Betrayed (Whiskey Nights #4)

by Suzannah Daniels

She beamed, revealing a flash of white teeth.

  I tugged playfully at a strand of her hair. “I can assure you that you’ll never have to worry about shrinkage.” Hell, just the thought of her touching me made me grow hard with desire.

  She flushed and turned back toward the tank. “Oh, here comes one!” She stilled her hand, waiting for the shark to swim by. “I touched it!”

  I bent low and whispered in her ear, “If you get that excited touching a bonnethead….” I let my words drift away as I imagined her soft fingers wrapped around me.

  Blue eyes flitted to my face, and then she lowered her lashes as her luscious lips curved into a slow smile.

  Damn, something about the way she looked at me with heated desire followed by coyness made me want to hurry back to the hotel and bend her over the bed. She may have only looked at me briefly, but I knew Jessica better than I’d ever known another woman. In that moment, I knew she wanted me.

  And I wanted to give her what she wanted.

  On the way back to the hotel, we stopped at a sidewalk café, lingering as dusk set in and the lights of Atlanta glowed against the night sky. Joseph had fallen asleep in his stroller, and Jess and I enjoyed a glass of wine as we chatted on the warm September night.

  She swirled the liquid in her glass. “Remember that time we got wasted?”

  “You talking about that night when everyone went to the lake?”

  She nodded. “The summer after I graduated. You were so drunk Cade and Mason had to practically carry you to the car.”

  I rubbed the stubble along my jawline. “You know good and well I don’t remember that night.”

  She chuckled. “I know. And up until then, I always thought it was baloney that someone could actually blackout after drinking.”

  “No, it’s definitely real, and it scared the living shit out of me. I cut back on drinking after that, although, I have to confess it has happened a time or two since then.” Hell, I was lucky it hadn’t happened again when I was in Ireland a few months ago. It probably would have if Cade hadn’t gotten me out of the pub when he did.

  She opened her mouth as if she might say something else.

  I waited, but then she closed her mouth again, pressing her lips into a thin line while she stared at the swirling wine as if it were hypnotizing her.

  Strings of clear lights dangled across the café’s patio, casting a soft glow of light on Jessica’s features. I thought about the moments we had shared in the past.

  “I know you’ve had some rough times in recent years, Jess, but tell me what I’ve missed out on since we broke up. What’s been your favorite memory? Assuming it’s something you want to discuss with me.”

  She glanced upward as if she were thinking. “Probably when I first went to California. My mom flew out with me, and she and I did a little sightseeing. We also did a lot of talking, a lot of laughing, and a lot of crying together. She was my rock.”

  “You cried when she had to fly back home?”

  I nodded. “Yeah, but mostly I cried because you and I had split up, and she cried because it hurt her to see me so heartbroken.”

  I squirmed in my seat. Her confession made me extremely uncomfortable. Now, I wished I had known, but at the time, it probably wouldn’t have mattered. I was so angry, I had refused to talk to her, refused to listen to reason, refused to open myself to the possibility of being crushed by her again.

  She shrugged. “Maybe that’s the way things were meant to be. My bond with my mother became even stronger because of our breakup. Of course, I had no idea then it would be the last bit of time I would spend with her, but if you and I had been together, I probably would have missed out on a lot of conversations with my mother. So maybe somehow in the crazy way that everything in the world fits together, maybe it was better that you and I had broken up.”

  “I’m glad your mother was there for you when I wasn’t.” And it was true. I was glad that something good may have come out of the pain that she and I had both experienced.

  Taking a deep breath, Jess studied my face. I watched the rise and fall of her chest as she reflected on the past. “I’m glad she was, too. And now, I’m glad that we’re…friends again.”

  I held my wine glass in the air. “To friendship.”

  “Friendship.” We clinked our glasses together, and each took a sip.

  Somehow the word didn’t seem adequate to describe what was going on between us, and up until now, I’d been reluctant to call it by any other name.

