For Nicky

by A. D. Ellis

  I felt a surge of hope on Friday night when a text buzzed on my phone. But the words were like a knife to my heart.

  Nate: Elizabeth, I can’t do this anymore. I heard the hateful words you said to Audrey about Nicky. I loved you beyond measure, and I trusted you, but you are truly no better than your bully of a sister if you’d use such hurtful words against Nicky or anyone like him. You sure had me going though. I thought you were the love of my life, but I was wrong. So very wrong. The thought of you ever saying those words to Nicky or where he could hear them, it tears me apart to think of how crushed he would be. So, for Nicky, I can’t see you again.

  I couldn’t breathe. I dropped my phone and let the tears come. Hours later, I woke with a pounding headache and a broken heart. What just happened? I’m totally lost. I attempt to call Nate, but it says the number is no longer in service. My heart sinks as I realize he’s changed his number. I’ve lost him and I don’t even know what caused this.

  Chapter 73

  Nicky

  “Miss Audrey, why is Miss Elizabeth so sad? And why is Nate so mad and sad? Why aren’t they spending time together? Nate says that Miss Elizabeth said mean things, but she couldn’t have because she’s not mean. I don’t like seeing them sad.”

  “Nicky, I don’t have answers to those questions right now, but I’m determined to figure them out because I don’t like seeing them sad either.” Miss Audrey replied to me with a sad look on her face. I really hoped we could fix things with Nate and Miss Elizabeth. I loved them both very much and it made me very unhappy to see them so upset.

  Chapter 74

  Nate

  It’s been a month since I heard those horrible words come from Elizabeth’s mouth. I am resolved to the fact that I can’t possibly be with someone who could potentially hurt my brother and others. And, she hurt me so much too. But, God, I miss her so much. I’m miserable. I wish I could go back to that day and not hear those words. If I could have been 5 minutes later, I never would have heard what she said. I know it would still be bad because she still said them, but if I didn’t hear them maybe I could have continued on like the fool in love that I was. Because now I’m just the heartbroken fool and it sucks ass. Everyone around me knows something is wrong, but I refuse to talk about it. I can’t have Nicky crushed by hearing what Elizabeth said. I go to work and go home. I don’t even go play basketball because I’m so tense that I’m afraid I’ll lash out at the guys I play with. I spend every evening and weekend in a heartbroken fog of too much TV and too much sleep. My brain says I did the right thing, but my heart says I made the stupidest mistake of my life by letting her go. Could I have handled it differently? Should I have handled it differently?

  Chapter 75

  Elizabeth

  One month since he abruptly said goodbye and broke my heart. I don’t know his new number, and I’m too scared to go talk to his parents. If he hates me, they probably do too. I barely make it through each day. Luckily, I still see Nicky and he always makes me smile, but it’s bittersweet because it makes me think of Nate. Dodging Nicky’s questions has become more difficult. I know he’s confused, but I don’t know if I even know enough about what happened to explain things to him. If I’m not at work, I’m in PJs at home and in bed. I feel and look like a zombie. A heartbroken, confused, dead inside zombie.

  Chapter 76

  Nate

  “Son, this has gone on long enough. Talk to me.” My dad sat at my kitchen table and issued his command. I didn’t want to tell him what had happened. I didn’t want to hurt my parents, but mostly I didn’t want to hurt Nicky. I know they’ll all be crushed to hear about Elizabeth’s words and her real attitude. Also, I felt foolish for falling so hard and fast for someone who obviously wasn’t who I thought she was. I realize we’d known each other for over 6 months, but we’d been through so much that it felt like we’d moved quickly. Now I feel like I gave her the gift of my heart, something I’d never given anybody else, and she trampled on it. Not to mention I feel like a total baby’s ass for all of these emotions running rampant through me. I don’t show the emotions, but they are there and they hurt and piss me off. By keeping the pain inside, I can protect my family and myself. But, as I listened to Nicky play Mario Kart in the living room, I looked into my father’s eyes and realized he wasn’t going to take no for an answer. Or, more like my mom had sent him to speak to me and SHE wasn’t taking no for an answer.

