Into the Fire

by Amanda Usen

  “It’s okay,” was all Jack could manage. His father had told Lila about his heart problems?

  “There’s something else—”

  “Drew,” his mother broke in. “You are picking just about the worst time possible to have this discussion. Jack knows—” A sound at the door made her pause.

  A stacked blond nurse stood with a chart in her hand. She cast a practiced glance over the bank of machines next to his father’s bed then glared at Jack. “Sir, I told you only one visitor is permitted.”

  Jack looked down at his mother, holding his father’s hand. “I’ll be in the lounge.”

  His mother stood up and sighed. “No, you stay. He’s not going to listen to me anyway. He never has.”

  His father opened his eyes and looked at the nurse. His smile was a pale imitation of his usual devilish grin, but it was still effective. “I just need one minute with both of them. Then I promise to behave.”

  Jack watched the nurse soften.

  “One minute,” she warned. “I’ve got my eyes on you.”

  Jack met his mother’s gaze and shared her amused exasperation. Only his father could accomplish the improbable with a smile, especially when there was an attractive blonde involved. He supposed his mother fit the bill as well, although her usual cool chic was a bit rumpled. Strands of blond hair were falling out of the knot at her neck, and her makeup had run, leaving black smudges around her eyes.

  Jack relaxed, assuming the nurse wouldn’t have been willing to bend the rules if his father’s life were in danger. His mother gave him a gentle shove into the chair and then crossed her arms, looking first at him, then his father. “You two drive me nuts.”

  Both her ex-husband and her son stared up at her.

  “What did I do?” Jack asked.

  “You grew up just like him, and now I’m stuck with two stubborn, arrogant fools. Make that three. Your brother is on my list, too.”

  Jack was surprised to hear a dry chuckle from his father. “That’s not very nice, Elaine.”

  “I’m not feeling nice. You were a pain in the ass in Cleveland. You’ve delayed giving our sons information that pertains to their health. And you just had a heart attack, which scared the hell out of me. Now that the doctor has told you it wasn’t as serious as he thought, you want to postpone surgery. I’m done being nice.”

  His father gave her the same smile he gave the nurse. “I’m always a pain in the ass, as you’ve said so many times over the last forty years. I didn’t think the heart condition was anything to worry about—”

  “Bullshit, you didn’t want to admit you were mortal.”

  His father ignored her. “And Jack has a restaurant to open. He doesn’t need the added responsibility of the other five.”

  “Or maybe you don’t trust him to take care of your restaurants. That’s what he believes, I guarantee it.”

  Jack looked at her in astonishment, wondering how she knew.

  His father scowled, and a machine beeped. “That’s ridiculous! He accomplished more in a week than I’ve been able to get done in six months. All the shit that hit the fan while I was gone was due to negligence on my part, and he fixed everything. Every restaurant is running like a top now. I’m goddamn proud of him.”

  His mother’s smile was both sweet and vicious. “I assume you told Jack that?”

  “No.” His father spoke through gritted teeth. “But I was going to.”

  Pain shot through Jack’s jaw. He automatically thought of Lila but that made it worse because she knew more about his father than he did. The salad. Now he knew why she had tried so hard to force them to talk. His father had trusted her with information about his health, but he hadn’t told his own son. He stood and pushed past his mother. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

  Clearly, his father was out of the woods if they had given him the option of postponing surgery. His father had some color in his cheeks, and no one was rushing into the room in response to the beeping machine. The doors at Inferno had opened half an hour ago. There should be something on the web by now. Jack opened the browser on his phone and Googled Inferno. He clicked the first link.

  Jack stared at the picture of the roasted chicken entree. Where was the corn? The husks? He clicked another link and saw the beef medallions…with no chimichurri. The air left his lungs in a painful rush. He gasped. Black lines waved around the edges of his vision. He sank to the floor, resting his head on his knees.

