The Kiss List

by Sara Jo Cluff

  Water rained down on her, soaking her completely. My hands flew to my mouth in shock. She rounded on us, water dripping everywhere, creating a giant puddle underneath her.

  “What is the meaning of this?” she snarled.

  Owen’s head shook vigorously. “I don’t know. Honest.”

  Coach’s glare snapped to me. I’d had nothing to do with it, but it didn’t take long for me to piece it together. Val had picked Owen and me to be on her team. She’d paired us together on purpose. Then she specifically sent us to the weight room, so we’d get soaked in water like she had at Izzy’s party.

  We’d been set up.

  Chapter 26

  I took too long to respond.

  “Was this your doing, Collins?” Coach asked. She was so mad, I was expecting all the water to sizzle off her skin from the heat.

  Members of the baseball and softball teams slowly trickled into the area, like they’d been waiting for this to happen.

  Except when Val saw Coach drenched, she froze in horror, her hands flying to her mouth like mine had. She obviously hadn’t expected to see Coach standing there in the doorway. She was thinking it was Owen and me.

  “Well?” Coach snarled. She hadn’t taken her eyes off me.

  I looked over at Val. She hadn’t lowered her hands, but her focus turned to me. I could easily turn her in. The water had been meant for me. Most people would probably side with Val, though. They were all her friends, not mine. Earlier, I’d thought at least Liam would stand up for me, but now I wasn’t so sure.

  Val’s eyes pleaded with mine. She didn’t want to get on Coach Wilkes’ bad side. No one did. I think it was a relief for all of them that I took most of the heat off the team.

  If I took the fall, I’d be done. It would be strike three, and I wouldn’t have a chance of being on the team. But what good was being on a team if you didn’t get along? Maybe if I was kicked off the team, I could focus on my kiss list and spend the rest of my time here flirting with Mason.

  I licked my lips. “I did it, Coach. I thought it would be funny.”

  Murmurs sounded to the side of me, but I ignored them.

  Coach shook off her arms. “Why did you even bother coming to the camp? Just so you could humiliate me?”

  “No, ma’am, I just . . .” What could I say? That the opportunity presented itself, so I took it? Nothing would make sense.

  She waggled her index finger at me. “This is strike three, Camille.”

  I nodded. “I know.” I was out. Out of the softball team, out of the chance of having Coach and my teammates like me again. “I guess I haven’t changed as much as I’d hoped.” My voice quavered, so I cleared it and fought back the tears. The whole thing was stupid.

  But I deserved it after what I’d done to Val. Not being able to play softball my senior year paled in comparison to the nightmare Val had gone through on my behalf. Yes, it had been Dylan’s idea, but I hadn’t stood up for Val back then.

  “Do you want me to call my dad to come pick me up?” I asked. “Or should I just wait in my room until Saturday morning when we leave?” I was hoping she’d at least let me stay so I could work my magic on Mason. And maybe steal another kiss from Alejandro, because that had been amazing.

  Coach took some deep breaths, like she was trying to calm herself. “Let me get dried off and talk with Coach Barnes. I’m not sure if I’m in the right state of mind to make a rational decision. Right now, I want to make you walk home.”

  “I’m truly sorry, Coach.” I was able to choke that out. “You don’t deserve this.” I clasped my hands together to keep them from shaking. “I’ll be in my room until you make your decision.” I turned and walked away, pushing through the crowd of onlookers.

  When I got to Val, I paused at her side. “I finally remembered what I did to you. I’m horrified, Val, of my choices. I was a stupid, love-sick fool, but that doesn’t excuse my behavior.” I took a shaky breath. “I hadn’t realized how much I’ve missed you all until Dylan dumped me. I only wish he would have done it months ago, so I could have found myself again so much earlier.”

  I put a hand on her arm and gently squeezed. “You have the talent to beat the boys tomorrow. Don’t let this throw you off. Crush them.” With a weak smile, I walked away, heading back to the dorm.

  Each step was shaky, like I could fall at any moment. Tears burned in the back of my eyes, but I would not release them. Not until I was alone in my room with Maroon 5 to give me some solace.

