by Rinelle Grey
It was more than he had dared hope. More than he had let himself imagine.
Her forehead creased, and her eyes were dark and worried. “I don’t know how to do this,” she whispered. “You know a lot about my people, but I know nothing about yours. I don’t even know what relationships mean to you. Or what…” She blushed again, and the colour change did strange things to Kugah’s insides.
He reached for her hands, sitting down on the edge of the bed and pulling her down to sit beside him, not letting go of her. He stared into her eyes, wondering what he would find there.
She gave up trying to talk, and just stared back, searching his face, her breath hitching in a strange and captivating rhythm.
Kugah found his own breath slipping into the same pattern. He wanted to say so much, but he didn’t want to let go of her hands to type. He settled for saying her name, his voice as low as he could manage. “KaGeeGee.”
“Kugah,” she sighed back.
It was enough. So much was said in those two words. So much, and yet, nothing at all.
There was so much more he wanted to tell her. So much he wanted to share.
He wanted to tell her all about his planet, his family and friends, and the customs and conventions of his world, but really, did they matter? He’d left all those things behind. He no longer even missed them.
They weren’t on his world. They were on hers.
He wanted to do things her way.
If only he knew what that was.
He remembered the pictures he’d seen, of human couples doing acrobatics in bed, and his heart sank. He couldn’t do any of those things. Even if his body fit with hers, he didn’t have all those parts anymore.
He was useless as a partner.
Amelie would soon realise that, and turn away from him. Kugah’s heart sank. He dropped her hands, and pulled back. He ached to keep touching her, even to just be close to her, but the longer he let himself believe it might happen, the more it would hurt when she backed away again.
“Kugah, is something wrong?” Amelie’s voice was rough with emotion. The hand she put on his arm felt like a lead weight.
He pulled the tablet towards him and tapped out the words. “I’m useless. I can’t even… even with my own people. I’m not whole. I’m broken and worthless. Why would you want me when you can have anyone on this ship?”
Amelie’s fingers tightened ever so slightly on his arm, but she said nothing. Kugah couldn’t help it, he looked up into her eyes, only to see understanding reflected back at him.
“You are not broken,” Amelie said quietly. “You may be different from the way you used to be, but the very things you hate about yourself is what has saved us. Your armour protected me from the radiation, and your strength and balance saved everyone when the AWP malfunctioned. Without you, without who you are now, none of us would be here. All that is part of what I love about you.”
Kugah stared at her. Sure, he could see all that. He’d even had those thoughts himself. But that wasn’t enough.
Was it?
What could he offer her, when he was so incomplete?
How could she possibly like this body? Kugah hesitated for a moment, but the urge to be close to Amelie overcame his own fears of rejection. He pulled her into his arms as gently as he could, half expecting her to pull back.
Her body was stiff for a moment, then it relaxed against him. Her hand rested on his chest, soft and light, and her hair brushed across his face.
Kugah inhaled her fresh scent, hoping the thudding of his heart couldn’t be heard through his armour.
He didn’t know where this was going, but right now, he just wanted to savour this moment.
Amelie must have been thinking the same thing, because she didn’t say anything more.
After a few moments, her hand moved on his armour, slowly stroking it, sending warm tingles through him. He didn’t dare move, for fear she’d stop. Slowly, as though growing bolder, her fingers grew firmer, and more sure.
Kugah hardly dared breathe.
Amelie’s fingers paused, and she looked up at him, her eyes dark. “Can you feel that?”
Even if his mouth had been able to make the right sounds, Kugah suspected he wouldn’t be able to trust it right now. He just nodded. His breathing deepened.
Amelie smiled, and bent and pressed her lips against his armour.
The feeling was strange. Her lips were so soft, he could feel the imprint, as though it were etched into the solid black. Kugah glanced down, half expecting to see a stamp, but there was none. Despite that, warmth radiated out from the spot, starting a rumble deep in his body in response.
