Only This Night (Silhouette Reissued)

by Suzanne Simms

He blinked several times in quick succession and then looked down at her with a puzzled frown. “I’m sorry, honey. What did you say?”

  “Why don’t you come in while I put the ice cream in the freezer?” she repeated, eyeing him warily. There was something about him that suddenly made her uneasy.

  “Ice cream?” he echoed blankly.

  “Yes, the chocolate-chip ice cream you just handed me,” she reminded him with a snort of impatience.

  “Oh, hell, I don’t give a damn about the ice cream,” Garrett swore, waving the matter aside as if he had more important things on his mind. “Brenna, I…” He inhaled a deep breath and went on. “I think we should get married.”

  It took a minute, or perhaps even two for the words to sink in. It was some kind of joke, of course, Brenna told herself as she stood there staring up at him, her mouth hanging wide open. It had to be a joke.

  “Would … would you mind repeating that?” she finally stammered.

  Garrett shot her a curious glance. “I said, I think we should get married,” he returned calmly.

  She shook herself. “That’s what I thought you said,” she got out at last.

  “Well, what do you think?” he cut in adroitly.

  “What do I think?” she repeated, her voice rising at least an octave on the scale. “What do I think? I think that is the damnedest, the craziest idea you’ve had yet, Garrett Forsyte!”

  8

  Well, that’s a hell of a thing to say!” Garrett roared back at her in self-defense. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to strangle her or kiss her, but, oh God, he did love it when that ladylike composure of hers started to slip. “And I don’t see what’s so crazy about the idea of the two of us getting married.”

  “I will admit,” Brenna began, having the sense to look embarrassed, “that I could have put it a bit more diplomatically. But your proposal has come as something of a surprise, to say the least,” she muttered, giving him a glaring sideways glance as she closed the front door behind him.

  That was when it suddenly dawned on Garrett. She hated surprises! Damn! He should have taken her out to dinner first, perhaps even dancing, and then later—much later—he could have taken her in his arms and gently brought up the subject of marriage. Well, it was too late now. He would have to do what he could to salvage the situation.

  “I guess I did kind of spring it on you out of the blue,” he conceded, putting on his coaxing smile.

  “You can say that again,” she heartily agreed, the rash of color on her cheeks beginning to subside a little.

  This was going to take the patience of Job, he acknowledged. And he was anything but a patient man. He wasn’t sure how he’d expected her to react to the idea of getting married, but he hadn’t been prepared to find himself with a contrary woman on his hands. That was for sure!

  “Well, there’s no need for us to rush into any decisions,” Garrett heard himself telling her, his voice carefully schooled. “We have all night to discuss the matter.”

  All night? Brenna looked up at him and knew then it was no joke. The man was actually serious about wanting to marry her! The realization left her dumbfounded. She’d never once thought of their relationship in terms of marriage. She’d never thought for a moment that Garrett had.

  There had been no talk of any commitment between them, of any love, of any future together. And why should there be? They’d only known each other as adults for a little more than a week. It was insane even to be thinking about marriage, much less talking about it. She had to make that very clear to him—beginning now!

  “Yes, we do have all night, but there is nothing, I repeat, there is nothing for us to discuss,” Brenna staunchly declared. “I think it would be best for both of us if we were to agree that this conversation never took place.” She glanced down at the sack clutched in her hands. “Now, I really must get this ice cream in the freezer before it melts all over me and the front hall.” With that, she did an abrupt about-face and headed for the kitchen.

  Garrett was right behind her, every step. “Why don’t you want to talk about marriage?” he demanded. “Is it because you’re afraid to? That’s it!” He brought the thumb and finger of one hand together with a loud snap. “You’re afraid to get married.”

  “In case you’ve forgotten, I have been married,” she shot back, jerking the freezer door open. She shoved the ice cream, sack and all, into the back and slammed the compartment door shut. “And I think I understand a little better than you do what it takes to make a marriage work.”

