The Way Home

by Belle Calhoune

  “Blue. Come back. Where are you going?” He heard Brandon’s voice as if it were coming through a wind tunnel. Everything was coming at him like white noise. He felt his brother grab him by the arm and turn him around. Brandon’s chocolate brown eyes glistened with emotion.

  “Hey, slow down. I’m worried about you.” His brother’s voice rippled with concern.

  “I’m fine. I just need to find the chapel. I need to be alone.” He began walking away, his long legs taking him towards the sanctuary and away from his father’s hospital room. Prayer. It’s what he’d learned from his adoptive parents as soon as they’d come into his life. And right now, as he felt things spiraling out of control, he needed to get on his knees. Lifting your burdens up and asking for help was second nature to him. Nothing else made any sense. Especially right now when it felt as if everything was slipping away from him. In moments of great stress he had a tendency to shut down. It didn’t take a genius to figure out it was his coping mechanism. When things became too painful, he shut off emotionally.

  Blocking everything else out, he made his way towards the chapel. Once inside he slid into the first pew and knelt down on the kneeler. Crossing his hands in front of him he began to fervently pray. Over and over again he said the same words. “The Lord is my rock and my fortress.”

  “Blue.” He swiveled his head around. Sarah was standing behind him. With her long curly hair and sweet expression, she reminded him of one of the women depicted in one of Botticelli’s paintings. Only way more beautiful. He sucked in a deep breath at the sight of her. The last time they’d been together in a place of worship he’d been the source of her rage and disappointment. It was slightly odd to be alone with her in this place of worship considering their history.

  “I just wanted to see if you were all right. You took off so abruptly. Your family is worried about you.” She hesitated. “And so am I.”

  “My family shouldn’t worry about me. They’ve got enough on their plate as it is. And neither should you. Just go back to work, Sarah.”

  “It just so happens I’m off the clock now. Why don’t you let me get you something to eat? I promise it won’t be from the hospital cafeteria,” she said in a teasing voice. She moved towards him, seating herself in the pew beside him.

  He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. She wanted to feed him! Take care of him. Despite everything, her nurturing side was kicking in.

  “Why are you being so nice to me? After everything I put you through, I’m not sure I deserve it.”

  He felt her gentle touch on his shoulder. “I hate to see you so torn up inside. That’s one thing that hasn’t changed.”

  He shrugged. “Why not? Everything else between us has changed.” He hated the tone of self-pity in his voice, but he couldn’t help it from slipping out.

  Sarah’s mouth quirked. She let out a deep sigh. “I thought I’d hate you forever, Blue. I wanted to. But for better or worse, I guess I’m not built that way. Ever since your father was wheeled into my hospital, all I’ve wanted to do is help make things better. I suppose it put everything into perspective when I found out how sick he is. When someone’s life is hanging in the balance, everything else just fades away. Even anger. Truly, I just want to help. And if that means sitting here with you while you pray, then so be it.”

  Sarah’s tone was forceful and her pretty blue eyes flashed with conviction. And even though he was terrified of losing his father, and he’d come into this chapel to pray for all he was worth, he couldn’t stop himself from wanting to kiss Sarah. He wanted to put his arms around her and hold on to her like a life preserver. She’d always grounded him. He couldn’t stop himself from wondering what his life would be like now if he’d married her. Because she was everything he’d ever wanted in a woman, and even now, four years after the fact, he wished he’d made it to the church on time. Sarah reached for his hand and began praying out loud, her melodic voice strong and sure. Seconds later he joined in with her, their voices merged in prayer, united in a common goal.

