by J. L. Drake
I hurried to the ledge and watched as his body bounced and spun down the mountain. I waited until he landed before I left. One down, a billion to go.
The run back gave me time to process what happened, but it also allowed me time to think of Mia. I hated the pain that came with her name. Would I ever be able to forgive her? Would I really be able to live without her?
I slowed and pulled my radio over my shoulder to see if I could find what was wrong with it. One of the wires had wiggled lose. Kneeling, I carefully rewired my radio.
With it back in place, I turned in on, and I heard, “Man down! I repeat, man down!” Keith’s voice sliced through my brain. The woods became a blur as I raced back to the house. I hardly remembered my feet touching the ground, I was so focused on the team. As soon as I got to the clearing, I saw the men all huddled around a stretcher.
“Lopez!” Cole shouted when he caught sight of me. “Hurry!”
I didn’t think as I grabbed a handle and ran with them toward the chopper that was touching down in a field across the road.
“Go! Go! Go!” Cole screamed at the pilot. Within minutes, we were in the air en route to the hospital.
“What the hell happened?” I looked at Keith, who was trying to pack the golf ball sized hole in Paul’s chest as he talked calmly to him. Cole was yelling into a radio to prep the medical team for our arrival, and John, looking grim, was forcing an IV into his arm.
“Sniper.”
Fuck!
“Paul, buddy, you’re gonna be okay.” I leaned over so he could see me, but he didn’t so much as blink. I remained calm—that’s what we were taught to do—but I could feel the severity of the situation sneaking up on me, and I knew Keith felt it too.
“Hey,” John grabbed his hand from the other side and squeezed it hard, “don’t you go anywhere, you hear me?”
Nothing.
“We’ve been through too much, Paul. Move your eyes and look at me, dammit!”
Nothing.
I glanced at Keith, who gave me a nod. My fingers inched down to his wrist, and I closed my eyes as my heart sank.
When I opened them again, both men were staring at me, and the hope started to drain out of the chopper.
“No.” I propped myself up on my knees and started to press on his chest. Blood oozed around us, and my pant legs started to feel damp. “Shit!” I was thrown into the seats, where a buckle from a belt slammed into my forehead as the chopper took a dip to the side.
“Shots fired!” the pilot announced over our headsets. Cole got into position behind a gun and started to shower the horizon with bullets.
Everything went fuzzy as I tried to raise my head. A tug backward, and I found myself looking into Cole’s face. He yelled something, but there was no sound. He repeated it, and I blinked as I read his lips.
“You all right?”
I nodded and let him help me to my knees. My stomach turned, but I managed to fight back the nausea.
That was when reality slapped me back.
Paul.
CHAPTER TEN
Mia
My mother held my hand as my father stared at me from the other end of the table. We had been arguing for five days, and I was tired of it. Between the loss of Kenny and my breakup with Mark, I was finished and knew I had to make some major decisions about my life.
I had made some calls and was transferring to Boston Memorial. I submitted my two weeks’ notice last week and only had to get through six more shifts before I was done. A change was needed, and if I stayed in North Dakota, I had to deal with too many painful memories.
“I think I may need to have a talk with Logan over this mess,” my father muttered. “First Savannah, now you. It’s like a goddamn frat party over there.”
“There are over thirty men who work there, Dad. Thirty men who love what they do because they believe in it, but they also need a life. What Cole did was allow Mark to be happy.”
“He allowed a civilian into a safe house when she didn’t need to be there.”
“Cole handled it professionally. I signed the NDA before I knew anything. I only knew what I knew because of you.” I squared my shoulders. “I know the Blackstone motto, know each of their ranks, and know a bit about their families because of you.”
“You are my daughter.” His tone was clipped.
“And Mark was my boyfriend.”
“It’s different.”
I leaned forward. “Really? Different, like how you let Mom in on your assignments before you were married?”
“Be careful, Mia,” he warned.
“Or what, Dad? You’ll punish me? Send me to my room? In case you forgot, I’m thirty, live on my own, and work a job I love. A job you’ve never been proud of me for. Do you have any idea how much that bothers me?”
His face dropped. I’d never spoken to him like that. We’d always kept our feelings to ourselves. Well, not anymore.
“I am proud of you, Mia, I just wanted more for you, and I don’t want you in my world.”
“Why? What is so bad about being in the military world?”
“It’s dangerous, and you’ll always be wondering if this time he won’t be coming home. It’s no life.”
“But, Dad, it’s up to me to decide if I want that, not you.”
My mother spoke up. “She has a point, Frank.” Dad shook his head then left the table. The fact he didn’t argue more wasn’t lost on me.
Mom waited until he was gone before she changed her tone. “Your father has a contact that will be watching your building for the next while.” She handed me a folded piece of paper. “Here is his number. He said for you to call at any time.”
I gladly took it. Without Mark in my life, all the scary things seemed worse than before.
***
“Mia.” Dr. Evans opened his office door and welcomed me. I unfolded from the chair and walked in. “Thank you for coming.”
He looked worried as he gingerly picked up the copy of the email I had sent to Human Resources and scanned it. “Can I ask why you’re leaving?”
