I pursed my lips, a strange mixture of elation and sadness purling in my soul. “I can’t accept your proposal.”
“I’m not letting you go, Jess. You can accept it now, or you can accept it later.”
I touched his face and traced the outline of his beard, his whiskers rough against my fingers. “I know you’ve come a long way with Joseph, but I’m not sure that you’re ready to be a father, that you’re really ready for everything it entails. And I have to be sure.”
He laughed without humor. “I thought it would be pretty clear by now that I wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t ready.”
I shook my head. “I can’t, Paxton.”
“Okay, later works, too.” He kissed my forehead and gathered me close. “You’ve had an exhausting day. Get some rest.”
Given the fact that the love of my life had just asked me to marry him and I had refused, I didn’t expect to sleep, but something about the comfort and warmth of being in his arms and maybe his promise that what happened between us wasn’t the end of it soothed me like the sweetest of lullabies. And before I knew it, my eyes had fluttered closed.
***
I woke with a start, having the oddest sensation of dreaming. The room was pitch black, except for the red numbers on the clock. Squinting, I focused on the time and was shocked when I realized dawn was less than an hour away.
With my heart pounding, I bolted upright. I could see the dim outline of Paxton’s body next to me in the moonlight that streamed through the sheers. The events of the day rushed back to me like the undertow of waves crashing on the beach. It was real. Everything that had happened was real. I slid out of bed, hurrying to Joseph’s crib. Where was my baby?
There was just enough light for me to make out his tiny sleeping form, his hands curled into loose fists, his favorite stuffed animal lying just beyond his reach.
I gently rubbed his back, feeling the need to touch him but not wanting to wake him. My heart swelled with pride to know that this sweet baby belonged to me. My hand lightly touched his chest. I would leave him to sleep, but not until I’d felt him draw in a breath.
Once I was satisfied, I quietly dressed and slipped out of the bedroom. Paxton had left a lamp on, and I walked to the kitchen for a glass of water before slipping out to the balcony. A soft orange glow highlighted the horizon. The symphony of the waves below soothed me, and it was hard to believe something as majestic and awe-inspiring as the ocean could be equally frightening and deadly.
It was a reminder that I was at the mercy of the world. None of us were guaranteed tomorrow. If I had drowned, what would have happened to Joseph?
The thought of leaving him alone in the world made me shudder. My father had never wanted me, and even though my mother had loved me dearly, she had been taken from me much too early. Her loss had devastated me and made the world a much colder and crueler place.
I didn’t want that for my child. I wanted to know that he would be loved if anything ever happened to me.
The sun arced higher in the sky, burning away the mist that hung in the air. I walked back into the condo and put my glass in the sink when I heard Joseph babbling.
When I walked into the room, Paxton, looking disheveled from sleep, had already picked up Joseph. “Morning, Baby J.” Paxton turned toward me, and Joseph slapped his palm against Paxton’s bare chest. “All right, man, I’m awake. You want to find your Mommy?” Pax pointed in my direction. “There she is. There’s Mommy.”
I sighed, the image of him wearing nothing but a pair of gym shorts low on his hips as he held my son warming my heart. My two favorite men still looked sleepy, and they both watched me.
“See Mommy?” Paxton asked, and Joseph turned back toward him, studying his face.
I walked toward them and held my hands out to Joseph. “Come here, baby.”
He smiled, but when I started to pick him up, he grunted and reached for Paxton’s neck.
I put my hands on my hips. “Joseph, you don’t want Mommy?”
Joseph squealed and slapped Paxton’s chest again.
“Sometimes a guy just needs a little male bonding, isn’t that right?” Paxton ruffled his hair, and Joseph giggled.
He tossed Joseph in the air a couple of times, eliciting deep belly laughs from my son.
“Here,” he said, holding Joseph out to me, “I think your Mommy wants to see you, and we’ll do some manly stuff later.”
“Manly stuff?” I asked, lifting my brows.
“That’s right,” Paxton said, making his voice even deeper than normal. “Manly stuff. Lifting weights, bumping chests, watching chicks walk down the beach.”
