by Rinelle Grey
*****
A few hours later, Amelie sat at her workstation, checking on a few random blood samples. The results all showed the same thing Imyne’s had, the radiation levels were going down. It was enough to make her heave a huge sigh of relief.
Now she could just work on stabilising the remaining patients, secure in the knowledge that they wouldn’t continue to age at such a rapid rate.
Maybe she’d even get some sleep tonight.
“Dr Benton?”
The voice at her elbow was Folly’s, and Amelie turned to her with a smile. “Hi, Folly. How are the repairs going?”
“Good,” Folly assured her. “But it’s a good thing I’m there to help Nerris out, he’s aged dramatically.”
Amelie winced. Honestly, she was surprised so many of Zerris’s older residents were still mobile. Then again, after living on a planet like Zerris for so long, they were tougher than those from Urslat.
“As soon as the ship’s ready to go, Tyris and Kugah can bring back the code for the Metamorphosis Device. Then we can get everyone back to normal.”
Folly nodded. “Did you have some checks you wanted to do? I need to get back, and keep working.”
Amelie smiled. “I think everyone has done enough for the night. You can tell Nerris I said so. Doctor’s orders. We’re not in so much of a hurry that I want anyone pushing themselves to exhaustion. You can both get a couple of hours sleep, then start again in the morning.”
Folly looked like she was going to object, then gave a sigh. “I’ll tell Nerris. You’re right, he needs to rest.” She sat down and held out her arm for Amelie to draw blood. She was silent for a few moments, then said quietly, “I know we all have a lot more important things to worry about, with everyone still being sick, but I was wondering…”
She trailed off.
“Yes?” Amelie prompted. “If something’s bothering you, it’s never a bad time to ask.”
“Well, I was wondering, now that I’m better, does that mean I’ll be able to have kids again?”
Amelie hadn’t even thought about that. Funny to think that was how all this had started.
“I don’t know,” she replied honestly. “Menopause is usually caused by your body running out of eggs, but in this case, I doubt that was the cause. Most likely, it was triggered by a hormonal change, which should reverse now that your body is recovering. I’d have to test to be sure though. Once this is all over, we’ll get right on it.”
If this was all over.
Folly seemed to be satisfied with that answer. She watched Amelie for a few moments, seemingly following her own train of thought. “I’ve felt totally fine. It’s quite amazing really,” she said. “Especially considering I realised that the radiation must have affected my mum, and been what killed her.”
Amelie looked at her sharply, but she seemed more curious than sad.
“I don’t even really remember her,” Folly admitted. “But Ma said she died of a heart attack. That fits, doesn’t it?”
Amelie nodded. The information from Folly’s adoptive mother just confirmed her suspicions. “It seems likely that it was the radiation that killed her. You were lucky not to be affected.”
Folly nodded soberly. “I never thought I was lucky until the day I met Kerit. I thought that meant my luck had changed, but perhaps I’ve been lucky all along, and I just didn’t know it. It has been better since finding Kerit though.” She fingered a dolphin pendant hanging on a leather string around her neck, her expression thoughtful.
The wonder and trust in her voice caused tears to prick at the back of Amelie’s eyes. She’d almost given up any hope of finding anyone she felt that way about.
Until Kugah. And the way she felt about him was coloured by so many things. Worry that a relationship between two such different individual was doomed from the start. Worry that her friends here would never understand, and a deep seated worry that somehow, Kugah would realise she wasn’t as special as he seemed to think she was.
Folly didn’t seem to have those fears.
Amelie heaved a sigh. “Perhaps none of it comes down to luck,” she suggested. “You didn’t die from the radiation because you were a child, and your body healed you. That wasn’t luck. And Kerit and the others finding you on Semala was random chance, that’s all.”
“Maybe,” Folly allowed. “That’s what I thought at the time too. I never did believe all those stories about soulmates and stuff. But Kerit is pretty special.”
That, at least, Amelie could agree with. In a purely platonic sense. “Kerit is something special. But so are you.” The young woman frequently suffered from a lack of self-confidence, Amelie had noticed. “There aren’t many people who would be able to help Nerris repair Kugah’s ship.”
Folly grinned at that. “Nerris appreciates my ability to see how things go together. Kerit…” she sighed in confusion, “Kerit doesn’t care about any of that. He likes me because I’m me. It’s most bizarre.”
Amelie couldn’t help laughing at that. “Well, it’s lucky the two of you found each other then.”
Folly nodded sagely. “See, it keeps coming back to luck.” She played with the dolphin around her neck again for a moment. Then she reached out and untied it, and held it out to Amelie. “Here, this is for you. I think you need it.” She spoke quickly, as though getting the words out before they faded away.
The tiny jade dolphin nestled in the palm of her hand.
Amelie stared at it. “I need it?”
Chicken scurried down Folly’s arm and tried to snatch the dolphin out of her hand.
Folly swatted at her. “Leave it, Chicken,” she said, and the little creature retreated.
What was Folly talking about? Had the radiation done something to her brain that Amelie had missed?
