Magic and Mayhem: Risky Witchness (Kindle Worlds Novella)

by Saranna Dewylde

  I shivered and obeyed, both because I had to and I wanted to.

  In his eyes, I saw everything I feared. I saw Hell. I saw eternity.

  I saw my eternity.

  With him.

  “Do you see?” he asked, his voice so silky.

  I got up and moved toward him, entranced. “I see. Do you?”

  Hellfire burned in his eyes, and I wanted to burn, too. “What is it you think you see, witchling?”

  “I see you.” I moved into his arms. “I see forever.”

  “What else do you see?”

  “I see Hell.”

  A raw sound was torn from him, and he wrapped me in his arms. “You belong to me, witch.”

  I shouldn’t have liked that. I mean, I’m a witch who didn’t belong to anyone but herself. I was a person not a possession. Except there was a feeling of rightness of belonging with Ethelred. I belonged to him.

  And he belonged to me.

  “I don’t want this,” he said. But his actions were at odds with his words.

  “Who does? Not me. You’re a demon from another dimension. You have your powers back. I mean, talk about a long distance relationship. This is never going to work.”

  “You say that like either one of us wants it to.”

  “If you didn’t, you wouldn’t have brought it up. I didn’t want to catch feelings either, but here we are. Denying they exist, well, that’s pretty much the same as jerking yourself off and denying the orgasm. There’s no reason for it. It doesn’t change what’s happened between us.”

  “You’re right.” He buried his face in my hair. “Come with me.”

  “You know I can’t.”

  “Why not?”

  With hands moving over my body again, I thought about it. If I went with him, I wouldn’t have to worry about student loans or the business I’d grown. I wouldn’t have to worry about going to the magickal pokey.

  Except those things were my debts, my responsibilities. I couldn’t just walk away from them.

  “Being a demon isn’t so bad. I could get you a pair of wings. A crown.”

  “But I wouldn’t be able to help people, and that’s part of who I am.”

  “Who says?” He pulled back to look at me. “I help people. I teach them the lessons they need to learn. I inspire greatness through suffering.”

  “Perhaps. But I want to teach through happiness. I guess I only play at being a wicked witch.”

  He sighed. “Just my luck.”

  “I know. It’s like realizing your favorite snack is made out of dog shit.”

  He laughed. “Some things are universal. I’ve definitely heard that before.”

  Here I thought I was an original, one of a kind. I saw the forever in his eyes again, and I wanted so badly to say yes. Everything in me screamed to reach out and take it with both hands.

  But I knew I couldn’t. Not yet.

  I drew him forward and sank down into the chair, intent on drowning my sorrows in pleasure.

  I screamed, and he clamped a hand over my mouth as the string of profanity burst forth.

  I’d sat on my Prick.

  Again.

  All things considered, at least I hadn’t ripped another hole in the universe.

  Chapter 7

  Ethelred

  Three Days Later

  I still couldn’t believe she’d said no.

  I mean, I guess I could. It was just like her to be contrary and want to do things “the right way.” But fuck the right way. She’d told me to throw caution to the wind, and I had. I’d offered her something I’d never offered another living soul.

  Recruitment.

  And she’d said no.

  We’d fallen into an easy routine. Ignoring the inevitable. The sex was still great. Phenomenal, really. I was still trying to talk her into trying the seven thing, but she was understandably wary.

  Prick eyed me from his place on the chair. “You know—”

  I held up my hand to stop him before he even got started. “You don’t get to lecture me about anything. You’re constantly pricking your witch. That can’t be in the Familiar’s Handbook.”

  He rustled his spines. “You know what else isn’t in the Familiar’s Handbook? Canoodling with demons.”

  “Well, why would it be? I mean, canoodling is a pretty serious task.” I nodded gravely.

  “Don’t pull that condescending crap with me, hell boy. I don’t have time for that. I’m just grateful she said no.”

