“We were always friends. That’s how it started between us, wasn’t it? We started hanging out together with Ryder and Lena, until—.” Sarah’s voice trailed off.
Blue felt a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Until I told you I wanted to hang out, just the two of us.”
Sarah’s face lit up with a shy grin. “You blew me away. I’d had a crush on you for months, but I didn’t think you noticed me in that way.”
Blue chuckled, the deep rumble of his voice echoing in the stillness of the car. “Oh, I noticed you. Right from the start. The first time we met you were wearing that old-fashioned dress with the parasol.”
She made a face and giggled. “I was in costume. We were doing a production of My Fair Lady at the playhouse”.
On instinct, he reached up and ran his palm across her cheek, locking gazes with her as he said, “I knew from the beginning we were going to fall in love. And I knew pretty early on I’d never find anyone better than you, Sarah.”
Sarah shook her head. Her lips trembled. “Blue, I can’t hear this right now. I’ve worked really hard to move on from us. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. And even though we had lunch together, that doesn’t mean I’m not still furious with you. Just because I’m compassionate doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten a single thing. Or sorted out all the pieces.”
Blue sucked in a shallow breath. “I don’t expect forgiveness Sarah, but I do want the opportunity to finally speak my piece.”
Sarah raised an eyebrow. “Speak your piece about what? You had your chance four years ago!”
“About our wedding. About the real reason I didn’t make it to the church on time.”
The real reason? What was Blue talking about? Hadn’t the real reason been that he’d gotten cold feet? That he’d changed his mind about wanting to get married to her, but didn’t have the courage to let her know? She’d shown up at the church and waited for him for hours before calling the whole thing off. Wearing her grandmother’s gorgeous vintage gown, she’d stood in front of the whole congregation, and through a flood of tears made the humiliating announcement. She hadn’t pulled any punches. The whole town of Breeze Point knew she’d been stood up at the altar by the man she was crazy in love with. Everyone knew she’d had the rug snatched out from underneath her.
At some point, Ryder had come forward and taken her aside, telling her that Blue’s plane had been caught in a rainstorm in Florida. By that time all the guests had left the church and she’d begged Ryder to leave her in peace so she could deal with Blue alone when he showed up. Reluctantly, Ryder had left her to her solitude to wait for Blue’s arrival. What happened next, she didn’t fully remember. There was something about the mind’s ability to protect people from their deepest, darkest hurts. Although she knew she’d verbally blasted Blue the moment he walked into the church, the specifics were foggy at best. She simply didn’t remember. And she didn’t want to remember, because in the aftermath of Blue’s abandonment, she’d been like a ship without a rudder.
He had no clue how she’d sunk into a depression, how she’d lost ten pounds in a single week. Thankfully, her boss at the hospital had been extremely sympathetic, allowing her to take a month’s leave of absence. During that time she’d left Breeze Point and traveled across the country on a road trip, visiting all the places she’d dreamed of seeing—Nashville, Miami, New York City. By the time she was strong enough to return home, Blue was gone. And, faced with that knowledge, she’d been more lost than ever. There was no way she could risk walking down memory lane with Blue. She was strong, but she wasn’t invincible. And more than anyone else in the world, Blue had power over her. Because there was still a part of her that loved him. It didn’t make her happy to acknowledge it, but there it was, settled firmly around her heart.
She pulled away from him so swiftly it caused his hand to suspend in mid-air. “I have no idea what you’re trying to say, Blue. Matter of fact, I don’t know why it matters anymore. As far as I’m concerned, it’s all water under the bridge. We’re not together and we never will be.”
*
“What’s the matter with you? You look like you were run over by a Mac truck.” Wyatt sat across from him in the hospital cafeteria, squinting as he closely scrutinized him.
“Nothing’s wrong with me, other than the obvious. Dad’s medical situation. Did you guys get in there to see him?” Blue swung his gaze toward Remy, who was giving him the once-over in between bites of his cheeseburger and fries.