“It’s, like, a lucky charm,” Folly explained. “Kerit gave it to Tyris, and Tyris gave it to Marlee, and Marlee gave it to me. Now it’s your turn.”
That didn’t make it much clearer. “Why?” Amelie asked.
Folly stared, and under her breath she muttered, “Why did Kerit send me? I told him I’d mess this up.”
Before Amelie could ask what she meant, she blurted out, “You like Kugah, right?”
Heat rose in Amelie’s cheeks. “What?”
“Kerit said you were worried about Kugah going back to his home planet. He’s worried to, but he thinks you’re more worried because you care about him. Kerit thinks Kugah deserves to find love. You too. That’s why he wanted me to give you the dolphin.”
She spoke as though that should make it all clear.
One thing Amelie was certain of though, was that Folly was saying that Kerit thought she liked Kugah as more than a friend. Why did everyone keep thinking that? She’d barely realised it herself. Was she really being that obvious?
“If I do feel something for Kugah, and I’m not saying I do mind you,” Amelie added, feeling another blush steal up her cheeks. “But if I did, what does that have to do with the dolphin?”
“It’s a lucky charm,” Folly repeated patiently. “Kerit bought it after a dolphin saved him from a shark. It made him feel brave enough to go out surfing again. He gave it to Tyris when he could see that he wasn’t happy with his first wife. Instead, Tyris found Marlee and real love. Tyris gave it to Marlee when she was unsure about taking a chance on their love. Then Marlee gave it to me when I wasn’t sure whether to let Kerit into my life. Now I’m giving it to you, in the hopes that it will help you make the choice that is right for your life.”
She held out the dolphin again, motioning for Amelie to take it.
Chicken’s eyes didn’t leave the pendant, though she didn’t attempt to snatch it again.
Amelie found it hard to see the little jade dolphin in her hand through the tears, but she reached out to pick it up anyway.
No one had ever given her anything so sweet.
No one had ever supported her like this, urging her to do what was right for her.
If only she
knew what that was.
“I don’t know what I feel, Folly,” she admitted. “Kugah is so wonderful, but we’re so different. Could a relationship between us ever stand a chance?”
Folly shrugged, looking uncomfortable. “How should I know? I’m certainly no expert in relationships. But really, Kerit and I are very different too. We’re from two different planets, and our lives couldn’t have been more different up until we met. Tyris and Marlee too. Is difference so bad?”
How could Amelie even begin to explain? It was too embarrassing to even say the things in her mind, mostly about the physical side of their relationship. Neither Kerit and Folly, nor Marlee and Tyris had had those sort of problems to deal with. Her mind shied away from facing up to them right now either. She had enough problems without going into those.
“Maybe not,” Amelie said, “but that’s just the beginning. No one is going to just accept a relationship between Kugah and I. Tyris has made it clear he disapproves. I bet he won’t be the only one. How can a relationship, any relationship, survive that?”
“Tyris will come around,” Folly said with certainty. “He’s just worried about you. When he sees you’re determined, he’ll get it. He’s a big softie really.”
Amelie shook her head, not convinced. “Even if he does, he’s not the only one.”
“So what?” Folly challenged. “If you really want this, if it really feels right to you, then it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. You do it for yourself.”
It all sounded so simple when she said it.
Amelie stared at the dolphin, not really seeing it. Her mind wouldn’t stop dwelling on doing something for herself.
Doing something because she wanted it.
Was she capable of figuring out what she wanted? That had always been her problem. She did something she thought she wanted, and then it turned out she’d really been doing it for someone else. She’d given up on that, and decided that if she was going to live her life doing things for others, she’d at least make sure it was worth it. That was part of the reason she’d become a doctor.
The profession was practically defined by ignoring your own personal needs for the needs of someone else.
What did she even want for herself?
Someone to love. Someone who loved her. A family.
Tears welled up in the back of her eyes, and she glanced over at Camali, sleeping in the crib nearby. She would never have a family of her own.
That was what made her heart ache the most.
Could she make do with just the first two? Could Kugah?
Wasn’t two out of three better than none? She had been happy here on this ship by herself. She’d almost managed to squash that ache that had been with her for over a decade. Kugah would bring something else to be happy about to her life.
That counted for something, didn’t it?
It wasn’t like she was giving up a chance at having children. She didn’t have that chance in the first place. So all she was doing was adding something.
Something that would bring her a bundle of trouble. If the others couldn’t accept her relationship with Kugah, then she risked losing something too. Could she risk the friendships she’d made here on the Resolution for a chance at love?
Amelie heaved a sigh. Why was nothing ever simple?
From the rueful expression on Folly’s face, she understood, in part at least. “It will come to you, when the time is right,” she said, sounding a lot older than she was. She put the dolphin into Amelie’s hand and wrapped her fingers around it. “Whatever you decide, you can count on Kerit and I to back you up.”
“Thanks,” Amelie choked out. It was all she could manage before her throat closed up in an attempt to stop the tears.
Folly gave her an awkward hug, and Chicken even patted Amelie’s hair.
Could she take a chance on love?
Could she not?
Making up her mind quickly, before she could chicken out, Amelie fastened the dolphin around her neck and smiled at Folly. “Since you’re done working for the night, could you do me a favour?”
