The Kiss List

by Sara Jo Cluff

  “Noted.” I went to shut the window again, but he held up his arms.

  “Camille, don’t shut me out. Talk to me. Tell me what’s going on. I know I’m not your boyfriend anymore, but I’m your friend.”

  Did he really think we could just go to being friends that divulge their secrets after being in a romantic relationship for over a year? He was insane.

  “Dylan, I appreciate your concern, but I’m fine. If I need to talk to someone, I’ll talk to Kaitlyn or Hayley. They’re my actual best friends, remember?”

  “Just don’t turn to Isaac, Brady, Mason, Liam, Alejandro, or any other random guy.”

  “Okay, did you really need to drop all their names?”

  He huffed. “You’re the queen of changing subjects. If you don’t want to talk to me now, just know you can call me whenever. I’ll always be there for you as a friend.” He said it like he was being the most chivalrous guy in the world. “You’re a good person, Camille. You just need to remember that. Don’t lose yourself in all this.”

  Now he was starting to sound like a motivational speaker. I gave him a thumbs-up. “Thanks. You’ve inspired me. I’ll be a better person now because of you.” I shut the window before he could speak again and make me listen to more of his crap.

  A little spark of an idea struck me, though. I needed to remind my friends why we had been friends to begin with.

  I went to my computer and typed the names of all the softball players. Then I typed everything I knew about them, like their personalities, their family situation, their likes and dislikes, and the main reason why I had liked them, and why our friendship had worked.

  They’d all worried that I’d abandoned them again. I had to find a way to let them know that I wasn’t going anywhere, and that they could talk to me at any time, even in the middle of the night.

  After that list, I made a list of all the materials I needed. I’d once promised the team I’d make them matching name bracelets, and I was going to finally come through on that promise.

  Chapter 35

  The nice thing about getting ready and not having a guy to impress was I could just be myself. I’d worn little make-up before I started dating Dylan. I usually wore my hair down and left the natural wave. Dylan always said it made me look like I didn’t take care of my hair, but I always thought it made me appear carefree. Plus, with the blue, it made it that much better.

  I found my flowy satin and linen shirts in a box in my closet. They were loose-fitting and felt soft against my skin. They used to be my favorite things to wear. Then I found my capris, another thing Dylan said I couldn’t pull off because my legs were too short and thick. Each thing I found that I’d discarded because of Dylan released the independent part of me that had been caged way too long.

  Camille was back. The carefree, get along with everyone, extremely loyal girl had found her way back home.

  I think the happiest thing I had again was my flip flops. Dylan preferred the cutesy sandals, but they were always uncomfortable. My cushy flip flops were the things dreams were made of.

  Grabbing the bag of bracelets, I set off to pick up my friends. The bracelets were made from a thick leather and held three different charms in front—their first initial, a baseball, and another charm of something they liked. I made ones for Hayley and Kaitlyn, too, only I used drum and star charms for Hayley, and a basketball and hairdresser charms for Kaitlyn.

  When I picked up Kaitlyn and Hayley from their homes, I handed them their bracelets.

  “Love it,” Kaitlyn said. She slipped it on with a toothy grin.

  Hayley beamed when she saw hers. “I remember when you used to make and sell these, trying to save up money for softball.” She slid it on her slender wrist. “I miss the good ol’ days.”

  Kaitlyn smiled sweetly at us. “Let’s go create some new good ol’ days.”

  I blared Maroon 5 as we drove. I caught Hayley singing along in the backseat, even though she always claimed they weren’t her style.

  The bonfire was set up so much like the night Dylan had got into the fight with Brady. It was a night I didn’t want to relive.

  I took major deep breaths before I got out of the car. I was strong. I could handle whatever was thrown at me. I wasn’t what people thought of me. I was a good person.

  I sounded like an affirmation advertisement. Although, that wouldn’t be such a bad thing.

  Pop music welcomed me the second I stepped out of the car. I immediately wanted to dance but knew I needed to find my softball crew before I chickened out.

  They were huddled in a corner near a fire, chatting away.

  Kaitlyn squeezed my arm. “You got this.”