“Where did you say you were earlier? Inquiring minds want to know,” Remy said, sidestepping Blue’s question.
“I had an errand to run.” He answered in a clipped tone, wanting to shut down his brothers before they went full tilt on him. If he gave them an inch they would be like dogs with a bone. His emotions were all over the place. The last thing he needed was for either of them to make jokes about his situation. Trying to deflect the conversation away from his whereabouts, he reached over and swiped a few fries from Remy’s plate.
Wyatt and Remy looked at each other and burst out laughing. “What’s so funny?” he growled. After his disastrous conversation with Sarah, he was in a prickly mood. Why hadn’t he just left things alone and kept his mouth shut? They could have ended lunch on a decent note, rather than on a sour one.
Lunch had been perfect. Sarah’s kindness meant the world to him. He truly hadn’t expected it. Spending alone time with her reminded him sharply of what might have been. Dreams held and lost. Memories of their love were bittersweet now, tainted by the painful way things had ended. But, it had been so nice to sit down to a meal with Sarah and draw comfort from her soothing presence. And then without warning, everything had gone downhill when he’d tried to be honest with her. So much for the cleansing power of the truth.
His pride rankled at her abrupt words. We’re not together and we never will be.
Her words had been like little daggers, slashing his soul to ribbons.
“What’s so funny?” he asked again.
Wyatt leaned forward in his chair. “Well, it might not give you a chuckle, but here goes. A certain nurse’s aide named Jessie has been blabbing all around the hospital that she saw you and Sarah leave together.”
Blue let out a groan. He looked back and forth between his brothers. “Please don’t make a big deal of this. Sarah saw I was upset after being in Dad’s hospital room and she asked me to lunch. It’s that simple. End of story. Period.”
Wyatt and Remy made loud oohing sounds, drawing curious stares from other diners. He glared at his brothers. “If you two so much as whisper about it, I’m going to—.”
“He might tell Ma on us,” Wyatt said with a smirk.
Remy slapped Wyatt on the back. “It wouldn’t be the first time.”
“You two are incredibly mature for first graders,” Blue said with a disbelieving shake of his head. Just the thought of Sarah returning to the hospital and having to hear that they were the topic of workplace gossip made his heart lurch. No good deed goes unpunished. All Sarah was guilty of was being a good human being. She shouldn’t be gossiped about simply for being thoughtful and a kind person. The very thought of how awful it must have been for Sarah in the weeks and months after their canceled wedding made him wince. She’d pretty much shouldered it on her own, a fact that made him feel ashamed.
Remy looked over at him, his brows furrowed with concern. “Hey, seriously Blue. What’s up? Is everything okay with you?”
He dragged his hand across his face. “Yeah, I’m good. I just feel useless. The doctors are doing their part, Dad’s doing his...all we can really do is try to support Dad’s rehabilitation.”
“Was Sarah able to give you any insight into what he’s facing?” Wyatt bit his lip and fiddled with his crutch.
Blue splayed his hands out on the table. “She said Dad’s facing a long road back. She’s seen this same scenario dozens of times. She reiterated that Mom and Dad are both going to need all our support. Not to mention
our time and attention. There’s no quick fix.”
“That pretty much lines up with what Dr. Crenshaw indicated,” Wyatt said, his brow furrowed.
Blue steepled his fingers and pressed his forehead against his hands. “She thinks I should stay around Breeze Point instead of taking the assignment in India.”
Wyatt and Remy exchanged loaded glances.
“What? You think she’s right?”
“We can’t tell you what to do, Blue, but we’ve been talking about the same thing among ourselves. Remy and I have decided to hang around town, at least for a couple weeks, maybe more.”
Remy shrugged. “Hey, I’ve been to Paris more times than I can count. It’s not a big deal to cancel the art show. They’ll understand a family emergency. I’ll just rebook for next autumn.”
Wyatt pointed to his knee. “I’m out of commission for the season. I had a few loose ends to tie up in Boston, but I can always ask my manager to handle things.”