He wanted to do the same to her, but his lips weren’t soft and warm as hers were. Every part of him was hard and unforgiving.
Even his wings.
They were finer though. The hundreds of individual flight surfaces needed to be light and flexible in order to have the movement necessary to fly. He adjusted his body slightly, leaning back on the edge of the bed where they sat, his arms pulling Amelie onto him, and freeing his wings to wrap around her body.
She gasped softly near his ear, and wriggled slightly against him. Probably just getting comfortable, but it set his body aflame.
He had no idea he could still feel this way. He’d thought those nerve endings would have been removed when the rest of his equipment had. Apparently they’d thought no woman would ever get close enough to him to trigger them.
Kugah was surprised anyone had too.
His wings were not only finer and more nimble, they had a lot more nerve endings too. They needed to be able to sense the movement and adjust to changes in the air. He’d never realised it before, because, like the rest of his armour, they couldn’t feel normal movements. But he was aware of every place where they touched Amelie’s skin, and that awareness sent waves of feeling through him.
Amelie’s hot breath fanned his armour. Kugah wondered if it was possible for it to get so hot it melted off him.
Amelie pulled back a little, and Kugah immediately released her. She lifted herself off him just enough to look down at his face.
This was it. She was going to pull back and say there was nowhere this could go. And he couldn’t even argue, because it would be the truth. He couldn’t fulfil her in the normal sense of the word. And he didn’t even know any human alternatives.
As Amelie laid her head back down on his chest, he put that thought away for later. Right now, he didn’t care. He’d happily do whatever she wanted. All she had to do was ask.
*****
Amelie could hear Kugah’s heart doing its swooshing rhythm in his chest. The alien sound was somehow mesmerising. Curiosity as to what sex consisted of on his planet warmed her skin. Was it anything like human sex?
Certainly his wings, slowly brushing across the skin on her back, raised goosebumps, and kept her temperature rising at the same time.
She raised her fingers to brush his lips, feeling a shudder ripple through his body. What it would feel like to kiss him. Did his people kiss? Did he know what it meant? Could his armoured lips even feel?
Fear of making the wrong move, or somehow upsetting him, kept her from trying it out.
She ached with need and longing, but she didn’t know what to do with the feeling. They couldn’t make love, not in the usual sense of the word. She’d examined Kugah thoroughly enough to know that wasn’t possible.
There were other alternatives, true, but just the thought of trying to explain them made her blush.
And even if they figured something out, it could all change once they had the code, and access to the Metamorphosis Device. She wasn’t sure exactly what Kugah would look like if he returned to his original form, but she was pretty sure it would be very different to what he looked like now.
And hopefully he’d have all the right bits.
There was so much Amelie wanted to ask about the person he was under all this armour, but he’d have to let go of her to type the answers, so righ
t now, she was content to wait.
This whole thing between them was so new and uncertain, that she didn’t want to rush and damage anything.
So much would happen in the next few days, once they had the code.
Would Kugah still care for her? Or if he could return to who he was, would they no longer have anything in common.
Fear stilled the need pulsating through her body.
He needed her now. He felt like no one could ever love him as he was. She knew all about that feeling.
Once he returned to the person he had been, would he still feel broken?
She could never return to who she had been. As a doctor, she knew there was no fixing what was wrong with her.
Not with their medical technology anyway.
But with Kugah’s…
Could this magical machine fix her too?
Hope flared for a minute, but Amelie ruthlessly squashed it. There was only so much genetic engineering could do. Her ovaries had been removed. No genetic material remained to be a blueprint for new ones. There was no fixing that.
Kugah’s wings brushing across her skin were rhythmic, almost relaxing. The fears had killed Amelie’s growing arousal, but right now, she wasn’t upset. There was still so much confusion to the growing relationship, so much uncertainty.
Despite that, she was somehow comfortable, lying here with Kugah. She didn’t want to move, or leave. She didn’t want to question this feeling, or worry about the future.