  “And we’ll be right over here,” Hayley said, cracking her knuckles. “We got your back if things go south.”

  Kaitlyn slapped her arm. “She needs positive thinking.”

  Hayley rubbed her arm where she’d hit her. “That is positive: she’s not alone. We’re willing to throw down for her.”

  I wrapped my arms around them and squeezed. “Thank you.” Reciting my affirmations, I forced myself to move toward the softball team.

  There were a few catcalls along the way, but I ignored them, keeping my focus on my hopefully-soon-to-be-friends-again.

  Val was the first one to notice me. I expected an uproar from her, yelling at me to go away. But she surprised me by giving me a soft smile. All the others followed Val’s gaze until they saw me.

  I cleared my throat when I got to them. “I need to apologize.”

  “We’ve heard it already,” Jordyn said, sounding bored. But I’d definitely piqued the interest of the others. They stared at me expectantly.

  “I messed up sophomore year. Big time. It was wrong of me to abandon you, and I wish I’d figured this out sooner, but I have now. I’m not expecting all of you to forgive me so easily, but I want you to know I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be at softball tryouts and will do my best. Softball is my passion, and I lost that along the way.” I moved my purse, so it was in front of me. “I lost a lot of myself over a guy, which is incredibly embarrassing. It won’t happen again, no matter how cute the guy is.”

  Val and others let out small laughs. It was a good sign.

  I unzipped my purse and pulled out the bracelets. “These are way late, but I have them now.” I went up to Val and placed hers in her hand. In addition to the softball charm, I’d gotten her a microphone.

  She fingered it. “You remembered.”

  “Of course I did.”

  She’d confided in me once that she secretly wanted to be a singer. She knew how to play the guitar and piano, but never played or sang in front of anyone. One time when we were alone, I got her to play me a song, and it was the most beautiful thing I’d ever heard. She had a fun rasp to her voice that sucked you in.

  Then I gave a bracelet to Ava. Hers had a chef’s hat charm linked to it. The girl was an amazing cook and wanted to have her own restaurant one day. After wrapping her fist around the bracelet, Ava threw her arms around me. “It’s about time. I’ve been waiting for this for years.”

  Next was Izzy. She was a little trickier, but I’d finally found a calculator charm. The girl was a whiz with numbers. She wanted to have her own accounting firm when she got older, and I had no doubt she would.

  I handed out the rest. There were ones with a book, a NASA helmet, a pair of scissors, and a gavel (Jordyn would be a killer judge). One by one the girls hugged me. We weren’t all of a sudden friends again, but it was a step in the right direction. I still had to prove myself. Words only got you so far.

  Val twisted the bracelet on her wrist. “So, how many guys did you end up kissing after Dylan broke up with you?”

  I rolled my eyes. “Way less than it looks like. I was going through a phase, okay?”

  Izzy folded her arms. “This phase is over, right? We miss the old Camille.”

  Ava smiled at my outfit. “At least you look the part again.”

  “I’m working m
y way back,” I said. “It’s a slow process.” I looked over at my shoulder and smiled at Kaitlyn and Hayley. I knew they’d be wondering if everything was going okay. I figured the hugs would say something, but I wanted them to be sure. They both let out breaths of relief. I turned my attention back to my softball pals. “I’ve been hitting the batting cages a few times a week, if anyone wants to join me.”

  Izzy grinned. “I’d love that. My batting needs some serious work, and you were always the best teacher.”

  “I’m in, too,” Ava said. A few others murmured agreements.

  I backed away with a wave. “I guess I’ll see you guys later.”

  As I walked toward Hayley and Kaitlyn, I felt lighter than I had in the longest time. There wasn’t much weighing me down, aside from my absentee mother. But I wasn’t going to let her ruin my night. I’d just made headway with the softball team. I still needed to apologize to Mason and Liam, but I wasn’t sure if Liam would talk to me.

  I was almost to my friends when Isaac slid in front of me, his lips pulling up in a smirk. “How do I get the Alejandro special?”

  My eyebrows shot up. “You want to hook up with Alejandro?”

