He moved toward his car, and Cressa grabbed his arm. “Andrew—”
His face was white and carried a hard expression. “Don’t,” he said as he pulled away from her. “Just … don’t. I’ll be waiting in the car for your folks.”
Once Cressa saw her parents out of the driveway in Andrew’s car, she leaned against her vehicle. Birds were beginning to chat among themselves in the budding trees, but she barely took it in. She considered going in to talk to Spencer. She so desperately needed to talk with someone, but it couldn’t be him or anyone. No one really understood what she was facing or her feelings of cold desperation.
Loneliness crept into her heart like summer vines. When had her life become such a disappointment? Ever since her college days, she had looked forward to having it all: a worthwhile career, a loving husband and children, great friends, and parents who would always be there, cheering her along the way. But nothing had turned out as expected. There hadn’t ever been any time for a loving husband, much less children. And now her parents were no longer her cheerleaders, but instead, she had become their support.
Working as a physician had moments of great satisfaction, but it was draining. The work of caring for sick people took more from her than she’d ever imagined. The only thing that allowed her to continue was her ability to distance herself from the immediacy of their distress.
Spencer’s words floated back to her. Did she check out? She loved her parents, and he was blind if he couldn’t see it. Still, a lingering sense of hesitation stayed with her, imploring her to explore what lay just beyond her carefully constructed defenses.
Checking the clock on her phone, she searched for her keys in her pocket. She needed to get back to work before this day took another turn for the worse.
Thirty
Two days later, Spencer sat in the booth at Marilyn’s and gazed at Coyote Ridge shining like onyx as the late afternoon sun forced the last of the snow to loosen its grip and run down the rock face. Even before his gaze found Lyla, Spencer felt her presence as she entered the restaurant. The din of conversation stilled as she walked to the booth where he sat. Men and women alike observed her movements. The gazes of some men lingered on her, and a few sized him up as she sat down. He did his best to ignore the envious looks of others and focus on Lyla, who was enjoying all the attention. Her face held a sophisticated and knowing smile. Not much got past her, and Spencer was sure she was aware of every man who watched her walk toward their booth.
“How’s Kimber?” Spencer asked as Lyla settled into her seat.
“She’s fine. Happy to spend the evening at Lindsey’s with Sam. She loves cousin time.”
“I appreciate you being willing to see me tonight,” Spencer started.
“I was happy to get the invitation.”
Spencer nodded as the waitress appeared with two menus.
Lyla smiled. “I won’t be needing mine,” she said. “How about you, Spencer?”
“No. I think we both know what we want.” He ordered the chef salad for Lyla and the mushroom bacon burger for himself.
The waitress took their order and hustled away, leaving Lyla and Spencer alone.
Sitting across from his ex-wife, Spencer was suddenly sorry he had decided to have this conversation take place in public. It would’ve been better to speak in the privacy of his home, but without Kimber, he wasn’t sure how Lyla would react, and that would make what he had to say even harder. He wanted to stay focused.
They made small talk about Kimber’s preschool while waiting for their meal. Once their food arrived, he noticed Lyla playing with the lettuce on her plate.
“Isn’t it good?” he asked.
“Oh, it’s not the food,” she said.
“What, then?”
“Why did you invite me here, Spencer? We’ve been in each other’s company enough where you could’ve talked to me in private about anything. And I know this isn’t the date I was hoping for. I can tell.”
Spencer squirmed in his seat. Lyla knew him better than he’d hoped. He pushed away his plate. “You’ve dropped a lot of hints about getting back together, but Lyla, this just can’t happen for us.” A quick stab of pain accompanied the voicing of Spencer’s reality.
Lyla twirled her fork before looking up at Spencer. “It’s no secret that I wish things between us had turned out differently. I know we’ve got what it takes to make a marriage work between us. Besides, think of Kimber.”