“Sure,” Folly said immediately.
“Can you look after Camali?”
Suddenly, Folly looked uncertain. “Um, I suppose so.”
Amelie smiled. “She’s sleeping, and at this time of night, she’ll only wake up for a feed or two. I shouldn’t be more than a few hours. Karla will give you a hand if you need it.”
Folly glanced at the sleeping baby, and her eyes softened. “Poor little baby. I know exactly what it’s like to be an orphan. Of course I’ll look after her until you get back.”
Amelie smiled. “Thanks.” That was one thing taken care of.
She went searching for Karla. “Can you look after everything here?” she asked. “I could do with a couple of hours sleep now that everything has settled a bit.”
If Karla suspected anything, she didn’t show it. “You most certainly could,” she said firmly. “Of course I can take care of everything. I looked after a hundred people on Zerris all by myself you know. I’m perfectly capable.”
Amelie was pretty sure she was. “Thanks,” she said, and headed out before she could get cold feet.
Chapter 29
Kugah lay on the soft bed, staring at the ceiling, emotions whirling through his body. It had been hours since he’d made his impromptu declaration to Amelie, and though working on his ship with Nerris had distracted him for a short while, once Folly had brought back word that Amelie had ordered a rest, it was still all Kugah could think of.
He tried not to feel disappointed that she hadn’t returned his feelings, or that he hadn’t heard from her since. She was a busy woman, with a whole ship full of patients to care for.
And she didn’t love him.
Once he accepted that fact, his life would be easier.
Less disappointing.
Pretty empty too.
Kugah exhaled slowly, and faced up to reality. He was the only one of his kind in this part of the galaxy, and he hoped, for the human’s sake, that it remained that way. His life was always going to be empty of the things he craved. Closeness. Understanding. Connection.
That was his reality.
Despite that, he had a lot to be thankful for. If this trip back to his planet worked, then he might just get to return to his true body. It would still be very different to the humans, with his colourful skin and markings, but at least it would feel right to him. If they could bring back the code and reverse the genetic engineering he had undergone, he had a chance of fitting in with the humans as a friend, if nothing more.
Kugah tried to convince himself that that would be the best outcome. That he could be happy with that.
He was failing miserably when a knock at his door sent his heart racing.
Kugah squashed the hopes that had risen with the sound. It could be anyone.
But his heart sang when he opened the door and saw Amelie standing there, shifting her feet.
The uncertain look in her eyes wasn’t quite what he hoped, but the fact that she was here was a good sign, wasn’t it?
He stepped out of the doorway and waved her inside.
For a moment, she teetered on one foot, glancing back down the hallway the way she’d come, and he thought she might flee. Then she took a deep breath, touched something at her neck, and stepped through the doorway and into his room.
Kugah closed the door behind her, composing himself for a minute before turning to look at her.
She’d never looked more beautiful.
Kugah tried to figure out why. Her clothes, the shapeless blue shirt and pants she always wore, were no different. Her hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail, and the few wisps escaping around her face made him want to brush them away. But that wasn’t it.
The expression on her face, hope mixed with fear, so closely resembled his own feelings, that hope stirred in his chest. That little flutter made everything look better.
He focused on the object she had touched
at her neck. A tiny flowing shape, with an eye. An animal of some sort. He was sure she’d never worn it before, so why was it familiar?
Amelie saw his focus, and touched the little green object. “It’s a dolphin,” she explained. “Folly gave it to me.”
Instantly, Kugah could picture the creature hanging around Folly’s neck. He nodded, even though it didn’t help him understand. He reached for the tablet, not sure whether he was going to ask what a dolphin was, or why Folly had given it to her.
Instead of either, his fingers typed, “Why are you here?”
Amelie fiddled with the dolphin again, not meeting his eyes. Then she looked up, her mouth set in determination. “Did you mean it, what you said earlier?”
He didn’t have to ask what she was talking about. He could feel it deep in his body. Feel it so strongly it hurt.
“Yes,” he typed.
He braced himself, waiting for words similar to what she’d said earlier. Honoured. That’s what she’d said. It wasn’t what he wanted to hear. Not even remotely.
Instead, she asked softly, “Why?”
Kugah stared at her blankly. She might well have asked why there were stars in the sky. He didn’t even know how to explain.
Luckily, Amelie didn’t wait for an explanation. She kept talking, as though she was afraid of what he would say if she stopped.
“I mean, why me? There are so many people on this spaceship for you to fall in love with, why me? Is it just because we’ve spent so much time together? Is it really love? Or are we just grasping at anything, desperate not to be alone?”
Her last sentence caught his attention, and pulled his mind away from trying to figure out how to explain. “We?” he typed. Then held his breath.
A flush started on Amelie’s cheeks and rose all the way up her face. “I…” she stuttered. “I… think I might feel the same way. But I don’t know if I can trust it. I don’t know if I should. Even if I do, is there any way we can make this work?”
Kugah didn’t care. He didn’t want to think about all the possible obstacles in their way. He wanted to take a moment to savour her words.
Amelie had said she thought she might love him.