  “Are you trying to tell me you don’t believe that a marriage between the two of us would work?” The accusation was thrown at her as he watched her rinse off her hands in the kitchen sink.

  “I’m not trying to tell you anything,” Brenna replied in a reasonable tone as she reached for a hand towel. “I just don’t believe that the subject of marriage should be taken lightly. Marriage is difficult even under the best of circumstances, and even when a man and a woman love each other.”

  “Dammit, I’m not taking it lightly and we do love each other,” Garrett announced with surprising certainty. “How can you have any doubts about that after the way we were together in your bedroom this morning, in my office this afternoon?”

  “What we had together was sex.” She flinched at her own words. “It was wild and wonderful and impulsive, but it was sex. It had nothing to do with love.”

  “Oh, but that’s where you’re wrong, so very wrong, my dear Brenna,” he told her in an emphatic tone. “What we had together was far more than just sex. I know because I happen to be in love with you,” he stated in a quiet and determined voice. “And I think you happen to be in love with me as well.”

  “What… whatever gave you a ridiculous idea like that?” The words came out in a hoarse whisper as she clutched the counter behind her, her knuckles white with tension.

  He considered her thoughtfully. “What gave me that ridiculous idea, sweetheart, is the way you go all soft and loving in my arms, the way you look at me when you think I’m not watching, the way you gave me your gentle and compassionate understanding this afternoon when I was spilling my guts to you.” He took an aggressive step toward her, reaching out to place the tip of his finger on the wildly beating pulse at the base of her throat.

  “Garrett, please!” She couldn’t breathe when he touched her.

  He looked her straight in the eyes. “And you gave me that ‘ridiculous idea’ when you admitted that I was the first man in your life since your husband. I may not be an expert on human relations, but I do know that a woman like you doesn’t rush into an affair without some kind of emotional commitment. You may not be ready to admit it even to yourself, but you do love me.”

  “No! No, I can’t love you,” she whispered distraughtly, shaking her head from side to side. “It can’t be love. Love is a gentle thing, a thing of understanding. It takes time for love to grow between a man and a woman. Love is based on a deep friendship between two people; people with mutual interests and common goals and a genuine respect for each other. We have none of those things, Garrett. All we have is this—this thing between us that we can’t seem to control.”

  “Why are you ashamed to put a name to it?” he growled in a voice of concentrated fury.

  “I’m not!” she spat back, the color racing to her face as her heart set itself to beating painfully. Brenna took a breath and tried again in a calmer voice. “I’m not ashamed to put a name to it: I just don’t know if this thing between us is simply infatuation, or some kind of physical chemistry or plain old sex.”

  “Believe me, it could never be plain old sex between the two of us,” he drawled with cynical amusement.

  “All right,” she admitted with a weary gesture, “we want each other in a way that I don’t understand. But sex is no basis for marriage.”

  “Of course it is, you little fool!” Garrett ground through his teeth. He looked as though he would like nothing better than to shake some sense into that stubbor
n head of hers. “What would any marriage be without it? A good sexual relationship isn’t the only important thing between a man and a woman, but don’t kid yourself—it sure as hell ranks in the top two or three. And when two people need each other, want each other the way you and I do, it’s only natural they should get married.”

  “But marriage isn’t a matter of wants or needs or sex,” she said, struggling to express herself. At the disbelieving look on his face, she quickly amended that declaration. “All right, in part it is. But we’ve only known each other a short time—”

  “A short time?” he interrupted with a vigorous gesture. “We’ve known each other practically since we were kids.”

  Brenna waved that consideration aside as if it were of little consequence. “We have known each other as adults for barely more than a week,” she insisted. “What does either of us really know of the other’s wants or needs? And how do we know if this ‘thing’ between us will last? It could burn itself out in a matter of months or perhaps even weeks.”

  “I don’t believe that for a minute and neither do you,” Garrett countered in a gruff voice, impatience underlining each word. “But we’re not a couple of kids anymore, as you pointed out. We both know there aren’t any guarantees in this life. Of all people you should know that Dammit, honey, you can’t be afraid to take a chance because it doesn’t come with a written guarantee.”

