by Rebel Hart
“You turned every head in that room tonight,” he breathed against my skin.
“The same could be said for you. Every girl in there was glaring at me like I’d stomped on their foot with my heels.”
He chuckled. The sound was deep and full and gravelly. I ran my fingers over his chest and played with the open collar of his shirt. He caught my hand and brought it to his lips to press them to my knuckles. “You’re just saying that to flatter me,” he purred.
“I wouldn’t dare. Your ego is big enough as it is.”
“You love my ego,” he said.
I love you.
William trailed his hand up my bare thigh and slid it under my dress. I stared into his eyes as his touch wandered higher up my leg and to my hip, where his fingers searched for my panties. He frowned.
“I’m not wearing any.” I reached forward and grabbed his cock over his pants. He was already hard.
“You’re a cruel tease, you know that?”
“So it’s a good thing I didn’t tell you at the beginning of the night?”
“Very good. We never would have made it to the restaurant.”
I giggled.
He silenced me with a kiss. I returned it in full, pressing up tight against him as I began working to undo his belt. I managed to get it open and tugged at the button of his waistband.
“What am I going to do when you’re on the road?” I whispered.
“We’ll make it work.”
“I’m going to miss you,” I said. I didn’t think he had a clue as to just how much I was going to miss him. We’d been spending so much time together I hated to think what it would feel like to go back to my normal rhythm and life. I’d be back staying in my old bedroom in my parents’ house. I’d be at the rink cursing myself for not finding a new path and getting out of there. And all the while he’d be on the ice doing what he did best and traveling across North America.
William pressed his forehead to mine and closed his eyes. I closed mine and took a deep breath. When he spoke, his voice was low and deep. “Come with me, Kim.”
My eyes fluttered open. “What?”
He opened his eyes too. “Come with me.”
I leaned back. “Like, on the road?”
William nodded earnestly. “We don’t have to be apart. This feels so good. Why should we throw it away if we don’t have to? We can spend every night like this. You can—”
“Follow you around like your roadie? Or personal cheerleader?” I asked. My tone was sharp. I hadn’t intended for it to be quite so sharp, like a double-sided blade, but there it was.
William heard it. “What? No.”
I pushed away from him. His hand came out from under my dress and he sat up straighter, apparently realizing he’d said the wrong thing.
How dare he assume I’d be content to follow him around while he played the game we both loved, knowing full well how much it would hurt me to do so?
There was no way I could sit by and watch him play while I cursed my busted knee. No way I could sit in hotel rooms while he was on the road and wait for him to come back after a full day on the ice. No way I could hear him tell me about all his practices and games and goals while I was stuck on the figurative bench.
“Kim,” William said, reaching for me as his brow creased with concern. “What did I say?”
My heart thundered in my chest as the anger built and built, burning my cheeks. How could I have been so blind? William was still the same self-centered egotistical athlete I’d always known him to be. His priority was himself. It never occurred to him to think about what his success might do and mean to those around him, especially me. And after all the pain and grief he knew I’d been through I couldn’t believe he’d have the nerve to suggest such an insensitive thing.
Had he even meant it when he told me it was time for me to find a new path and leave hockey behind? Or had he only said it because he wanted me to make his dreams my dreams?
34
William
I’d made a big mistake. The problem was, I had no idea what I’d said that was so bad.
Why wouldn’t she want to go on the road with me? We could explore new cities together and indulge in new experiences. We’d still have plenty of time here in Chicago during home games—potentially a couple weeks at a time. That was more than enough time for her—for us—to visit her family and make sure she got the quality time in with her folks that I knew she needed to be happy and fulfilled.
Despite all these things she was staring at me like I’d just committed a massive betrayal against her.
“Kim.” I tried to move closer to her across the sofa. She moved back. “I don’t understand what I did wrong.”
She shook her head at me. “Of course you don’t. Why would you?”
“Help me understand.”
Her eyes narrowed like she didn’t believe me. Did she think I was playing dumb? Did she think I was getting my kicks out of pissing her off?
The exact opposite was true.
How had we gone from kissing to this? How had what could only be defined as a perfect evening fallen apart in a matter of seconds?
What the fuck did I do wrong?
Kim squared her shoulders. “If you think I’d be content following you around like some fan girl with no prospects of her own then you don’t know me like I thought you did, William.”
“That’s not what I was suggesting.”
“Oh? Then how did you see this going? Hm? Enlighten me. What did you think our normal everyday lives would look like while you were playing hockey seventy five percent of the time and I was holed up in hotel rooms waiting for you to come back?” Her glare was hot and icy at the same time.
My skin prickled. “I didn’t expect any of that.”
“Oh, you didn’t?” She laughed bitterly. I’d never heard a sound like that come out of her before. “You’re too much, William. I can’t believe I fell for this shit.”
Suddenly she was on her feet.
She stepped around me, bumping my knees out of the way with her own, and stalked toward the elevator. Then she cursed under her breath and swerved to go down the hall toward the bedroom.