I took Joseph and balanced him on my hip. “Watching chicks walk down the beach?”
Paxton walked by and slapped me on the butt. “That’s right. I want to see that fine ass clad in a bikini. And I imagine there’ll be a toddler or two out there that Baby J might want to play with.”
Grinning to myself, I turned and watched Paxton walk out of the room. I opened the sheers, allowing the maximum amount of light to stream in. “Let’s change your diaper.”
I picked up the diaper bag from the foot of the crib and set it on the bed. I laid Joseph down and changed his diaper. Noticing his pajama shirt looked a little strange, I examined it more closely and realized it had been put on backward. I knew Seren wasn’t responsible, and I smiled to myself as I pictured Paxton dressing my baby.
When I joined him in the living room, I asked, “Did you put on Joseph’s pajamas?”
“Well, Seren had pajamas on him, but then Baby J and I decided to have a little snack. We walked to the convenience store next door and bought a couple of bananas. Turns out, he likes to smash them between his fingers and wipe them on his shirt.
“So I found an extra set in his diaper bag and changed him.”
An amused grin crossed my face. “Just so you know, you put his shirt on backward.”
Paxton pointed at Joseph. “He’s lucky it’s not on upside down, too. Putting a shirt on a squirming baby is not an easy task.”
Joseph watched him enthusiastically while he talked.
Laughing, I agreed, “You’re right. It’s definitely not easy. Thank you for taking care of him while I was asleep.”
“No problem.” His expression grew serious. “I was just glad you were okay.”
I averted my eyes, a slight smile touching my lips. “Me, too.”
He stood and stretched, and my eyes were drawn to the V-shaped muscles that disappeared beneath his shorts. Our lovemaking the night before had brought us even closer and made it even harder for me to resist him, and he was deliciously handsome. I would never find another man who could attract me the way he did, and even though it was easy to second-guess my decision not to marry him, my main consideration was how my marriage would affect my son. Paxton seemed to be doing all the right things now, but it hadn’t been that long ago when he seemed to have a phobia against children.
I had to be sure for Joseph’s sake.
Paxton rubbed a palm over his bare chest. “It’s our last day here. What do you want to do?”
The corners of my mouth tilted upward. “I know what I don’t want to do.”
“Yeah, I’m not letting you in the ocean, so you can scratch swimming with the sharks off your list.”
“How about a walk on the beach?”
“That’s doable.” He thumbed toward the back of the condo, where his room was. “I’m going to grab a quick shower. I told the guys we’d meet them in the restaurant downstairs for breakfast.”
“I’ll settle Joseph in his crib, then I’ll get ready, too.”
We both showered and changed. Then, we walked downstairs.
Mason and Lexi already had a table, and we joined them.
A moment later, Cade and Seren approached our table, huge smiles on their faces as they chatted with each other. Cade’s arm was stretched across his wife’s back, his hand cupping her shoulder. Their love for each other was obvious, and
my eyes slid to Paxton, who was laughing at something Mason had said. I wondered what the future held for us.
Seren walked around behind me and hugged my neck. “I’m so glad you’re here this morning. You gave us quite the scare yesterday.”
I rubbed her arm. “Thank you. I’m glad to be here, too.” She straightened, leaving her hands resting on my shoulders. I reached over and patted Paxton’s arm. “If it wasn’t for Paxton, I’d be shark food right about now.”
He covered my hand with his. “I’m not letting anything happen to you.”
When I had reached out to Paxton for help, I had never expected it to lead me here, sitting at a table with a group of people I considered my friends and a man who cared enough about me that he risked his own life to save me.
Paxton squeezed my hand, and his eyes met mine and held them, sending a shiver of warmth through my body. My mother was the only person who’d ever been overly protective of me, and now that she was gone, feeling that connection with someone was more enticing than ever.
Seren sat on the other side of Joseph, who was playing with a spoon in his high chair beside me. The large round table made conversation among our entire group easy, and after the server took our drink order, Seren offered to sit with Joseph while the rest of us went to the buffet.
