by Rebel Hart
I wasn’t convinced.
Jade sighed. “Kim. Listen to me. I know William hurt your feelings. That’s valid. And we’re not dismissing it. What we’re trying to help you do is restore some objectivity. William makes you happier than you’ve been since you were sixteen years old. You laugh like an idiot when you’re around him and you don’t worry about all the things you think you’re supposed to be doing. You’re just you when you’re with him. You’re happy. Are you going to let one question that you might be misunderstanding get in the way of all that?”
“It’s more complicated than that,” I said.
“How so?” Jade challenged.
She and Eugene sat quietly, waiting for my answer.
And I couldn’t think of one.
I frowned and sipped at my latte, trying to buy myself time and think about what they were saying to me.
Had I really overreacted? Were my feelings just a result of me being super sensitive to all things hockey related? Had I put words and thoughts into William’s mouth and head that hadn’t been there at all?
Had I ruined the best thing that had ever happened to me?
“It was thoughtless of him,” I said, grasping at straws.
“Maybe,” Eugene admitted. “But, speaking for my species here, he is a guy at the end of the day. Sometimes we say things with the best intentions that are easily misunderstood. Or hold other meanings than what we intend. I think last night is a perfect example of that. William is a good guy. I think you’re trying to make him something else because you’re scared.”
I stiffened.
Scared?
What on earth did I have to be scared of?
“I’m not scared,” I said.
Eugene arched an eyebrow and smiled at me. “Oh? No? Not even a little bit?”
“No.”
“I don’t believe you,” he said. “I think things got real for you really quickly last night. I think William took a step and told you what he wanted and you’re not ready to give him that. I think you still have a lot to figure out when it comes to you and hockey and what you want to do next. Because, and don’t rip my throat out when I say this to you, Kim, because you’ve needed to hear it straight for a long fucking time: you are not going to play hockey again. It’s over. Done. Book closed.”
Jade looked over at Eugene like he’d just struck a match and thrown it on a pile of wood covered in gasoline.
He didn’t falter. He held his ground. “I love you, Kim. Jade loves you. Your family loves you. And I’m pretty damn sure William loves you too. But all of us have been walking on eggshells with you when it comes to hockey. It’s not fair. Not anymore. Your fate is in your hands and you need to decide how you’re going to spend the rest of your life. Either you can continue feeling sorry for yourself and get triggered every time you hear the word hockey, or you can pick up the pieces and move on and use what happened to you as the catalyst of change.” He leaned forward and took my hands in his. He had long, thin, elegant fingers, and his nails were painted with iridescent glitter. “You are a badass boss bitch, Kim Renwick. It’s time to start acting like it.”
I didn’t realize until he finished speaking that I was crying.
He reached out and wiped my tears away, offering me a warm smile as he did so. “Please tell me these are good tears and that you’re not going to kick me to the curb like you did poor William?”
I laughed softly.
So did Eugene and Jade.
I shook my head. “I’m not going to kick you to the curb. How could I? You guys are my everything.”
Jade let out a shaky sigh. “I thought you were going to pour your latte over his head.”
“I’m not that reactive,” I said defensively. I looked back and forth between them. “Am I?”
Eugene shrugged one shoulder. “I mean, you can be a little… prickly.”
“Shut up,” I chuckled.
“It’s true,” he said simply. “But we love you anyway. And because of that. Now, what are you going to do about William?”
It was my turn to shrug. “I don’t know.”
What could I do?
What reason did he have to forgive me for going up one side of him and down the other last night? No matter what way I looked at this thing I was the one who’d overreacted. If William had any sense at all he’d be learning a very important lesson from last night. That lesson being I was a hard person to love.
Always had been.
“He’ll hear you out,” Jade offered.
“Of course he will,” Eugene agreed. “I saw the way he looked at you when he came by the rink that day, Kim. He didn’t know it then, but I bet your cute little ass he knows it now.”
“Knows what?” I asked.
Eugene laughed at my expense. “That he loves you, of course.”
I rubbed my lips together. “I doubt he could love me after all the things I said to him last night. I was… I was mean.”
“You were protecting yourself,” Jade said. “I think he’d understand if you broke it down for him. He’d be willing to listen at least.”
“You have to try,” Eugene encouraged.
I finished my latte and thought about how I’d start this conversation with William. How many times had I called him entitled? Egotistical? What other cruel things had I said to him?
Were they forgivable? Or would William have come to the realization that I wasn’t worth all the bullshit that came with loving me?
36
William
I drummed my fingers on the table I sat at in the middle of Dickie’s Bar and Grill. The place wasn’t very busy for a Sunday afternoon, but a couple people sitting nearby cast me irritated looks. Their attention flicked down to my fingers and I stilled their drumming, offering apologetic smiles.
People grumbled under their breath and went back to their business and I continued to wait for Keith to arrive.
It had been like pulling teeth to get him to agree to meet me here today.
