Luna touches the back of my neck. “Wow. You’ve been living in the dark.” She studies me for a moment. “Do you want a ride? I to
ok the afternoon off to get my car fixed, but it’s not an emergency.”

  I shift my feet. She looks pale, but the fluorescent light causes that.

  “Yeah, but maybe you should get your car fixed too.”

  “It’ll be okay,” she says with a laugh.

  Chapter 20

  Duct tape holds Luna’s back fender onto her old Toyota. I slide into the passenger seat, look down, and fasten my seat belt. “You had an accident?”

  “Somebody rear-ended me.” Luna cranks the motor. It sputters. “His insurance paid, but I’ve been waiting to get the damage fixed.” She pulls through the gate of the parking deck, and a minute later drives onto the interstate. Within seconds, the speedometer reads seventy. We’re in the far left lane, and she’s going around every car in her way, but she’s a confident driver even with the car shaking. I’d probably be driving about fifty in the right lane.

  “What’s the hurry?” I ask.

  “I’m going the speed limit.”

  The backseat’s loaded with boxes and junk. She says she’s moving when she finds a better place with a thirty-day lease. Right now, she lives in a high-crime area so she keeps her important stuff with her.

  I slump in the seat like a box overfilled with something heavy. I’m wondering how she survives with an old car that shakes and two jobs.

  Suddenly, the engine sputters. The temperature light’s turned red. “Oh no,” Luna says. She pulls onto the side of the road, cuts off the motor, and leans her forehead against the steering wheel.

  “The car just needs to let off a little steam,” I say nervously. “Or it needed a smoke.”

  She starts crying.

  “Don’t cry,” I say. “It isn’t the end of the world. It’s all right.”

  “But the heat—”

  “No problem,” I say. “We can call a tow truck.” I shrug, take out my cell phone, and call Hills Towing. The night my brakes failed, I put Hills on speed dial.

  The dispatcher says it will be a couple of hours before they can come.

  “Why so long?” I ask.

  “It isn’t an emergency.”

  “What?” Luna says.