  Pounding steps from someone running came from behind me, pushing me to move faster. Unless it was Alejandro or Mason, I just wanted to be alone.

  “Camille!”

  I flinched at Liam’s voice. He was the last person I wanted to talk to.

  He jogged up to my side. “I can’t believe you did that for Val.”

  I wiped at a rogue tear that escaped. “It was the least I could do after what I did to her.”

  “You remembered?” He worked hard to keep up with my strides, which had increased.

  “Something like that,” I mumbled. I wasn’t about to tell him about my make-out session with Alejandro.

  We got to the girls’ dorm, and he moved to open the door, but I got there first, swinging it wide open and stepping into the lobby.

  Liam put his hands on my shoulder to stop me. “I know you’re trying to do the nice thing here, but this is your future we’re talking about. You really want to throw away your opportunity to play softball?”

  I shook out of his grip. “I wasn’t going to make it back on the team, anyway. I can join a city league or something.”

  “Our softball team needs you. No one else can play short stop like you.”

  “It doesn’t matter how well I play if I can’t get along with my teammates. I’ve already ruined too much for them. I’m not going to make it worse.”

  Liam scratched the side of his arm. “But that’s the thing, they need you. You can’t run out on them again. Their biggest fear was you abandoning them again. Don’t make that come true.”

  I threw up my hands. “It’s not like I have a choice here. You heard Coach Wilkes. I got strike three.”

  He shook his head. “Not if you tell her the truth.”

  “Well, that’s not going to happen.” I pushed past him, heading for the stairs.

  He ran over and hopped onto the second step to stop me. “I thought you said you wanted to be the old Camille again.”

  “I do.”

  He set his hands on my shoulders again. “Then fight for what you want. The one thing you lost with Dylan was the ability to speak up for yourself. You were loyal to your team and your friends before him. Bring that Camille back. Fight your way back, and prove to them you want to be a part of the team.” When I opened my mouth, he pressed a finger to my lips, making me roll my eyes. “Don’t give up on yourself. That’s what Dylan would want you to do.”

  His words struck me right in the heart. He left me standing there, stunned. I’d wanted to ask why he hadn’t chosen me to be on his team, but his words kept replaying through my mind. Dylan wouldn’t actually want me to give up. He’d just want me to spend time doing things he liked. It was never about stopping me from doing the things I loved. It was about always having his way. And I was a fool to follow.

  I headed up the stairs, two at a time, to the safety of my room. I’d hoped being in there would calm me down, but it only gave me an unlimited amount of time to replay everything that had happened. Everything that had been said.

  Was I giving up on my team once again? Had I thrown in the towel too early? The more I thought about it, the more I realized I never fought to be back on the team. I just stayed out of everyone’s way. That proved nothing.

  I could tell Coach the truth, but there was a chance she wouldn’t believe me. I thought I’d been ready to go home, but Liam helped me see the truth.

  I’d been so mad at Dylan for robbing me of my life, but in reality, I only had myself to blame. I’d fallen under his
spell. And I wasn’t doing myself any favors by giving up so easily. The old Camille wouldn’t have raised her white flag. I needed to talk to Val and the others, but I wasn’t sure if they’d listen.

  If Coach sent me home, it wouldn’t matter anyway. Maybe I could beg her to let me stay. I paced all around the tiny dorm room, my mind reeling. It wouldn’t stop, or even slow down.

  An hour later, a knock sounded on the door. Coach Wilkes and Barnes stood on the other side of the door, neither of them the least bit happy. I motioned for them to come into the room, but they stayed in the hall.

  Coach Wilkes folded her arms. “Barnes here talked me into letting you stay until Saturday. But I think making you stay here won’t do you any favors. You need some discipline, Camille.”

  I nodded. “I agree.”

  Their eyes went wide, but neither of them commented on my response. My mom was never around to hold me accountable for my actions. Dad was too soft because he felt bad about Mom being busy all the time.