I fixed Joseph a plate first, pieces of banana and a small pile of Cheerios. Then, I went back to fix mine.
Once we were all seated, conversation turned to Hawk and Amber’s wedding.
“I guess their cruise ship is somewhere out in the Caribbean now. I bet they’re loving the ocean view,” Lexi said.
“Ocean view, my ass.” Mason grinned, deep dimples highlighting his cheeks. “I’m sure Hawk’s loving the view, and it doesn’t have one damn thing to do with the ocean.”
The guys chuckled their agreement, and Lexi looked at Seren and me and rolled her eyes. “I swear, is that really all they ever think about?”
“Pretty much,” Seren confirmed.
I smiled, turning my eyes away from them as I thought about making love to Paxton yesterday. A tingling sensation coursed through my thighs, and I squeezed my legs together.
Mason curled his hand around Lexi’s neck and gently pulled her to him, kissing her temple. “I can promise you, love, if we ever go on a honeymoon cruise, I’ll only be interested in one view.”
She glanced at him over her shoulder, her red lips curving into a deep smile. “Are you proposing to me, Mr. Cambridge?”
He held his palms up, his biceps bulging beneath his sleeves. “You gotta give me more credit than that. If I ever propose to you, you’re going to know it.”
Lexi pouted. “If you ever propose to me? That doesn’t sound very promising.”
Mason shot her an infectious grin. “Come on, love.” His face grew solemn as he pushed a wave of dark hair over her shoulder. “It shouldn’t take a ring for you to know you’re my girl. You know I love you.”
Lexi nodded. “I do.” She patted his clean-shaven cheek. “I was just teasing you, but you’re so pretty when you’re spouting words of love.”
He groaned. “What have I told you about calling me pretty? You’re obliterating my manhood.” He waved to indicate the rest of us sitting at the table. “Especially in front of them.” He shook his head in mock despair, his tawny hair brushing across his shoulders.
“Don’t sweat it, man,” Cade said. “I can assure you Lexi’s the only one who thinks your ugly ass is pretty.”
Seren elbowed Cade, and he grunted. “Be nice,” she admonished.
“I was being nice,” Cade defended. “He’s right. Most guys don’t want to be called pretty.” He fist-bumped Mason. “I got your back, you hideous ogre.”
“Thanks, man.”
Joseph cackled, attracting everyone’s attention. He wrinkled his nose and grinned.
“They’re being silly, aren’t they?” Seren asked him.
Even though he had little to no comprehension of what Seren said, Joseph gave an exaggerated nod while trying to stuff a Cheerio in his mouth.
Seren laughed at him, and then she bent over and retrieved something from her purse and handed it to Cade.
He held a small wrapped package in his hands. “What’s this?”
“Open it.” Luxurious blonde hair tinted with red spilled over her shoulders while she watched him eagerly.
He ripped it open and pulled out a mini plastic bow with suction cup arrows. “Very cute, Flanagan, but I hardly think I’ll take down a prize buck with this.” He nocked a plastic arrow and aimed it across the table. “But I could shoot your eye out,” he told Paxton.
“Yeah, you could,” Pax agreed, “but Seren’s awfully young to be a widow.”
Cade laughed, running his hand over his stubbled jaw.
“Here.” Seren handed Cade another gift.
“What’s this? You know it’s not my birthday, right?” Cade asked, raising his brows as he studied his wife’s reaction.
“Yes, I know. Just open it.”
He ripped the paper off and crumpled it, and then he carefully removed the lid to the box. He beamed, his eyes flying back to his wife’s face. “Does this mean what I think it means?”
Seren’s eyes filled with tears, and emotion forced the corners of her mouth downward. “Yes,” she whispered, elation evident on her face.
Cade covered his eyes with his hand, lowering his gaze toward his lap. Seren hooked her slender arm around his muscular one, the contrast between the two making her seem delicate and fragile.