  “Dad, I don’t want to talk about it. Long story short, I went to Audrey’s to pick Elizabeth up, and I overheard Elizabeth call Nicky retarded and gross. I can’t be with someone who would say such hurtful things about my brother or anyone else. So, I’ve stopped seeing her. It’s over.”

  My dad was quiet for a bit, mulling over what I told him. “Did you speak to Elizabeth about what you heard, Nathan?”

  “No, Dad, she fooled me into thinking what we had was love, but she faked everything about the real her. There’s nothing to talk about. She knows I heard her ugly words, and she knows it’s over.”

  “Nathaniel, I can see you’re pretty set in this decision, but let me say my piece. What I saw between you and Libby reminded me so much of what your mother and I have. It was easy and it was no doubt love. I hate that you’d give up on that without even having a face-to-face conversation. Also, it wasn’t that long ago that you had me bailing your butt out of a total misunderstanding. I know Libby, and those words don’t seem like her at all. Have you given thought to the fact that you could have misunderstood?”

  As I started to protest, Dad held up his hand and said, “Just give it some thought.”

  After Dad and Nicky left, I sat there thinking. Dad was right, what Elizabeth and I had was easy and it was love. But I know what I heard her say. I could never forget that or move past it. Could I?

  Chapter 77

  Nicky

  “Dad, can you take me to Miss Elizabeth’s for a little while?” I needed to talk to her about the hurtful words she said about me. I heard Nate telling Dad while they thought I was playing video games. Dad seemed a little worried about me asking to go to Miss Elizabeth’s, but he eventually agreed.

  When Dad dropped me off, I knocked and Miss Audrey answered the door. She told Dad that she would get me home a little later. I saw Miss Elizabeth on the couch, she looked so sad. But I was sad, too. I walked over and sat on the couch next to her. “Nate heard you say I was retarded and gross, Miss Elizabeth. He’s hurt and so am I. That’s why he’s not your boyfriend any more. Why did you say that word? Don’t you know how much that hurts me? I thought you were my friend?”

  Miss Elizabeth and Miss Audrey looked confused and then Audrey gasped, “Oh my God, Beth! Nate heard us role playing!” Miss Elizabeth and Miss Audrey explained what their homework had been and why those words had been said. Miss Audrey and I thought it was good and Miss Elizabeth and Nate could fix it all right now. But Miss Elizabeth said it was still over and it was too late.

  “Nicky, you and Nate have taught me to stand up for myself. If Nate could take what we had and throw it away without even a conversation, just his inaccurate assumptions about me, then he’s not the man I thought he was.”

  Chapter 78

  Audrey

  A week after the realization that Nate had totally misunderstood the situation, Beth was still miserable, and I’d had enough! Those two loved each other and this called for an intervention. And this time, it was my turn to lead it. I headed to Nate’s place.

  Chapter 79

  Nate

  I’m an idiot. A fucking idiot. I had a long talk with Audrey. Well, actually, Audrey talked, screamed, and ranted while I listened. After she finished, I realized I’d made a monumental mistake and made it even worse by refusing to talk it out with Libby. Instead of talking about the problem and my feelings, I pushed Libby away and let my harsh words and foolish assumptions stand in the way of love. Why hadn’t I just talked to her about what I heard? Was there any chance I could fix this? No, according to Audrey, Li
bby was so hurt by the way I treated her that she was sticking to things being over between us. She wasn’t taking my calls or returning my texts even after I let her know my new number. This called for drastic measures. I hope Nicky and Audrey are up for some secret re-matchmaking!

  Chapter 80

  Nicky

  Miss Audrey and I are like secret spies. This is fun, but it’s serious stuff too. We are going to get Miss Elizabeth to fall back in love with Nate. No that’s not right. She doesn’t have to fall BACK in love with Nate because she never STOPPED loving him, but she needs to forgive him for his mistake. Everyone makes mistakes and Nate said he was sorry. She should forgive him. I like secret missions.

