Honor (Blackstone #1)

by J. L. Drake

  “That’s a strong bond to have.” My throat tightened. I hated that Mark had a horrible family at first.

  “It is. He does love to gamble, though. Don’t ever play poker with him.” My stomach sank. I didn’t like the sound of that at all. My mind immediately flew to his brother’s addiction and to my attack. “He doesn’t lose,” she continued. “I don’t get it. Cole says he has a horseshoe stuck up his…” She looked over at me and shut her mouth. Then I saw her make the connection. “Oh, no. Mia, he’s not like his brother at all. This is different.” When she saw the surprised look on my face, she patted my arm and smiled. “Cole tells me a lot. I hope that’s okay?”

  “Yeah, it’s okay.” I was barely listening when I answered her.

  “Mark and Manuel are polar opposites, Mia.” Savannah’s hand rested reassuringly on my arm again, and her expression was sincere. “Mark won two grand when all the guys bet on when Olivia would be born. You know what he did with the money?” I shook my head. “He started an investment account for her for college. Mark may have had an awful family, but he’s nothing like they are.”

  “Thank you for saying that.” I did believe her.

  The sky lit up and poured down more rain. The lake twisted and churned with the mix of rain and wind.

  I needed to focus on something else.

  “What about Cole? Any tips?”

  Her face softened and her eyes lit up. “What to say about the Colonel? His bark is bigger than his bite. However, don’t ever break the house rules. He has a one strike policy.”

  “Good to know.” I had heard bits of this before, so it rang true.

  “He’s really kind and warm. It just takes a while to break down his walls.” She looked at me. “Are you okay with what happened to you?”

  I glanced back at the water and let that foreign feeling seep back in. “Ahh…” I tucked my hair behind my ear. “Not entirely sure yet.”

  “I get that.”

  “I’m pretty good at blocking things out, and after Mark and I had our…” I paused to sigh and point to my head. “Well, I just pushed it all aside for now. I’ll deal with it when I can.”

  “Spoken like someone who has a lot to shed.” She touched my arm again and drew my attention to her. “Please know that Dr. Roberts is a wonderful man who helped me a lot. He’s often around if you ever needed some advice or someone else to talk to. You can always see him.”

  I nodded. “Thanks.” I paused, considered, and decided to ask. “Savi?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Do you miss your family? Mark filled me in.”

  Her face twisted for a moment before it relaxed. “Family isn’t about blood, Mia. It’s about who you surround yourself with, who makes you feel loved and safe. I never had that from my father. I thought I had it with my best friend, Lynn, but that proved to be wrong.” She blinked a few times then rubbed her arms. I could see this was a hard topic for her, so I didn’t push further. “I do miss my mother, though, very much.” She stood and wrapped her robe around her. “I’ll leave you be, or would you like to walk up to your room with me?”

  “I’ll take a few more minutes, then I’ll head up.”

  “Have a good night, Mia.”

  “You too.”

  ***

  Mark

  Cole and I had been trying to hunt down Manuel all night. We finally got hold of his phone records and saw the last cell tower that picked up his signal was in North Dakota, just four streets over from Mia’s apartment. What the hell was he doing there? Manuel had been unstable for as long as I could remember, but to hurt someone like Mia…I just couldn’t believe he would go that far.

  We decided when we returned from our next assignment we would find him and confront him. This shit had gone way too far.

  It wasn’t until after five a.m. that I crawled in next to Mia and pulled her close to my chest. She was as cold as normal and immediately molded to me as I shared my heat.

  “Where were you?” She wiggled closer.

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to be that long.” I kissed the back of her neck. “Lots going on.”

  She rolled over and squinted up at me. “Everything all right?”

  “Not sure yet. Come here, my little icicle, and let me melt off some of that sweetness,” I joked, tickling her. I kissed her nose then her lips, but she pushed my shoulder back so she could look at me.

  “Don’t joke with me right now, Mark. Is this how it is? Late nights and few answers?” She softened her words with one swift, hard kiss.

