Where the Heart Lies

by Michelle Garren Flye

  “Why?”

  “Huh?” He looked startled.

  “Why? Why would you want to be so helpful to someone you barely know?” She shrugged. “Seriously, high school was a long time ago. And even if you and Ty were best friends back then, it’s been a while. What, twenty years? You really have no obligation to the wife of an old high school buddy after twenty years.” She considered adding, You weren’t even at his funeral, but bit it back. It seemed insensitive after learning what she had from Penny about the local gossip at the time.

  “Ouch.” He leaned back in his chair. “Yeah, twenty years this year.” He paused as if considering. “Ty was more than just a buddy to me. He saw me through a lot of messes. My parents weren’t…well, as parents go, they were good ones, but they weren’t as attentive to what was going on in my life as Ty’s parents were. His mom may have been the only reason I made it through high school at all.”

  Alicia stirred a packet of sweetener in her tea. “Lulu and Penny say you’re an alcoholic.”

  “Recovering for the past eighteen years.” He brandished his glass of diet cola. “And I can probably thank Ty for that too. That accident you keep hearing about shook me up pretty good. I didn’t stop drinking right then, but when I went to college and almost flunked out in the first semester because of all the partying I’d done, I realized I needed to reassess my situation. See, the accident was the reason Ty lost his scholarship, and I knew it could have been me.” He paused, his green eyes dark. “Probably should have been me.”

  “I don’t—”

  He shook his head and held up a hand. “I’m just saying that Ty wasn’t the drunk. I was. We were both stupid that night, no doubt. But the fact of the matter was, I’d’ve been dead without Ty there to pull me out of the truck. He saved my life and for his trouble, he lost everything he’d worked hard for all his life. My parents were well enough off to send me to college. Ty’s parents did the best they could, but Ty took the responsibility for getting there on himself.” He cleared his throat. “He was a good guy. The Marines were lucky to have him.”

  “They were.” Alicia nodded. “No doubt.” She noted his casual reference to Ty didn’t hurt her like most of her new neighbors’ did.

  He leaned across the table. “Now that’s out of the way, tell me: How come you wanted to douse Sandra Benning? What did she do to piss you off?”

  Alicia made an impatient movement. “I’d rather not discuss it.” She winced, remembering the women’s gossip.

  “Let’s discuss our night on the town, then.” At her startled look, he leaned back as if surprised. “Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten.”

  “I didn’t…exactly. I mean, it just hasn’t been a top priority.”

  He looked rueful. “I gathered that from the lack of a ringing phone.”

  Alicia snorted. “I thought you assured me your motives are pure.”

  “They are.” He pursed his lips. “If you’d like I could come up with a safer way for you to make use of your certificate. For instance, maybe you’d rather take Lulu.”

  “Lulu?”

  He widened his eyes innocently. “You mean you didn’t know?”

  “Oh cut it out.” But as soon as she spoke, Alicia realized she had known. “She’s a lesbian. Then her daughter…”

  “From her previous marriage. Kind of ironic she got his sex store in the settlement.”

  Alicia pinned him with a glare but couldn’t really find anything mean-spirited in his attitude or words. He might have been teasing Lulu herself. In fact, she imagined he had probably mentioned the irony thing to Lulu on a previous occasion.

  As if reading her mind, Liam smiled. “Don’t sweat it. Lulu and I are old friends. But you really should go out with me.”

  “How come?” Alicia began methodically stripping paper off a straw.

  “If you don’t, people are going to start talking.”

  She frowned at him. “Why? Seems they’ll talk more about us going out than not.”

  “Who knows what all they might say?” He tilted his head. “They might decide we’re sleeping together in secret. They might wonder why you won’t go out with me. They might even start saying you think you’re too good for me. It could be disastrous.”

  Alicia sighed. “You can’t win for losing around here. No matter what I do, people talk. Believe me, it’s not just you they’re discussing, either. For every gossip who thinks you’re after me, there’s an old lady shaking her head because I’m too merry a widow.”

