The Scorned (The Permutation Archives Book 3)

by Kindra Sowder

  I laughed nervously. Everyone else besides Famke had made it look like I was needed to fight what was being done to our own people, the Specials. She was so nonchalant, like none of this affected her.

  I hadn’t been sure before, still wasn’t, but if Cato’s vision he shared with me at the Spartan Compound were any indication, the Paradigm would need me at one point. Even if I had no idea what the turning point from want to need would be. It was that moment that I realized that I needed to stick around although I still wasn’t certain of my place there. None of that mattered. A string pulled at my heart, wrenching it when I thought about leaving the Paradigm and everyone in it. I couldn’t leave my mother, my sister, or those that I had grown to love over the last few weeks. Especially not Ryder.

  “So, what do you say?” Jameson teased, reaching forward with one long finger and poking me in the side.

  I chuckled and pushed it away with my free hand, my grin so wide I felt like it could split my face wide open. It was nice to feel wanted. Like I belonged, and maybe that was what I really needed.

  Somewhere to belong.

  “Oh, come on, Mila.” Even Genevieve joined in on the joking and fun though she barely knew me at all. “I want to learn from the best, and you’re the best.”

  “Oh, stop it. I’m not the best. Not by a long shot.” I blushed.

  “She’s being modest,” Ryder joined in.

  He winked at me and smirked with that sexy crooked smile that made my entire body melt into a puddle.

  “What do you want to do, Mila?” he asked with the utmost sincerity.

  I looked at the group in front of me, seeing each one of them for who and what they were, even if I couldn’t remember some of their names. That would come later. When I turned my gaze back to Ryder, a moment of clarity hit me like a sonic blast, and Cato’s voice whispered into my mind.

  Belong. That was what I would do.

  “Okay,” I answered. My heart fluttered in my chest. “We’ll stay.”

  Ryder pulled me into his arms and held me against his broad chest, the stubble of his jaw scrubbing against my forehead in the most pleasant way. The muscles at the corners of his mouth upturned into an even wider smile I didn’t see but felt along with his rapid heartbeat under my cheek. Leaning down, his lips brushed my ear.

  “Welcome home, baby,” he whispered.

  Chapter

  FOURTEEN

  I woke up, Ryder’s long, muscular arm draped over me. It held me against his broad chest in a protective embrace that felt just like home. Not my new home among the Fallen Paradigm. My old home. The ratty apartment with worn out blue carpet and unadorned walls except for few photo of me with my friends and family as well as that blasted Wall. Without all the politics and without fear. Only, with a new addition. Ryder would be there. I was certain we would’ve found one another someway, with the direct introduction of King or not.

  The terror was just something to cement us together and, living in the society before all this, it would have always been the same. Relationships built on that same fear.

  I flung the blankets off and moved to swing my legs over the side of the bed, planning to get up and get some breakfast without waking Ryder. As soon as my bare feet touched the cold floor and before I could stand, Ryder’s large hand gripped my wrist and pulled me back into the bed with him. I let out a startled yelp but didn’t fight it. Without so much as a struggle, I fell into bed beside him, rogue strands of my dark hair obscuring my vision when I landed. Brilliant, nearly glowing green eyes stared down at me framed by long, dark lashes. His smile was infectious.

  “Where do you think you’re going?” he chuckled, nuzzling his nose into my hair.

  His hot, peppermint sweet breath tickled my earlobe and moved seductively over my flesh, leaving goosebumps behind.

  “If you hadn’t woken up, I was thinking about getting us some breakfast from the cafeteria,” I giggled in response.

  “Didn’t anyone ever tell you it’s the guy’s job to bring the girl breakfast in bed?”

  I laughed hysterically while his fingers trailed along my hip bone underneath my tank top.

  “I must have missed the memo.”

  “I’ll have to make sure you get those from now on. Either way,” he paused long enough to leave a chaste kiss on my lips, “you’re not going anywhere. I’ll be back with breakfast. We’ve got enough time this morning to have breakfast in bed.”

  “You know what my mom would say about that,” I groaned.

  He pushed my hair away from my face and hooked a finger under my chin so I couldn’t look away. “I know, and I don’t care. As long as I have you, I don’t give two shits about what your mother says.”

  “Now, now, Soldier. What about orders?” I teased.

  “Screw orders.”

  He leaned down and kissed me, long and deep and penetrating. My breath caught in my lungs, and my body began to warm under his expert touch. Electricity hummed through my veins. My heartbeat pounded in my ears and my chest like a stampede of wild horses. And my soul soared higher and higher. He came to settle himself between my thighs, holding himself up with his strong arms, muscles rolling smoothly underneath his perfect skin. Fingertips grazed and roamed, his finding the edges of my tank top and moving slightly underneath the hem. The scruff on his jaw lightly scratched my flesh as he trailed kisses down my throat, down toward my collar bone and the hollow at the base of my throat.