  I narrowed my eyes, horns sprouting from my head. I was rather irritated about that part, actually. I had no control of the damn things. Not when it came to Millie. “And what do you know about it?”

  Even my tail made an appearance, snapping at Prick like a striking snake.

  “Will you please keep that beast to yourself?” The porcupine shuddered with apparent disgust.

  “You can’t keep your quills in your pants, so why should I try to fight my tail?” It snapped at him again.

  “Listen, you only think about yourself. If you took her away from here, she’d never be able to come home.”

  “She could do anything she wanted. She’d be a demon. Or didn’t you read the contract?”

  “She’s not signing the contract. Do you know what would happen to me if she signed?”

  I didn’t think my eyes could narrow any further, but they did. I felt like a snake myself. “Do you know what I would do if I thought you were the only thing keeping her from me?”

  To his credit, even with the vision of hell on my face, he didn’t turn away. He didn’t squeak. Instead, he stood tall.

  “You would do absolutely nothing, because she’d never forgive you.”

  “Oh, she would. Eventually. It might take a few centuries, but she’d come around to my way of thinking.” I wouldn’t tell the little rat this, but in that moment, I admired him for standing up for his witch.

  Well, not his witch. My witch.

  He began to quiver and shake, all of his spines rattling. “Stop it, demon. I draw the line at this kind of abuse.”

  I actually wasn’t doing anything. I shook my head. “I haven’t done a thing to you.”

  “Then why do I have this uncontrollable urge to clean myself?” He shook.

  “I’ll never know.” I leaned down to get closer to his face. “Maybe you’re dirty.”

  With a furious squeak, he started cleaning himself with wild abandon. It sounded for all the world like a pig truffling in slops.

  “Why, you foul little beast. Shouldn’t you do that in private?”

  That was when I realized he couldn’t stop. He munched and licked and groomed and it all seemed to be against his will.

  I didn’t want to help him. I really didn’t.

  But I did it.

  “I’ll get Millie.”

  “Don’t. You. Dare,” he said around mouthfuls of himself.

  “Listen, you could be really ill.”

  “Don’t want her to see me this way.”

  “Maybe she can help you.” I wrinkled my nose. Maybe I could help him? More than just getting Millie.

  I tried several incantations, but nothing seemed to work. One made him bigger, so big that he’d blown up like a balloon.

  “What are you doing to me?”

  “Shut up and let me think.” I tried another one that reduced him back to normal size. The next one made his tongue so large that he couldn’t close his mouth around it. I rather liked that one because he couldn’t talk.

  There was one more thing I could try.

  If the Shifter’s reactions, the uncontrolled self…cleaning was because of me, if I made Prick immune to my charms, he’d be fixed.

  Problem solved.

  But it would bring a whole host of others to the fore.

  A sinking weight settled on me, and I knew before I even spoke the words how it was going to turn out.

  Part of me wanted to bite my tongue to keep from speaking. To keep from moving forward into that space where there
was only one definitive answer.

  But I spoke the words anyway because it was what was right.

  I was a little sick to my stomach.

  Prick’s symptoms abated almost instantly, and he fixed me with a hard glare. “I think I need an explanation.”

  “I don’t have one, really. I’m pretty sure it’s because all of you are in tune with the natural world and, in this dimension, I’m not part of that natural world. So I leave a trace aura that perhaps your physical body perceives as dirt. Something that must be gotten rid of.”

  “And you couldn’t have said something?”

  “I didn’t know.”

  “You didn’t even suspect?”

  “Well, Millie and I had both begun to.” I shrugged. “This was just proof.”

  “Glad to be of service.” He snorted.

  “Aren’t you just?” I grinned, even though I didn’t feel at all like smiling. My presence in this dimension was causing pain and suffering with no lesson on the other side of it.

  I had to go.

  Millie wasn’t coming with me.

  Yeah, there was the lesson. When I lost Emilian, I’d almost destroyed the afterlife, upstairs, downstairs, perhaps even the world as we know it.