  “Well, get used to it. It’s a small town, not too much else to do but talk. Let it roll off your back and go on to the next story, that’s my motto.”

  “Like you do.” She paused. “Have you really been sober for eighteen years?”

  “Sober-ish.” At her sharp look, he laughed. “Okay, I fell off the wagon—a lot, actually, in the early years of my recovery. It’s harder than it looks. Not so much for, say, the last ten years. Not at all for the past five.”

  She nodded, turning her attention back to the straw she was peeling. She’d bared long strips of it now. “Some people say anybody who drinks has a problem. I mean, I have a glass of wine every now and then. A beer once in a great while. I had a friend who said anybody who drank any alcohol was an alcoholic.”

  “It’s an interesting argument, but I’ve never felt you have to be a teetotaler, unless you really do have a problem. You just have to know when to stop. I never did. I’d drink until I vomited, wake up in it and go get a beer out of the fridge.”

  “Ooh, now I know you’re coming on to me, Liam Addison.” Alicia extricated the straw and laid the paper out, unfurling the long strips into petals and making a flower. “That’s just such a sexy image.”

  “It was my reality. For a while.” Liam looked out the plate-glass window for a second. Then he leaned forward, beckoning to Alicia with a mischievous glint in his eye. “C’mere.”

  “What?” Alicia leaned forward. “What’s up?”

  “You want to know a secret?” He put his lips close to her ear. His breath was warm and pleasant. “Sandra Benning’s standing right across the street watching us.”

  Alicia gasped. “You’re kidding!” She started to pull away, but he caught her by the shoulder, holding her mere inches away and looking directly into her eyes.

  “This is the perfect opportunity to start getting used to not caring about the gossip.”

  “But there’s nothing to gossip about. Nothing’s going on.”

  “She doesn’t know that. In fact, she’s got to be pretty sure something is going on by now.”

  “Then why are we doing this?” Alicia raised her eyebrows.

  “Because it doesn’t matter what she thinks or says. We know the truth. Are you ready?”

  “For what?”

  “On the count of three, turn your head, smile and wave.” He waggled his eyebrows at her expressively and she giggled. “One…two…three.”

  Alicia and Liam turned their heads and waved cheerfully at Sandra, who was definitely peering at them. She appeared befuddled, started to wave and dropped her cell phone. As she dove for it, Liam cracked up.

  “It’ll take her all afternoon to figure out what to say when she starts the rumor this time.”

  Alicia giggled. “You should be ashamed of yourself. You actually enjoy this, don’t you?”

  “I do. Why else would I want to take you out for dinner and dancing? It’ll set this town back ten years. Everybody will be so busy talking about it they won’t have time to work. The economy might even collapse.”

  “You seem pretty set on this evening out. How come?” She tried not to sound suspicious. “And please be honest with me.”

  His expression turned serious. “You want me to be honest? Okay. This is me being honest. I don’t think my friend would want you
to be too sad for too long. I can’t pretend I knew his heart because we weren’t close anymore. But I know he must have loved you very much.”

  She studied him for a second, then nodded. “And you think it’s your responsibility to take on the task of getting me out of the house.”

  “It’s a tough job I’ve taken on, but I think I’m man enough.”

  Alicia laughed. “Fine then. I never pass up a chance to cause an infrastructure to collapse. Let’s do it.”

  “Really? When?”

  “Friday’s good for me.” Alicia reflected that almost any night was good for her.

  “Friday it is.” Liam held out a hand and Alicia took it, fighting the impulse to look outside to see if Sandra was still watching.

  * * *

  On Thursday, Alicia and Gemma met Lulu and Stella at the park. Stella and Gemma immediately ran to play on the slides and swings with the other children. Alicia gave them an approving look. “It’s so neat how kids make friends, isn’t it? I wish I could do that.” She watched her daughter wistfully for a moment, then motioned to a wooden bench. “We might as well sit in the shade.”

  Jason, asleep in his stroller, didn’t notice as they bumped over the grass to the bench. Alicia took a moment to check on him, pulling the covers up a little and stroking his smooth round head.