After everything that went down with Kim last night I was feeling lost and confused, and I needed to talk to someone who knew her better than they knew themselves so I could try to make sense of all of this. My heart was broken, my head hurt from a night of trying to riddle out what had happened between us, and my stomach churned.
I’d hardly been able to eat anything since she stormed out on me.
I never expected her to have so much power over me to the point where food was unappealing. I hadn’t even had the energy this morning to go for my usual run to get the blood flowing and get ready for the day.
I’d slept in, felt sorry for myself, and laid in bed while I called Keith eleven times in a row before he finally answered. After fifteen minutes of pushing him—and begging—he finally agreed to meet me for lunch at Dickie’s at noon.
It was officially quarter after and I was beginning to worry that he wouldn’t show. After how pissed he’d been at me for dating Kim in the first place, it didn’t seem entirely out of the question that he wouldn’t agree to meet me just to string me along, get me to drive all the way out to Long Grove, and stand me up at Dickie’s just to prove a point that he was right and I was wrong.
No, I told myself firmly. Keith was a better guy than that. A better friend.
While I continued to wait, I replayed last night’s fight over in my head for the hundredth time that morning. I tried to pick out where it all went wrong. I knew she was mad that I’d asked her to come on the road with me, and I knew it had triggered her when she thought I assumed I wanted her to be my roadie or something, but that hadn’t been my plan at all.
I thought it would be good for both of us. I thought it would help her grow.
I stood up when I saw Keith coming.
He marched toward the table, his boots thudding heavily on the wood floors. He stopped and looked me up and down, frowning at my dishevelled hair and five o’clock shadow and purple bags under my eyes.
“Holy shit, man,” he breathed. “Yo
u look like hell.”
“Yeah. I feel like it, too.”
He pulled out his chair and sat. I sat, too.
We were spared the initial awkwardness by our waitress, who appeared at our table with a charming smile, notepad, and pen. She took our orders. Keith ordered a basket of hot wings and I told her I needed a bit more time. Ordering food seemed pointless when my appetite was gone.
After she left Keith eyed me across the table with his arms crossed over his chest. “What’s this about, man? You want to try to make it up to me or something? Did you ask me out here to grovel? Because I’m not going to lie, I wouldn’t mind seeing that. Think of how viral that video could be. William Hughes on his hands and knees in Dickie’s begging for his old friend’s forgiveness.” Keith chuckled.
I couldn’t find any humor in the joke. I tried to smile for his benefit but failed.
Keith frowned. “What’s going on with you, man? You’re starting to worry me.”
“Kim and I had a fight last night.”
“Oh?”
“It was bad.”
“Yeah. Fights with Kim usually are. She’s a hellion, man. She’ll hit you where it hurts.”
He could say that again.
I sighed and rubbed tiredly at my eyes. “I made a mistake. I was hoping you could hear me out and help me understand what went wrong and why she’s so pissed at me.”
“And why would I do that?”
“Because. You’re still my best friend. And I need your help.”
He stared blankly at me. “You’re a cocky fucker, you know that?”
“You and your sister keep reminding me.”
Keith smirked. “She really messed you up, huh?”
“Yes.”
He stroked his chin and nodded thoughtfully. “All right. Fine. Tell me what happened.”
I wasted no time divulging the details of my argument with Kim last night. I left out the bit where we were getting intimate right before all hell broke loose. I didn’t need to torture him further. He listened contently, and I only paused once when the server came with his basket of wings. Keith tore the meat from the bones and sucked hot sauce off his thumbs while he listened to me finish up the story, ending with Kim getting on the elevator and crying as she left.
“I just can’t make sense of it,” I said. “One minute everything was great, and then those words came out of my mouth and it was like something inside her snapped and suddenly I was this monster in her eyes.”
Keith wiped his fingers with his napkin and then dabbed his lips. “It’s obvious, isn’t it?”
“No. It’s not. If it was, do you really think I’d be asking you for advice?”
Keith rolled his eyes. “It’s simple. She’s scared, man. That’s all.”
“Scared?”
Keith nodded. “Yep.” He plucked a piece of celery from his basket and drowned one end in blue cheese dip. “Scared.”
“Of what?”
Keith laughed. “You are dense sometimes, aren’t you? What’s not to be scared of? She’s scared of the next step. Of following you and leaving everything she has here to take a chance on so much unknown. You just assuming she’d be down to follow you on the road is a bit of a dick move. Especially since you know what hockey means to her and how hard it hit her when she busted her knee.”
I frowned at the table. “I never meant to make her feel any of those things.”
“Of course you didn’t.”
“I thought I was offering her a chance to get away from a job she hated. A chance to figure things out and get away and clear her head. I never meant to suggest she had to abandon everything she knew. And I certainly didn’t mean to make her think I expected her to just sit by and watch my career from the sidelines. That’s insane.”
Keith shrugged and chewed his celery.
“I need to talk to her,” I said.
“Yeah. You do.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “What’s with the change to your tune?”
“What do you mean?”
“All of a sudden you’re okay with me dating your sister. Why?”