Pushing all her fears away, she resolved to just enjoy this moment, and let the future take care of itself.
Chapter 30
Amelie made a few notes on a patient’s file, adjusting their medication just a little. She’d be very glad when things were back to normal. Hopefully soon.
“Dr Benton, can you please come to the shuttle bay immediately.”
Tyris’s voice on her communicator sounded urgent. Amelie’s heart skipped a beat.
“I’ll be right there.”
Even though she knew it was highly unlikely, she couldn’t shake the worry that something had happened to Kugah. It niggled at her all the way down the hallways to the shuttle bay.
The few hours they’d spent in his room last night had been both overwhelming and amazing. She didn’t know where this was going, she wouldn’t until he was back from this trip, but she knew she wanted to find out.
When she stepped into the shuttle bay and saw Kugah standing next to Tyris and Folly, and all staring at Nerris, she felt a little guilty for the relief that swamped her.
“What’s wrong?” she asked as she came up to them.
“I know you think you can fix it, Shelley,” Nerris said seriously to Folly, “But you don’t know enough about engineering, sweetheart.”
Amelie’s heart sank. She didn’t even need Tyris’s quiet words. “I’m not sure what he’s talking about, but there’s something wrong, and he won’t quit working.”
“I can take care of it,” Folly insisted. “You’ve shown me how, and there’s only a little left to do. You need to rest, Nerris, you’ve been working too hard.”
“Since when do you call your dad by his first name?” Nerris frowned. “What sort of respect is that?”
Amelie felt tears pricking at the back of her eyelids. Not Nerris too. She’d thought he’d escaped all this. “How about we go and see Janey,” she said to him quietly. “She said she was missing you.”
“No.” Nerris whirled around and stared at Kugah’s ship. “I have to fix it. I need to bring back the treatment for her, or she’ll die. Everyone will die.”
He broke down in tears. “Shelley will die.” He looked up at them, his face ashen. “She already did, didn’t she? My baby died a long time ago.” His face cleared, and he stared at all of them. “What’s wrong with me?”
Amelie hated to give him the bad news, but she needed to take advantage of this moment of lucidity. She didn’t want to have to sedate anyone else. She gave a shudder at the thought.
“You’re suffering from the onset of dementia,” she said quietly. “It’s a symptom of the ageing, and one we can reverse as soon as we get the Metamorphosis Device working.”
“Right,” Nerris stood up. “I’d better get back to work then.”
Amelie was glad that Tyris stepped in and put a hand on Nerris’s shoulder before she had to. “Not so fast, Nerris,” he said quietly. “I’m afraid you’re going to have to sit this one out. We can’t risk anything going wrong on this journey. Folly will have to finish it for you.”
“I can do it,” Folly insisted again.
Nerris looked at her for a moment, then nodded. “Of course you can, lass. I’m sorry I can’t be more help.”
“You have been, Nerris,” Folly said quietly. “Because of you, I know exactly how to finish the repairs. Don’t you worry, I’ll get it all done.”
Nerris nodded, took one last look at Folly and the ship, and then turned to Tyris. “Right, let’s go.”
Tyris turned to walk Nerris down to his room, but before he’d made it more than a couple of steps, he clutched at his left arm again, his face draining of all colour. He stumbled, and Nerris gripped his shoulder, keeping him upright, but only just.
“Amelie!”
She didn’t need Nerris’s panicked call to know something was wrong. And she knew exactly what.
Not Tyris. They couldn’t lose Tyris.
“Get a bed,” she yelled to Kugah. “Sit down here,” she ordered, helping Tyris ease himself down onto the floor.
As Kugah rushed to the cargo bay next door to bring a bed, Amelie pulled out her stethoscope and listened to Tyris’s chest. She wasn’t in the last surprised to hear crackles in his heart. His pulse, when she felt it, was fast and uneven.
She looked around. Where was Kugah with that bed?
She turned back to Tyris. “Describe the pain to me?”
