Pursuit For Lucidity (Crashing Waves)

by Marie Jem

  When Laura returned from her meeting, I told her of my encounter with Alex. I was so angry that she said my face was flushed. “Claire, you’re not thinking clearly. It’s so difficult to find a job right now. You would be crazy if you did that,” she advised. I had no choice but to stay and stick it out. I would pray and pray until Alex left me the hell alone.

  I was excited when it was time to leave work and head to dance class. I changed into my dance clothes and headed for the parking lot. I took a peek around my car to see if Alex was there, but thankfully he wasn’t. I quickly got into my car and drove to the dance studio. Stefano smiled when he saw me enter the studio.

  “Hi, buddy. How’s it going?” he asked.

  “It’s going pretty good, thanks,” I replied.

  When I saw Stefano, I was immediately reminded of the Halloween costume that I had yet to find. I decided I would stop by the Halloween store on my way home to see what I could find.

  Dance class was fun but difficult that night. I wondered if the early morning run had anything to do with that. After the difficult hour of dance choreography, it was time to head out. Stefano asked if I wanted to hang out with him, but I declined, reminding him I had quite a drive to get home and had to work the following morning.

  The Halloween store was on my way home, so I stopped by in hopes that I would find a costume that interested me. There were so many choices that it was difficult to decide which one I liked more. I walked down another isle and found the perfect costume. It was a flapper girl costume. The dress was ivory and very short with beautiful black fringe all over it. It included matching black satin gloves. I also picked up a pair of fish net stockings, a feather for my hair, and a short, black wig with bangs to complete the costume. I had many pairs of very sexy black shoes at home, so that part would be easy.

  I felt so relieved to have found a costume and was confident that I would definitely make it to that party. I called Stefano on my drive home to let him know I had a costume.

  “That’s great, what are you going to be?” he asked.

  “Oh, I can’t tell you. You will just have to wait and see,” I replied.

  “Not even a hint?” he asked.

  “Nope. Not even a hint. I have a feeling you will like it, though,” I assured him.

  <><><>

  I realized how exhausted and hungry I was when I got home. The first thing I did was make myself a sandwich, since I had skipped lunch, thanks to Alex. I drew a nice, warm bath, and soaked in it until I looked like a human prune. I was so tired that I feared I would fall asleep in that bathtub, so I stepped out and stepped into my robe. I headed downstairs and enjoyed some hot tea on the verandah. It was another cold night, but it felt really good on my skin. I decided to call Calvin to see how he was doing after our dinner.

  “Hey Cal, how are you?” I asked.

  “Hey yourself. I’m pretty good, how about you? You sound a bit down,” he said.

  “I’m just really tired from work and dance and everything. Have you decided when you want to tell mom, dad and Kyle about it?” I asked.

  “I will try to set up a family dinner at mom and dad’s with all of you there. You have to sit right next to me and hold my hand. I’m going to be so nervous, I may pass out,” he said.

  “I will be right there next to you, supporting you and holding your hand if needed. Just tell me when and where and I will be there, okay?” I replied.

  “Thanks, sis. See why you’re the first one I told? You’re just such an understanding person. I’m really lucky to have a sister like you,” he said.

  “Thanks, Cal. I love you. Let me know if you need anything,” I replied before we hung up.

  I put my tea aside and decided it was one of those nights that required a glass of wine. I was feeling a little down, as recollections of Alex were flooding up my mind. Life would have been so much easier if I had the same feelings for Stefano as I did for Alex. Then I would begin a relationship with Stefano and wouldn’t care about running into Alex almost daily. But love didn’t work that way. Love had to be difficult and painful, especially for me.

  With a glass of chilled wine by my side, my feet up on the ottoman, and the remote in my hand, I sipped away. I flipped through the channels on the television, but nothing caught my attention. I turned on the news to see what the world was up to. There was nothing but storms, homicides, plane crashes, and other depressing events all around the world. I decided to call it a night and headed upstairs. The following day would be a new day and I realized I had to live my life day for day and enjoy every moment as it came to me.

