Pursuit For Lucidity (Crashing Waves)

by Marie Jem

  “It’s really nice outside. Let’s have our wine on the veranda,” he said, taking my hand and pulling me outside. We sat side by side on the swing and sipped slowly. “Claire, I don’t want this weekend to end. I had an amazing time. Thank you for everything. It was such a nice surprise. I had no idea you had planned a weekend getaway. Here is to many more weekends and endless birthdays to share together,” he said as his wine glass met mine. “I love you, Claire,” he added.

  “I love you too, Alex,” I replied.

  He poured us another glass of wine and went inside to put the laundry in the dryer. “I wonder how this week is going to be at work, Alex. Running into Mark was very interesting last night. I hope I’m not going to be the topic of gossip at the hospital this week,” I said.

  “If I hear any rumors, I will pull him aside and let him know he needs to shut his mouth,” he replied. “Hopefully, he will just let it go and find himself another woman to pursue,” he added.

  “Yeah, I hope so too. I think he got the picture last night though.” I told Alex.

  “I think so too,” he said, smiling.

  “If this wine doesn’t put me to sleep after that long nap, then there’s no hope out there for me tonight. I wish you had awakened me sooner. I’m afraid of the possible insomnia tonight,” I said.

  “Don’t worry, baby. I know a few ways I can get you to fall asleep,” he said with a huge grin and poured me the last of the wine. The last glass was starting to get to me. I went inside and sat on the sofa, with my feet up on the ottoman, and turned on the television. Alex continued with the next load of laundry and joined me. The news channels had nothing but bad news regarding murders, suicides, a nanny murdering the children she was supposed to take care of.

  “How depressing is this world, Alex?” I asked. “I feel bad for the children of the future,” I added.

  “I agree completely. Do you want to have children, Claire? I mean, have you ever thought about your future with or without children?” he asked.

  “I love children, and yes, I would like to have two, preferably one of each,” I replied. “But I don’t know if I would trust anyone to care for them other than my husband and myself and our immediate family members,” I added.

  “I wouldn’t mind having six children. Three of each would be nice,” he said, grinning.

  “Wow, good luck finding yourself a baby momma,” I joked. “Sounds like you need to find yourself a walking uterus with a head instead of a woman,” I added. Alex laughed.

  “Okay, fine, four children,” he compromised.

  “We really need to find you that walking uterus,” I said.

  Alex laughed again, “Okay, okay, three will be good enough.”

  “Three is not bad. I’m sure you can find a woman who will agree to birth your three babies,” I smiled.

  “I really like it when you’re tipsy, Claire. You should drink more often,” he said as he pulled me closer to him, turning my face toward him with his hand on my chin. He leaned closer and started kissing me softly. His lips were so warm and soft I wanted to kiss him for hours. His hands made their way inside my top, lifting it up and off. He unclasped my bra with one hand, unbuttoning and unzipping my jeans with the other. I could hardly catch my breath before I was completely naked and Alex was on top of me, his hands everywhere.

  “Let’s make a baby, Claire,” he said. I jumped up.

  “What? No! Why would you say something like during, you know, during an intimate moment, Alex?” I asked, frustrated.

  “I’m sorry, it just came out. I just thought,” he replied before I cut him off.

  “It scared me, Alex. Please don’t do that again,” I replied.

  “Geez, Claire, I thought you had a sense of humor. I just thought it would be funny after the conversation we had earlier,” he clarified.

  “Well, it wasn’t funny. We’ve only been together a few months. We just started having sexual relations two days ago and we’re not married. I just got a job after all those years of school. So no, it wasn’t funny at all. I do have a sense of humor, but not when it comes to something so serious taken so lightly by you, Alex,” I chastised.

  “I’m going to bed, Claire. You can join me after you lighten up a bit,” he replied and headed upstairs. I put my clothes back on and stayed downstairs for a while thinking about what had just occurred. Had I overreacted? I cleaned up downstairs and headed up about twenty minutes after Alex. He was sitting on my bed, playing games on his tablet. I sat next to him, thinking about how to begin saying what I wanted to say to him.