“I came here because of Kenny, and now that he’s—” I cleared my throat. “I’m not needed here anymore.”
“I disagree. You’re very good at what you do. Please don’t leave because of that. This hospital needs someone like you.”
“Thank you for everything, Dr. Evans, but I have rounds to do, and I have already used up my lunch break.”
“Please, Mia, just think about staying.”
I closed my eyes and pushed to my feet. My mind had been made up. “I need to go.”
With that, I closed the door and let out a long, heavy sigh. It was for the best. I wasn’t one for staying long in places anyway.
I stopped at my locker and grabbed an apple. My blood sugar was running low since I barely ate anything. As I rounded the nurse’s station, Vikki yelled at me from the emergency doors.
“Mia!” She waved me over just as a whole sea of people came rushing in.
The entire Blackstone team was there. They looked as if they had come back from a war.
“Male, Henry Paul, age thirty-three, gunshot wound to the chest. Unresponsive for nearly forty-five minutes.”
“I got it.” Molly started barking out orders before they rushed Paul to the OR.
Cole’s heavy hand landed on my shoulder. He nodded toward Mark, who was covered in blood. He looked a bit pale, and the cut above his eyes appeared pretty deep. I watched as he stepped outside into the freezing night air.
“I’ll go get a nurse.” I was about to turn when Cole stopped me.
“It should be you.” His voice was flat. “He needs you right now.”
“Yeah.” I nodded as I carefully approached my ex.
The white long-sleeved shirt I wore under my dark blue scrubs might as well have been paper, it was so thin. I pulled my hair free from its band so it would act like a blanket over my shoulders.
Mark was on a bench, face in his hands, while his leg bounced. His
uniform was all black, and borderline intimidating. His hands were dirty with mud, and his face had streaks of blood that disappeared into his shirt.
“Mark?” I could barely find my voice. I was so scared he was going to tell me to leave. He slowly lifted his head, and his eyes were haunted. I hated that the first time we saw one another again was because one of his team members was clinging to life. “Can I check your,” I pointed to my brow, “cut?”
“I’m fine.” He turned to stare at the cars passing by.
I folded my arms and gave him a look. “Please, Mark, I need to check your cut.”
“You’re going to freeze, Mia. Go back inside.”
My emotions were all over the place, so instead of leaving to sort them out, I took a deep breath and moved to sit next to him, wincing at how cold the bench was.
“What are you doing?” He was pissed.
“Sitting.”
“Mia,” he warned.
“Mark, I can be just as stubborn, you know.”
He leaned back and let out a long breath. I tucked my bare hands between my legs and tried to keep my shivering to a low vibration.
Something wiggled in his pocket. I pulled back, startled, and a furry head popped out of the flap.
Mark reached down and gave him a soft pat before the kitty dove back down into the warmth.
That was random…
“You’re going to get sick,” he finally said.
“I’ll live.” I had to fight the urge to move closer. With a deep breath I decided now would be better than never. “I never meant to hurt you, Mark. I’m so sorry I did.”
He stood and gestured for me to follow. “Let’s do this.”
I led him to an empty bed and closed the curtains so we’d have some privacy. I didn’t say anything as I cleaned his cut, froze the area around it, and started to stitch his wound. He just stared over my shoulder. What I wouldn’t do to know what was going on inside his head.
I turned my back to him as I tossed out the bloody bandages. “All done.” Before I could say anything else, he was on his feet and gathering his things.
“Thanks.” He opened the curtain and left.
“Welcome.” I watched as the curtain swung closed behind him.
I decided to sleep in the on-call room in case I was needed. I was so tired of analyzing what happened earlier that when I hit the pillow I was out cold.
My alarm failed to go off, and another nurse had to wake me up so she could sleep. I showered and changed and headed out to the ER floor as fast as humanly possible. It was pretty quiet, with only a few people scattered around the waiting room.
“Mia,” Vikki waved me over, “they left.”
My stomach sank. “What do you mean?”
“They all left about three hours ago.”
“Oh.” I nodded. Well, then…any hope I had for us flickered out.
She put her hand on mine. “We should talk.”
***
Mark
Everything inside felt numb as my feet dragged in the soil. Each step took effort; each breath was painful. Every heartbeat chipped away at the dam that was holding me together.
Keith was on the other side, stone-faced like me, and we all kept our eyes forward.
Snowflakes prickled my exposed skin. It was the only sign I was still alive.
Cole awkwardly cleared his throat before he commanded us to move inside.
I hated this part, all eyes on us, but at least it was only a small gathering.
My grip on the handle was tight, and my white gloves flexed over my knuckles as I stepped into the church. Savannah was up front playing “Amazing Grace.”
After we rested the black coffin on the stand, we turned and saluted one of our brothers.
I removed my glove and placed my hand to the cold wood. “Until we meet again,” I whispered, “watch over us.”
Cole placed his hand next to mine and waited a beat before removing it.
The service was…hard. I was happy it was over, and even happier when we returned home and all went our separate ways for the night.
After a stiff drink, I lay in bed and allowed myself to fall asleep.