  Coach Wilkes cleared her throat. “I want you down on the field at six tomorrow morning for an intense workout. Then you’ll be helping me all day with the game.” She pointed a finger at me. “I better not catch you slacking off for even a second.”

  “Of course, ma’am,” I said. “I’ll be there at six, ready to work and help.” I shut the door and pushed my back against it.

  The hard workout would give me time to think and work off my anger. Maybe spending the day with Coach would help show her my serious side.

  Liam had been right. I couldn’t just give up. If I wanted back on the team, then I had to take action.

  I hurried to get ready for bed, so I could get a good night’s rest before the busy day.

  Chapter 27

  The next morning, I was out on the field before Coach Wilkes got there. I was doing warm-ups, stretching everything out. I knew she’d push me hard, and I wanted to be ready. I just wished I had Mason with me to help loosen me up. I mean, loosen up my muscles, so they weren’t too stiff.

  Coach looked a little surprised to find me already there. I was doing push-ups on the grass but hopped to my feet when she approached.

  “Morning, Coach,” I said with a smile as I brushed off my hands.

  “Good morning, Camille.” She took a bite from the granola bar in her hand. “You ready to work?”

  “Yes, ma’am.” I adjusted the hat on my head, so it was snuggled in place.

  She wasn’t kidding about disciplining me. I sprinted from home plate all the way to the fence countless times. Then I sprinted around the bases, starting and ending at different locations. I did high-knee drills, crunches, plants, bridges, v-ups, and lateral oblique raises. Then she took me to the weight room and worked my arms, shoulders, and legs.

  By the end, I really did need to find Mason and ask him to work a miracle again. I was dripping in sweat head to toe, and the softball team would soon be on the field doing their warm-ups. I wiped myself down with a towel and hustled out to join the team.

  Coach had watched me the entire time, her face unreadable. She wasn’t upset or angry, but she wasn’t exactly happy or impressed with my work. At least I’d done my best.

  The girls were surprised to see me when I ran out to the field. They were doing warm-ups, but not as intense as I’d been forced to do. I kept off to the side by Coach so she could yell orders at me.

  “Collins!” Coach snapped.

  “Yes, Coach?”

  “Help Izzy get her leg straight. She’s flopping like a fish.”

  When I jogged over to her, Izzy tried to push me away.

  “I don’t need your help,” she said through gritted teeth. Her hair was back in a high, messy bun on her head. She was laying on her back in the grass with her leg bent toward her head. She was trying to hold her leg with her hands to help push it farther but wasn’t having an easy time of it.

  “I know.” Putting my hands on her leg, I pushed it closer to her chest. “This is my punishment, not yours.”

  She snarled before she sucked in a sharp breath, so I loosened my hold. She stared at the blue sky. “Then why does it feel like I’m being punished, too?”

  I held in an eye roll. “How is me helping you stretch your leg properly a punishment?”

  She looked at me. “Because I have to be near you.”

  I pushed her leg in, ignoring her cry. “This is seriously getting old, the hate you’re all throwing at me.”

  Ava rolled onto her side to face us, doing leg raises. Her double Dutch braids were messy, like she’d slept on them. “You deserve it.”

  I lowered Izzy’s leg and moved on to the other one. “Yeah, from something stupid I did over a year ago. I’ve apologized. Are you all going to hold a grudge forever?”

  Izzy pushed me away from her and sat up. “Excuse us for not being quick to forgive.”

  I held out my hand to help her up, but she swatted at my arm. “Will you stop acting like a toddler?”

  Izzy scrambled to her feet and shoved me in the chest, so I stumbled back. “You can’t just waltz back in our lives, Camille! Not after what you did!”

  Others paused their work-outs to watch us. Tamara watched from the bleachers with her leg resting on a bench with an icepack on it. I wondered how long she was going to play up the injured player routine. Val came out of the dugout, rushing over to us like something terrible was about to happen. I wasn’t going to fight them if that’s what she thought.

  “I messed up,” I said, drawing out my words. “Over a year ago. You’ve never made a mistake in your life?”

  “Of course, I have,” Izzy spat. “But I’ve never tormented anyone.” She put her arm around Val, who had conveniently started to sulk.