  This felt like Fate kicking me in the dick just to prove a point.

  I wasn’t angry.

  I expected rage. I expected the fire of pain to burn me, but it didn’t.

  Somehow, I knew everything would be okay.

  I wondered if being in this other world had done something to me, too. If it had changed me on a molecular level. I wasn’t a glass is half-full kind of fellow. I’d been around for too long to believe that.

  Yet, there it was. A foul, dirty thing lurking in the deepest, most hidden corners of my heart: hope.

  Millie

  Zelda walked into my office without knocking.

  From the look on her face, I knew everything was about to go to shit.

  “What happened?” I asked her, shifting uncomfortably in my seat.

  She eyed me. “Looks like you and your demon got serious.”

  I studied her for a moment as I continued squirm, trying to put my weight anywhere but on my wounded behind.

  For some reason, I could heal almost any other ill, but not those inflicted by my mostly beloved familiar.

  Little fucker.

  I just realized she thought Ethelred had…

  I blushed. “No, no. It’s my familiar. You may have noticed, he’s a bit of a prick.”

  Zelda laughed. “He’s full of pricks.”

  “Yeah, and so is my ass.” I made a face.

  “Oh, so it’s like that. I can’t say I approve.”

  “No, no. Goddess, no!” I rushed to assure her that was not the case. “He just likes to crawl into my chair when I’m not looking.”

  “That’s not very nice.” She put her hands on her hips. “I hate to say it, but I’ve got more bad news.”

  I steeled myself for what I knew was coming next. It didn’t take a genius or a crystal ball to see that there’d been another incident, and she was shutting us down.

  “What’s happened?”

  “It’s rather horrible. The wolf Shifter you had remove last week? He’s broken his own neck in a self-cleaning accident.”

  “How does that have anything to do with The Mandrake? Maybe he’s just a pervert?”

  “You’ll notice that Justin won’t be coming to work either. Same thing.” Zelda shook her head. “You’ve got to close your doors until we find out what’s going on. For everyone’s sake.”

  I bit my lip. “I understand.”

  “Good. I thought this was going to be a fight. I’m glad you can see my position. I hate to add the turd on the top of the shit sundae, but you’re going to have answer to the Baba Yaga for what’s happened here.”

  “Maybe she knows what’s going on. You have to believe, Zelda, that I didn’t come here with the intention of hurting anyone.”

  Zelda nodded. “I know. That’s why I haven’t smote the shit out of you. Because I would, you know. That’s in my job description.”

  “Yeah, I know.” I sighed. “Can you talk to Prudence? She’s the fairy representative, and I need proof that you’re the one who shut us down so I don’t get screwed in fairy court, too.”

  “You got it, Mandrake.” She got my name right and even winked at me. “I’ve already told all the Shifter employees. I think they took it better coming from me.”

  So there was nothing left for me to do, but go back to the motel and wait.

  Wait for the end of my time with Ethelred. Wait for the audience with the Baba Yaga. Wait for everything to fall apart.

  It would’ve been easy to dive into a vat of Fairy Juice to forget my woes, but I wasn’t going to be that witch anymore.

  I’d find something else, another way. I wasn’t going to let anything stop me from getting what I wanted.

  No the prick. Not the problem. Not even myself. Since I’d started this business, I’d learned something that some people never learn.

  How to get out of my own way.

  The club was already dark and empty when I followed Zelda out of the office. “Sorry, honey,” she said again. “The pokey is no fun. I’m hoping you can find another way. Have you thought about work study? It’ll be no fun training new witches, but you could work off your debt if you have a reasonable down payment.”

  “You don’t think I should try to make a deal with my demon?”

  “Honey, if you thought that was a good idea, I’m sure you’d have already done it. He does have his powers back, doesn’t he?”

  I nodded.

  “I can’t make that choice for you, but I’d do pretty much anything to stay out of jail.” She glanced off to the side. “We won’t talk about what I have done to stay out of jail.”