  *

  Sarah couldn’t believe she’d been able to convince Blue to leave the hospital. It was scary to see him falling apart at the seams. Blue had always been the caretaker; for his family, for her. He’d always served as the foundation, holding everyone else up. And now he was crumbling a little bit under the pressure. She was relieved that he’d listened to her advice and accepted her lunch invitation. He was clearly shaken after seeing the extent of his father’s side effects from the stroke. She didn’t think she’d ever seen Blue so frightened. All she’d wanted to do was make things better for him, even if it was just temporary relief. It surprised her a little that she’d extended the invitation in the first place. If someone had told her a week ago that she and Blue would be on their way to lunch, she would have called them crazy. For so long, she’d been consumed by anger, and although she still held some resentment towards him, it was time to give forgiveness a chance. Because all the bitterness she’d been holding onto had done nothing but hold her back. Her conversations with Pastor Mike had shown her that she could work towards achieving a measure of forgiveness but not totally absolve Blue of his actions. Forgive the sinner, not the sin.

  As she drove toward her house, she cast a quick glance in Blue’s direction. He was next to her on the passenger’s side with his head lolled to the side, dead asleep. Poor thing! He was exhausted, both mentally and physically. As a nurse she knew all too well the emotional and physical toll medical emergencies wreaked on family members. It was nice to see him at peace, if only for the duration of the car ride to her home.

  After pulling up to her small beach cottage and parking on the pebbled driveway, she gently shook Blue’s arm. With a soft groan he woke up, looking around with surprise. His tousled hair and sleepy face made her grin. He looked like a little boy who’d just woken up after a nap.

  “Where are we?” he asked, dragging his hand across still-sleepy eyes.

  “At my place. I moved here two years ago,” she explained. Back when they’d been engaged, she’d been living with her sister in a little condo they shared. Wanting to have the homeowner’s experience, she’d socked money away for two years, and then bought a fixer-upper. It had been a true labor of love to transform the shabby bungalow into a cozy, beautiful home.

  “Rather than go to a restaurant I thought I’d just whip us up a meal.” She suddenly felt self-conscious about being alone with Blue in such an intimate setting as her home. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea. “If you’d rather go out—,” she began.

  “Are you kidding? You’re a fantastic cook.” He rubbed his belly. “Matter of fact, my stomach is already growling.”

  Sarah felt warmth settling in her bones at his compliment. She used to love cooking for Blue. The best times were when they cooked together, each on hand to meet the other’s needs. Blue would be dicing onions, his eyes as leaky as a faucet as she grated cheddar cheese and kneaded dough. She smiled at the memory of their famous chili recipe. Since both of them loved spicy food, they’d put hot Jalapeño peppers in the recipe, forgetting all about it before serving it to the entire Donahue clan. Their reaction had been priceless. There was nothing more hilarious than seeing Blue’s brothers racing for the kitchen sink to fill their glasses with ice cold water. The memory always caused her to chuckle.

  Sarah opened the front door of her house, admiring the warm hues of her walls and the gleaming hardwood floors as she walked in. Blue strode in after her, his eyes wandering from place to place as he surveyed the layout.

  “Nice digs,” he said, appreciation radiating in his voice.

  “Thanks. It was a little bit of a mess when I bought it, but Lilah and my parents helped me fix it up. It was a lot of work, but well worth it.” She felt a burst of pride in the knowledge that she’d created such a beautiful, warm environment for herself to live in. It was her safe haven, the place she could run to when everything around her became too much to bear.

  She moved toward the kit
chen, with Blue following closely behind her. Blue settled himself into one of her kitchen chairs as she rummaged in the fridge for something to heat up for lunch. She found some fish chowder and a container of chicken salad, and placed it on the kitchen counter. “I ran into Lilah a few days ago.” A sheepish expression passed over Blue’s face.

  “She told me. Said she barely recognized you with your longer hair.”

  Blue grinned. “Mom can’t wait for me to chop it all off. I think she might have said I look like a mountain man or something to that effect.”

  She smiled at the thought of Maggie giving Blue’s shoulder length hair the side eye. “That doesn’t surprise me. Your Mom is pretty traditional. I have to say, it suits you, though,” she admitted. “I’m not sure many men could pull it off.” With his good looks, Blue could get away with any hairstyle he wanted. Right after they’d met he’d gotten a short buzz cut. Although his brothers had teased him mercilessly, Sarah couldn’t help but think it had brought out the warmth in his eyes and emphasized his strong jawline.