  “Alex, I’m sorry I overreacted. I was thinking about making an appointment to see a gynecologist. I haven’t been back ever since the rape and this is a good time to get over that fear. I think it would ease some of my concerns if I started taking the pill and we wouldn’t have to worry about other methods of protection in the heat of the moment,” I said, nervously.

  “Look, Claire, I don’t want you to take the pill when I’m more than okay with using a condom. I understand I’m much older than you are and did not realize that you may be too young to want a child. I promise never to bring that up again. It was the wrong joke at the wrong time,” he admitted. “Turn off the light and come next to me,” he commanded.

  I turned off the light and undressed, leaving only my bra and panties. Alex peeled those off as soon as I got into bed, making love to me until I was so tired that I slept until morning.

  Chapter 9

  The beautiful weekend had officially come to an end as the early morning alarm went off for Alex to get ready for work. Before he headed downstairs, he kissed me goodbye, “I miss you already, baby. Have a good day at work,” he said and headed out. I was able to sleep for another forty-five minutes before I had to get up.

  I called Katherine on my way to work as I had promised. “So, tell me, tell me. How was your lovely weekend with Alex?” she asked.

  “It was very lovely, Kathy. Everything worked out exactly as I had planned and even better.” I saved the details for another day when we would see one another in person. She was very excited to hear that Alex and I had finally become intimate, which was another step in the right direction for me, healing wise. We talked and talked until I was almost at work. I told Katherine I would try to get together with her for lunch one day, so we could continue our conversation.

  I reminded myself to make a gynecologist appointment to make our sex life easier and child free, at least for the time being. I recalled the events of the night before and how I had reacted to Alex’s joke about making a baby. I didn’t think I had overreacted. It would have been different if Alex and I had been together for a few years and were married, but planning to have a baby with a man I had only been seeing for a couple of months was completely out of the question.

  I parked my car in the employees only parking garage and walked the long distance to the administration department. Evelyn greeted me with a warm smile, notifying me there was a surprise on my desk. I wondered what it could be. As I walked to my desk, I noticed a gigantic floral arrangement. Oh no, I thought. I hope to God this is from Alex and not from Mark. It was from Alex. Laura was beaming with a huge smile on her face. “Good morning, princess. Open the card, go ahead open it,” she sounded impatient.

  My dear, beautiful Claire,

  Thank you for the most amazing weekend of my entire life. Spending my birthday with you made me realize how much I would love to spend all my birthdays with you.

  I love you,

  Alex

  Laura started speaking before I even read the name on the card, “I guess your weekend turned out to be spectacular. Let’s do lunch, so you can tell me all about it,” she said. I agreed to join her for lunch at our falafel place that day. I wanted to text Alex, but I knew he was in the operating room that morning. I decided I’d text him anyway, as he would get it after his surgery was complete.

  The flowers are beautiful, Alex. Thanks so much! I love you.

  During lunch, I t
old Laura about the encounter with Mark on Saturday night at the nightclub. “Of all the places in Hollywood, that had to be his usual hangout?” she asked, laughing. “Honestly, Claire, that was a good thing. He will leave you alone now. And you know it was eating Alex alive that you wouldn’t let him tell Mark about the two of you,” she added.

  “I know, I do agree with that. I just hope he doesn’t start rumors and tries to mess with my career. That’s what I get for dating a colleague, right?” I asked.

  “No, it’s okay, Claire. It’s not like you work in the same department with him. Imagine if I was a guy and you were dating me and we work side by side every single day. That would suck, wouldn’t it? Imagine if we had a nasty breakup,” she giggled. Laura always knew how to make me laugh when I was worried about something. My cell phone beeped with a new text message. It was from Alex.

  They’re not as beautiful as you. I love you too. See you tonight.