  His smirk turned into a frown. “What? No. I want to do with you what you did with him.”

  I patted his shoulder. “Sorry, Isaac, but nothing happened with Alejandro besides kissing.”

  “That’s not what his friends are saying.” Isaac took a step closer to me, and it was then I noticed the smell of alcohol on him—he was plastered.

  I took a step back. “I don’t care what his friends are saying, or what Alejandro is saying. Nothing happened, and nothing is going to happen between you and me.”

  “You can’t tell me you didn’t enjoy our little make-out session.” He wobbled a little where he stood.

  “I did,” I said. Mostly for getting out all my pent-up emotions. It was an eye-opening experience for me. “But it was a one-time kiss. It won’t happen again.” I started to walk away, but Isaac put his hand on my waist to stop me.

  He pressed his lips to my ear. “Come on, you know you want to. Don’t turn back into the old Camille just yet. Let’s have a little fun.”

  I wrapped my hand around his and ripped it easily from my waist. “No, Isaac. Try your luck somewhere else.”

  His gaze wandered past me. “Fine. I already have someone else in mind.” With a wink, he brushed past me and sauntered away, stumbling a couple steps before he found his groove.

  I would have kept on going toward my friends, but he was headed straight for Izzy—the easiest target. Her cheeks flared when she saw him coming for her. No way I was letting him dig his claws in her.

  Before he could reach her, I sprinted in front of him and pushed my hand into his chest. “Not here, either. Go somewhere else.” I shook my head. “Actually, don’t go to anyone. I’m sure if someone wants you, they’ll come to you.”

  Isaac grinned, looking over my shoulder. “Izzy is a big girl. I’m sure she’s capable of making her own decisions.”

  When it came to guys, Izzy closed down. She didn’t know how to speak to them. I wasn’t so sure if she’d be capable of pushing Isaac away if she didn’t want anything. Not because she wasn’t strong, but because she’d freeze in terror.

  I snapped my fingers, trying to get Isaac to look at me, but he kept his drunken focus on Izzy. I blew out a loud breath. “Seriously, Isaac, leave. You’re drunk and not thinking clearly. I’m not letting you near my friends.”

  Isaac finally looked at me. “I just want to see if she’s as easy as you.”

  My hands balled into fists. I had to refrain from punching him, even though I desperately wanted to.

  Jordyn stepped up to my side. Then Ava came to my other.

  “I think she told you to leave,” Jordyn said. She had her head held high, her confidence radiating off her.

  “And I think Izzy needs a chance to speak for herself.” Isaac looked at her expectantly.

  I nodded my head at Izzy. “Go ahead, Izzy. Tell Isaac to get lost.”

  “Hey, now,” Isaac said. “She also has the option of saying she would love to go somewhere quiet with me.”

  “That’s not happening,” Ava said through clenched teeth.

  Izzy swallowed. “I don’t want to go anywhere with you.” Her voice was barely audible.

  Isaac took a step closer and cupped his hand over his ear. “What did you say?”

  Izzy lifted her head, her voice firm. “No.”

  I couldn’t help but smile at her. I shooed Isaac back with my hands. “Go away. There’s nothing here for you.”

  He finally left, but not without flashing a chilling smile. I hurried over to Izzy. “I’m so sorry. I never thought my stupid actions would reflect on my friends.”

  Izzy lifted her shoulder in a shrug. “It was his choice to act like a creep. Besides, you stopped him before he could try anything.” She threw her arms around my neck. “Thank you.”

  I hugged her back. “Of course. There’s no way I’m letting those I love make the same mistake I did.”

  It still didn’t change the fact that it probably wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t made out with Isaac so easily.

  We’d created a small crowd, which I didn’t notice until I released Izzy from our embrace. Maybe people would get the idea that I’m not as easy as I appeared to be.

  Chapter 45

  When I left Izzy and the others, I went to find Mason. I needed to apologize for what happened on social media. Even though I’d made sure to say online that nothing happened, people still didn’t believe me. They went off what the picture looked like.

