Blue stepped outside, turning around to catch one last glimpse of Sarah. He watched with his heart in his throat as Sarah closed the door on him, effectively shutting him out of her life. Second chances weren’t guarantees. He’d wanted things to work out between them more than he’d wanted anything in his life. He ached for her. He knew deep down in his soul that she was his pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. There wasn’t ever going to be another love like the one he had in Sarah. And he knew no man was ever going to love her as intensely as he did.
Pain was ricocheting through him. Sarah had made her decision and there wasn’t anything he could do to change that simple fact. Like it or not, he was going to have to lose her a second time. And this time might possibly feel worse than the first time, because he was older and wiser now, firm in the knowledge of everything that was sliding out of his grasp. He wasn’t in shock over his birth father’s death, as he had been four years ago. There was nothing affecting his senses or dulling the agony. Every part of his body felt as if it had been physically attacked. And he had to just take it, because there really wasn’t anything else he could do.
“Love is such a fragile thing. If you ever find it, grab hold of it with both hands and never let go.” Ryder Donahue
Chapter Twelve
Sarah tossed and turned throughout the night. She woke up the next morning and went through the motions as if on autopilot. For the life of her she couldn’t remember making the five-mile trek to her sister’s cottage, although it’s where she ended up at ten a.m. It scared her a little bit, this feeling of being completely removed from what was going on around her. She was numb. Completely, utterly numb. If she hadn’t promised Lilah she’d go dress shopping with her today she would have stayed under her covers in her pajamas feeling sorry for herself.
After letting herself into her sister’s house she headed straight for the kitchen where the heavenly scent of coffee emanated from. The moment she entered the kitchen her sister gave her the once-over, her all-knowing eyes seeming to see right through her.
She plopped down on to a high backed wooden chair. She frowned in her sister’s direction.
“What? Why are you looking at me like that?”
Her sister’s face radiated displeasure. The way her lip was stuck out reminded Sarah of when they were kids. Lilah had always pouted to get her way. “What’s wrong with you? You look wrecked.”
“Well, thanks Lilah. That’s so nice to hear.” Her voice was dripping with sarcasm.
Her sister folded her arms across her chest and began tapping her foot. “We’re not going anywhere until you tell me what’s going on. I can read you like a book, in case you’ve forgotten.”
Sarah let out a sigh. There was no point in putting off her sister. She would be like a dog with a bone. She’d never give up until Sarah came clean with her. “Blue and I are over. Again.”
Lilah let out a shocked gasp. “What? I thought the two of you were in a good place. It seemed like you had found your way back to one another.”
“I thought that too. It was all smoke and mirrors. After all this time I found out why he didn’t make it to the church on our wedding day.” She locked gazes with Lilah, who raised a questioning eyebrow. “He was in Florida at his biological father’s deathbed. He wanted to make peace with him before he died. When he tried to fly back the morning of the wedding his plane was grounded due to a storm.” She banged her palm on the counter. “All this time and he didn’t think I deserved to know. All this time of wondering and questioning.”
“Did he say why he didn’t tell you?”
“Sort of. He was in mourning and trying to get a grasp on things. He told me he loves me, that he wants us to be together. He wants a second chance.” She let out a bitter laugh.
Lilah’s mouth went slack. Her eyes bulged slightly. “I honestly can’t believe what I’m hearing. You’re being given this incredible chance to get back with the man you were moments away from marrying and you’re throwing it away?”
“So you think I should just jump back in, with arms wide open?” she snapped.
Lilah’s eyes went wide and she slammed her hand down on the counter. Sarah jumped, not used to her sister raising her voice. Lilah was one of the gentlest souls on the planet. Not only was Lilah her best friend, but she was a loving and supportive sister. However, at the moment she didn’t seem to be very happy with her.
Lilah grimaced. “Are you kidding me? For four years I’ve watched you try to get over Blue Donahue. I’ve cried with you, vented with you, held your hand, prayed for you. Lots and lots of prayer.”
“And you know I appreciate every single moment of your time and attention. You were my rock!” No one had supported her the way Lilah had. Some nights she’d curled into a ball on her bed after crying her eyes out, only to find out come morning that Lilah was lying next to her with a box of tissues. Her sister had made sure she wasn’t alone during her darkest hours.
“Ever since Blue came back to town, you’ve been different.”
Sarah frowned, not having a single clue what her sister was talking about. “Different? How?”
Lilah sniffled as tears welled up in her eyes. She blinked them away. “You’re softer. Happier. With Blue back in your life you’re gentler somehow. That thick skin you developed after the wedding was called off...it’s loosened up. You smile more. I don’t know how to explain it other than to say, you seem at peace with things. Finally. And that has everything to do with him and the way he makes you feel.”
Frustration roared through her. Things weren’t as simple as Lilah was making them seem. It wasn’t a piece of cake to just walk back into a life with Blue. Even if that was the thing she most wanted in the entire world. Even if her heart was breaking all over again at the prospect of living a life separate from him. Sarah let out an anguished wail. “He broke my heart. And it was all for nothing. If he’d just been honest with me. If he’d just trusted me, we could have worked through things. How do I wrap my head around the fact that we’ve lost four years together. And for what? Things left unsaid. Pieces of crucial information Blue withheld from me?”