  “He seems like a good baby.” Lulu looked at him with a critical air.

  “He is.” Alicia smiled fondly at her son. “Very adaptable. He doesn’t care if he’s out or at home, he’ll nap anywhere when the time comes.”

  “That’s good.” Lulu nodded. “I’ve heard the second child has to be that way, though. Must be a survival instinct.”

  “I guess.” Alicia turned the stroller so Jason faced away from the sun and looked at Lulu, still thinking about that childlike ability to make friends in a flash. Did it stem from an ability to trust easily? “So how’s business?”

  “Never better.” Lulu sounded enthusiastic. “I’ve seen most of the leading ladies of our society in the store and some of the leading men. Of course, I’m not a gossip, so I won’t mention any names.”

  “Of course.” Alicia knew it wouldn’t take much to encourage Lulu to spill the beans, but she didn’t really care, anyway. Instead she watched the girls playing, glad for a moment to be quiet.

  “Alicia?”

  Startled, Alicia turned to see her neighbor Lauran. “Oh hi, Lauran.”

  “I thought that was you.” Lauran stared at Lulu. “Hi.”

  “Lauran, do you know Lulu? Her daughter Stella and Gemma have become good friends.” Alicia put her hand on Lulu’s arm, feeling protective.

  “Oh, I know who she is.” Lauran gave Lulu a look that barely stayed on the right side of civil.

  Lulu rolled her eyes and stood. “Okay, I’ll go check on the girls, huh?”

  Alicia frowned at Lauran as Lulu walked away. “I’m sorry, is there a problem?”

  “Honey, you do know who that woman is? You know what kind of store she owns?” Lauran shook her head, her mouth set in a prim line. “Not exactly the type you want to hang around much. Not that I should be surprised. Between her and Liam Addison, you really know how to pick ’em.”

  Anger surged through Alicia, heating her face. “I think I ‘pick ’em’ just fine, Lauran. Thanks.”

  “I’m just trying to warn you, as a good neighbor, who in this town should be avoided. You’re new here, and believe me, Ty wouldn’t want you falling in with this kind of bad element.” Lauran lowered her voice. “And you know she’s a lesbian, don’t you? And you’re an attractive single woman. You don’t want to be taken advantage of.”

  Alicia bit back an angry reply, taking a deep breath before saying, “Maybe I have fallen in with the ‘bad element’ as you put it, but they’re the ones who seem most interested in being friendly around here. I’ll be very careful not to let them draw me into any nefarious doings, though.”

  Taking hold of Jason’s stroller, she pushed him through the grass to where Lulu had found a spot at a picnic table in the shade. Her breath still came quickly and her cheeks burned with anger. When she met Lulu’s eyes, she laughed at the startled look on her friend’s face. “Sorry. Nosy neighbors bug me.”

  “Honey, you better get used to it in this town. There’s nothing but nosy neighbors around here, and most of them are retired with nothing better to do than hand out unwanted advice. Don’t go alienating yourself on my account, though.”

  Alicia nodded, uncertain how to proceed. She remembered first grade. The “special” children who took physical education with the rest of the class. The gym teacher had presented the extra children like an opportunity, but the kids hadn’t fallen for it. At six and seven years old, they sensed something different about these kids. And though they knew it was wrong and not true, not a single one of them wasn’t afraid they would catch “it” if they were in too close contact.

  “Are you okay?” Lulu interrupted her thoughts and Alicia sat up straighter, trying to pretend she didn’t feel the same way she had in first grade.

  “Sure. I’m fine.” She smiled brightly.

  “You’re not. Your nosy neighbor’s got you wondering if I invited you over to see if you were into girls.”

  Alicia raised her eyebrows, feigning innocence though Lulu had struck close enough to the mark to unsettle her. “Into girls? You mean our girls?”

  The other woman threw back her head and laughed. “Seriously? You expect me to believe that all that worry I see so plainly on your face is about whether or not our girls are going to get along?” She jerked a finger over her shoulder and Alicia’s gaze was drawn back to the two young girls playing happily.

