Lovers and Beloveds

by MeiLin Miranda

  "Can't let that happen," said Temmin. "I'll go straight to Harla's Hill before I'll have that man as my brother-in-law." Jenks said nothing; he put Temmin's picked-at breakfast outside the door to be taken to the kitchens, and returned to the bathroom. "Oh, don't be like this! I'm sorry, Jenks! I feel horrid, and I'm acting horrid, and I can't help it!"

  "Yes, sir, you can," said Jenks. "More will be expected of you now you're an adult. Adults do not take out their petty illnesses and complaints on others, no matter how poorly they're feeling."

  "Yes, they do," said Temmin. "They do it all the time!"

  "Well, they shouldn't."

  Temmin slipped out of his nightclothes and into the tub. "Thank you, Jenks, this feels good. You aren't going to stay mad all day, are you?" he called, but Jenks was gone. Temmin sighed; he wobbled his head, and discovered both his spirits and his headache had lifted, if only a little. Potent stuff in that glass, whatever it was. As the throbbing in his temples receded, the night before came flooding back. Not the drunken episode with that detestable spotted lordling, but dancing with Allis Obby. The beautiful Obbys, both of them, dancing round and round and somehow always gazing into his eyes as if the three of them were the only ones in the room. He shivered, and slid his head under the water.

  "Gods, I hope he gets his drinking phase out of the way soon," groaned Jenks at tea. "I swear, Annie, I'll thrash him otherwise."

  "I seem to recall another young man whose 'drinking phase' lasted well into his twenties," said Ansella.

  "That's different. I was an officer--"

  "--And you had to keep up with my brother. I know." Ansella considered her reflection in the silver tea service. "How did it go, Standfast? How did you manage to explain things to her?"

  "I didn't," said Jenks. "I talked to Tellis, instead--her name is Dunley now. I gave her a thousand gold, with a guarantee of two thousand more as Mattie's portion, told her to bring her daughter home and why, thanked her for her discretion and left it to her to explain the money away, though I made some suggestions--including a very strong one about leaving Whithorse and moving where no one knew them."

  "What did her husband say?"

  "He's dead."

  Ansella sighed. "She was a nice girl, Mattie. So was her mother. Tellis was very, very pretty. She left service rather abruptly, and I remember wondering why."

  "She seemed to expect me--extremely nervous. I think she thought I was there to kill them."

  "It wouldn't be the first time someone killed an inconvenient lover, though I don't think Harsin's ever done it," she said. "What did Teacher do?"

  "Ferried me back and forth. Stood behind me looking disturbing--it's no wonder poor Tellis thought we were there to murder her. It was overkill, you know, Annie, Winmer could have handled this easily."

  "I know. I know. I just didn't want Temmin calling her up to the City, and I didn't want to tell him why he can't. I don't want this place to change him, Standfast. He is the sweetest boy imaginable, and I want him to stay that way!"

  "He won't stay a child forever. This whole incident is proof of that."

  A discreet knuckle rapped on the door; it opened a crack. Ansella's chief maid and dresser pushed her grizzled head through it. "Begging pardon, Your Majesty, but Sister Ibbit is here."

  Ansella brightened. "Send her right in, please, Hanston!"

  Jenks sighed and rose from the table. "Then I'd better absent myself, even though I had more to discuss with you. I know the Sisters of Venna generally don't care for men, but Ibbit--" He shook his head. "Don't worry, Annie, my dear," he added. "I'm always watching over him, body and soul."

  "As his mother's religious advisor, his soul has always been my province, Mr Jenks, not yours," came Sister Ibbit's frosty voice.

  Jenks bestowed a sour look on her. He turned back to Ansella, raised her hand to his lips, and kissed the air above it. "Good day, ma'am," he said. As he passed Ibbit, he gave her one last disdainful glance, which she ignored.

  "Do sit down, Sister," said Ansella, rising herself. Once the door closed behind Hanston, she took Ibbit's hands and kissed them. "Oh, Ibbit," she said, holding them against her cheek. She burst into tears. "Such a day I've had! Such a terrible day!"

  "I shouldn't wonder, if you've been taking tea with him," Ibbit said. She stroked Ansella's flushed face. "But it's all right, I'm here now." Ibbit kissed Ansella's tear-stained lips, and Ansella clung to her solid form like a tender vine. "I'm here now, sweetheart."