  “I think I know that as well as anyone,” Brenna choked, her voice small but firm.

  She turned and stared out the kitchen window, absently studying the patterns of light and dark as the last rays of sunlight skittered across the grass. Then she was aware of Garrett moving behind her, felt his arms gently encircling her waist as he buried his face in the hair at her nape.

  “Oh darling, I want you and I need you,” he whispered against her skin, sending a shiver arrowing down her spine. “And, please, believe that I love you.”

  “I believe that you think you love me,” she said in a soft tone as she turned in his arms, her eyes huge and sad.

  “I do love you,” Garrett said simply.

  How could she be expected to reason with the man when he seemed so sure of his feelings? “But you must see that even if I were in love with you, that doesn’t mean …” Brenna lost her train of thought as his lips brushed across hers in a whisper of a kiss.

  “You are in love with me, aren’t you, Brenna?” he murmured, looking down into her eyes with something akin to triumph. His fingers were idly massaging the soft skin at the back of her neck in seductive little movements that made it impossible for her to think.

  “I don’t know,” she confessed, her voice vibrating slightly. “I’m just not sure. I’ve told myself that it’s crazy, that it’s impossible, that it has to be merely infatuation.” She paused and took a deep breath. “But even if I were in love with you, I couldn’t marry you, Garrett.” She visibly cringed as he bit off a crude expletive under his breath. “Please. Try to understand,” she pleaded, placing a hand on his arm, her fingers clutching at the soft material of his jacket. “I know what I’m talking about when I tell you it just wouldn’t work for us.”

  “Why? Why wouldn’t it work for us?” he demanded, and then went on before she could answer. “Dammit, we love each other! We’re good together and you know that as well as I do, lady.”

  “Yes, we’re good together,” she shot back at him, tears of anger and frustration stinging the corners of her eyes. “We’re good together in bed!”

  He suddenly looked down at her with cold appraisal. “And you think that’s all we’ve got going for us, don’t you?” She did not have to reply. The answer was in her eyes. “Do you know what I think?” Garrett said at last.

  “No. No, I don’t,” she admitted in a small voice.

  For a moment he hesitated, then shrugged his shoulders as if he had nothing to lose by telling her. “I think you’re afraid to love me. I think you’re afraid that you’ll be hurt again and somehow end up alone as you were after Daniel died.” His voice dropped to its lowest register. “You, my darling Brenna, are a damned coward.”

  She lost all color in her face. Her hands were trembling as she brought them together in front of her. “I am not a coward,” she retorted with a bold-faced lie, “but I don’t want to talk about Daniel. I don’t want to talk about any of this.” She raised her eyes to his. “Please, Garrett, if you love me as you say you do, please let it be!”

  “Let it be! How the hell am I supposed to do that? Dammit, honey, I’m fighting for my life, and all you can say is let it be!” He ran an agitated hand through his dark hair. “I have to know why you won’t marry me. I have a right to know at least that much.”

  For a long time she didn’t say anything. “All right, I’ll tell you why I won’t marry you,” she finally agreed, dropping her hands to her sides in a weary gesture. “When Daniel died I lost more than a husband, Garrett, I lost the best friend I’d ever had,” she said, her voice shaking. “Daniel Richards was a kind and gentle man, a caring man, a man who understood me better than I understood myself at times. We were friends long before we fell in love and decided to get married. I knew that Daniel loved me, married me for the woman I was on the inside. His love for me had nothing to do with the way I looked on the outside. I won’t marry you, Garrett,” she said with a kind of desperate emphasis, “because I know it takes that kind of understanding, that kind of friendship between a man and a woman to make a marriage work. Physical attraction isn’t enough, not nearly enough,” she concluded sadly.

  “In other words, you won’t marry me because you think that we aren’t friends, that we can’t ever be friends?” he countered, studying her with a glaring intensity. “Is that what you want from a man—friendship? Kindness?” His fingers unconsciously dug into her shoulders.