“I’m not sure you understand how hard this has been. For the longest time, I thought I was worthless and dumb. I came to believe that if you needed other men, that must mean I was somehow defective or deficient. It’s taken me a long time to work through all of that.”
“I know what I did was stupid, but it had nothing to do with you.”
“Oh, I think it did. Do you remember what you said to me on that night I discovered …?” Spencer could barely bring himself to continue. “I discovered what you’d been doing?”
Lyla shook her head.
“You told me that I never paid any attention to you, and that’s why you decided to see someone else. The truth is, Lyla, I’m never going to be able to pay the kind of attention to you that you get from other men. Just walking in here, every man quit eating his meal and stared at you. Some are still looking your way, and you like that.”
Lyla gave him a smug smile. “It’s nice to be appreciated.” She leaned forward. “But I think I’ve come to understand the difference between real love and the kind of admiration you see here.”
“The smile on your face tells me something different.”
Lyla tensed. “This doesn’t have anything to do with that doctor you’re seeing. Does it?”
Spencer was shocked at the mention of Cressa, but he chided himself. Of course Kimber would’ve mentioned Cressa. “No.” He fought the inclination to explain himself to Lyla. He didn’t need to offer any information about his personal life.
“Then why not give us another chance? We can make it work.” Lyla reached over and gently traced the veins in Spencer’s forearm, giving him a look of pure seduction.
Spencer pulled back as gratitude filled him for the public space of the restaurant. Seeing Lyla react to the admiration of so many men changed things, and his reaction to her touch was far from the usual desire that ran through him. His heart ached for Kimber and for the young family that was lost, but everything about Lyla reminded him that she was not to be trusted.
He leaned forward. “I know this isn’t any of my business, but how many men have you been with since our divorce?”
Lyla sat back, her blue eyes turning to ice. “You’re right. That’s none of your business.”
“I haven’t been with a woman since you,” Spencer whispered.
A look of satisfaction settled into Lyla’s features.
He continued, “I needed some time to heal and to remember that I was worthy of love, even if I couldn’t win yours.”
A look of sad regret came across Lyla’s face as her eyes teared up.
Spencer leaned forward with intensity. “We’re not cut from the same cloth. I will always love you, and I’m grateful we share a child. You’re the best mom Kimber could ever have.” Sincerity laced his words.
“And you’re such a good father,” Lyla whispered, her eyes cast down. “Kimber talks about you all the time.”
Spencer was grateful for Lyla’s generous admission around their daughter, but it wasn’t enough on which build a new marriage. “But I doubt we’d ever be good together as a married couple. I need complete fidelity and honesty, Lyla, and I’m not sure you can offer either one.” Spencer spoke gently as his soul opened to the sweet release that came with his words. Finally, he was able to nail down and then share the reason he would never be able to be Lyla’s husband again. There was no more questioning or uncertainty. He was free.
Tears spilled onto Lyla’s cheeks, and she dabbed them with the corner of her napkin. “Oh, my,” she said. “I didn’t come here expe
cting to cry.”
Spencer believed Lyla’s tears were genuine, but he also wondered if her efforts at pursuing him weren’t some kind of a game. Maybe he was the one who got away.
Spencer dismissed the idea. It didn’t matter, and the less time he spent worrying about Lyla’s motives, the better.
Lyla sniffled. “I hope you don’t mind if I leave you with the check,” she said. “I think I need to go.”
The general ache that had accompanied him since his divorce from Lyla shifted in his chest. As he watched her wipe her cheeks, his sadness began to include everything Lyla had also lost. For the last two years, Spencer had been convinced that Lyla felt nothing around her betrayal, but her tears were evidence of the far-reaching consequences of her behavior.
Fresh sorrow for her, for their family, and especially for Kimber contracted within the chambers of his heart. “Of course,” Spencer said as Lyla gathered her things.
Just as she was to push herself from the booth, she looked at Spencer. For one brief moment, he saw the true beauty that Lyla possessed that went beyond charm and enchantment, but wasn’t easily reached.