  I closed my eyes and wished I were in love with a different profession. “Sometimes, maybe, yes.” She gave me a look as if to say don’t you dare lie. “Yeah, a lot of times this is how it will be.”

  She gave me a slight nod before she moved to her side again. With a sigh, I rolled back into position and held her tightly. My stomach twisted and I decided to think before I spoke too quickly. Mia was becoming my rock, my anchor, my confidante. I loved the way she made me feel; even her smile made the dark turn to grey. The mere idea of my brother’s hands on her made my heart rate jump. Wow, I’d fallen hard. I glanced at the clock and saw it was late or early, depending how you looked at it.

  I wasn’t sure what my next few days would be like, so I decided to give her as much as I could.

  “I was left alone a lot when I lived with my mother,” I whispered, releasing my haunted past into the chilly air. Her body began to relax as I spoke. “More than any child should be. My brother Manuel was horrible. If he wasn’t high, he was ordering me around or forcing me to go out to find food. It was an excuse to get rid of me half the time. He much preferred I was gone than to have to deal with me.” Wincing at the memories that unfolded in front of me, I continued, wanting to share my biggest burden.

  “I stayed out all day over at Abby’s house. The Logans were having a game day because of the snow storm. They were so warm and inviting that I lost track of time and didn’t come home until it was nearly dark.” Mia turned to face me, her hand wedged between her cheek and the pillow. Her big eyes held onto mine, her gaze encouraging me to go on.

  “You know when your gut tells you something isn’t right? The way your skin prickles and your mouth goes dry? Well, when I opened my front door that day, the feeling that washed over me was like that. I dropped my book bag and pulled out a piece of my Hubba Bubba to calm myself. I remember I poured a small glass of Kool-Aid from a jug that was on the counter and sat on the stool and waited for the punishment I knew had to come, but nothing happened. I called out for my mother. She didn’t answer, but I thought I heard an odd noise from her bedroom.”

  Mia’s fingers traced one of my scars across my shoulder. Her touch was soothing. “Was it Manuel?” she asked as she watched her hand skate about.

  “I don’t know.”

  She looked up, confused.

  “One minute I was standing in the doorway, and the next I was in the hospital.”

  “What?”

  “I guess I blacked out.”

  “Why?”

  My vision tilted momentarily. “Because I…I killed my mother.”

  Her body tensed, and she barely even blinked as it sank in. I wanted to plow on and tell her everything, but first I needed to know if she was okay.

  “Mia?”

  “How old where you?” Her voice was low.

  “Seven years and three months.”

  Her skin paled and her tongue ran along her lips. “Just a boy.” She seemed to think. “Okay, so you were at the hospital…”

  I didn’t miss a beat. I wanted to show I would no longer hide things from her.

  “There was a psychologist sitting in a silly light pink chair, writing on a pad when I came to. I was so confused and disoriented, and my head hurt a lot. The bright light made me blink, which got the lady to look over.”

  Mia’s full attention was on me.

  “I asked what I was doing there, and she told me I had a breakdown. I asked where my mother was, and she gav
e me a strange look. I asked where Manuel was, and she told me he was in the waiting room. She pulled up a chair and fixed her glasses to sit up further on her nose.” Every detail was so vivid. “She asked me what I remembered. Where I was that day. What my mother was like toward us. The entire experience was odd. No one would answer anything until I got upset. Finally, Manuel was allowed to see me. He looked awful, his shirt was dirty, and his hair was a mess, like he hadn’t slept in days. He told me I needed to keep my mouth shut, that I’d done something really bad, and if I said anything, they’d take me away and I’d never see the Logans again. I didn’t even know he knew about the Logans.”

  Mia moved to sit crossed-legged. She pulled the blanket around her middle, tossed her hair off to one side, and waited for me to continue. It was hard not to stare at her. The faint light from the bathroom cast a soft glow on half her face.