  <><><>

  My morning was a difficult one, since I had slept in an extra thirty minutes. My shower was very short and I didn’t have time to make myself a smoothie. The traffic was even worse, since I had left later than usual. The second I arrived at my desk, Laura came to me with tickets to a fashion show for that Saturday.

  “Claire, please say you’ll go with me. My mom and my sister aren’t going to be able to make it and I don’t want to go alone. It’s really nice, I promise. We go every year and it’s at the Beverly Hills Hotel,” she pleaded.

  “I don’t know, Laura. Is it all day?” I asked as if I had plans.

  “Do you have to be somewhere on Saturday? Isn’t the Halloween party next Saturday?” she asked.

  “Oh yeah, that’s next Saturday. I don’t have any plans for this Saturday. I guess I can go with you, sure,” I replied as Laura began to jump up and down.

  “Thank you, thank you, thank you. The food is great and the show is very glamorous. Dress sexy because all the rich ladies go in their fabulous expensive dresses and shoes. Oh, some even wear hats and gloves and all that stuff,” she explained.

  I laughed, “Gotcha,” I said and began my day at work thinking about how the fashion show would be on Saturday. I had never been to a fashion show, so I was looking forward to it. I wasn’t going to wear a hat or gloves, but I would dress very nicely, I decided.

  Laura was very happy after I told her I would go with her. She knew I hadn’t eaten anything that morning, so she brought me a croissant from the coffee cart downstairs.

  “Thank you, Laura. You’re so thoughtful,” I thanked her.

  “You’re welcome, my dear. Oh, I didn’t ask you if you had your coffee this morning or not. I would have brought you some coffee to go with that croissant,” she said.

  “No, thank you, Laura. I should drink more water and herbal tea. I haven’t been drinking enough water lately. That’s probably why I get tired, so quickly when I run or dance. I need to rehydrate myself because I do sweat a lot from all that exercise,” I explained.

  When I opened my email, I noticed there was one from Mark Kohler.

  Claire,

  How about lunch today?

  Mark Kohler, M.D.

  Orthopedic Surgery

  Downtown Memorial Hospital

  I thought he would have figured out by then that he was the last person on earth that I would have lunch with.

  Dr. Kohler,

  I am very busy during lunch today and every other day that I work here.

  Claire Morgan, MHA

  Administrative Assistant to

  Walter Wells, CEO

  Downtown Memorial Hospital

  I didn’t receive a response after my email to Mark. There was never a dull moment with that man. No matter how much someone rejected him, he kept trying to get what he wanted. I wondered if he ever got tired from doing that. He thought he was God’s gift to women, but he was very far from that.

  <><><>

  That night after ballet class on my drive home, it began to rain. We had more rain that year than I recalled ever having in California. I was glad to have gotten the Halloween costume shopping out of the way, so I wouldn’t have to worry about it. As soon as I got home, I showered and tried on the costume. It fit perfectly and I had a lot of fun with it, trying on different accessories. After I was done playing around with the costume, I took it off a
nd put it away, so that it didn’t get ruined before the Halloween party.

  Another thing on my list was to figure out what to wear to the fashion show I would be going to with Laura. I noticed the beautiful dresses that Alex had bought for me on his birthday. My decision came down to one of the chocolate brown Nicole Miller dresses that Alex had purchased for me. It was the perfect color for the season and not as short as the other dresses. It would be the perfect match with my patent leather nude peep toe Christian Louboutin shoes. It wasn’t too much and not too little.