  Chapter 81

  Audrey

  I really hope this works. It all hinges on Beth. I’ve set a romantic mood in the Morgan Family basement. Mr. and Mrs. Morgan went away for the weekend to a bed and breakfast in a neighboring town. After helping me with the finishing touches and saying they hoped our plan worked, they gave Nicky and I hugs and then they left. They were all touchy feely with each other and Mrs. Morgan was giggling. I bet I know what THEY will be doing all weekend. Nicky is staying with me this weekend. That is, after he plays his part in this whole plan. And, I’m taking him out for pizza and a movie. I’m ready to face my fears, for Nicky. I just hope that our pizza and movie night will be in celebration and not to drown our sorrows.

  Chapter 82

  Libby

  “Miss Elizabeth, I need your help. There’s a loud noise in the basement and I’m scared. Mom and Dad are gone and Nate’s at the gym. Can you come help me?”

  Poor Nicky. I rushed right over to the Morgan home. Nicky took me to the basement where I determined the noise had come from the furnace. I started to head up the stairs, but Nicky stopped me. He said he wanted to show me something, but I had to sit on the couch and wait. Since Nate wasn’t here, I decided I could give Nicky some time. I’d missed spending time with him since all of this went down between Nate and me. As Nick headed up the stairs, I looked around and realized that the Morgan’s had a REALLY nice basement. First, it was heated and fully furnished, sort of like an apartment. There was full carpeting, a kitchen area, a gorgeous bathroom, even a bedroom area along with the living area. I bet Nate lived down here before moving out on his own. For a moment, I let myself imagine Nicky meeting a sweet girl and them living down here in this perfect little apartment. I shook my head and smiled at the thought.

  Cindy must have girlied the basement up after Nate moved out because it definitely had a romantic girly look to it now. I felt the need to get out because being this close to Nate was just too hard. I was glad when Nicky started down the steps because I was ready to leave. “Libby-girl, we need to talk.” At the sound of the basement door being locked from the outside and the familiar rumble of Nate’s voice, I knew I’d been set up and I’d fallen for it hook, line, and sinker.

  Chapter 83

  Nate

  My hands were shaking as I climbed slowly down those stairs into the basement I’d lived in throughout my college years. Audrey had gone all out setting a romantic scene; however, I was afraid it wouldn’t be enough to convince Libby how sorry I was. I had been a total ass to her; I treated her no better than Audrey used to. And, worse, I’d taken something from her and then thrown her away over a stupid misunderstanding that I didn’t even attempt to talk through with her. I know I’ve never used my degree, but as a licensed school counselor, you’d think I’d know better; I guess being so close to the situation and having such emotions involved shook me up too much, and I obviously hadn’t used my brain. All this had been running through my head for days yet I had absolutely no clue what I planned to say to Libby. I guess I hadn’t planned ahead because I wasn’t sure Nicky could get her over here. Now that she’s here, I don’t really know what to say. But when I reach the bottom step and I see her standing there, I know that I have no choice. I have to make this work, I have to have her back in my life. She’s my air and today is the first day I’ve been able to breathe since I walked away from her. No matter how today turns out, I will not give up. She has a right to be pissed, but I will spend the rest of my life fighting to get her back and being the man she fell in love with, the man she deserves.

  I look into Libby’s eyes, those crazy beautiful grey-green eyes, and I’m lost. She hasn’t said anything yet, but I can tell she’s pissed, hurt, and trying not to cry. I feel like absolute shit knowing I’m the one who brought this pain onto her, onto us. She’s lost weight, she looks pale, but she’s still my gorgeous Libby and I want nothing more than to haul her into my arms and hold her forever. As I take a step toward her, she steps back and holds her hands up as if to ward me off. My heart breaks a little more than it already was. “Libby, baby, I’m so sorry. Please, let’s talk this out.”

  Chapter 84

  Libby

  I have never been so pissed, so hurt, so torn in my life. I want to smack him in his beautiful face. I want to bury my head in his chest and cry my eyes out. I feel the need to go to him and hold him, yet I also feel the need to escape from him. He hurt me. He took a terrible misunderstanding, and instead of talking to me about it, he shut me out, left me, said hurtful things to me, compared me to a bully. I’ve learned a lot about myself. I’m not a pushover. I’m not the meek and mild Elizabeth I let Audrey and others convince me I was. I’m strong, I’m confident, and right now I’m pissed. My voice is slightly louder than I mean for it to be and the volume only increases as my anger gathers steam.