  Mason was with some of his buddies near a fire. When we made eye contact, a little bit of worry settled in his eyes. I was probably the last person he wanted to talk to.

  I slowly approached him. “Hey, Mason, can we talk?”

  He nodded at his friends, and then steered me away from the group. “What’s up?”

  “I need to apologize.” Instinct made me want to reach out and touch his arm, just a friendly gesture, but I was starting to think there wasn’t such a thing. “I’m so sorry that picture got put online. I didn’t know we were being watched.”

  “I figured,” he said. “It’s actually kind of creepy to think that someone was watching us like that. Looks like they waited for the perfect moment to snap a picture.”

  I sighed. “I never expected all this blow-out.” I twiddled my fingers. “I hope I didn’t totally ruin your social game.”

  Mason laughed. “I’ve never had one, so we’re good.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh along with him. I glanced over to see Hayley watching us. I gave her a soft smile before I turned back to Mason. “And I hope my actions don’t reflect upon Hayley. She’s so much smarter than me and would never do anything this stupid.”

  “You didn’t do anything stupid.” He blushed. “There’s nothing wrong with kissing a few people.”

  “Yeah, sure, when they’re spread out. Not when they’re back to back.” I twisted my lips to the side. “So, are we cool?”

  He nodded. “We’re cool.” He looked over at Hayley. “Can you, uh, help ease me into a conversation with her?”

  “Of course.” I motioned for him to follow me. I ignored all the stares as we maneuvered through the crowd.

  Hayley had her serious eyes on me when we approached her. She stretched out her neck. “Do I need to beat anyone up?” She nodded her head toward Isaac, who had moved on to flirting with some other junior—who also didn’t seem to be feeling it.

  “I took care of it.” I motioned to Mason. “Thank goodness Mason is the most forgiving person ever.” I stopped myself before I said the rest of what I’d thought: I hated that I wasted a kiss on a guy like Isaac when it should have been a guy like Mason.

  Mason waved awkwardly at Hayley. “Hey.”

  She barely bit her lip on the side. “Hey yourself.”

  His eyes slipped down to her lips, which was pr
obably her intention.

  “So, I hear to you love The Shack,” Hayley said.

  I caught Kaitlyn’s eye, and we left Hayley and Mason alone. Mason had said he was bad at starting conversations, but Hayley wasn’t. She’d put him at ease in no time.

  Kaitlyn linked her arm with mine. “How’s everything with your mom?”

  I leaned my head on her shoulder and sighed. “Terrible. I’m starting to feel bad about blowing up at her. But she just makes me so mad. How hard is it to spend a few minutes talking to your daughter every day? It’s not like I’m demanding her attention twenty-four seven.”

  She rubbed my arm, the breeze sending her thick, curly hair swirling around. “I wish I knew what to say. You deserve to have a mom who’s in your life.”

  We stopped near a fire pit and sat down on the sand beside it. The light from the flames lit up Kaitlyn’s beautiful eyes. She grinned at me. “I forgot to tell you this when we were still with Hayley, but she’ll have to find out later. My family and I are going to the lake for a week next month, and my parents said you and Hayley can come!”

  I fingered the leather bracelet on my wrist. “I’d love that. It’s so what I need right now.”

  “Dad rented jet skis, tubes, water skis, and wake boards. It’s going to be a blast.”

  I thought back to the last time I’d been on a tube at the lake. I’d been there with Kaitlyn’s family that time as well. Her dad had sped up so fast that the waves were out of control. I ended up being thrown from the tube and smacked hard into the water. I couldn’t wait to do it again.

  I opened my mouth, but then noticed Kaitlyn was staring at someone. I followed her gaze to Garrett, his cheesy grin endearing. It clashed with his chiseled jaw and model appearance. They were officially a couple, and it was going so well. I’d never seen Kaitlyn this happy.

  If things went well with Mason, maybe Hayley would be back in the relationship game, too. That would just leave me, and for once, I was okay with that. I didn’t need a guy to define me.

  I bumped Kaitlyn’s arm. “Go to him. He’s making lovey-dovey eyes at you, and it’s grossing me out.”