  But the more time we spent together, the more I realized I wanted to be a whole hell of a lot more than her friend.

  We were both tired by the time we got back to the room. Baby J woke up crying when Jess took him out of his stroller, but by the time he had downed another bottle, he was ready to go back to sleep.

  I could tell Jess was tired, too, if not physically, then mentally. For all the flirting in which Jess and I had participated, I was content with holding her in my arms, not that my great white didn’t have objections. Visons of her naked body bent over the bed tortured me, and I hardened in response.

  Talk of friendship was probably foremost in our minds. I knew Jessica didn’t know what to expect from me, and hell, I was no help because even though I was interested in being more than friends, I was unsure of the exact level of commitment I was willing to give.

  This entire situation scared the living shit out of me.

  Maybe what scared me the most was that I was willing to do nothing more than to hold her close despite the fact that I was aching to be inside her. And I was willing to do that because it was what seemed to be best for her at the moment.

  This wasn’t the kind of shit I would do for just any girl. This was the kind of shit I would do for a girl who held my heart in the palm of her hand.

  This was the kind of shit I did for a girl I didn’t want to hurt again.

  The kind of shit I did because what she needed was more important than what I needed.

  Chapter 13

  Traps

  Jessica

  When I woke the next morning, Paxton was gone. Joseph had woken during the night, and I’d been up for a while tending to him. I must have been exhausted because I never even heard Pax leave.

  I glanced at his side of the bed and noticed a note on the pillow, wishing me a good morning and telling me that I could grab a complimentary breakfast in the hotel lobby or order room service, whichever was easiest for me. He also promised to call me later once his schedule freed up.

  He hoped to meet with the editor of Muscles & Mayhem this morning, and Evan would be attending the prejudging part of the bodybuilding competition. I knew nothing about bodybuilding competitions, but Pax told me the prejudging was the part where most of the judging would be done. The night competition would be a little more exciting because the crowd would be larger and the winners would be announced.

  After taking a quick shower, I woke Joseph and bathed him. Once we were both dressed, I pushed him in his stroller down to the hotel lobby.

  After making a waffle and filling a plate full of fruit, we settled down into a corner booth. My back was to the room, so I was caught completely off-guard when Mrs. Mayfield slid into the seat across from me.

  Her back was ramrod straight as she studied me a moment. “I trust the two of you had a good night.”

  I had no idea whether she was referring to Paxton and me or Joseph and me, so I just smiled and nodded. “We did. Thank you.”

  “Why are you here, Jessica?”

  “Paxton invited me.”

  “We both know that’s not what I’m asking.” Her lips pressed into a thin line.

  “I care about him.”

  “Really?” She tapped her fingers against the tabletop. “Your history says otherwise.”

  “I’ve always cared about him.”

  She leaned in closer. “There was a time when I would have been thrilled to have you as a daughter-in-law. That time has come and gone. I won’t stand by and watch yo
u destroy him again. I think it would be better if you distanced yourself from him. He will never accept your son. Neither will his father and I. Save yourself some heartache and get your son out of Creekview.”

  My thoughts reeled, but before I could respond, she spoke again. “He’s told you before that he doesn’t like children, right?”

  I swallowed. “I know he never intended to have children.”

  “Then why are you putting your son through this?”

  “He’s good to my son.”

  “Having pity for you and your son will never equate to love. You do know that?”

  I watched Joseph as he grinned and stuffed a piece of banana in his mouth. I wanted to give him the best life possible. I wanted him to be loved. I wanted him to grow up with a father who loved him.

  “If you put your own needs before those of your child, then you can add the fact that you’re a terrible mother onto your already long list of faults. Along with being a stripper.”

  My eyes flitted to hers, but she had already turned away, scooting out of the booth seat. She stood and paused, smoothing a palm over Joseph’s soft blond hair. “I know you’ll do what’s right for your son.” Her eyes met mine. “Just like I will.”