  CHAPTER FOUR

  "All right, I'm not angry anymore! Please, stop, sir," laughed Jenks.

  Temmin groveled at his feet. "You're sure you forgive me?" he said.

  "Yes!"

  "I can cringe even better than this, you know, if need be."

  "Get up, you ridiculous boy."

  "Ridiculous man, thank you," huffed Temmin, rising to his feet. "I am sorry, though, Jenks. I shouldn't tease you about being Uncle Pat's orderly. It must have been disappointing to retire a corporal, but I know how proud you are of your service."

  Jenks smiled. "It's quite all right, sir. Serving Lord Patrin was an honor even without high rank. Now that you're in better spirits, and my greater chores are done, tell me, how did you enjoy your birthday--apart from Lord Fennows?"

  Temmin's eyes went wide, and he plunked down on the green velvet couch. "Jenks, I saw the most amazing girl I have ever seen in my life." At the valet's inquiring look, he continued, "I can't get her out of my mind, she's perfect, she's even prettier than Elly! Nothing like the other girls--no fiddle-faddle. She even wore her hair loose instead of all fussy on top of her head! Her name is Allis Obby."

  "Not the Embodiment of Neya?" said Jenks.

  "Yes! D'you know her?" said Temmin.

  "Your Highness, everyone knows her," said Jenks. "And did you dance with her?"

  "Twice! And I walked her in to dinner. Oh, Jenks," he said, throwing himself down on his back, "I can't stop thinking about her!" Or her brother, he said to himself.

  "Oh, dear," said Jenks. "Have you made any commitments, or did you have time to speak with her at length?"

  "She was very charming to talk to, though I didn't have much to say--I was speechless! But somehow, and I swear I hadn't meant to, I ended up inviting her to go riding. I don't know how I managed to get her to agree!"

  Jenks sat down on the back of the couch and looked down at his rapturous charge, still in his pajamas and robe. "You do realize she's an Embodiment, and what that means."

  "Well, it means she's possessed by the Goddess Neya now and again, on Neya's Day, certainly, and I think Nerr's Day, too. And everyone knows what goes on at the Lovers' Temple."

  "You have no idea what goes on in that Temple, sir, you've just come of age and you're still innocent, unless there's something you haven't told me."

  "Oh, no, nothing's changed in the last week," said Temmin with a touch of lemon in his voice. "You're probably the only one I'd tell in any event, old man. But why are you so ominous all the sudden? I invited a beautiful girl who happens to be a religious figure to go on a ride. Her vows certainly don't keep her from going riding, do they?"

  "Sir, if I'm not mistaken on the nature of your infatuation--"

  "It's not an infatuation!"

  "--Of your interest in Miss Obby, you'd like a great deal more than a pleasant afternoon on horseback with her at some point."

  "Well--" said Temmin, flushing, "--certainly! I can't think of many things I'd like more! I'd very much doubt you wouldn't want the same if you were in my place. In fact, it'd be really the most ideal way in the world for me to--to become more experienced in life. Don't you think?"

  "Ideal? Perhaps," said Jenks. "How much did Sister Ibbit manage to get into that brain of yours about religious orders?"

  "Not much," mumbled Temmin, running his fingers up and down the nap of the upholstery and watching it turn from leaf green to moss green.

  "Not much," repeated Jenks. "Well, let me fill in a little gap in your knowledge she
wouldn't have wanted to discuss with you even if you'd bothered to show up for your lessons, which we both know you didn't. If you want to 'become more experienced' with Miss Obby, you either have to lose your innocence beforehand, or take orders in the Temple--very specific orders. What you're proposing is Supplication." Jenks squirmed, and Temmin looked up. "I hate discussing these sorts of things with you," said Jenks. "If the Embodiments wish to take an...experienced...person as a lover, nothing stands in the way; they simply pursue a normal courtship. But inexperienced people are a different issue." He cleared his throat and blushed--he never blushed, thought Temmin--and continued, "If Lovers' Temple clergy take the virginity of a petitioner, it makes for a bond between the petitioner and the cleric. The cleric becomes responsible in a way for the spiritual development of the petitioner--it's not done lightly. In the case of the Embodiments, the only time they take a virginity is when they've accepted a petitioner as a Supplicant."