  “Yes!” Brenna cried out, her composure beginning to slip. “Now, please, just leave me alone.”

  “I can’t leave you alone. That’s the hell of it!” he grated fiercely. “Believe me, if I could I would have turned my back and walked out that door last night.”

  For a moment there was only a kind of stunned silence hanging thickly in the air between them.

  “Oh Garrett, what are we doing to each other?” she whispered, bright tears springing into her eyes.

  “I don’t know, Brenna, but everything will be all right,” he suddenly murmured in a soothing tone as he gathered her trembling form in his arms. He couldn’t bear to see her cry. He knew he’d pushed her as far as he dared for one night. He would have to be patient and bide his time. After all, he reasoned, time was on his side. “It’ll be all right, sweetheart. We won’t talk about it anymore now if you don’t want to. You must know that I wouldn’t consciously do anything to hurt you.” Then he looked down at her with a tenderness that nearly brought the tears to her eyes again. “I do adore you, Brenna Richards.”

  “Yes, I believe you do,” she whispered as his mouth came down on hers in a gentle, tender kiss. It was a kiss that told her how much she needed this man, how much he needed her.

  It was a kiss that drove every other thought from her mind. And it was a kiss that all too quickly stirred the passion between them into life, a passion that was always there just beneath the surface waiting for a kiss, for a touch to set it free. A shiver raced through her as Brenna felt her desire for this man take hold of her once again. She opened her lips, eagerly seeking the intimacy of his mouth with her tongue, knowing that, no matter what else happened, there was always this between them.

  “Oh Garrett, I do want you,” Brenna heard herself confess as she felt her hips sway seductively into his, her fingers entwining themselves in the thicket of dark hair that brushed the top of his shirt collar.

  “I know,” he acknowledged, his voice sinking to a low note. “And I want you, honey, but…” He dropped a light kiss on the tip of her nose and gently disengaged himself.

  “But what?” she prompted when it became apparent he wasn’t going to finish the
sentence.

  “But there’s always time for that later.” Then he paused, and when he went on it was in a different voice, an almost lighthearted voice that signaled to Brenna there would be no more serious discussions that night. He took a step back and pressed a hand against his flat stomach. “Contrary to what you may have heard, a man cannot live on love alone. In case you hadn’t noticed, we completely forgot about lunch today.”

  “Lunch!”

  “Yes, you know, the meal that usually comes between breakfast and dinner.” Garrett laughed softly, but it was a laugh that failed to reach his eyes. “As tempting as you are, my sweet, I think I could really go for a nice, thick, juicy steak about now.”

  “Oh my gosh, dinner! What time are our dinner reservations for?” she asked, sounding faintly dismayed.

  “Actually, they were for five minutes ago,” he informed her in a dry voice as he straightened his tie.

  “Well, if you can give me five more minutes to fix my hair and get my handbag, then we can go,” Brenna said, springing into action. “Do you think there will be any problem getting a table since we’re late?” she nervously called back over her shoulder as she raced into the half-bath off the kitchen.

  “There shouldn’t be any problem,” Garrett answered as she flicked the light on over the basin and stared at her reflection in the mirror.

  Dear Lord, she looked dreadful! Her hair was coming down in stray wisps about her face. Her lipstick was smeared all over her mouth and chin. But it was the eyes, the eyes with that look of love in them, that look of being loved, that really dismayed her. What if she were wrong about this man? What if she were wrong about the depth of her own feelings for him?

  No! Brenna quickly brought herself up short. She wasn’t going to think about that now. She was going to comb her hair and repair her makeup and go out for a lovely dinner. She was going to order her favorite dishes and drink a glass, perhaps even two or three glasses, of a delicious vintage of fine wine; and she was going to enjoy herself! She wasn’t going to think about tomorrow or even about the next minute. She was simply going to take each moment as it came. And it was with that promise to herself that she went to meet the man waiting for her in the next room.