  “Oh, so NOW you want to talk this out, Nate?! NOW? You didn’t want to talk when you overheard something and made an inaccurate assumption. You didn’t want to talk when I tried to contact you. But you want to talk NOW!?! Ok, Nate, let’s TALK! Let’s talk about how you rescued me from my sister and gave me my sister back at the same time. Let’s talk about how your brother is one of the most special people in my life and I would NEVER say cruel things about him or anyone else. Let’s talk about how I spent the better part of a year falling in love with a man who is so far out of my league, yet he never made me feel that way. Let’s talk about how, even when I’m pissed at you, the memory of what we shared still warms me all over. Let’s talk about how you said you LOVE me, then you LEFT ME, you LEFT ME, NATE! Let’s talk about the cruel words you said to me and the insinuations you made that I would EVER hurt Nicky! Let’s talk about how my heart is broken and I know today is only going to break it more…..and how, even after all of this, I love you so much that I don’t think I’ll ever recover. You own my heart, Nate!” I say this last part on a sob and crumble into Nate’s arms as he reaches for me. His arms wrap around me and hold me tight.

  His hands stroke my hair and he whispers, “Shhhh, baby, I’ve got you. Damn, Libby, I wish I could take this all away. I know I made a mistake. I’m here today to ask you to forgive me and start the process of us working through this. Can we work through this, Libby? Can you forgive me? Can we get back to where we were?” Nate’s words are desperate and scared, like he already knows what my answer has to be.

  “Nate, I loved you. I still love you. I was so hurt and broken after what you did, but I can forgive you. I’m grateful that you and Audrey talked so you could realize your mistake. I accept your apology.”

  Nate’s relief was evident as he sighed and captured my lips with his. Caught off guard and betrayed by my body, I leaned into his kiss and enjoyed the heat for a moment. For a brief time, it was like I left my body and watched what was happening. I could forgive. We could go back to where we were before. However, I’ve never really been Elizabeth. I’ve always been Audrey’s shadow, the freak. Maybe I did get too involved too quickly. If I go right back to Nate, I’ll never know if I love him because he was the first and only one willing or if it’s because we are meant to be together. I step back from the kiss and I know Nate sees what’s coming when he looks into my eyes.

  “Nate, I think we should both take a step back from this and see if it’s what we
really want. What we truly need. We should date other people. We should travel, alone. We should be friends, at least for Nicky.”

  Chapter 85

  Nate

  I helped Libby learn to stand up for herself and come out of the shadows and now it’s going to kick me in the balls. I’ve never been so proud of someone yet as completely gutted as I am right now. Libby is leaving me. We can be friends. What the fuck? She is my best friend, but I can’t be just friends with the woman I am madly in love with. I can’t be just friends with the girl I want to kiss and hold and bury myself in. I won’t. I will fight this. I will bring her back to me. But, she’s right, maybe she does need to get to know Libby before she comes back to Libby and Nate. I’ll let her go. I won’t be happy about it, but I’ll let her go. That way, I’ll know if, no WHEN, she comes back to me, it’s because she truly belongs to me.

  “Ok, Libby, I’ll give you time and space. I’ll be your friend. For now. I’ll try to be patient. But, I won’t let you go forever. I will stay in your heart, in your life. You say I own your heart; I’ll let you borrow it back for a while, but it belongs to me now and I won’t part with it for long. You won’t be able to move on from me. You can try, but I’m yours and you can’t get rid of me. I’d like for us to at least be on friendly terms for Nicky. But, rest assured, every time I see you, my thoughts won’t be friendly; I’ll be thinking of what’s under those clothes of yours. I’ll be thinking of what it feels like to be buried deep inside of you. I’ll be thinking about the proud, strong, confident woman I’ve watched come out of her shell and I’ve fallen in love with. And, just so you know, you can date all you want, but I won’t be dating. I’ll be watching you. I’ll be loving you. I’ll be waiting. For you. For you to find yourself. For you to remember how right we are together. I love you Libby-girl.”