Finding Glory

by Sara Arden

  That thought sat cold and false in her mind. Even though she’d seen the proof in his absence, she’d never thought he’d be that way. In fact, when she’d played pretend in her head, she was the sister he’d fallen for, and he was always a wonderful dad.

  But in those pretend schemes, he’d never been a junkie, either. Not that he was now; he was clean and sober.

  Damn him, anyway.

  Why did he have to be so handsome?

  Why did he have to come back?

  Why did he have to be Amanda Jane’s father?

  She supposed if she were going to get stuck on that endless loop, she could ask the universe a lot of questions. Why did her mother have to die... It was what it was and the only thing she had control over was the here and now.

  Sort of. She had control of her actions. That was it.

  Judge Gunderson’s voice yanked her out of her thoughts. “Before I officially hear this case—” she peered down at them meaningfully, her presence heavy in the small room “—I want to offer you both a solution that has been suggested to me by concerned parties.”

  Concerned parties? That would equal one Maudine Townsend. Gina forced herself to keep her eyes forward on the judge and not glaring at her grandmother.

  She loved the woman.

  She admired her.

  Couldn’t live without her.

  But she liked to meddle where she oughtn’t.

  “Consider giving the child the stability and permanence marriage will provide.”

  Maybe the judge was her grandmother’s best friend, but damn it.

  “I object,” Gina said.

  “Shh!” Emma and her grandmother said at the same time.

  “Of course you do.” Judge Gunderson addressed her. “I wouldn’t want to marry a man I didn’t love, either. But you could do it for Amanda Jane.”

  Reed’s gaze was hot on her, as if she’d just come into the sight of some heat-seeking missile. Well, she wasn’t going to look at him and give him the satisfaction.

  “So my client is good enough to provide for you, but not good enough to marry? Noted,” the shark replied.

  “Young man,” Helga Gunderson began as she turned her chilly stare on him. “Maybe your theatrics are appreciated in other courts. But you are in my courtroom. Being a smart aleck isn’t going to win you any favors.”

  The shark grinned, not at all put off by her words. “Yes, ma’am.” He was almost handsome, that predator in a suit, with his boyish grin.

  “And, Miss Grimes, please remind your client that she isn’t the one who gets to object.” Helga looked at them both pointedly.

  “Yes, ma’am.” Emma nudged her under the table like she had those years ago in study hall.

  And her grandmother pinched her on the other side.

  “You don’t get to object, either. Stop it,” she grumbled under her breath at the woman who looked more pleased with herself than she should.

  “Miss Grimes, Mr. James, confer with your clients.”

  Emma leaned over. “It costs us nothing to say you’ll consider it. In fact, it could gain us some leverage if we have to appeal. You look agreeable and motivated to do what’s best for Amanda Jane.”

  She snuck a glance at Reed and felt as if she was in high school all over again. She didn’t want to be the one to put herself out there. To say yes before he did. It was like admitting she didn’t think boys had cooties in the fourth grade. That was so stupid.

  “You need every advantage you can get here. He’s her father. Crystal may have wanted you to have custody, but legally—” Emma whispered.

  “Okay, fine.” Oh, God, could Reed really take Amanda Jane away from her? She’d never actually believed that could happen, but sitting here in the courtroom now, it was a sword of Damocles hanging over her head. He had more money, more advantages and no matter what Judge Gunderson’s ruling was, Reed could appeal it forever.

  Emma straightened and nodded to the judge.

  Reed’s eyes were on her again; she didn’t need to look at him to know that he was the one who watched her. It was almost as if he was trying to see what was under her skin. Or maybe he was just trying to look through her and pretend she wasn’t there.

  “What about you, Mr. James? Your client’s answer?”

  “We agree to consider it.”

  Consider it. Marrying Reed Hollingsworth? That was just insane. The idea crashed into her, bruising her in places she didn’t know were still sore.

  He was “considering” it. As if he would deign to look down from the castle he’d built for himself and still found her lacking.

  She snuck a glance at him and he was still watching her, his blue eyes sharp as blades slicing her to ribbons.

  But Gina refused to look away, refused to back down. She’d fight for Amanda Jane with every breath in her body.

  “If you decide to go forward, I want a prenup on my desk before next week. If not, we’ll be revisiting this case to decide custody, visitation and support.”

  “This is wonderful news. What are your colors going to be?” Maudine asked. “I’m thinking blush and cream.”

  “I’m thinking you’ve lost your mind.” She took her grandmother’s hand. “If for some reason, this insanity happens, it will be just a signing of papers in Emma’s office. No dress, no vows, no—”

  “Why would you deny an old woman her last wish?”

  Gina snorted. “You’re far from dying, Grams.” She said it more to reassure herself than anyone else.

  “You don’t know that. I could get hit by a bus. Or choke on—”

  “Then I should never get married so you don’t ever leave us.” Gina hated how close to the truth that really was and her nose prickled.

  “Hush with that.” Maudine’s thin arm came around her and pulled her close. She smelled like lavender and home. “Come on, now. Everything will be well. I know these things.”

  After the judge left, Gina wanted to do anything but be in the same room with Reed. She was afraid he’d speak to her; she was afraid he wouldn’t. She didn’t know how to act.