  “He told me then what happened, that I stabbed her. Some kind of a mental breakdown. I have no memory, and nothing is left over from it. All I knew was she was dead, and I did it.” I swallowed hard and cleared my throat. “Manuel coached me on what to say to the police. They came in afterward. I was too scared, and I didn’t know any better, so I went along with it. The police bought every word, and no one was charged.”

  “Where was Manuel during all this?”

  I placed my hand on her knee, loving that she wanted to know all the facts. It meant she hadn’t fully judged me yet.

  “Manuel had a side job for one of our neighbors, outside maintenance stuff. So he had a solid alibi.”

  “So then what?”

  “Abigail got wind of what happened and showed up at the hospital. Cole’s father stacked up his lawyers and had me released to her care. The police came back only once to ask more questions. My prints were all over the handle, but that didn’t mean much since we could have touched it at some point. I never spoke to them, as Abigail kept me upstairs. Cole’s father dealt with them.”

  “What happened to your brother?”

  “I didn’t see him a lot after that. Except when he needed something from me. He drank and got into drugs for a few years, then around twenty-one, I guess, he started at the casinos. He had always gambled, but got into it big time after that. Didn’t take long for them to catch on that he was counting cards and they blacklisted him. He started playing underground poker, at really scary places. His debts started to climb, and so did his need for his little brother. I’ve been bailing him out for the past nine years. He joined the police force at thirty, and how they let him in is beyond me. He’s trouble, and he doesn’t care who he brings down with him.”

  Mia nodded, but I could tell she was a million miles away.

  I took her hand to get her attention. “I have to live every day with the fact I killed my mother. Truth be told, I hated her. She was a drunk, brought home random men, made me beg for food, and even made me sleep out in the snow when she forgot about me.” I felt my tongue thicken. “I know what I did was unspeakable, and it screws with me that I can’t remember, but I swear I’m not a monster, Mia—”

  She leaned forward and cupped my face. “You are not a monster, Mark.” She sealed her lips over mine before she pulled back. “You were just a child, in a bad situation. She’s gone. Let it go. Free yourself from this darkness.”

  So many emotions ran through me, but my heart took over. I grabbed her waist, and in a blink, she was under me and my lips were on hers. I pushed her shirt up and over her head, and her panties were off just as quick.

  My fingers felt gravitated toward her heat and dipped inside to feel her arousal. She was hot and wet, and her slickness coated my fingers. Her chin tilted back and a smile raced across her lips.

  Her back arched, her breasts pushing into my chest. Skin to skin. “Deeper.”

  I eased three fingers deep inside, eliciting a moan from her. With all that was driving through me, I couldn’t last. I lined up, and as soon as my fingers were out I slid my erection inside. She sucked in a deep breath and stilled.

  “Okay?” I brushed the hair out of her face.

  “Yeah,” she panted and flexed until I was fully in. I waited for her body to adjust to the invasion before I started to move my hips.

  Jesus.

  She felt so good, but then a sudden realization came over me.

  “I don’t have a condom on.”

  “I’m on the pill, and we get tested yearly.” I knew she knew we had to as well. The Army—but mostly Cole—was strict with our health.

  She wiggled for me to keep moving. I stretched out and put my weight on my forearms. She hooked her leg over my hip and reached above to the headboard. The curve of her body snapped me back into the now. My hand slid up the length of her side, under her breast, and around her neck.

  She was so beautiful. She stole the air from my lungs when I watched her face. Her warm breath shot in little bursts across my arm as she built herself up.

  “How can someone feel this good?” I muttered as I eased out. We rocked together, holding tight to each other, eyes locked. Her eyes glazed over and she rode out her orgasm until it peaked along with mine. Then we slept.

  ***

  “You can’t tell anyone what really happened, Mark,” Manuel warned me for the tenth time. “Just stick with your story.”

  I swung my book bag over my shoulder. I wanted to get started on the walk to Abigail’s house.

  Manuel ran up beside me. “If you fuck this up, you’ll go to jail. You’ll be known as the kid who killed his own mother.”