  Lila had screwed him. She’d run the old menu. How had she managed to get everything prepped? Why had his staff allowed this to happen? She must be laughing her ass off right now. He flinched as a link from the New York Times popped up with a slideshow. The reviewer must be posting live from the dining room. Jack felt faint. The words blurred on the tiny screen.

  “Jack?” his head snapped up at his mother’s voice. “Your father wants to talk to you.”

  He got to his feet. Previously, only his father could hurt him this badly, this deeply, but Lila’s betrayal had devastated him on a level he didn’t even know he had. Too late, he realized what that must mean. She had probably planned this from the minute she signed the contract, and he had played into her hands beautifully, desperately.

  He stepped into the room and looked at his father lounging on the bed like he was a king on vacation, sending an emissary to take care of his kingdom. His mother returned to the side of his bed and clutched his father’s hand. Her eyes were wet.

  His father took an audible breath. “I’m not sure I have the strength for this, but I’m afraid if I don’t do it now, then we’ll get even farther off course. It’s all my fault. Every bit of it. I tried to force your brother to be like me. I wanted him to take over the restaurants and run Calabrese Incorporated. He wanted nothing to do with it.”

  For once, Jack could see nothing but honesty in his father’s gaze, man-to-man leveling, and a pleading look that drove all thoughts of Inferno from his head.

  “I lost him, Jack. Then I lost your mother because of what I did to Ned. I didn’t want to lose you, too. I promised myself I’d keep you far away from the kitchens. I never wanted you to feel pressured.”

  But Jack had wanted to be with his father. More than that, he had wanted to be there for his father when Ned and his mother left. Instead, he’d been shunted aside, second best, not good enough, never good enough, left behind with the babysitter, an employee paid by the hour to care for him. And now Lila had burned him just when he was beginning to trust her. Since it was all going up in flames, he poured gasoline on the fire and told his father the truth.

  “I idolized you. I wanted to be anywhere you were, and that was the kitchen. But you didn’t want me around.”

  His father blinked hard. “I was afraid if I pressured you, you’d change your mind. I was thrilled you wanted to learn to cook.”

  “You never liked a single thing I made for you,” Jack accused.

  “Wrong. I thought every dish was fabulous, I just didn’t want to give you a fat head. Arrogance is a huge handicap in the kitchen, and I didn’t want you growing up rich and pampered. I wanted you to stay hungry.”

  He’d been hungry, all right. Hungry for a kind word from his father. Hungry for approval. His father’s confession might have meant something a few years ago, but now it was too late. “Dad, don’t get me wrong. I appreciate what you are saying, and I wish I could tell you what you want to hear. But I can’t. I can’t make the switch that fast. I have spent my whole life trying to measure up to your expectations. Honestly, it is devastating to learn that I had your approval all along, and you were just fucking with my head. How does that make it better?” Jack chuckled, and his mother sobbed. He couldn’t blame her. It was a terrible sound. “Your heart might have been in the right place. You didn’t want me to be an arrogant prick like you, but I’ve become something worse—a man who feels like he can’t ever measure up. Did Lila tell you what I did to her?”

  His father shook his head slowly.

  “I sto
le her ideas to win the culinary competition. She made up a dish off the top of her head, and I put it on a plate because I didn’t think my ideas were good enough to win. When push comes to shove, I never think I’m good enough—that’s why I hired Lila. I didn’t want New York laughing at my menu.” His stomach churned.

  “Your menu was amazing. I couldn’t figure out why you wanted to change a thing.”

  Jack shrugged. “Well, as it turned out nothing changed. The minute I left Inferno to come here, Lila switched back to the original menu.”

  “I knew I liked that girl.” Now the machine began to beep in earnest. Another machine buzzed in counterpoint. Then a third joined the chorus. His father just grinned when three nurses rushed into the room.

  “Everybody out,” the nurse barked, glaring at him.

  Jack’s heart pounded so hard he felt like he needed a monitor too. His mother tugged him out of the room. Conflicting emotions sent him reeling against the wall. He’d spent years telling himself his father’s approval didn’t matter. He shouldn’t allow it to matter now.