  When she’d been thinking about taking him to court for child support, this part of it had never figured into the equation. This hadn’t been real to her. It had been some fey idea in her head. When Emma asked her if she was sure about taking him to court, she’d been so steadfast. So sure. Now? She was drowning.

  She didn’t think she’d have to see him, hear him. She certainly hadn’t thought she’d have to marry him.

  As if that would happen, anyway. Not in a million years. The idea was preposterous.

  But then what would she do if he wanted sole custody? Gina needed Amanda Jane as much as her niece needed her. She was her touchstone, her reason for fighting as hard as she had. She might have given up on med school last semester if not for her.

  For a moment, Gina wondered if maybe that might be the best thing for Amanda Jane. Reed had all the advantages and she’d never want for anything.

  But Reed didn’t know how to be a family. His own had been more lacking than hers. She’d at least had her grandmother.

  Now wasn’t the time for self-doubt. It was the time to be decisive, to charge ahead with confidence, bravery and to never ever look back.

  CHAPTER TWO

  REED’S FIRST REACTION to the news that he was a father had been anger. Anger that he’d been denied the chance to really be a father. Anger that Crystal and Gina had taken that away from him. Anger that they didn’t want anything from him except his money. Because he hadn’t known he was a father until he’d been served with suit for child support.

  Then under that anger, all the old pain, the old doubt—all the baggage associated with the old Reed— surfaced. He was very much that same kid again who wanted so desperately to be en
ough.

  But something akin to longing vied for top tier when he saw Gina sitting there next to her grandmother.

  Beautiful, innocent Gina with her ethereal pale skin, her cloud of dark hair and her soft pink lips that always had a smile for him.

  He remembered how smooth and soft her hands were on his forehead, the way she’d tenderly pushed his hair out of his face when he’d been racked with fever and chills the first time he’d tried to get clean. There had been no pity in her eyes, only her kindness to ease his suffering.

  One of his darkest secrets was that single time he’d slept with Crystal. He’d thought it was Gina, and that made him all kinds of a bastard. Especially when once he’d realized it wasn’t, it had been too good to stop. Something that finally felt good in a hazy world of pain and numbness.

  He’d allow that he was still a bastard, but he wasn’t that kid anymore. That kid who’d do anything to feel good, anything to belong, anything to feel like someone gave a damn about him.

  He gave a damn about himself and no one, not even Gina Townsend, was going to take that away from him.

  Reed had come a long way since then and Gina obviously knew that. She and Crystal hadn’t wanted anything to do with him, hadn’t cared about Amanda Jane’s paternity until that article about him had appeared in Finance Today touting his net worth.

  Marriage. What the hell was Gina thinking?

  Besides wanting his money?

  “I’m on it, Reed. If this is just a money grab on her part, I’ll get you custody of the child, and have her paying you child support before this is over. Parental alienation. It’s a crime.” Gray sounded almost cheerful.

  That didn’t make him feel any better. His ego may have wanted Gina and Crystal to suffer, but his heart didn’t. No, he didn’t want that for Gina and Crystal. Crystal’s suffering was over. She’d died and Gina was trying to raise his daughter all on her own.

  He was still all twisted up. It was like standing there naked. He’d built this persona around himself, made himself believe he was this successful billionaire, but inside, he was still that guy from a trailer park.

  There were days he felt as if any minute someone was going to come tell him that it had all been a mistake and he had to give it back.

  And sitting in court next to his lawyer in the town that only knew him as poor white trash kept reminding him that it was a possibility.

  “I think we should go to the Bullhorn for lunch.”

  “Isn’t that where she works? What are you doing?” Gray shoved his papers in his briefcase.

  “I just... I need to see her.” Reed wanted to assure himself that despite all of this, everything they’d both been through, that she was still Gina. Gina of the soft eyes, the tender hands, Gina who would be a good mother.

  “You just saw her.”

  “No. I need to see her.” He hoped that Gray would understand.

  He didn’t. Gray was made of steel and granite. Everything was very simple for him. “That’s what the meeting is for that I’m arranging with her lawyer.”

  “Are you coming or what?” Well, he’d drag him along, anyway.

  “That’s what I like about you, Hollingsworth. You live to make my job harder.” But Grayson smiled. “How do you know she’s going to work, anyway?”

  “She’ll go to work. That’s what she does. A tornado couldn’t keep her away.” That was, if she was still the Gina he knew. Maybe she wasn’t. People were allowed to change. After all, hadn’t he?

  Half an hour later Reed found himself sitting alone in a corner at Bullhorn BBQ, Gray having opted to have lunch elsewhere to keep plausible deniability. The place hadn’t changed at all. It still had that rustic mom-and-pop feel to the place—all the meat was smoked out back in a smoker. You could smell this place for miles.

  The tables were covered in plastic red-and-white-checkered cloths, the chairs all a mismatched lottery, some scarred and ancient and others with a little less wear. The food was served in red plastic baskets, the kind you’d see in any diner in Nowhere, USA. There was something about the waxy brown paper that lined those baskets that made the food taste better.