As she placed her hand on his arm, her touch was devoid of all flirtatious heat. Instead, she looked deeply into his eyes. “Whoever you choose to spend your life with will be a lucky woman, Spencer.”
Spencer’s eyes moistened. This was the Lyla he wished to love, but he couldn’t spend his lifetime trying to coax her out of her captivating and alluring shell. He quietly nodded as she rose to leave.
Once again, a hush came over the restaurant as she walked to the door. Spencer followed her movements. When she reached the exit, she gave him one last seductive smile before walking away.
Thirty-One
Two weeks later, Cressa leaned against the doorframe of her parents’ bathroom. Ever since Spencer had finished the work, she looked for reasons to be in this space with its beautiful remodel, lovely lighting, and clean lines and surfaces. But it wasn’t just these things that pulled her to this room. It was the memory of Spencer being in her home. This is where he had worked last, and sometimes, Cressa could still feel his whispered presence in the finishing touches.
She tried to chastise herself for being silly. Who admires a bathroom every single day? But this space was as close to Spencer as she could get, and she couldn’t help being pulled to his work and the memories that came with it.
Spencer still came by every morning and evening to take care of the animals, but his movements were furtive, as if he was trying to avoid her. Most of the time, she would hear his truck pull up, but that was the only evidence of his presence. She never saw him. Sometimes, she longed to talk with him. She missed the easy conversation that came with their relationship, but she held back. If he was trying to patch up his family, he didn’t need her hanging around.
Cressa moved her thoughts away from Spencer. Maybe she would go for a horseback ride later today. It was her day off, and she had work around the house that needed to be done. If she could get it finished in time, it might be nice to get out in the late spring sunshine. The thought held some enticement, but Cressa wished Spencer was with her.
Sighing, she moved from the bathroom and made her way to the guest room. Since her parents were back in the master, this bedroom needed to be cleaned, and she’d put it off for too long.
The faint sound of the television floated down the hall, making her sad. Since Andrew’s departure, her parents didn’t do much more than sit in front of the big screen, and their condition had deteriorated. She encouraged her father to take a walk around the house with Agnes, but after his outings with Andrew, house walking didn’t hold much appeal.
Every day, Cressa promised herself that she would take her parents for a walk in the park or some other activity, but by the time she got home and managed dinner and any other necessary chores, she was exhausted. After they went to bed, guilt would punch holes in her good intentions, and she would remake her promise.
She rethought her plans for this afternoon. Instead of going for a horseback ride, maybe she would take her parents to the park. Moving toward the bed, Cressa pulled back the quilt and blankets and stripped the sheets. As the top sheet became untucked, a small wadded piece of tissue fell to the floor from her mother’s side of the bed.
Cressa shook her head. Just one more odd thing her mother would sometimes do. Bending over, she picked up the wad of tissue. It was heavier than expected. Gently, she unwrapped it to find her mother’s sapphire wedding ring nestled within the folds.
Cressa stared at the ring as she gasped in amazement at what she held in her palm. Gratitude and relief mingled with astonishment. She reached for the corner of the bed and sat. She couldn’t take her eyes off the ring, its diamonds twinkling in the light as if grateful to be found.
As the shock of her discovery ebbed away, the consequences of her earlier actions came to nest. Her fight with Spencer and her accusation against Andrew settled in her heart and dampened any real enthusiasm over her discovery. How could she rejoice in finding what was lost after her accusatory behavior toward two men who had wanted nothing more than to be her friends?
Clutching the ring, she took a deep breath. She wanted to share her treasure with her mother, but she had never told her mom about the loss of the ring.
She pushed the ring deep into her pocket and went out to the family room, where she observed her parents from the back. They were sitting near each other, hand in hand as they watched television. Her mother’s head lay against her father’s shoulder.