  I felt betrayed. Why had Paxton told her that I was a stripper? Her words replayed over and over in my head. Yes, they were cruel, but wasn’t there also some truth to them?

  I thought he had warmed to Joseph, but now I wondered if his mother was right. Was it just pity? Was it my own warped view? Was I seeing what I wanted to see?

  I sucked in a breath and held it, trying to keep my tears at bay. Bending over Joseph, I kissed his crown, inhaling the scent of his baby shampoo. He was the most important person in my life, and I had to do what was right for him.

  Leaving most of my food untouched, I finished feeding Joseph and returned to the hotel room. When Paxton called, he asked me if I wanted to meet him at the prejudging. I told him I didn’t feel well, and I would see him afterward. I wanted to ask him right then how he felt about us and how he felt about Joseph. I wanted to ask him if what his mother said was true, but he hadn’t talked to the editor yet, and the last thing I wanted to do was distract him.

  So I waited.

  And it was long and torturous and heartrending.

  Part of me wanted to flee, but where would I go? I had nothing and no one to run to.

  As much as I hated being dependent, I needed to be close to people who could help me with Joseph. I’d already tried it the other way, being totally alone, and it sucked, really sucked.

  It was the very reason I was now in legal trouble, and what would happen to Joseph if I wasn’t able to care for him?

  I hadn’t been prepared for how hard motherhood could be. Not so much taking care of Joseph. I loved him, and I would do whatever necessary. The hard part was knowing that I had this tiny person who depended on me and feeling like I was failing him.

  The tears did fall then, and I hugged Joseph to me, whispering promises that he was going to have a wonderful life. I would see to it. Everything I did from this point forward would be whatever was best for him.

  With renewed resolve, I willed myself to be strong.

  I was watching Joseph sleep when Paxton finally came back to the room. Hearing the door open and close, I didn’t bother to look in his direction.

  “Jess!”

  He sounded excited.

  “It’s done. I’ve pitched my articles, and while the editor didn’t really commit one way or the other, I feel pretty good about it. My articles actually tie in pretty well with some of the stuff he said they’re looking for. Now, I just have to wait it out.

  “And Evan looked really good at the prejudging event. He’s ripped, and man, he’s really built up his traps.”

  I turned to look at him. I wanted to feel his excitement, but all I felt was a nagging dread in the pit of my stomach.

  “Traps. The trapezius muscles.” His fingers glided from his neck to his shoulder. “These muscles.”

  He misunderstood the expression on my face.

  “What?” He looked concerned, and he was finally catching on that something was wrong.

  “Speaking of traps,” I said quietly, my voice filled with barely concealed anger and resentment, “why did you tell your mother that I was a stripper?”

  “A stripper?”

  I crossed my arms over my chest. “Yeah, a stripper.”

  “Jess, I never said that.”

  “Then what exactly did you say? That I worked in a gentlemen’s club where women removed their clothing?”

  He stood with his arms akimbo. “Why the hell would I tell my mother anything about where you work?”

  “That’s what I want to know.” My voice was louder this time, rising with my anger.

  “Jess, where the hell is this coming from?”

  I walked toward him, pointing at him in fury. “I trusted you, Paxton!”

  “I haven’t said anything to my mother about where you work.”

  “That’s kinda hard to believe seeing as how you’re the only person I told.”

  He cupped my shoulders with his palms, but I shrugged away from him. “Jess.”

  “Good grief!” I smacked myself in the forehead with my palm. “How could I ever have been so foolish as to think, for once, something in my life might actually be headed in the right direction? I knew things between us weren’t perfect, but I thought they were actually going pretty well considering the last few years.”

  I motioned toward him. “I mean you were actually talking to me. That alone was a miracle.”

  Joseph started crying, and I immediately closed my eyes, knowing that I was the one who woke him. What was I doing? I didn’t want noisy arguments to rouse my son from sleep.