  I took a deep breath to calm myself. “Not that it will make a difference, but I didn’t know Dylan was planning on pushing Val in the pool, and I certainly didn’t know about what happened to her as a kid.”

  “What did you think was going to happen?” Val asked. “You knew Will didn’t want to talk to me.”

  I tugged on the bottom of my tank top. “I actually didn’t know that. Dylan just told me to get you and tell you that, so I did.”

  Ava stood on the other side of Val. She glared at me. “That’s the other problem. You turned on us in a blink of an eye over a boy.”

  I threw up my hands. “I know what I did! It was stupid! Hormones suck, and all I wanted to do was impress Dylan.”

  “Why did you need his approval so bad?” Izzy asked.

  “I have issues, is that what you want to hear?” I rocked where I stood. “So I turned to the first boy who paid attention to me.” I rubbed my forehead. “It’s embarrassing how much I let Dylan control my life. But it’s over now, and I’m trying my hardest to get my life back.”

  Ava scoffed. “If he hadn’t dumped you, you’d still be his little puppy. It wasn’t like you came to this revelation on your own.”

  “Does that make a difference?” Anger fumed inside. What more did they want from me? I’d confessed everything. “I’m trying now, which should count for something.”

  Ava turned to our teammates. “Can someone please get her a medal for her huge accomplishment?”

  Most of the girls snickered, but Jordyn stepped forward, standing evenly between Ava and me. Her catcher's helmet rested back on her head. “Maybe you’re being too harsh on Camille. She’s obviously trying.”

  A little bit of hope sprang up inside my heart. Maybe not everyone hated me. If I had to crack at them one at a time, I would.

  “Whatever she promised you, Jordyn,” Val said, “she’ll take it back the second another boy comes along.”

  Jordyn rested her gloved hand on her hip. “She hasn’t asked me anything. She’s just been nice and given me my space. She’s actually the best roommate I’ve ever had.”

  “Thanks,” I said, hope blooming inside me. “Listen, I know I left the team after sophomore year, but . . .”

  Ava extended her hands like they were
claws and pounced on me like a cat, shoving me to the ground. She landed on top of me and held me in place. “After? You abandoned us during the playoffs!”

  I pushed her face away, trying to get her off me, but she wouldn’t budge. “No, I didn’t.”

  “Yes, you did!” Val and Izzy screamed at the same time.

  I wrestled with Ava on the grass, the two of us rolling everywhere. All the other girls crowded around to watch. Coach was probably nearby, but she was the type who’d let us sort it out on our own.

  “We lost because of you!” Ava yanked off my hat and tossed it. “We could have gone to state if you hadn’t left.”

  Wrapping my arms around her, I turned her to the side until she was on the bottom. I struggled to stand up. Izzy shoved me back down before I could.

  “You’re the same lovesick girl now as you were back then,” Izzy said. “If we take you back, you’ll leave.”

  I scrambled to my feet. “I won’t! I’m not going anywhere this time, no matter what.”

  Val growled. “You say that now, but the second you get the chance, you’ll run.”

  I wanted to shout at the top of my lungs that I’d changed, but my words weren’t getting through to them. Fighting them wasn’t an option, either. I picked up my hat and put it back on, adjusting it into place. “I’m not leaving. I miss the team. I miss all of you.”

  Tears welled up in Val’s eyes. “We miss you, too, but that doesn’t change what you did to us, Camille. We were a team, and you left us to lose.”

  “We hadn’t won state in years, and we had a chance that season,” Izzy said.

  I folded my arms. “If you want me to leave, you’re going to have to make me. Otherwise, I’m staying put.”

  Ava, Izzy, and Val all pushed at me, sending me stumbling backward.

  “We don’t want you here,” Ava said. Her tone bordered on frustration, but there was also a hint of sorrow.

  “Please.” I hoped my eyes showed the begging and longing in my heart. “Give me another chance. I won’t let you down, I promise.”

  They continued to push at me, moving me farther away from the team and the one thing I loved most: softball.