Lilah shook her head. A look of disgust was stamped on her face. “Do you know what I would do to have someone look at me just once the way Blue looks at you every single time he sees you? Do you know how much I want someone to lay themselves bare for me and put it all on the line in the hopes that we could be together? That’s what I want, Sarah. When I go to bed at night and close my eyes, that’s what I wish for. And you have it, right here in front of you. It’s yours for the taking.” The plaintive tone in Lilah’s voice sent shivers racing down Sarah’s spine. She’d had no idea Lilah felt this way. And it made her feel ashamed. Lilah had never been lucky in love. Clearly, she yearned for someone to love her...madly, deeply, forever. Isn’t that what everyone wanted? Why should Lilah be any different?
“He made a mistake, Sarah. One that cost him everything, but it wasn’t done out of malice or cruelty. It was done out of grief and loss.”
Grief. Loss. He’d been numb. Too numb to shift immediately from being at his dying father’s bedside to racing toward their wedding day. The knowledge crashed over her in waves. He had wanted to marry her. She knew that with a deep certainty. Blue’s actions four years ago had nothing to do with her and everything to do with someone who was mourning a loss. Something shifted inside Sarah and she felt her knees beginning to buckle beneath her. She reached out to steady herself against the counter. She felt dizzy. Unsettled.
Lilah rushed forward to steady her.
Her sister’s eyes radiated concern. “Sarah, steady there. Are you okay?”
Okay? She wasn’t sure if she’d ever be okay again. How could she be okay when her heart was crumbling into dust? How could she be alright when she’d closed a door on the only love she’d ever known? And now, with Lilah expressing her sentiments about Blue, she was being forced to come to terms with her own failings. She was repeating the mistakes of the past. Hadn
’t she done this very same thing when Blue had shown up for their wedding well after all the guests had departed? She’d never given him much of a chance to explain, firm in the belief that no explanation could justify what he’d put her through.
But didn’t the death of Blue’s biological father explain everything? She knew more than anyone that even though Blue had found a family with the Donahue clan, he still harbored memories of his painful past. He’d never fully gotten closure. And wasn’t it a healthy thing to have wanted to say goodbye to the father who’d abused and abandoned him? Tears ran down her face at the thought of Blue sitting by the bedside of the man who’d subjected him to neglect and abuse. And to have the man who gave him life be unrepentant to the end. Defiant even. There had been no acknowledgment of the pain and the abuse and the neglect. He’d gone to his grave unrepentant. She clutched her stomach as waves of pain rolled through her. He’d missed the plane back to Breeze Point because he’d been at his dying father’s bedside.
As a woman of faith how could she hold that against him? How could she allow her pride to block all her blessings?
Lilah was gently shaking her arm. “Sarah, please say something. You’re scaring me.”
“I love him, Lilah. I never truly stopped loving him.”
“Oh, sweetie.” Lilah took Sarah in her arms, enveloping her in a tight hug. She held on tightly, not wanting to let go. When they finally pulled apart, Sarah was dabbing at the tears rolling down her face. Lilah gently smiled. “I thought so, but I wasn’t sure.”
“And I want to be with him, more than anything. But I’m scared. I’m terrified to believe in us again. I’m afraid to put myself out there and run the risk of getting my heart smashed into tiny little pieces all over again.”
Lilah reached out and cradled Sarah’s face in her palms. Her sister’s eyes were moist and sparkling with intensity. “What’s worse, baby girl? Running the risk of getting your heart broken or keeping your heart locked away in a vault where no one can touch it?”
Sarah let out a sob. She knew the answer. “I’d rather take a chance on loving Blue, ‘cause without him I’m just an empty shell. Nothing makes sense without him.”
Lilah smiled through her tears. “Well, now that you’ve convinced yourself of this, what now?”
She sniffled. “I’ve gotta go tell him.”
“Thatta girl. Go get him.” Sarah whirled around, looking for her keys and purse. She didn’t want another second to go by without letting Blue know exactly where her heart resided. Already they’d wasted too much time due to false pride and fear. With a grin, Lilah held out her keys. With a grateful smile Sarah took them from her sister and quickly made her way to the front door. She paused for a moment, turning back towards Lilah.
Lilah’s brow furrowed. “What is it? Did you forget something?”
Sarah licked her lips. “No. What if...,” she began. “What if he’s changed his mind?”
Lilah shook her finger at Sarah. “Stop thinking like that. Go on and find Blue. And write the last page in your happily ever after.”
Happily ever after. Yes, that’s what she wanted with Blue. To be with him. To love him. To pledge herself to him before God, and all their family and friends. Till the end of time. As a kid she’d always had her nosy in a fairytale book. Although she’d learned over the years about the downside of believing in fairy tales, she’d secretly continued to believe. And if she was being honest with herself, an image of Blue had always popped into her head whenever she’d envisioned all her romantic dreams coming true. And now, she was finally going to get the chance to write her happy ending. All she needed to do now was track down her prince.