  Lunchtime was over, so Laura and I walked back to the hospital. She had to make a trip to the gift shop to pick up a few things for her mother’s birthday, so I took the elevator and headed back to work. The elevator stopped on the second floor and as the doors opened, Mark stepped inside.

  “Hey, looks like we’ve been running into each other quite a bit lately, haven’t we?” He asked with his evil look. “Claire, what is it that you see in Alex Blake? You could do so much better. You could be with someone like me. I put people back together by reconstructing their bones. Doesn’t that turn you on more than a plastic surgeon?” He asked with his high self-esteem. He was so sure of himself, but had absolutely no reason to be. The elevator doors opened on the floor I was headed to and I slipped out quickly without saying a word to Mark. I didn’t care what kind of a surgeon he was. I didn’t care if he conquered the world. He was seductive and that was what he did to women to get them to like him. I decided I would not breathe a word of what had just happened to Alex.

  I was anxious for Laura to come back, so I could tell her about my encounter with Mr. Crazy in the elevator. She advised that I should tell Alex, since it was always best not to keep things hidden from the other half. I told her I would think about it, but I wasn’t sure what I was going to do.

  I asked Laura if she knew of a good gynecologist I could see and she recommended her gynecologist, who was across the street at the clinic. She told me how gentle and sweet she was.

  “Her name is Dr. Holmes and she’s the best. She’s been practicing for over twenty five years,” she noted. I called to see when the first available appointment was. She had a cancellation that day at four thirty, so I asked Walter if it would be okay if I left thirty minutes early for a doctor’s appointment. He was fine with it, so I took the appointment. I was so nervous, since I hadn’t been to the gynecologist since the attack. I was petrified. Laura assured me that it was going to be fine and that Dr. Holmes was very understanding and she wouldn’t hurt me.

  Four thirty finally came and I ran across the street to the clinic. It was the same building Alex worked in on the days he had consultations and follow up visits. I took the elevator to the third floor and walked to the doctor’s suite. The friendly receptionist greeted me.

  “Please sign in and have a seat. We will ask you to come inside just as soon as a room is available,” she said.

  I sat there for a few minutes, waiting for my name to be called. “Claire Morgan,” the nurse opened the waiting room door and asked me to walk to the back with her. She weighed me and took my temperature, asked when my last menstrual period was, and how many times a week I exercised. “Right this way, please,” she said as I followed her to the exam room. “Here is the gown. Please undress completely, including your bra and panties and put this on. It ties in the back,” she demonstrated and left the room, leaving me to undress and wait for the doctor.

  There was a knock on the door, followed by a very pleasant older woman in a white lab coat. She held out her hand and greeted me, “Hi, I’m doctor Holmes. It’s nice to meet you, Miss Morgan,” she said. “Okay, let’s see, I understand you are interested in the birth control pill. I will prescribe one that will work great for you,” she replied. I asked her questions about the pill and how it should be taken. She was very informative and professional and extremely gentle. I was glad I had made that appointment. She gave me a prescription for the pill and asked me to pick it up in the pharmacy on the first floor.

  I took the elevator to the pharmacy and checked in my prescription. I had a seat and waited for my name to come on the electronic board when my medication was ready to be picked up.

  “Claire?” I turned my head to find Alex standing next to me. “What’s wrong? Are you feeling okay? What are you doing here?” he asked, puzzled.

  “I’m fine, Alex. Remember last night I told you I wanted to make an appointment for the pill?” I whispered.

  Alex sat on the chair next to me, “Oh yeah, I’m sorry. I forgot about that. I was just afraid you weren’t feeling well. How did it go? Which doctor did you see?” he asked.

  “I saw Dr. Holmes. She was great, very sweet and patient. I’m just waiting for my pills so I can head out. Are you on your way out?” I asked him.

  “Yeah, I’m done for the day. I’m glad your visit went well. See, you were able to overcome that fear as well. I love you. See you at home, baby,” he said and gave me a quick kiss.