Confused and officially annoyed, I followed.
“I need you to explain this to me,” I said, catching myself in the doorframe of the bathroom, where Kim was braced against the counter as she put her shoes back on.
She glared hotly back up at me. “The fact that you need me to explain anything means you’re just as clueless as I thought. And so am I. Was I.” She shook her head in disbelief and finished buckling the straps of her heels. “I can’t believe I was so stupid.”
“Kim.”
She arched an eyebrow at me. “What, William? What?”
I searched her eyes. “Please.”
She straightened. Then she moved toward me and stopped so close to me that had I been shorter our noses would have touched. She pushed at my chest. “When you told me you knew there was something bigger out there waiting for me, were you talking about your own career? Did you mean I could just fall in line behind your success? Ride your coattails? Abandon any dream I ever had about playing hockey and make peace with it all and pretend everything was fine because at least you, William fucking Hughes, could still play? That at least you had made it. The golden boy.” She scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Of course you did. I should have seen through it earlier.”
“Now hold on a minute,” I said.
She held up a hand to silence me. Then she shouldered her way past me and marched down the hall, her heels striking the floors with every step. I followed.
Where the hell had all this come from?
She’d concocted all this shit in her head. I never meant any of that. I never assumed she’d be content to just follow me around. I assumed she would want to be with me. Just like I wanted to be with her.
And we’d figure the rest out as we went.
Now I didn’t know what to think.
Kim fetched her
jacket from the wall beside the elevator and shrugged into it.
I caught up with her in the foyer. “Don’t walk out on me, Kim. I want to sort this out.”
“There’s nothing to sort out!” She spun toward me. “You’re as self involved as you used to be. Everything good that has ever happened to you just fell into your lap, William! That’s not what it’s like for the rest of us. The rest of us struggle every fucking day to make ends meet. To find our purpose. To find just a sliver of something that makes us happy. But you? It just happens for you. Or other people bust their asses to make sure it does. People like my mom and dad.”
I flinched and stepped back.
She shook her head and wiped at her eyes as tears leaked down her cheeks. “I’m so embarrassed. Keith was right. We never should have gotten involved with each other like this. It was a mistake.”
My pulse pounded at my temples. “What the hell are you talking about, Kim? How is any of this me being self involved? I’m so fucking confused.”
Her hands balled into fists at her sides. “Of course you’re confused, William! You can’t see past the end of your own nose! My parents gave up everything for you. So you could have your happy ending. Well guess what? It’s not a happy ending for all of us.”
My temper roared to life. “I never asked your parents to give anything up for me, Kim.”
“You didn’t have to. Because that’s what good people do. They help others. You were just a kid! And you’re still that kid. Everything is so easy for you, William. Every step conveniently puts you on an even better path than the last one.” She grabbed her purse from the bench. Her keys jingled. “You’re the same entitled, self serving, egotistical-”
“Enough.”
“What?” she snapped, glaring up at me. “You don’t like this? You don’t like when things aren’t going your way? Well, fucking cry me a river, William.”
I pressed both hands to my head. “Where is all this coming from?”
A sob escaped her and she pointed an accusing finger at me. “You! I can’t believe you! What did you expect me to do all day if I followed you on the road? Hm? Sit around in the hotel room all day, getting fat, nursing my busted fucked-up knee and ordering room service all day while you played the sport that was supposed to be mine too?”
“Kim…”
“Don’t,” she pleaded. “Please. No more.”
My hands fell to my sides as I stared at her—the girl I was in love with and had hurt so badly. I still didn’t understand it. But these were real tears. These were tears of pain.
Kim began searching frantically through her purse. “Where the hell is my phone?”
“Let me drive you home.”
“No,” she muttered. “I’ll take an Uber.”
“Kim… come on. You’ll have to wait twenty minutes. Just let me drive you. We can sort this out—”
“There isn’t anything left to sort out, William!” More tears flowed freely. She was crying in earnest now and not bothering to hide or fight it. “We want different things. Completely different things. Your lifestyle and mine don’t mesh. It hurts too badly.” She swallowed hard. “You hurt me too badly.”
My heart ached. “I didn’t mean to.”
“That doesn’t make it better.”
“I know. I didn’t expect it to. Please don’t walk out like this. Stay. Let’s talk this out. I need you to help me—”
“No. I’m done. I can’t help you. This?” She gestured back and forth between us and shook her head.
Please don’t end this, I thought desperately. Please.
“This is over,” Kim said. “I can’t do it. I can’t be the girl on the sidelines for you, William. Let’s just go back to how things used to be. It was easier.”
“That’s not what I want.”
“Welcome to the real world, then. We don’t always get what we want.”
I wanted to scream at her. I wanted to shake her and tell her she was wrong about all of this. But I knew that wouldn’t make things better, and it certainly wouldn’t make me feel any less shitty. My heart felt like it was ripping itself apart in my chest and I couldn’t think of a single thing to say or do that would take any of her hurt away.