Blue frowned. For some reason, he was feeling a little more pressured after hearing about their plans to stay in town. Both Remy and Wyatt were in fields where their salaries were way bigger than his own. As an established artist, Remy had his own gallery in New York and could basically set his own prices for his masterpieces. He traveled all over the world showcasing his art work and finding wealthy buyers who couldn’t miss an opportunity to purchase a Remy Donahue original.
As a professional athlete, Wyatt had made millions in his career, not only on the playing field, but in endorsements as well. Blue’s situation was more problematic. If he didn’t go to India on assignment, it could jeopardize his career. As a world-renowned journalist, reporting stories from all around the globe was crucial. He did have some solid savings stashed away in his bank account, but he wasn’t wealthy like a few of his siblings. That reality had never bothered him until now.
He chewed on his lip. “I’d love to be here with Dad, but I’m not sure I can swing it with the job.”
“If there’s anything we can do to help out, just say the word,” Remy said.
Blue knew that Remy and Wyatt would cover all his expenses in a heartbeat if he did choose to say in Breeze Point and passed up the overseas assignment. The thought of taking money from his brothers caused a trickle of discomfort to wash over him. Ever since he was eighteen it had been his mission in life to be self-sufficient. And he’d succeeded at it. There was no doubt in his mind that his early childhood had left him with an unwillingness to be a drain on society or to always be at the mercy of a handout. He’d seen it up close and personal with his birth parents. The food stamps. The government cheese. The food pantries. He believed in those programs as a helping hand, but not as a lifestyle. His father had been chronically unemployed. Basically, he hadn’t even tried to look for work. His mother had been a stay-at-home-mom. The very thought of it caused a bitterness to well up in his throat. What a joke that had been! A mother who drank herself into a stupor all day, so that by the time he came home from school she was either passed out or revved up to give him a hard time.
Their entire family dynamic had been poisonous. And he’d long ago vowed never to be like them. He would never look to others for handouts and he would always be a proud member of the work force. As a consequence, the idea of not having an assignment was messing with his head.
“Do what you gotta do, Blue. But don’t let pride keep you from being with your family,” Remy said. His family. The loud and boisterous Donahue clan. Every day spent without them was a day he missed them like crazy. How wonderful would it be to settle back into the easy rhythms of Cape Cod life? How gratifying would it feel to stick around and help Dad with his recovery?
Sarah’s pretty face popped into his mind, and he couldn’t help but wonder what her reaction would be if he decided to stay. Joy? Reticence? A sliver of fear? All those emotions were rushing through him at the moment. How would it feel to be so close to Sarah yet separated by a seemingly insurmountable barrier? Would the past always stand between them?
“C’mon, Blue. There will be other jobs, other assignments around the globe. There will never be another moment exactly like this.” There was a little hitch in Wyatt’s voice, a sliver of emotion laced in his tone. Funny, sarcastic Wyatt. The brother who hid it all behind a charming smile and a joke. Blue locked and held gazes with him. There was so much emanating from Wyatt’s eyes. Fear. Hope. Anxiety.
“I’ll stay.” The words tumbling out of his mouth shocked even him. He was staying? Before he could change his mind both Remy and Wyatt began speaking in raised voices and high fiving him across the table. What had just happened? In the blink of an eye he’d made a monumental decision, spurred on by his brothers.
“Now we’ve just got to work on Brandon,” Remy said, with a twinkle lighting up his eyes.
“He’ll be a piece of cake compared to this one.” Wyatt nodded his head in Blue’s direction.
“Why do I get the feeling this was a set up?” he asked, as a burst of happiness spread through him. He’d missed these moments with his brothers more than he could ever express in words. Donahue time. It was more precious than gold, especially since they were all scattered across the globe. The moments they were all together in one locale were few and far between. By sticking around Breeze Point he would not only be able to support his father, but he would be able to reconnect with his family. No matter what the professional consequences were, he wouldn’t regret being back in the fold.