His face was pale, but he was as calm as she was. “It’s tight across my chest, and a little hard to breathe,” he admitted. “And I have a sharp pain down here.” He pointed to his left arm.
His description just confirmed what she already guessed.
“You’re having a heart attack,” Amelie said quietly. “I need to get you back to the cargo bay for treatment immediately.”
Luckily, Kugah arrived at just that moment.
“Help me get him on the bed,” she told Kugah.
Without waiting for her, Kugah lifted Tyris with ease, and settled him onto the bed.
Nerris and Folly followed as Kugah wheeled Tyris back into the cargo bay. All three watched quietly as she brought Tyris some nitroglycerin. “Here, put this under your tongue,” she told him.
Tyris didn’t argue. He put the tablet under his tongue, and lay still while Amelie hooked him up to a heart monitor. It was the last one they had.
Marlee had jumped out of her own bed, rushing over holding her baby to stand next to Tyris, her face white. “Is he going to be okay?” she demanded, her hand shaking as she held it out to Tyris. “I thought you said that the treatment from Kugah’s blood would stop everyone ageing. Did it not work?”
“He’s going to be fine,” Amelie said soothingly, even though she felt far from calm. “The treatment has done its job, removing the radiation, but as I said, it can’t undo the damage that has already been done. Tyris’s heart was already weakened. The only way to reverse that is with the Metamorphosis Device.”
The machine they couldn’t use, now that Tyris was too sick to go with Kugah to get the code.
The whole room was silent, and Amelie could understand why. Up until now, Tyris had been the one holding everyone together, even Amelie. If anything happened to him, then any hope the rest of the passengers on the Resolution were holding on to would drain away.
Amelie watched the machines for a while, a frown on her face. She gave Tyris an injection, and watched them again. Finally, her face started to relax. “It’s easing off,” she said quietly. “Are you feeling better?”
Tyris
nodded. “A little. Thank you, Amelie,” he said softly.
“I’m just doing my job,” Amelie said shortly.
She wasn’t finished yet. She turned to Folly. “Can you take Nerris down to his rooms. Give Janey a run down on what’s happening, and tell her to message me immediately if she’s concerned, or if anything changes.”
Folly nodded, and Nerris did too. He seemed more alert now, but she couldn’t rely on it continuing. The sooner he was safely settled, the better.
Once they’d left, Tyris looked at her, his face pale, and asked, “Am I going to be well enough to go with Kugah when the ship is repaired?”
The uncertainty on his face said he knew the answer, even before Amelie said, “Certainly not. You’ll be staying in bed until I’ve had time to monitor your heart and assess the damage.”
“But it’s not going to get better until we have the code to Kugah’s machine,” Tyris said. As though she needed reminding.
“You’re not going to be the one going,” she said firmly.
Beside her, Marlee heaved a sigh of relief.
“Then who is?” Tyris asked quietly. He wasn’t even arguing, his voice held no firmness, only despair. “Kerit is in as bad a way as I am, and Nerris is down too now. This is slowly getting everyone.”
Amelie took a deep breath. There was only one option. Only one person who she knew wasn’t going to fall. “I’ll go,” she said firmly. “It’ll only take a few hours. I’m sure you can all stop getting sick until I get back. If not, Karla will take care of it.”
Tyris looked at her, and for a moment Amelie thought he was going to argue. But then he just nodded tiredly. “We’re out of other options,” he said, voicing her thoughts exactly.
Glancing up, Amelie saw Kugah’s expression, and suspected he wasn’t going to agree so easily.
Marlee though, just nodded. “I can look after Camali again now. I’m feeling a lot better.”
Amelie looked over, evaluating her, but Marlee certainly looked a lot better than she had. The medication Amelie had prescribed had brought her heart rate back to normal, and with only one baby she’d caught up on a bit of sleep.
“Thanks, Marlee. I’d appreciate it. Folly can help you if you need it, too.”