  Or maybe that was just a good association. Whenever he saw food served like that, it reminded him of the good times of his childhood. Of Gina sneaking food out the back door to him when his mother hadn’t been home in weeks, or she was too stoned to care. The taste had always been like heaven.

  It had been years since he’d eaten in a place like this. Now it was all business dinners, charity balls and food prepared by a personal chef.

  But as soon as the scent hit him, with a follow-up punch of nostalgia, all that had been wiped away. There was a part of him that wished he was still that screwed-up kid coming to beg food from her. She’d always had a smile for him then. He never had to doubt what she wanted from him.

  He’d been worth something to her then.

  Some movement caught his eye and he turned to see the object of his thoughts. Having seen her from a distance that morning in court still didn’t prepare him for the reality of her. For the hurricane of emotions that swept through him when he saw her. It was like a physical blow that knocked the breath from his lungs.

  At first, he didn’t think it was her—it couldn’t be. She’d been demure this morning, a pale version of herself.

  Yet it was her, in all the glorious flesh.

  She was wearing a Bullhorn shirt that was stretched snug across her breasts, the horns of the bull curled enticingly over her wares. Gina had never filled out the shirt like that before...

  It was tucked into cargo pants that hugged her hips and ass in the most enticing way. And he wasn’t the only one looking. Her ponytail swung as she expertly negotiated the floor with trays of ribs and pulled pork, and he wondered if her hair smelled like that flowery shampoo she loved or if she’d smell just a bit like barbecue. Both made his mouth water.

  “Gina-bee!” a small voice exclaimed and someone held up a large, red plastic cup. “Root beer, please?”

  He froze, his assessment of Gina finished for the moment. That small voice was a cold splash of reality. Suddenly, he was afraid to look. That could only be Amanda Jane. Her blond curls bounced as she wagged the cup around for Gina’s attention. She looked so much like him, it was uncanny.

  His heart did something in that moment. It froze, it melted, it shattered—it did everything a heart could do. He was overwhelmed by the fact that he was a father. This little person—he’d helped create her. She was part of him.

  And he didn’t even know her.

  His fingers curled into a fist. He didn’t know her because they didn’t want her to know him. Crystal didn’t tell him. He’d have expected Gina to try to get in touch with him, at least.

  She had. Now that she knew he had money.

  “Certainly not. You’ve had enough.” Gina’s voice interrupted his thoughts.

  “But I said please.” Amanda Jane’s lower lip curled into an exaggerated pout.

  “Yes, you did.” Gina smiled and the expression lit up her face. “Thank you. How about water?”

  The pout inflated, but then disappeared. “May I have root beer and ribs tomorrow?”

  “I’m surprised you’re not sick of ribs.” Her voice had an indulgent tone to it.

  Amanda Jane shook her head. “Never,” she said vehemently.

  Gina slid a new glass, presumably filled with water, toward the girl on the way to clear another table.

  For a moment, he had a glimpse of a life he’d been afraid to want. Of being a father to a sweet-faced girl who looked much like his own baby photos and being a husband to a woman like Gina.

  If he’d had any sharp utensils near, he would have gouged that thought out of his head any way he could. But it was possible. All he had to do was say yes. Gina would do this,
if only to keep custody of Amanda Jane.

  As if she felt the weight of his gaze, she turned and Gina froze in the midst of wiping her hands on a napkin.

  He watched her face change like the ebb and flow of the tide. She was always so easy to read. Reed would’ve thought the world might have hardened her more, taught her to hide her emotions. But everything she felt bloomed bright on her face with no reservations.

  For a second, she was surprised to see him, then there was a happiness in her eyes that startled him. He hadn’t expected that—genuine happiness at the sight of him. But it faded quickly into a scowl.

  “What do you want?”

  “Lunch.” Reed didn’t mean to sound so cavalier, but it was his only defense against her. What else could he say? I came here because I wanted to see you?

  He was conflicted about what that thought wrought in him. He didn’t want her to be working the same job, stuck in the same cycle, wasting away—all her potential squandered. But if she was chasing his bank account, what else would she be doing?

  Still, she didn’t seem unhappy.

  She was gentle with Amanda Jane, patient. That wasn’t the behavior of an addict. That hurt him, pierced his skin and burrowed into his bones. If she hadn’t fallen into the same trap that he and Crystal had, what was she doing still in Glory?

  “Maybe you should get it somewhere else.” Her mouth thinned.

  “Maybe I should,” he agreed easily. “I wanted to see you.”

  “Now you’ve seen me.” Her knuckles whitened as she clenched her fists. “Wasn’t this morning enough?”

  “That I have.” He nodded. Reed didn’t know what to say to her. He hadn’t planned on speaking to her, but he should’ve known his presence wouldn’t have gone unnoticed. “And I’m wondering why you’re still working here?”

  Her eyes narrowed and for a moment, he thought for sure she was going to do violence.

  “Why am I still working here? That’s really what you’re going to ask me after seven years? The last time I saw you was the night before my sister almost died and all you can think to say to me is why I’m still working at the Bullhorn?” Her voice was almost a growl. “I’m working here to support your daughter. What about you? What are you doing to take care of her?”