  “Can I do something to help?” Blue asked, watching as she placed the chowder in a pot on the stove and began to stir it with a spoon.

  Pointing toward the breadbox, she said, “You can start making the sandwiches. There’s lettuce and tomatoes in the fridge if you want ‘em.” Her gaze was trained on Blue as he located the bread and began slicing up the loaf. She felt a little pang at the sight of him standing at her kitchen counter. This is what it might have been like if they’d gotten married. They would have fallen into an easy rhythm where meals were made in unison and they ran a household together.

  Blue’s voice interrupted her thoughts. “I’m starting to feel a little guilty for leaving the hospital.”

  “There’s nothing to feel guilty about. You’ve been there for hours on end. The whole point of you and your brothers making a schedule was so you guys could take care of yourselves. And Sophie wanted your dad to have some more rest before he can have more visitors. I know it’s a tough concept to grasp, but he’s in a vulnerable state right now.”

  “He seemed so lost.” Blue’s shoulders sagged.

  “That’s understandable. He wakes up in a hospital room only to find out he’s had a stroke, not to mention he’s lost his ability to speak and communicate with his loved ones. I’m sure it was disorienting.” She began to fill up two bowls with the fish chowder, and then walked them over to the kitchen table.

  “So what do we do to make things better? Dr. Crenshaw seemed to think we were making things worse.” A tremor ran along Blue’s jawline. His voice was laced with frustration.

  “Blue, that’s not what she said. It was about his agitated state, not about your presence in the room.”

  “I know,” he mumbled. “That’s what it felt like, though. I just wanted to be there for him the same way he’s always been there for our family. I can’t speak for my brothers, but I’m pretty sure they feel the same way.”

  “I get it,” she said, handing two plates to Blue for the sandwiches. “Alec’s not just your father. He’s your hero.”

  “I can’t imagine anyone more worthy of the title. How can I ever repay him for everything he’s done?” He shrugged his shoulders as he filled the plates. “He saved me in every way possible that a person can be saved.”

  She moved toward him, wanting to make sure he really heard what she wanted to tell him.

  “He loves you. And he’s your father. Everything he’s done for you is because of that. You don’t have to feel beholden to him. Grateful, yes. But sometimes it seems as if you feel the need to pay him back somehow, as if you owe him for loving you.”

  Sarah moved towards the table and they both sat down. Her eyes were trained on Blue as he heartily dug in to the fish chowder. For a moment, there was silence between them as they ate. After a few minutes Blue picked up where they’d left off. She could tell he’d been thinking over what she’d said.

  “I don’t know any other way to feel, Sarah. I admit that I struggle with feeling as if I owe my parents my life.” He shuddered. “I don’t think kids who weren’t dealt the hand we were given could ever relate to that sense of obligation.” Blue paused to take a big bite of his sandwich.

  His words blew her away. All this time and she’d never known he was holding on to all these feelings about owing his adopted parents the world. Her stomach clenched and she placed her sandwich back down on her plate. “You never told me that before,” she said in a quiet voice.

  His mouth quirked. “Believe it or not, I’ve done a lot of soul-searching in the last few years. I had to face a lot of painful truths. I’ve grown up a lot.” He shot her a look so full of tenderness that it made her jump out of her seat.

  “Where is my head? I forgot all about drinks.” With flushed cheeks she walked towards the fridge, welcoming the cool air emanating from inside. She grabbed two sodas and returned to the table, all the while hoping her face didn’t betray her inner turmoil. She plopped down in her chair, feeling the heat of Blue’s gaze on her. “So, if you’re looking to help out your dad, maybe you should ask your mom what she’ll need in the next few weeks. Maybe you can help her fix up the house for when your dad gets released or figure out the details for a private nurse at the house.”

  The look on Blue’s face warned her that she might not like what he was about to say.

  His face held a rueful expression. “I’m actually scheduled to be in India next week.”

  Her mouth felt dry. “You’re leaving next week? But what about your dad and his recuperation?”