“Hope is that little thing inside us that we should never extinguish. Without hope, we’re not really living.” Blue Donahue
Chapter Thirteen
Try as he might, Blue was having a difficult time focusing on the plans for the media center. All he could think about was Sarah. Coming up with idea for a media business had been his way of staying in Breeze Point, near and dear to the people he loved. It had been act of optimism, rooted in the belief that he and Sarah could move on from their past and forge something new and wonderful together. Along with his parents and siblings, Sarah had been high up on his list. In his heart, he’d imagined sticking around Cape Cod to begin a new life with her.
That hope had crashed and burned. He felt as deflated as a burst balloon. Disappointment washed over him, forcing him to realize he’d placed too much stock in the way things used to be between them. That was then and this was now. Even though he loved her, it was going to have to be from afar. He grit his teeth at the thought of watching from the sidelines as Sarah got married to someone else and gave birth to another man’s children. The very idea of it made him want to pound his fist through the wall.
Lord, please see me through this. Give me the grace and the courage to see this new business venture through and give Sarah the distance she needs to live her life.
Mac was doing him a solid by providing a majority of the work at minimal cost. He’d just closed on the property yesterday, right on the heels of having his business loan approved. He wasn’t about to lose this space by sitting around waiting to make a decision. At the moment, Mac was gesturing around the site, pointing out areas that needed to be renovated, along with walls that needed to come down. Blue heard everything Mac was saying through a tunnel of white noise.
All he could think about was Sarah. Her sweet, beautiful face. The graceful slope of her neck. The curls he couldn’t resist running his fingers through. The sweetness of her kisses. He shut his eyes tightly, not wanting to think about kisses he’d never share with her again.
He’d tried to be brave and tell her the truth, but it had all blown up in his face. Rather than the truth serving as a healing balm, it had only acted as proof in Sarah’s mind of their unsuitability for one another. She couldn’t get past him not being straight with her four years ago. She didn’t believe in him enough or what they could have together.
He let out a sigh as a sharp pain radiated through his chest. Were there actual physical symptoms of a broken heart? ‘Cause he couldn’t imagine this tight feeling lodged in his chest ever going away. He’d lost Sarah. Again. And it hurt just as much as the first time. More perhaps, since time had taught him that Sarah wasn’t someone he was ever going to get over. He would love this woman till the end of his days, even if he could not have her. Living in Breeze Point and standing on the sidelines as Sarah married someone else and created a family of her own would kill him. But he’d made choices—foolish decisions—that had cost him the love of his life. He had to own it.
“Hey, are you even listening to me?” Mac began waving a hand in front of his face. He frowned at him. “Am I boring you or something? You haven’t heard a word I said about knocking down this wall.”
Blue twisted his mouth. He felt bad about zoning out on Mac, but his insides were all twisted up about Sarah. It was hard for him to get jazzed about the media center now that their future had gone up in flames. “Sorry, Mac. I’ve got a few things on my mind. Would it be okay to table this discussion till tomorrow?”
Mac’s stern look disappeared, replaced by an air of concern settling over his rugged features. He reached out and clapped Blue on the shoulder. “Sure thing, buddy. How about we meet up tomorrow afternoon, say one o’clock?”
Blue did his best to smile, which felt to him like a monumental effort. “Sure thing.”
Mac clapped him on the back and sent a look of sympathy in his direction. News sure did travel fast in the Donahue family. His brothers were being particularly agreeable, while his mother couldn’t stop patting him on the back and making tutting sounds. He hoped their sympathy was short lived, because it was already getting old. It was hard enough dealing with Sarah’s rejection without being given a Donahue pity party.
After Mac took off, Blue wandered around his new business, his mind whirling with all the possibilities. Even though Sarah had k
icked him to the curb, he was still committed to creating his media business and making his mark in Breeze Point. He’d been playing around with names. The one rattling around his brain was Media Point. It captured the essence of what he was hoping to achieve, and had a local vibe at the same time.
The sound of footsteps echoed on the hardwood floors, jolting his out of his reverie. He turned around, shock roaring through him at the sight of Sarah standing a few feet away from him. Just the sight of her made his insides flop around in celebration. He hadn’t even realized how deeply he’d missed her over the past few days. The light scent of jasmine hovered in the air, and surrounded him, reminding him sharply of everything he’d lost.
“Sarah. Hey. What are you doing here?” he asked, trying to make it sound as if he wasn’t dying a slow death without her. He’d made a lovesick fool of himself over her. He had to maintain at least a shred of dignity, even though all he wanted to do was take her in his arms and hold her.
Her gaze skimmed over him like laser beams. “I was looking for you. I went by Wyatt’s house and you weren’t there. He told me where I might find you.”
He moved towards her, reaching her side in a few easy strides. They stood face to face, their gazes locked on one another with an intensity he couldn’t ignore. For a moment he just soaked in the sight of her. He stifled a wild impulse to touch her cheek, to feel the warmth and softness of her skin on his palm. But giving in to that reckless impulse would be selfish. Hadn’t she made it perfectly clear to him that things were over between them? He should never have tried to resurrect their relationship in the first place. But how could he not at least try, when his head and his heart and soul were tied up in her for all eternity.
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