“I never said I was okay with it.” Keith leaned back. His chair groaned softly beneath him as he patted his stomach, content after his basket of wings. “I just made peace with it. The pair of you are my favorite people. From where I’m standing I had two options. I could lose you both or get on board. It forced me to get over my own bullshit and tendency to be an overprotective older brother.”
I wasn’t convinced.
“What?” Keith asked.
“You talked to your dad about us, didn’t you?”
Keith chuckled. “Maybe. He thinks you’re good for my sister. And I can’t say I disagree with him. Once I heard him out it started to make sense. You’ll push her, you know? You’ll get her back out into the world. You’ll challenge her. She’s missing that part of her life right now. Don’t tell her I said that, okay?”
“Lips are sealed.”
“Good. And listen. Dad approves of you two. And in my experience, he’s never wrong. So I’m willing to go with it. And if you’re smart you’ll take that to heart and fight for my sister, because she deserves the kind of guy who won’t shy away from her anger, regardless of how scary it can be.”
“I almost shit myself,” I said.
Keith roared with laughter. “Pussy.”
I grinned. It felt good to share a laugh with my friend again. And it felt even better to hear that he and his father were in my corner and thought I was a good match for Kim, the most precious thing in both their lives.
It meant more to me than they could ever know.
“Do you have a little more time?” I asked. “I’m suddenly starving and could do with a burger.”
“I have all day, man.”
I ordered food. Keith and I spent the next hour laughing and joking and catching each other up on everything that had been going on in our lives in the last two weeks—minus all the sex I’d had with his sister, of course. I left that out.
He told me about the house and the completed renovations. He told me about his father taking his health doubly serious since the accident, and his mother considering early retirement so they could spend more quality time together. The crash had been a wake up call for everyone, apparently.
“I still feel like I haven’t thanked you enough for what you did, Will,” Keith said when we were done with our food and basking in the glory of full and happy bellies.
“You did.”
“No,” he said. “I didn’t. You know how important my dad is to me. To all of us. And I know how important he is to you, too. We are all very lucky that you were there that morning and that you knew what to do. Things would have been very different without you. That goes for all of it.”
“All of it?” I asked.
“Yeah. My entire fucking life, man. I’m proud to have you in my life. And I’m proud to see you with my sister. You’re good for her. And I think she’s good for you, too.”
I licked my lips. “Can I tell you something?”
“Anything.”
“I think I’m in love with her.”
Keith grinned. “Who would have ever thought back when we were kids that you’d fall in love with the annoying twerp down the hall making her Barbie dolls play hockey against each other?”
I threw my head back and laughed as those memories came rushing back. Every glorious memory I had in my life circled back to the Renwicks, and to Kim.
I wasn’t going to let her go without a fight.
She said everything came easy to me. She said I never had to fight for anything. She said things just fell into my lap.
But that wasn’t true. The one thing I wanted more than anything wasn’t mine. And I was willing to put it all on the line for her and fight tooth and nail to show her just how much I cared about her.
Hopefully that would be enough.
37
Kimberly
The last garbage can at the rink that
I emptied smelled like McDonald’s cheeseburgers and dirty diapers.
I scrunched up my nose and held my breath as I hauled the very full black bag out of the bin. As soon as I set it down on the ground I twisted the ends, sealing in the stench, and tied it off.
I sucked in a great gulp of fresh air—well, semi fresh, the rink had recycled air that tended to smell like sweaty skates, laundry detergent, and, well, dry ice—and straightened up to haul the heavy bag over to the corner with the other four I’d already emptied. Then I replaced the bag and wiped my brow with the back of my hand.
It had been a long day at work.
I dealt with the usual bullshit of Monday morning shifts working concession, including moody mothers who had to get up early to get their sons to hockey practice and single fathers who made more than a handful of passes at me.
Their advances were surprising considering how much of a wreck I looked.
I hadn’t bothered to wash my hair this morning. I’d rolled out of bed, tied it up in a bun and not bothered to pin up the pieces that hung down the back of my neck because they were too short to stay in the hair tie. I hadn’t bothered with makeup, either. Seeing as how I’d barely slept since walking out on William, it was safe to say I looked like a walking, talking disaster.
But the single fathers didn’t seem to mind. Maybe it even appealed to them a little bit. Instead of an uptight Stepford wife I was a relaxed, fresh faced, bubbly young woman.
Minus the bubbles.
I was not bubbly today.
Today I was sullen and moody and temperamental. Eugene gave me a wide berth before starting his figure skating practice, which was still currently running. It was a wise move to avoid me when I was angry and easily provoked, especially when the person I was angry with was myself.
I’d singlehandedly sabotaged the best thing that had happened to me in years.
Maybe ever.
After my coffee date with Jade and Eugene last night I’d returned to my parents’ house to find my father waiting for me at the kitchen table. He’d made us a pot of tea and cut me a piece of fresh baked banana bread. After buttering it for me the way he knew I liked, he sat with me and asked me to tell him everything that was going on with me and William.