  "So if I wanted her to...I'd have to become a Supplicant, if I wanted to...what does being a Supplicant mean?"

  "Did Ibbit teach you nothing?"

  "If I could possibly help it."

  "Supplicants are like Postulants--fledgling priests--except more so. They're chosen because they have displayed a gift that sets them apart from the other Postulants--an especially talented warrior at the Brother's Temple, for instance, or an insightful intellect at the Wise One's Temple."

  "I'm glad one of us is devout, and that it's not me," said Temmin, crossing his long legs at the ankles.

  "You'd do well to take your devotionals more seriously, sir," Jenks said, frowning. "The King leads his people by example, and your father has always made his devotionals with great fastidiousness. And your mother is openly devout, and not just at the Sister's Temple. At any rate, what I'm trying to say is, if you want the Holy One that badly, and if you want her to be your first--your first experience," he grimaced, his face a light green, "you'd have to become a Lovers' Temple Supplicant. And they'd have to accept you. It's called the Chase, after Nerr's pursuit of Neya. You chase, and they either let you catch them or not."

  "'They?'" said Temmin, sitting up.

  "The Embodiments are a pair, sir. If you chase one, you chase both."

  "Oh," said Temmin, blinking. His mind turned to his only reading of the Lovers' Saga. "Jenks, Allis and Issak Embody Neya and Nerr, yes?"

  "Yes," said Jenks.

  "Does that mean they're...lovers like the, ehm, Lovers?"

  Jenks flushed again, turning his green pallor into an odd shade of gray. "At Spectacles, yes, in a manner of speaking. When the Gods take them, They re-enact the Chase. To witness it is considered very good luck. People from all over come to the City, some from as far away as Sairland. He chases Her, and when He catches Her, They..."

  "Yes, yes, I know, I was speaking about the Obbys in particular."

  "As far as what happens in the Embodiments' private lives, I couldn't say, sir."

  Temmin flushed himself. "So, if I understand you correctly, I have to devote myself to the Lovers' Temple and take a form of religious orders if I'm going to...and Mr Obby as well?"

  "You understand me entirely, sir."

  "And...have you seen Nerr catch Neya?" he said.

  "I have, sir, but not in the persons of Mr and Miss Obby. Well," sighed Jenks as he stood up, "I'm glad we had this little talk." And, his sweating forehead seemed to say, glad it was over.

  "Yes, thank you, Jenks," said Temmin as he watched Jenks disappear into the bedchamber and the wardrobe beyond. "I think. This puts things in a different light." He let his head fall back against the couch. A different light, he repeated to himself. All he had thought about, between bouts of nausea and headache, was Allis--and, truthfully, her brother.

  They had sex? Together? In front of other people? He'd been looking forward to the Neya's Day Spectacle since his voice dropped. The one in Reggiston, or anywhere else but the City, didn't have the Embodiments in it, but he'd heard something of what went on, and to a young man with a vivid imagination... Still, the idea of watching Allis and Issak make love was both horrifying and highly arousing.

  But Allis, oh, Allis. How could he get a woman like Allis out of his mind? Very odd to feel that way about someone he hardly knew. Mattie had been pretty, yes, and more than once he'd fantasized about somehow getting her into service at the Keep. But now, she barely crossed his mind, though she had been the focus of his cross-eyed imagination every time he'd satisfied himself since touching her five days before.

  Everything about Allis radiated sex. But more, when he looked in her eyes, he felt--he knew he could trust her with every secret his body contained, every awkward touch and shameful thought, every tender part of him. And then, her beauty--the long black hair in thick waves down her back, the flare of her hips and the swell of her breasts... The low twitch began again, swelling into a full twinge. He adjusted himself and contemplated taking care of things, but Jenks was in the next room.

  He sighed and worked out his options. He could find a girl, any girl, and "tumble 'er," as that prat Fennows put it, and then he'd be free to pursue Allis like anyone else. Or, he could 'chase' both Allis and Issak, and enter service at the Lovers' Temple. Why was he even considering this?

  He thought of Issak. When they'd met in the dance, Issak's hands were strong, reassuring. His mouth seemed hard and soft at the same time, and the near-kiss--he'd leaned into it, as if he wanted it, as if Issak compelled him to. He thought of Alvo, kneeling between his legs. Did that count as losing his virginity? Who could he ask? No, he was fairly certain losing one's virginity involved a woman.