  “Okay, maybe not.” Alicia sighed. “I like to pretend I’m a woman of the world, though, and you’re ruining that image. I’ve never had a gay friend before.”

  “Sorry to hear that.” Lulu looked away for a moment, then turned back without a sign of her normal humor. “But you should know you’ve got nothing to worry about.”

  “I’m not your type?” Alicia raised her eyebrows.

  “Honey, you’d be anybody’s type.” Lulu’s tone was frankly admiring and Alicia blushed, then giggled.

  “Thanks.” She sobered. “So, how did you know, if you don’t mind me asking?”

  “What, that I was gay?” Lulu looked thoughtful. “I think I always knew. Even when I was a little girl. You know how when you were a little girl and would read fairytales and dream of a prince rescuing you?” When Alicia shrugged and nodded, Lulu continued, “Well, I loved fairytales, but more because of the princesses. I loved how beautiful they always were. It was never the prince that carried me off. In my dreams I’d run away with the princess.”

  Alicia considered this for a minute, then shook her head. “That doesn’t sound very, well, gay. It just sounds like a young girl’s innocent daydreams.”

  “They were innocent. And I didn’t know other girls didn’t think the same way for a long time. Being homosexual isn’t just a sexual thing, although it’s often confused with that. Just like a relationship between a man and a woman, a committed gay or lesbian couple are often best friends with many common interests other than sexual orientation.” She shrugged. “At least, I assume. I have yet to find that special someone to share my life with.”

  “Oh.” Alicia watched her daughter sliding down the slide, reddish-gold hair flying behind her and laughing as if all the fun there was to be had in the world was right there on that playground. She wondered what secret dreams and desires her young heart harbored and was a little ashamed of herself for hoping they included a prince. She sighed, remembering that even when you found a prince, he didn’t always bring a happily ever after ending with him.

  Lulu touched her arm and when Alicia turned to her, she said quietly, “If there’s one thing being gay
has taught me, it’s that there’s a happy ending out there somewhere. It may not be right where I believed it would be, but if I follow the story all the way through, I’ll find it.”

  Alicia nodded and hoped it was true for her friend, though she doubted it would be for her.

  Chapter Eight

  Gemma didn’t have school on Friday, so Alicia stayed home too. All morning, she migrated between the backyard where Gemma played and her closet or the kitchen. Once she picked up the telephone to cancel the date with Liam but hung up after dialing two numbers. “What’s wrong with me?” she muttered to herself. “It’s not a real date.”

  At lunchtime, Alicia fixed peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. As she cut Gemma’s in half, she realized she didn’t have anything to leave for Amy to make for dinner. “Gemma, babe, I’m leaving Amy some money for pizza tonight.”

  Gemma pouted. “I want a grilled cheese.”

  “Honey, I just used the last of the bread on your sandwich. And you love cheese pizza.”

  Gemma wrinkled her nose. “Yeah, but last time Amy got sausage on her half.”

  “So?” Alicia noted that her daughter’s lip stuck out an impressive distance. “That’s her half.”

  “But it stinks, and it smells up my half.”

  Alicia laughed. “You’ve got to be kidding me.” A look at her daughter’s frown drew a sigh of resignation from her. “Fine. Finish your lunch and we’ll shop for bread and cheese before Jason goes down for his nap. I’m still leaving Amy money for pizza, though.”

  “She won’t use it. She felt bad last time, but I told her I didn’t want hot dogs again. She says you don’t have the money to buy her dinner.” Gemma, having gotten what she wanted, stuffed a bit of sandwich into her mouth and chewed, looking calmly at her mother. “She says we need somebody to look after us. Can we ask Mr. Liam, Mommy?”

  Choking on the chip she’d just taken a bite of, Alicia reached for her soda. After several minutes of coughing and trying to wash the razor-sharp bit of chip out of her esophagus, she turned her tearing eyes to her daughter, unsure if she should laugh or just go ahead and cry since she’d already made the tears. “Honey, what would make you ask me that?” she finally managed in a relatively calm voice.