  A doctor swept past them, entering his father’s room. They waited in tense silence until two of the nurses and the doctor returned.

  “He’s stable now, and we gave him a sedative,” the doctor said. “No more visitors until tomorrow morning. We’ll call if there is any change in his condition, but I don’t think you have any reason to worry at the moment. We’ll take good care of him.”

  “Thank you,” his mother murmured, taking his hand and drawing him down the hall. She squeezed his hand. “You should probably think about getting your cholesterol checked.”

  He nodded tightly. “Were you really in Cleveland with Dad?”

  His mother nodded. “We’re too much alike to live together, but I told him I’d always be there for him.” A tear spilled down her cheek.

  “You can’t possibly still love that bastard,” he said, astounded.

  “Jackson, darling, of course I love him. You do, too. Nobody who didn’t love him would put up with his crap.”

  Jack grunted, realizing she was right. Under his resentment was a deep desire to please his father, something he had thought was impossible. Without his father driving him to succeed, his life might have been very different, but Jack didn’t regret a moment of it. However, he was beginning to regret the harsh words he had spoken. His anguish must have shown on his face because his mother said, “Baby steps.”

  He nodded and stepped into the street to hail a taxi for her.

  “I’ll see you in a little while, darling. I just need to go home to change,” she said as he settled her into the car. He cocked his head to the side and stared at her, confused.

  Her smile was indulgent. “It’s our baby boy’s big night. Your father will kill me if I don’t take some pictures.”

  He shut the door and stepped back to the safety of the curb before his blurred vision got him killed. His world shifted then came back into focus. He wiped his eyes. So much had changed in the span of an hour. He was still angry with his dad, but clearing the air had unlocked a place inside him that hadn’t been open in years. For the first time, he felt like he could get past the anger.

  But he couldn’t bypass his fury with Lila. She had deliberately set out to ruin him, and he was going to make her pay.

  Chapter Seventeen

  The pace in the Inferno kitchen was breathtaking. If she hadn’t confined her hair in a bun beneath a skull cap, she was sure it would be flying straight out behind her as she tried to keep up with the orders. “Jesus,” she muttered under her breath.

  Beside her, Daniel laughed and pointed at six plates in the window. He dropped a tray onto a stand and motioned to a server. “Table ten. Go.”

  “I’m guessing you’ve done this before?” she asked.

  “Not on this grand of a scale, but yes. I used to work upstate in a kitchen about this size.”

  She heard a chime and watched him dig his phone out of his pocket. A boyish grin split his face as he checked the display. “The New York Times reviewer is having a phone-gasm in the dining room. Awesome.”

  Maybe Jack wouldn’t kill her if the reviews were good.

  “But Jack’s still going to kill us,” he added.

  Us. Daniel had said us. She had only thought of how mad he would be at her. She looked at Daniel with growing horror.

  “Stay strong, Chef. Incoming.” The ticket machine began to spit out orders again, and Lila called them off. Daniel’s encouragement had renewed her determination, but she still quailed when she heard the back door slam and Jack’s voice in the dish room. Shit, shit, shit. She was so dead.

  She didn’t turn around. She continued to work, expediting orders, wiping plates, and double-checking to make sure the cooks were getting the food right. She felt Jack’s heat behind her.

  “What the hell do you think you are doing?” Each word was clipped.

  “Making you famous, Jack. How’s your dad?”

  “Fine for now. Sedated. Stable.”

  “I’m glad.” Damn it, there was a lull in the orders. She had to turn around.

  He looked tired. His eyes were dark, sad, and furious. She wanted to hug him. Clearly, there was no end to her masochism. “You got this for a minute?” she asked Daniel.

  He checked the board. “Five minutes, no more. We need to get the entrees out on table twelve or we’re gonna get creamed.”

  “Five minutes,” she confirmed, knowing the likelihood of her returning to the line was slim. She strode toward the office. Jack followed her, his anger a tidal wave of lava cresting over her head.