Tenderness ventured into Cressa’s heart as tears came to her eyes. Her parents were so fragile, but even in their precarious health, their love for each other was unaltered. Her father loved her mother in spite of her lapses of memory and sharp moments. And her mother loved her father even though he wasn’t near as agile as he’d been just six months ago.
Cressa recalled one of her last conversations with her mother, where she still saw her father as her loving knight in armor. They loved each other so much, it almost hurt.
Cressa’s heart contracted. She didn’t want to see it. She didn’t want to see their love be forgotten or torn apart by fading memory or failing bodies. She couldn’t bear witness to the loss of something so grand as the love her parents shared for one another or the love they held like a pair of fragile birds for her and her sister.
Cressa reached for a dining room chair and sat down as the full brunt of what she had tried to push away came rushing at her like a train without brakes. She knew the end result of Parkinson’s. She saw it all the time in the ER. Patients who were unprepared and could no longer swallow and had to make difficult choices between dying or a stomach tube. Children who were desperate to have just one more day with the parent of their memory.
Tears, hot and stinging, rose to her eyes.
Brushing them away, she heard Spencer’s truck pull into the drive. She took a shaky breath and stood. “I’m going outside for a minute.” She told her parents. “I’ll be back.”
“Tell Mr. Sagebrush to come in and visit,” her mother said. “I can’t remember his name, but I miss him.”
Cressa sniffled. “I’ll see what he says, Mom.”
Walking to the barn, she watched for a moment as Spencer cut the twine on a bale of hay to feed the animals. His taut muscles worked underneath his T-shirt.
When he was finished, he looked up, and she met his eyes. He flicked his knife closed before returning it to his pocket. He said nothing as he stood and looked at her.
Slowly, Cressa walked toward him, unsure of how he would receive her. As she neared, the scent of scrubbed pine surrounded her, and she desperately wished to give in to her need to be held and cradled by this man. Instead, she stood close and pulled the ring out of her pocket. “You were right,” she whispered. “You were right about everything.” Tears surfaced and spilled onto her cheeks as a sob shuddered through her. “How am I ever going to live without them?” she cried. “They’ve been my cheerleaders a
nd my biggest supporters throughout my whole life. My parents are my world. I can’t watch them go through this.” Cressa was overcome with a wailing sob.
“Oh, Cressa,” Spencer murmured as he pulled her close and held her.
Cressa’s tears came hot and swift as she wept against Spencer’s chest. His strong arms and hands covered her and held her fast when she would have fallen to the ground in despair.
After several minutes, she pulled away and wiped her nose with her sleeve. She gave a little laugh. “I’m sorry about the snot.”
Spencer looked down at his shirt before giving her a sweet smile. “It’ll wash.” He placed his arm around her waist as he led her to the hay bales. “Come on, sit down. Tell me what happened.”
Cressa leaned against Spencer as they sat side by side. Quietly, she told him of how she’d found the ring. A sigh trembled through her. “I’ve been so wrong about all of this, because I didn’t want to face what’s in front of me every single day. As a doctor, I’m trained to help and to heal. We’re not taught how to watch our patients die, much less our parents.” She turned toward Spencer, grabbing his shirt, almost pleading. “My parents are dying, and I can’t do a thing about it.”
Spencer shook his head. “But they’re alive today, Cress. Live with them today. It’s all any of us have anyway.”
Fresh tears arose in Cressa’s eyes, but Spencer’s words brought her a degree of peace. Maybe if she lived today, whatever tomorrow presented might be more tolerable. She nodded as the exhaustion overcame her. She leaned against Spencer’s shoulder as he placed his arm around her and pulled her close, grateful that he allowed her to be still for as long as she needed.
After several minutes, she sat up. “I’m going to have to go talk to Andrew.”
“Yeah.”
Dread filled her. “I should do it today.”
“Sooner would be better than later.”
Sapphires And Sagebrush (Country Brides & Cowboy Boots) Page 18