If I was really the cause of so much pain then I had no choice.
I had to let her leave.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
I still didn’t fully grasp what I was apologizing for.
Kim swallowed hard as fresh tears danced in her eyes. “Yeah. Me too.”
Then she turned, punched the button for the elevator, and waited in stony silence. I moved to stand beside her and she stepped to the side, creating distance between us.
I looked at my feet. “I don’t think I can go back to how things used to be with you, Kim.”
She looked at me out of the corner of her eyes. “Are you seriously still making this about you?”
“What? No. I—”
“So predictable.”
I stopped talking. Nothing I said seemed to get through to her. She misinterpreted every word out of my mouth.
What was this going to cost me? Clearly, I’d lost her. And I’d potentially already lost Keith because I chose his sister. What did this mean for me and her parents?
Would Roger ever forgive me for hurting his daughter?
I stepped back and moved down the stairs. She looked over her shoulder at me, sniffling, and then moved forward when the elevator doors opened. She stepped on and faced me as she waited for the doors to close.
I kept my mouth shut as she disappeared behind them, and as soon as she was gone I turned to face my empty penthouse. It suddenly felt smaller. Colder.
And so did I.
35
Kimberly
I broke the pretty latte art strewn across the foam of my drink by slurping from the edge of the ceramic cup. I could feel Jade’s and Eugene’s eyes on me as we sat on the outside patio of one of our favorite cafés in Long Grove. The brightly colored umbrellas that were usually up during the summer months had been pulled to the side, exposing us to a chilly breeze that picked up every few minutes and pulled gently at our hair and clothes.
I didn’t mind the cold. It matched how my insides felt.
I set my cup down on its matching saucer and drew my bomber jacket tighter around my body as one of those soft winds rustled our napkins on the table. “I just can’t believe how clueless he is,” I said. I’d just finished telling them both about how badly things had gone with William last night and how I’d stormed out with my chin held high after standing my ground in the face of his complete and utter disregard for my feelings. “I mean, in what possible world would he think I’d be okay watching him play hockey while I twiddle my thumbs?”
Jade picked up her matcha latte and didn’t say anything.
So I turned to Eugene. “What a dick move, right?”
Eugene swallowed. “Erm-”
“I mean, what was he thinking?” I asked. It was the same question I’d been asking myself since I walked out of his place last night. I’d barely slept at all last night or been able to offer my father an explanation when I came through the front door, teary eyed and broken. He’d followed me up to my room and asked what happened. He seemed as disappointed as I was that things with William had imploded. I laughed at my own foolishness. “I shouldn’t have let myself fall so hard. I already knew who he was. It’s my fault it ended this way. I shouldn’t have expected more from him.”
Eugene and Jade exchanged a tense, brief look. As soon as they realized I’d seen it they stared into the depths of their mugs.
“What was that about?” I asked.
“Nothing,” they said in unison.
I shifted in my chair and eyed my friends. “Liars. Spit it out, then.”
Jade turned to Eugene. “Yeah. Spit it out, Eugene.”
“Why me?” he asked.
“Because,” she said, “you’re the best with words.”
He rolled his eyes to th
e cloudy sky above. “Oh please. You’re just a coward.”
Jade slurped her coffee.
I angled my chair toward my very gay, very honest, very dependable best friend. He gazed back at me, seemingly unperturbed by the glare on my face that felt like it was pressing permanent creases into my forehead.
“Are you willing to hear me out?” Eugene asked. “Or are you going to tell me to piss off once I tell you what’s on my mind?”
I ran my tongue along the front of my upper teeth. “I’m willing to hear you out.”
“Okay.” Eugene set his mocha down. He’d sucked all the whipped cream off of it. Then he crossed one leg over the other and held it in place with both hands clasped over his knee. “Well. From an objective point of view, as in ours”—he gestured back and forth between him and Jade, who nodded like a good, noble friend should—“maybe, just maybe, you’re the one who overreacted last night.”
I forced myself not to lash out at him. “How do you mean?”
Eugene remained cool and collected in the face of my bubbling anger. “Maybe you didn’t hear him out properly. Do you think maybe you jumped to conclusions because hockey is a bit of a sore spot for you?”
Jade cleared her throat. “And by ‘a bit of a sore spot’ he means a gaping, massive, agonizing black hole.”
“Thanks, Jade,” I grumbled.
“My pleasure.” She smiled sweetly and proceeded to sip her green latte.
I sighed and eyed my latte. Suddenly, it didn’t look so appealing. “So you guys are taking his side, then?”
“No,” Eugene said sternly. “We’re on your side, Kim. I get that you’re angry and that he hurt your feelings but, if I’m being honest, it doesn’t sound like that’s what his intentions were.”
“Oh? What were they then?” I asked.
“He wants to be with you,” Eugene said matter of factly. “That, and only that, is what you should have taken away from your conversation last night. He wants you on the road with him. I doubt he’d thought about all the specifics when he asked you to go with him. It probably just came out in the moment.”