  About ten minutes later my prescription was ready for pick up and I walked back across the street to my car. I ran into Taryn in the employee parking structure.

  “Oh, hello Clara,” she said. It’s Claire, you bitch! I wanted to say, but I bit my tongue. I decided to take another route.

  “Oh, hello, Tara,” I replied. She frowned, adding more fine lines to her forehead. “Have a great night,” I added and sat in my car. I didn’t look her way, but I could feel her glaring at me. That evil glare confirmed that Mark had told her about Alex and I.

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  I was surprised to find a warm bubble bath drawn for me by Alex. He had picked up some dinner from a local café because he did not have time to cook a fancy dinner.

  “Hi, baby. Why don’t you take a warm bath and come back down for dinner,” he said. I soaked in that tub for such a long time that Alex had to come upstairs to check on me to make sure I was okay. He sat at the edge of the tub and we talked about our day.

  “How was your day?” he asked. I told him about my day at work, leaving out my encounter with Mark in the elevator. I didn’t want to set him off and have another argument. We still needed to cool down from the misunderstanding about baby making from the night before. “Tell me about your appointment. How did that go?” he asked.

  “My appointment went very good, actually. I really liked Dr. Holmes and felt comfortable with her. The last time I had to visit the gynecologist was horrific. It was like torture, testing me for all kinds of sexually transmitted diseases to make sure I hadn’t contracted anything from the rapist. I had to go back a few months later for retesting, but thank God I was okay. So today’s appointment was a big step forward in the healing process for me and I’m so happy and relieved that I was able to get through it and overcame that fear,” I explained.

  “I’m really happy for you, baby. I wouldn’t have minded accompanying you to your appointment, though. You know you can always count on me to stand by you during a difficult situation,” he assured.

  “Thank you, Alex. I know I can count on you, but I didn’t want to keep you from the clinic and the appointment was only given to me last minute due to a cancellation on Dr. Holmes’s schedule,” I explained. Alex helped me out of the tub and I slipped into something comfortable to join him for dinner downstairs. I didn’t have much of an appetite that night. I didn’t want Alex to feel bad that I wasn’t eating the food he had ordered, so I forced myself to eat a little bit of it.

  “What’s wrong, baby? You’re not hungry tonight?” he asked.

  “Not really, I don’t know why. I didn’t eat too much during lunch eit
her. I’ve been feeling weird for the past few days, a little anxious. I have that feeling that something bad is going to happen. I hate when I get that feeling, but I can’t help it,” I replied. Alex put down his fork, a worried look on his face.

  “Hey, come here,” he said, pulling me onto his lap. “Why do you think something bad is going to happen? Nothing bad is going to happen, okay? Only good things are going to happen,” he assured.

  “I know, I know, I keep telling myself that, but the last time I felt this way, it was right before my grandmother passed away. So you can see how difficult it is not to think that way,” I replied.

  “Everything is going to be fine, I promise,” he said, kissing my cheek. “Do you want to try eating a few more bites?” he asked.

  “Alex, you’re so cute, you sound like a parent trying to convince their child to eat vegetables,” I laughed. Alex laughed with me and didn’t try to force feed me anymore that night.

  “Oh, before I forget to tell you, my housekeeper is going to come here tomorrow morning. She will start cleaning right after we both leave and will lock up and leave after she’s done cleaning,” he notified me.

  “Alex, that won’t be necessary. I like cleaning my place myself. You didn’t have to hire a cleaning service,” I replied.

  “Baby, I don’t want you tiring yourself out from cleaning when there are people out there who clean for a living. You will love her. Her name is Marcia and she has been working for me for many years,” he said.

  It didn’t look like I was going to win that argument with Alex about Marcia, since he had already made the appointment with her. He had the personality of a true surgeon, always in charge. Some would call him controlling, but I tried not to think of him that way. To me, he was just a man who knew what he wanted and there was no way to stop him from getting it. My home phone rang. It was my mother.