  I sank down on the foot of the bed and buried my face in my palms, trying to keep my composure. Where was my will to be strong now?

  Joseph squalled louder, and I silently counted to ten, so I could subdue my anger and tend to my son.

  “It’s okay.” I heard Paxton’s soft whisper, and I looked up to see him lifting my baby from the crib. He rubbed his back and talked softly in his ear.

  Joseph buried his face in Paxton’s shirt and wiggled his head from side-to-side as if he were rooting into his chest. “Shh. I got you.”

  Joseph lifted his head, gazing at Paxton’s face, and let out a soft sigh of contentment.

  “It’s all good, Baby J. You can go back to sleep.” Paxton gently patted his back.

  Joseph’s tiny fists rubbed his eyes, and then he reached for Paxton’s face. “Da, da, da, da.”

  I had the urge to assure Paxton that he was only babbling, that I had never even used the word, daddy, around him, but melancholy weighed heavily on my shoulders, and I felt no need to calm Paxton’s worst fears.

  Paxton’s large palm skimmed Joseph’s hair. “I got you, little man. Go back to sleep.”

  It was as if Joseph actually understood his words. He laid his cheek against Paxton’s chest and yawned, his eyes fluttering closed once again.

  Had this happened before I’d spoken with Paxton’s mother, I would have thought it one of the most beautiful moments I’d ever experienced. But instead of feeling hope that Paxton would accept me and my baby, it intensified the pain of knowing what I could never have.

  Our argument was put on hold as we both knew that doing so was the best thing for Joseph. While Paxton continued to soothe my son, I crawled onto the bed and laid my head on the pillow, turning my face away from Paxton. I closed my eyes and listened to his soft, soothing voice. This scenario was so very different than the night when I had first called Paxton to come and pick up Joseph.

  Despite everything, I smiled as a tear rolled down to the bridge of my nose. A myriad of emotions churned within me. Hope that Paxton could accept my son blossomed in my chest, but at the same time, despair wound its ugly, cold tendrils around my heart as I replayed his mother’s words over and over in my head. Having pit
y for you and your son will never equate to love. Were his soothing words to my son nothing more than pity? He will never accept your son. Neither will his father and I. My son’s acceptance into a loving family was the one thing that I wanted the most.

  The room fell silent, and I assumed that Joseph had fallen back to sleep. A few moments later, Paxton walked around the bed and sat beside me, resting his hand on my waist. I loved the feel of his hands on me, even a simple touch when we were both fully clothed. He gave me a gentle squeeze.

  “Jess, I swear to you,” he said, keeping his voice low and calm, “I never told my mother where you worked.”

  “Then why would she call me a stripper?” The rage I’d felt a moment ago had fizzled into gloominess.

  He shook his head. “I don’t know. Why don’t you start by telling me what happened?”

  I replayed the entire event, leaving nothing out. “As soon as I get this legal trouble taken care of, I’ll save the money to get out of your apartment. With this new job, it shouldn’t take long, especially once the manager lets me work the weekends.”

  “You don’t have to go.”

  “I know, but staying longer than necessary will only make it harder for Joseph and me.”

  He sighed. “Don’t let my mother’s words speak for me. She likes to be in control, and when she’s not, she starts grasping. I’m sorry that she put you through that, and believe me, as soon as our conversation is finished, she’s next. I’m going to get to the bottom of this bullshit and tell her to keep her damn nose out of my business.”

  I smiled sadly. “Your mother’s words are the truth. Well, except for the stripper part.”

  “My mother’s being a shit-stirrer, and she’s damn good at it, too.”

  Twisting around, I wiggled onto my back, so it would be easier to look at him. “But you’re not denying the truth of her words? I mean, she’s right, isn’t she? You would never accept Joseph?”

  He looked away from me and cupped his nape with his palm, pulling against his neck. “I like the little guy.”

  The corners of my lips turned up at his admission. “Liking him and wanting to be a father to him are different things.”