  I heard the rain pouring down hard outside and was thankful to be indoors and not driving. I made myself a warm hot cocoa with a lot of marshmallows on top and enjoyed that while I listened to the rain. I checked the forecast for the following days and it looked like more rain was ahead. I hoped it would clear up by Saturday like the meteorologists predicted. I wouldn’t want to freeze in a tiny dress at a fashion show on a cold and rainy day and I definitely didn’t want to have to wear a heavy coat. I headed for bed after flipping through every single channel on television and not coming across anything I really wanted to watch. It took a long time for sleep to find me, most likely from the hot cocoa that was still in my system. After a long and hard fight, sleep finally found me.

  <><><>

  I awakened early the following morning, since I knew traffic would be heavy from all the rain. I made it to work safely and described my dress for the fashion show to Laura to get her stamp of approval. She said it sounded perfect and she was going to wear something similar, not too fancy and not casual.

  “You’re going to have a lot of fun, Claire. I’ve been going with my mom and sister for years,” she assured.

  “I’m looking forward to it. Let me know if you can go to lunch today,” I replied. I still hadn’t received an email from Mark after my last response. I was glad I hadn’t heard from him and hoped he would give up. Lunchtime came quickly and Laura and I went to the Cuban deli to eat. Laura mentioned that Walter seemed very stressed the last few weeks.

  “It’s like he’s not himself. I wonder if all CEO’s are completely stressed out like he is. I think I would rather make a little amount of money and keep my sanity,” she said.

  “I agree. I guess you and I are in the sane income category,” I laughed.

  “Yes, we are. Sanity is important these days with all the crazy people surrounding us,” she said.

  I had a big appetite that day because I hadn’t eaten much the day before. I knew I would have to fill up on healthy foods to make it through Stefano’s hip hop class that night. Laura and I finished our lunch and walked out of the deli. As we entered the hospital, I noticed Alex standing near the elevator, his back to us, speaking to someone on his cell phone, “I’m trying to help you, but you won’t let me. I don’t want to get a phone call from the police one day to let me know you’re dead,” we heard Alex say to whoever was on the other end of the phone. Laura and I looked at one another wide eyed.

  We continued to the elevator and Alex noticed we were there. He finished his conversation quickly and hung up. He looked very agitated and uncomfortable. I pressed the button to the elevator and waited quietly with Laura.

  “Hello, ladies,” he said.

  “Hi, Alex,” I replied. Laura just smiled without saying anything.

  “Coming back from lunch?” he asked.

  “Yes, we are. You too?” I asked.

  “No, just forgot something upstairs. I was on my way to the clinic,” he replied. Just then the elevator doors opened to our floor and Laura and I stepped out. “See you later,” he said.

  “Yeah, bye,” I replied.

  “Aw, Claire. He’s so in love with you. It’s written all over his face. He has puppy eyes when you’re around. It’s so obvious he’s been such a complete mess since you two broke up. He’s beginning to look like a caveman. He needs a haircut and a clean shave. Poor guy,” she frowned.

  “Oh, stop, Laura,” I giggled. “But you’re right about the caveman thing. He looks pitiful, doesn’t he? He’s just not the Alex that I knew. I can’t help but think what goes around comes around. He wouldn’t have been in this situation if he hadn’t done that to me,” I replied, bitterly.

  “I’m a big believer in karma, too,” she replied.

  “Let’s go back to work and stop talking about Alex. I’d rather talk about work than Alex,” I said.

  I felt so drowsy the remainder of the day. The weather wasn’t helping at all. The rain had lightened up, but it was so overcast outside that it brought down my mood. I looked out the window next to my desk and noticed how hazy it was outside that I couldn’t even see the buildings I could normally see on any other day. The beautiful view had been altered due to the weather. I was desperate for a pick me up, so I grabbed a cup of coffee to get me through the second half of the day. Otherwise, I didn’t think I would be able to make it to dance class.

  Looking outside into the overcast day made me realize that I couldn’t live somewhere like Seattle where it was almost always dreary. I loved California, especially for the perfect weather we had almost year round. I would just have to be patient until it cleared up.