“Donahue time,” he said in a low tone, reminding himself of all the precious moments his family had stashed away in his memories. He had a yearning to create more memories, to not squander any more time. His father’s medical crisis was serving as a firm reminder that one day he would only have memories of his parents. For now, he vowed to cherish the time he had with them, and to make the most of it.
“Betch’a Mom will cry when she finds out we’re all staying.” Remy let out a contented sigh and shook his head, a look of satisfaction etched on his face.
“I bet she does,” Blue answered, his head and his heart all over the place as his thoughts lead him straight back to Sarah. What, he wondered, would she think of his decision to put his life on hold and stick around Breeze Point?
*
Count to ten. Slowly. Do not allow yourself to get upset. You’re a professional. You’re a nurse. You help save lives. Ooh. Her mantra wasn’t working in the current situation. Five minutes ago she’d heard the nurses on the floor whispering. About her. And Blue. Rumors were flying fast and furiously about her having left the hospital with him. And inevitably, her past with Blue was being resurrected. The words wedding and jilted buzzed in her ears, causing a warm heat to spread across her cheeks. Rather than blow up, she’d turned to the group of nurses, surprising them with her sudden presence at the nurse’s station. “If you ever get tired of gossiping about me, there are plenty of patients in need of care.” Most of them had possessed the decency to look embarrassed, although a few smirked at her.
She’d held her head up high and pretended that the gossip mongering didn’t hurt. In reality, it brought her back to four years ago when her name had been on the tip of everyone’s tongue in Breeze Point. After all, it wasn’t every day a woman was jilted at the church in full wedding regalia. It wasn’t every day dreams went up in smoke in front of a live audience.
She tried to swallow past the huge lump in her throat, but couldn’t. Today had been such a strange day, full of ups and downs. Her emotions were all over the place. This morning she’d been annoyed with Blue, then after seeing him in Alec’s hospital room she’d been filled with compassion. It caused her a physical ache to see Blue so incredibly lost. It created an ache in her soul. She nudged that knowledge away, not wanting to inspect her own feelings. She was way too afraid of what she might discover.
Out of the corner of her eye she saw a flash of green. As she looked up, she saw Blue striding down the hall with Wyatt and Remy. Although all three were gorgeous, Blue stuck out like
a shooting star in a sky of velvet. There had always been something about him...a presence, an undefinable quality...that made it impossible to look away from him. He drew her in like a moth to a flame. After sending the brothers a quick wave she managed to drag her eyes away from Blue, focusing instead on the chart in front of her. They were probably on their way to check on their father, she imagined. She hadn’t seen anyone else in the family back here, with the exception of Maggie, who was keeping vigil at Alec’s side. She made a mental note to talk to Blue about that. Maggie was going to be exhausted and emotionally spent if she didn’t replenish herself. Wait a minute! She had to catch herself. Was she making up reasons to seek out Blue? She let out a low groan, disgusted with herself for not being able to stop her world from revolving around Blue Donahue once again.
“Everything okay?” At the sound of Blue’s low, melodic voice she wanted to let out a scream of frustration. Everywhere she turned all she saw was Blue. At the beach. At the hospital. In her dreams when she laid her head down on her pillow at night. How could she ever get him out of her heart and mind under the current circumstances? He seemed to be at the center of most of her thoughts.
“Everything’s good,” she said with a sigh, “if you consider being the subject of the hospital’s rumor mill a good thing.”
Blue made an exaggerated sad face. “You heard?”
Her jaw dropped. “You know about it? How?”
He jerked his thumb in the direction of his brothers who were making their way towards their father's room. “It came courtesy of Wyatt and Remy. I guess some of the nurses couldn’t refrain from passing on Jessie’s gossip.”
She felt as if a vein was about to burst on her forehead. “Jessie? It was Jessie who started this rumor?”
He held up his hands as if she were a rampaging bull. “Settle down, Sarah. I’m just the messenger.” Again she counted to ten in her head, all the while blowing air in and out of her mouth.
The Way Home Page 7