  He slammed the door behind him. “You must be pretty happy with yourself.”

  God, he was gorgeous, even when he was looking at her with scorn in his eyes. The chasm between them had never felt wider, but this was her last chance. No more lies between them.

  “That menu wasn’t even close to perfect, and now I’m stuck with it. You have ruined Inferno, and now everyone will know—”

  She cut him off. “Everyone will know what? That you’re amazing? I’ve known that for two years now. It’s about time for New York to find out how incredible you are, too. Your menu is perfect. I knew it the first time I saw it. Perfectly fucking brilliant. Why do you think I blew through your kitchen tasting everything I could find? I was hoping to find something to fix. How was I going to improve something that was already sublime? I wanted that money, and I didn’t know how I was going to get it.”

  He drew a deep, shuddering breath and dropped into the desk chair. She watched him pick up a pen and scrabble through the papers on the desk. He opened a ledger and began writing out a check. Slowly, carefully, he tore it out of the checkbook and held it out to her. “Here you go. Now get out so I can clean up your mess.”

  The number of zeros on the check made her feel faint.

  She needed money. Who didn’t? But she could pay off her loans and bills by chipping away at them while working a regular job. There was no magic solution to debt. Jack had made her an offer she couldn’t refuse, but not for any of the reasons he thought, and it was time to tell him the truth. “I don’t want your money anymore, Jack.”

  He raised an eyebrow. “Oh, come on.”

  “I’m not going to enable your idiocy. You can’t write a check and get what you want. If you could, you’d be the happiest man on earth and you aren’t, are you? You’re miserable, and I thought it was because you needed to make peace with your father. That’s why I rode your ass about talking to him all week. But then I saw the look on your face when you were talking to the New York Times critic, and I realized you were using me as a crutch, not your dad. You choked, Jack. You thought your menu wasn’t good enough, so you hired me to fix it. After all, if it wasn’t entirely your menu, then it wouldn’t be your failure. Or your success, either. You deserve success, Jack, and you don’t need me to get it. You never did.”

  His face looked like granite. “I hired you to change the menu. Technically, you’re in de
fault on our agreement, but I’ll overlook it. I’ll also release you from your last week of work at Inferno. As for your last contractual obligation, the Times review, there’s nothing to be done about that. Take the money, and get out of here before you do any more damage.”

  Had he not heard a word she said? “Damage? You bet I wanted to damage you. Half the reason I signed your ridiculous contract was to get close enough to you to hurt you the way you hurt me. I planned to find ways to make you doubt yourself even more than you already did. I thought I wanted revenge for the competition, but I was wrong. I just wanted to be close to you, somewhere other than my dreams, that is. I dream of you every night, Jack. It’s been heaven to wake up beside you.”

  “You just can’t stop lying, can you? Lying about your recipes, lying about your motives, lying to me about the menu. Don’t even try to tell me you care about me when the knife is still sticking out of my back. I don’t want to hear it. We’re done. Take the money, don’t take the money. I don’t care. Frankly, I’m surprised you’re not gone already. Leaving is your specialty, isn’t it?”

  She felt tears welling up from deep inside. “There wasn’t time to tell you, Jack, but you have to believe me. I didn’t run your menu to expose your flaws. I did it to display your strengths.” Now that she was away from the urgency of the line, she began to worry again. What if New York hated his food? She’d gambled with the livelihood of Jack’s entire staff. He saw what they’d done as betrayal. What if she’d made the wrong call?

  Then she looked down into Jack’s wrathful gaze and felt nothing but certainty in him. He might never appreciate her gesture, but she’d done the right thing. Inferno would set New York on fire.

  She put her hand on his shoulder. “Is it that hard for you to believe in yourself?”

  He stood and opened the door. “No, but it’s that hard for me to believe in you.”

  Because it would be the last time, she stole a kiss on her way out the door. His lips clung to hers for a second, long enough to make her heart jolt, but there was nothing but cold, hard steel in his eyes when she pulled away. “One last thing,” she said.