***
Two Weeks Later
The house was finally getting back to some sense of normalcy. Savannah kept busy decorating for Christmas. June kept an eye on John, who had some pretty low dips over his best friend’s death. They had served together in the Army before they joined Shadows, and they had a lot of history. Keith remained the same. His phone seemed to ring less, and I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not.
A loud crash made me jump, and I turned to find Olivia had dropped a big bowl over her head. Clementines rolled all over the place.
“Mark, could you take her to Abby, please?” Savannah had tape in her mouth while she strung lights inside the window.
“Sure thing.” I stopped when I saw what she was covered in. “Oh, hell, no.” My hands shot up. “I don’t do sparkles.”
Savi huffed, but I could see I was her entertainment right now. “Now, Uncle Mark, can you really tell me that you won’t pick up your little sidekick?”
I looked down at the silver-speckled, dark-eyed baby who had jammed a set of her father’s keys in her mouth. She grinned and reached for me, so I picked her up.
“Where’s Keith?”
“Nope,” he called out from somewhere else.
“Livy, we’ve spoken about sparkles before. I thought we had an understanding, here.” I reached over and pulled the blanket free. She giggled as I rolled her up like a burrito and carried her to Abby.
***
I took a seat across from Cole.
“You good?” He raised an eyebrow at me across from his desk.
“How many times are you going to ask me that?”
“As many times as it takes for you to admit you miss her.”
We’d been over this topic at least nine times.
I began to speak, but he held up a finger. “I ran into Frank yesterday in town.”
“And?”
He studied me for a moment. “Mia got into a car accident last night.”
“What?” I jumped to my feet as my heart raced. “Jesus, I have to—”
He leaned back with a smirk. He fucking lied! “That was fucked up, Cole. Shit!” I moved to the bar and poured a double brandy.
“Yeah, but I needed to know where your head really was on the subject.” He let out a long sigh. “That feeling you have, the one that eats at you until you see her face or until you’re near her and can inhale her scent, the scent you need to ground you, won’t go away easily, if ever. Trust me.” His face became serious. “A part of you will go mad, and the other will hurt so much you’d do anything to make it go away. You love her.”
“I know,” I finally admitted to myself and to him. While I had been able to release some of the pent-up pain, what was left still hung heavy around me.
“Mark, I’ve been where you are. You need to fix this before you get killed in the field simply because your head isn’t in the game.” We both flinched at his comment, but we moved past it—we had to. But we wouldn’t forget.
“Yeah, I know.” I stared at the floor. He was right. Fuck me, he was right. “I need to go.”
“No!”
We turned to find Savannah in the doorway.
“I’m sorry,” her hands waved in the air, “but as much as this bro-mance was sweet to eavesdrop on, you two really need a female wakeup call.”
“Baby,” Cole tried to cut in, but Savannah gave him a look, and he backed down. I loved that about them. They knew when the other needed to speak.
“Mia got hurt twice since you came into her life. You lashed out on a topic she held dear to her heart the first time, and the second, you let her go without trying to work through it.” I opened my mouth to argue, but she stopped me. “It’s my advice, and you may not take it, but you’ll hear me out because I’m helping you get her back. You need to put this whole Manuel thi
ng behind you before you even think about having Mia back in your life.”
The leather on Cole’s chair squeaked as he turned to face me. “I agree.”
“Now, pull that hurt stick out of that cute little ass and make shit happen.” Savannah might have been small and pretty, but she knew how to give it to you straight.
“You think my ass is cute?” I winked as Cole rolled his eyes. I did use humor to help me cope. “Okay, you’re right.”
“Oh, I know.” She blew Cole a kiss and shut the door behind her.
“And if I get her back?”
“We’ll work it out.” Cole gave me a nod before he motioned to the chair in front of him. “Can we talk about Manuel now?”
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Under Cole’s advisement, I had a session with Dr. Roberts about the missing pieces of my memory.
I respected the doctor, I really did, but I had a hard time with the fact he was dating Abby.
He asked a lot of questions as I lay with my head on a pillow, staring up at the ceiling fan. Without really thinking, I let him in and showed him around the maze of jumbled memories, some more clear than others.
Mostly, I noticed my brother was always there in the distance. He never said or did anything, but stood and watched as I gave the doc a tour of my past. He was like a picture on a wall you’ve seen a thousand times, but unless you were thinking about it, you didn’t pay attention to it. That was Manuel inside my head.
“I’m going to count back from three,” Doc’s voice was low and calm, “and when I do, you will wake fully rested and alert. Three, two, one, wake up, Mark.”
I blinked and noticed the time on his watch. Somehow I misplaced the last forty minutes of our session.
“What happened?”
“I hypnotized you.”
All the doors inside my head slammed shut. “You what? Why?”
“You asked me to.”
“I did?” Really?
“Give your brain a moment to process it, then you’ll remember.” He removed his glasses and used the loose part of his dress shirt to clean them. “You have a marvelous way of blocking things out, Mark. I’ve never seen someone still try to control the situation when they are the one being hypnotized. However, you seemed to be distracted by something. Do you recall what that was?”