  “I can’t really do much from India, but while I’m here—.”

  She felt her jaw going slack with surprise. He wasn’t sticking around Breeze Point? How could he go halfway across the world when his family so desperately needed him? He couldn’t leave! It was unthinkable.

  “Blue! Your father is still in critical condition. He may or may not make it through these next few days.”

  Blue’s eyes widened at the sharp tone of her voice. Deliberately, she softened her voice, not wanting Blue to think she was judging him or that she thought his father wouldn’t make it.

  “Sorry that I have to be so blunt, but there it is. The cold hard truth. In order to have a decent chance of getting his life back he’s going to need physical therapy, speech therapy...and a dozen other things.”

  Blue knitted his eyebrows together. “Honestly, I hadn’t thought that far ahead.” He raked his hand through his hair and let out a ragged sigh. “This whole thing has knocked me for a loop. It’s not that I don’t want to stay here and help out. I just don’t know what to do.”

  Sarah gathered up the plates and carried them over to the sink. Turning back toward Blue, she folded her arms across her chest and met his gaze head on. “I think deep down you know exactly what you should do, Blue Donahue. It’s not really any of my business, but I think you should stay in Breeze Point and help your family weather this crisis. Not five minutes ago you were asking how you could ever repay your father. Well,” she said, hands planted on her hips, “if you’re really serious about it, now is your chance to step up and pay it forward.”

  “When all is said and done, boyo, there are no ties that bind more than family.” Alec Donahue

  Chapter Six

  The ride back to the Breeze Point Hospital felt as frosty as an Arctic chill. Sarah’s disapproval bounced off her in unrelenting waves. He should just face the facts. No matter how hard he tried not to, he was always disappointing her. His cell phone buzzed. Looking down at the screen, he saw Wyatt’s number flashing on the display. As soon as he answered the phone, Wyatt’s animated voice greeted him.

  “Where did you disappear to? I’ve been looking for you everywhere.”

  “Just ran out for a bit,” he said, feeling slightly guilty about the lie of omission. If he told Wyatt he’d been at Sarah’s house having lunch, it would spread like wildfire through the family grapevine. Next thing he knew, his brothers would be lining up to be
groomsmen in their wedding. All six of his brothers adored Sarah. Matter of fact, they’d all sided with her after the canceled wedding. A few of them had even threatened to take him out to the wood shed for hurting her so badly, but Mom and Dad had put a stop to all that talk. Ryder was the only one who’d left him alone. He was the only person other than his dad who knew the whole truth of the matter. Just like when they were kids, he’d sworn his brother to secrecy. Four years later and Ryder still hadn’t told a soul.

  When Sarah pulled into the hospital parking lot and easily found a spot in employee parking, Blue knew he had to take this opportunity to set things straight. Being in such close confines with her was doing all kinds of crazy things to him. For one, the scent of her perfume was driving him to distraction. It wasn’t cloying or sickeningly sweet. It was light and fresh and it made him want to get closer to her, to press his nose up against her the nape of her neck just to get another whiff. She was sitting mere inches away from him, the living embodiment of four years’ worth of dreams. Or should he say nightmares, because in each and every one of them Sarah was out of his reach. But right here, right now...she wasn’t.

  Before he could change his mind, Blue reached out and grabbed hold of Sarah’s hand. She swiveled her head toward him, her expression radiating alarm. Was she afraid of him? He wondered. Or was it something else? Was Sarah feeling the same emotions he was experiencing? Did his touch remind her of everything they’d shared and lost?

  “Thank you for lunch. And for being there for me. I know it can’t be easy, considering how things stood between us before I left Breeze Point.” Being so close to Sarah allowed Blue to gaze into brilliant blue eyes the color of a summer sky. Somehow, Sarah had never realized how beautiful she was, and because of that, he’d always made a point to tell her so. Over and over again he’d told her, until he knew it was ingrained in her soul. Even though he was itching to tell her once again how gorgeous she was, he knew there was too much standing between them. Huge, craggy mountains stood in their way.