  Temmin groaned. He missed Alvo, or at least he missed the friendship he thought they'd had. He wished Alvo were there to talk to. He always had been. At this rate, he'd lose his virginity when Nerr got the Heir. Perhaps, he thought as he closed his eyes for another hangover-induced nap, he should follow Fennows's advice. He was a prat, but he seemed to know more about this stuff than Temmin did.

  Temmin spent Paggday at the stables after a long ride, gradually coaxing the men into trusting him. He thought he might even have picked out a matched pair of horses for his curricle, sleek grays with just enough Inchari stock in them to impart the breed's fine heads and high-held tails, without their characteristic skittishness. He would have to consult his mother; her judgment of horses surpassed that of everyone he knew. He'd needed that relaxing day, for today, Ammaday, he began lessons with Teacher.

  At breakfast, two members of the family were animated and talkative, two were sullen and withdrawn, and Temmin stood alone in the middle, looking anxiously round the table. Harsin and Ellika were both in fine spirits. The King beamed at Temmin, a mildly unnerving development. Ellika remained her usual ebullient self, even when she burned her tongue on her coffee. Sedra and Ansella, on the other hand, were not; Sedra looked alternately glum and resentful, stealing glances at both Temmin and her father over the top of a resolutely isolating newspaper, and Ansella kept her eyes down, answering questions with a frozen smile and as few words as possible. Temmin thought he would never understand his family.

  He covered his own nerves about the upcoming lesson, and stalled for time, by eating as much and as slowly as possible. True, he was hungry--he was always hungry--but eventually he'd eaten all the soft-boiled egg and toast even he could hold, along with a great deal of bacon, tomatoes, and coffee cut with cocoa. Nothing for it but to return to his study, and face Teacher. "Don't worry, son, you might even enjoy yourself," said his father as he rose from the table. Temmin gave a weak smile, and dragged himself up the stairs.

  His tutor waited for him, back to the door and gazing out over the great expanse of lawn outside the windows. "I see you have covered up all your mirrors," said Teacher. "I do wonder how you shave in the morning."

  "Jenks insists on shaving me. I don't want you spying," said Temmin, spreading himself out on the couch.

  "I do not 'spy' on you. I observe you from time to time, nothing more."r />
  "Really? Every time I looked in the mirror on my birthday, there you were," said Temmin.

  Teacher smiled. "It was your birthday. I was curious to see whether you could see me. I spend much of every Heir's eighteenth birthday that way, and this is the first time in 358 years I have not been disappointed."

  "Three hundred--really, I wish you'd stop that immortal nonsense. Next you'll be telling me you're the Black Man."

  "There are people who believe I am, though I do try to discourage the belief. And I am not immortal. At least I hope not."

  "Why wouldn't you wish that? I should like to live forever, I think."

  "You are eighteen. You already think you are going to live forever, and that nothing can hurt you." Teacher looked down. "An abnormally long life is not as enjoyable as you might think. That aside, it is time to see what you know. I have heard you have spent more time in the stables than the schoolroom."

  "Speaking of which!" said Temmin, brightening.

  "Unlike your past tutors, I cannot be bribed," said Teacher. "There is nothing you have that I want."

  "Nothing?" said Temmin, face falling.

  "Nothing but your attention, which may be considered a rare and elusive commodity."

  "I don't know why you want to bother," grumbled Temmin. "Everyone knows I'm the dull one."

  "You are much brighter than you think you are," said Teacher.

  "How would you know?"

  Teacher considered. "I said I did not spy on you--and I did not. But your father and I watched your progress in reflections over the years. You are quite bright, and quite inventive."

  "Sedra is the smart one," said Temmin.

  "Do not compare yourself to your sister," said Teacher. "Few compare to her. She is more intelligent than your father, and that is a high standard. Let us survey what you know."

  They spent the morning touching on everything from trade routes to exports to classical Old Sairish. It surprised Temmin how much he actually knew, though the main passages he had memorized were two vulgar love poems and several tongue twisters. "Nevertheless," said Teacher, "rattling off the tongue twisters without hesitation shows me your pronunciation is quite good."