  The time finally arrived and I changed into my dance clothes before heading for the parking lot. I noticed Alex backing out of the parking lot while I walked to my car. I wondered why he hadn’t been parking across the street in the clinic parking lot. He slowed down when he saw me walking and rolled down his window.

  “Another dance class?” he asked.

  I just nodded without saying anything. He must have noticed that I was in no mood to have a conversation and just wanted to leave.

  “I’ll see you around. Drive safely,” he said and drove away. I continued to my car and sat inside for a few minutes before I started the engine. I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly and began to drive to the studio.

  Julietta was sitting at the reception desk speaking to one of the dancers. Her face lit up as she saw me enter the studio.

  “The beautiful Claire is here,” she announced with a big smile. “How are you, my dear?” she asked.

  “I’m doing pretty good, Julietta, thank you. How are you doing?” I asked.

  “Well, you know, this weather makes my joints ache. You will know what I’m talking about when you’re my age, dear,” she replied.

  “Oh, I’m sorry. I hope you feel better,” I replied and headed inside the studio. Stefano was upstairs in the loft area and waved to me to join him. I waved back and took the stairs up.

  “What’s up, buddy?” he asked, smiling.

  “Hello, my friend, nothing much. How are you? I don’t like the weather one bit to be honest and neither does your mother,” I noted.

  “Yeah, I know, she has arthritis. So, you’re really not going to tell me what your costume is, huh?” he asked.

  “Of course not. Don’t you want to be surprised?” I asked.

  “Okay, give me a hint. Is it sexy?” he asked.

  “Why does it matter if it’s sexy or not? I’m not your girlfriend, remember?” I replied.

  “Don’t tell me it’s something gory. Please don’t tell me you’re going as the bride of Frankenstein or something,” he pleaded.

  “Oh man, Stefano, you completely ruined it,” I said.

  “Really? You’re going as the bride of Frank?” he asked.

  “No, silly. Hmm, I didn’t know you disliked gory costumes. Now I have to find something else, thanks Stefano,” I joked.

  “Let’s go downstairs. You’re going to be late for class and I do not tolerate tardiness, young lady,” he said as I followed him down the steps.

  Stefano really made me sweat during class that night. He must have had a lot more energy than I did because I could hardly keep up. The other dancers were complaining of the same. After class, Stefano came to me, “This weather is really wearing you out, isn’t it? How come you’re having a hard time?” he asked.

  “I really hate this weather. I just want to go home and curl up o
n my couch with some hot cocoa and call it a night,” I complained.

  “You sound like my mother,” he laughed.

  “I should head home before the storm kicks in,” I said.

  “Let’s do something this weekend. Do you have any plans?” he asked.

  “I’m going to a fashion show on Saturday with my friend. Just call or text me if you want to hang out on Friday night or Sunday,” I replied.

  “Got it. I’ll talk to you later,” he said.

  <><><>

  That Friday, Laura was constantly talking about how happy she was that I would accompany her to the fashion show, since her mother and sister were unable to make it due to a business trip. She was talking a mile a minute about the dress she was going to wear and how good the food was going to be. It sounded to me like Laura needed more girl time. I thought maybe she was with her fiancé most of the time, so she craved her space and time with the girls.

  The weather had cleared up and the sun shined brighter than ever. Warm and sunny weather was expected for that weekend and I knew my mood would shine along with it. We plugged away at our work and before we knew it, it was time to go home. Stefano called me a few minutes before five o’clock asking me if I wanted to join him at the pub for a drink. I didn’t have any plans and knew I would just mope around at home, so I took his offer.

  I drove to the pub, which wasn’t too far from the studio. Stefano greeted me just outside the pub and we walked inside together. We took a seat at a corner booth and Stefano asked what I wanted to drink.

  “Uh, iced tea,” I replied.

  “That’s not a bad idea,” he said.

  “No alcohol for me. I have a fashion show to go to tomorrow,” I said.