  The magick left The Mandrake as I walked outside and behind us was the guts of what had been Bob’s.

  Bill’s.

  Whatever. The tiny bar in the outskirts of a tiny town that had changed my life.

  I wandered back to the motel and found Ethelred sitting next to Prick. They were both wearing grim expressions.

  “The Mandrake is gone, isn’t it?” Prick asked.

  Ethelred handed him a tiny pumpkin and he accepted it, no questions asked, and nibbled. “Sorry, you know I eat my feelings, sometimes. I can’t go to prison, Millie. Not with this badonk-a-donk.” He shook his butt and stuffed his cheeks with bites of pumpkin.

  Ethelred shrugged. “I told him you wouldn’t let him go to prison.”

  “And I won’t.” Determination caused me to square my shoulders. “There was another incident though.”

  “We figured,” Ethelred answered. “Prick was affected. I was on my way to tell you when I saw Zelda and her crew arrive.”

  “Are you okay?” I asked my familiar.

  “Yeah.” He stuffed more pumpkin in his cheeks and squeaked as he ate, sounding like a tiny Hoover that had something stuck in the hose.

  “It’s me,” Ethelred confessed. “Like we thought. My presence here is so unnatural, the Shifters and other creatures perceive it as something wrong. Something dirty. The religious people at home would have a field day with that. You should know, I am no unclean spirit. This I promise you.”

  He was so sincere that I laughed.

  “This is funny?”

  “Not really.” I sobered. “Not at all. It means that our time is over.”

  “Not if you come with me.”

  “You know I can’t.”

  “Or won’t. You’ve chosen responsibility over me.”

  “No, that’s not it at all. I think that I’ll still get you. It was meant to be.” I nodded, feeling silly as I spoke.

  “That’s bullshit, witchling. This is goodbye. Might as well be prepared to call it what it is.”

  “I’ll give you some time alone. For another pumpkin.” He smacked his chops.

  “Prick!”

  “What? I t
old you I need to eat my feelings. Now, I’ll eat yours, too. Win-win.”

  “No. Not win-win.” I turned back to Ethelred. “You don’t get to be cavalier about this.”

  “I’m cavalier about everything.”

  “No, you’re not. You like pretend like you are. Maybe you even tell yourself that you are, but deep down, you feel everything. You feel it all so intensely and, you know what? I know that you want to. Because you want to experience what it’s like to be human. You said so yourself.”

  “Don’t go playing around in my psyche. You’re not going to like what you find.” Flames roared behind him.

  “Do you do that every time you have an emotion that you don’t want to deal with? That would be good to know. I can never have nice curtains.”

  The whole room erupted into flames, and Prick squeaked for his life. “This isn’t a game.”

  It was a strange feeling to be both terrified and unimpressed at the same time. If I wasn’t crazy before dating a demon, I’d definitely be crazy after.

  “No, it’s not a game. But I’m your equal. I’m not going to back down from you, no matter how much fire you breathe. Especially when you’re being an ass.”

  “Why do you have so much faith this is going to work out?”

  “Why don’t you have any?” That’s when I realized I was wrong. The look on his face. “That’s not it at all, is it? You do have faith, and that’s what scares you.”

  He roared and the flames climbed higher and licked at my fingers and my face. Then I realized they were nothing to fear at all.

  They were another part of him and they wrapped around me.

  I’d never felt safer.

  “Oh, Ethelred.” I sighed.

  “Damn you, witch.” He said this conversationally, as if I hadn’t just vivisected his heart and put it on display.

  “Yes,” I agreed. “Damn me. Be with me. We’ll get through this.”

  “The Baba Yaga will be back tomorrow. There will be no getting through this. There will be goodbye. There will be me going home. There will be memories of our time together, and that’s all we get.”

  “Then we better make some memories tonight. Prick, give us some privacy.”

  “I’m not leaving my own motel—”

  “Have you thought about what this means for Prudence?”