Bracing her hand on his opposite cheek, she pulled him toward her and whispered in his ear, her words meant only for him. He discreetly wiped his eyes and gave his wife a bear hug, his large frame swallowing her. Clinging to her as if he would never let her go, he kissed her multiple times on the cheek and the mouth. “Baby, I love you so much.”
“I love you, too,” she whispered.
When he finally released her, he turned back to the box and held up a tiny camouflage onesie with Daddy’s Little Hunting Buddy embroidered in orange.
Cheers exploded from everyone at the table. They’d been trying for months to get pregnant.
“I don’t know the sex yet,” Seren announced as she laid her hand on her flat stomach, “but I’m thinking he’s a boy.”
Cade pulled her into his embrace again and kissed her cheek. “I don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl. You’re going to be the most amazing mom.”
Emotion overtook her again, and she pressed her lips together as she tried to regain her composure. “And you’re going to be a great dad,” she whispered.
She sighed deeply, and it was as if all her fears and anxieties had been expelled with that one exhalation. I’d never seen her happier or in such a peaceful state of mind. Everything was right in her world, and I couldn’t think of anyone who deserved it more than she did.
Mason stood and clapped his hands together. “This is one helluva day, isn’t it?” He pulled out his wallet. “This meal is on me. I’m going to order some champagne.” He pointed to Seren. “And some ginger ale for our mom-to-be. We have a lot to celebrate.”
Mason walked off, and everyone chattered excitedly as they finished their breakfast.
A few minutes later, Mason returned to the table, carrying a bottle of champagne. Our server came to the table and set several flutes down in front of Mason and delivered one filled with ginger ale to Seren. Mason poured the champagne and passed the flutes around.
Still standing, he held his glass up. “I’d like to propose a toast. To our good friend, Hawk, who’s probably not enjoying the ocean view as we speak and to his lovely wife, Amber. I wish them a long and happy marriage. To Cade and Seren, I can’t think of two people who deserve to be parents more than y’all. Whether you have a boy or a girl, this baby was created out of love, and he or she will be incredibly lucky to call the two of you Mom and Dad.
To Paxton, great rescue yesterday. You’re the man. To Jessica, I’m glad you’re safe and so
und and I’m glad that you and Baby J are here with us today. And to my girl, Lexi, you make the beach a helluva lot more fun. To friends….”
“Hear, hear,” the group chimed as high-pitched clinks filled the air.
As his glass chimed against mine, Paxton’s warm hand slid beneath my hair and cupped my nape. The most glorious feeling of comfort washed over me, and as I looked at the group of people surrounding me, smiles on their faces and laughter in their voices, I remembered all the years I’d been alone.
It was our last day in Gulf Shores, and I didn’t care how I spent it. I was just happy to be surrounded by friends.
Chapter 18
Burn
Paxton
The car was quiet, and the silence left a lot of time for thinking. As I watched through the windshield, I focused on a streetlight in the distance, its light chasing away the darkness on the Interstate.
Baby J was asleep in his car seat in the back, and Jess lay beside me, leaned back in the passenger seat, her face tilted toward me as she slept.
Visions of her dipping beneath the ocean waves haunted me, and I found myself stealing glances of her every chance I could. She seemed less tense in her sleep, a result of being momentarily relieved of all the stresses that came with being a single mother.
My chest filled with admiration as I realized how incredibly proud I was of her. Her life had turned to shit, and I felt responsible for the part I had played. But despite it all, she had kept on fighting, and she was stronger now. The lessons that life had taught her would serve her well as she raised Joseph.
This trip had changed me, and as I analyzed it, I was sure the transformations had been happening for a while. It was like I had been staring at my life through a kaleidoscope and twisting the tube, watching as bits and pieces surfaced and fell away, constantly changing the view.
Hearing Joseph sigh in his sleep from the back seat, I smiled to myself as I pictured him reaching for me at the condo. I glanced over at Jess, her features relaxed as her dark hair tumbled around her pretty face. So it was on this image that my kaleidoscope had landed….
I liked the view.
Betrayed (Whiskey Nights #4) Page 24