  I stopped to look at him. “I didn’t kill her, Manuel!” I swallowed back the pain. “I mean, I don’t remember doing it.” He studied me for a moment then put both his hands on my shoulders.

  “I saw you do it.”

  I shook my head. “How? You weren’t even there.”

  “I was, and I saw you stab our mother like the ruthless animal you are.”

  “Why didn’t you stop me?” I felt betrayed and sick.

  “There wasn’t enough time. Look at your hands.”

  I looked down to find my fingernails had bloodstains under them. “Ahh!” I cried and wiped them on my pants, but more blood welled up from under my nails, dripping onto the snow. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” I raced to a snowbank, dropped to my knees, and started to scrub my hands clean. “I’m so sorry, Mom! I didn’t mean it!”

  ***

  I woke with a jolt, my chest heaving painfully from the nightmare. I took in my surroundings and realized I was home. My hands were clean, but my stomachache lingered. Mia was gone. I glanced at the clock and saw it was nine thirty. I rubbed my tired eyes and forced myself up.

  After a long shower, I made my way downstairs and saw Mia and Savannah outside talking, while Savi pulled Liv around on a wooden sleigh. You could hardly see her little face under her snowsuit hood. I watched from the living room window with a coffee in hand.

  “She seems lovely, dear.” Sue smiled as she raised her mug to her mouth. “Cole said he was trying to find her a position at the house so she can stay until we get this thing cleared up.”

  I shrugged. “I hope so, and there’s always the medical center in town. That’s assuming she wants to leave her life in North Dakota.”

  “She seems to be fitting in just fine.” Sue nodded at the girls. Savannah bent down to scoop up a bit of new fallen snow and made a snowball. “Oh no,” Sue said with a laugh.

  I watched with curiosity. Savannah could get away with murder. She had all the men in the house under her spell because she was an amazing person with a huge heart. She leaned in and whispered something to Mia.

  “Keith or Mike?” Sue asked as the guys rounded the corner.

  “Mike.”

  “You think?”

  “Yeah, she owes him one. Mike got her the other day.”

  Sure enough, Savannah turned and chucked the snowball at Mike, nailing him in the stomach. Then, to my surprise, Mia tossed her arm back and hit Keith in the chest. Sue burst out laughing as both
men stood in shock.

  Mike glanced at Keith, who wore his murderous look, then pointed a finger at the girls.

  “Run!” Sue laughed.

  Mia grabbed Liv and ran after Savi, heading for the stables. The men hurried around the house, no doubt to cut them off. We could hear Liv’s shrieks of joy from the house as her little head bobbed around in Mia’s arms.

  “Go have some fun, dear.” Sue kissed my cheek and took the mug out of my hand. “Take your brother with you. He’s been holed up in his office all morning.”

  I grinned. “I have an idea.”

  “Cole.” I stuck my head in his office door. He was at his desk reading a file. I knew it was the one that came in yesterday about the men who slaughtered that house full of people.

  “Yeah?” He didn’t look up.

  “We head out tomorrow, right?”

  He raised his head. “Yes.”

  “Come on.”

  “Where?” He rolled his head back to release some tension.

  “It’s Savannah.”

  His face fell and he hurried around his desk. “Is she okay?”

  I may get my ass kicked for this.

  “Yeah, she just needs your help.”

  I followed him down the hallway and out to the door, where he stopped on the front doorstep.

  “Now!” Savannah screamed, and four snowballs flew from all directions. The air lit up with tiny sparkles of snow glistening in the sunlight. Cole turned to me, then back to his wife, who already had another snowball ready to go. Keith and Mike came up next to Mia, looking mighty pleased with themselves.

  “Really?” Cole brushed the snow out of his hair before he stepped purposefully down the stairs.

  Savannah grinned and tossed the ball into the air and caught it. “Looks like my aim is getting better.” She pointed down at Olivia tucked into her sleigh in front of her. Her kitty mittens dangled and her furry boots peeked out from her snow pants. “Be nice. You wouldn’t want to scare your baby daughter, now, would you?”