  A loud knock sounded through the room as someone sought to rouse us from our slumber.

  “Damn,” I cursed.

  Ryder let out an irritated groan but didn’t move from his perch over me.

  “You have got to be kidding me,” he muttered under his breath. He rolled off me and lay on his back, his arm draped over his eyes. “You’re going to have to get that.”

  A giggle left my lips again and, after I had kissed him on the cheek, I rolled off the bed and moved toward the locked door. The only white left in the room after Cecilia had shown me how to change the overall color scheme of the room after my breakdown from seeing brilliant white all over the walls and the floor. There was a soft but audible click when I unlocked the door. The sound seemed a lot louder than it should have, but that dwarfed everything when I swung the door open to see my sister staring at me. Not only her, but my mother stood just behind her as if she couldn’t trust Gaia to do this job all on her own without guidance. Even though I had no idea what that job was, I was more than confident that my little sister could handle something more complicated than coming to get me from my room in the morning. Granted, I was never the easiest to wake up, but they didn’t have to wake me. Not this time.

  “Oh, hey. Mila.”

  Gaia acted like she was stunned to find me there. She tucked her loose blonde strands behind her ear, a sheepish flush moving up her exposed throat and into her cheeks. I looked from Gaia to my mother, and back to Gaia again, confused and irritated by the intrusion.

  “Ummmm, yeah. Surprised to see me?” I retorted, watching my sister closely for any signs of the reason they were coming to see me.

  My mother, with hair up in a neat ponytail – the only way I had seen it since coming to the Fallen Paradigm – rested her hand on Gaia’s shoulder reassuringly and cleared her throat before speaking a single word.

  “No, of course not,” she replied.

  Gaia flushed even more from embarrassment. It made me believe I may have had something on me that I didn’t notice. I looked down and saw that my tank top was still disheveled and rumpled, pulled up on my belly. It gave a very inappropriate view of my midriff that made burning heat rush into my cheeks. In a rush of limbs, I pulled at the hem of my shirt, covering the exposed skin with a bemused grin. My mother’s face was stern, and her eyes narrowed. I watched her for a lingering moment. Then I heard Ryder move off the bed and the
bathroom door closed. Her eyes narrowed even more, but I moved on, showing her that neither he nor I needed her approval.

  “What can I help you with?” I probed with exasperation.

  “We need you in the medical wing. Now,” her demanding tone of voice made me cringe.

  “It’s just for your results,” Gaia explained with an awkward shake of her head, hinting to me that I shouldn’t start a fight with our mom. Not over this. Not ever.

  I wanted to roll my eyes, but I stopped myself. I was an adult and was bound to enter a relationship at some point, and no one could help that it was with Ryder, who she didn’t approve of because of his past. It was something we had recently worked through on our own. His confession about having to take his brother’s life to enter King’s military was a hard pill to swallow, but I managed after my mind worked through my pain to see his.

  “Oh…uhhh…um, okay,” I stammered.

  I left the door open as I turned away from them to change clothes, grateful that Ryder was fully clothed. He sat up on the edge of the bed and watched me, running his hands through his hair.

  “Do you want me to go with you?” he asked curiously.

  I stopped only for a second and watched him with a pair of black cargo pants gripped in my hands. “Only if you want to. I won’t make you.”

  My hands gripped a regular, standard Fallen Paradigm issue V-neck, black t-shirt and began to hurriedly walk toward the open bathroom door. I knew I could have just dressed right then and there, but I still had my modesty even if the circumstances never truly called for it. It also didn’t matter how many pairs of eyes had spied my nude flesh at that point. I was still going to be as diffident as I could. I made it to the bathroom door with my hand on the knob when I heard Ryder say my name, his feet slapping on the linoleum that seemed to be everywhere in the place. Ignoring him, I made my way through the door and turned to close it, but his large, broad body prevented me from doing so as it took residence in the threshold. I wanted answers. I wanted this to be over with. That was all.

  “Mila,” he repeated, concern overflowing to the lids of his eyes in shining tears that refused to pour down his cheeks with the wide set of his eyes. “I want to be there for you. In any way, I can.”

  With a nod, I replied, “I know you do.”

  “Then why do I feel like you’re growing distant?” he asked in a hushed tone so my mother and Gaia couldn’t hear us.

  I sighed. I wasn’t sure what to say to that. To me, I wasn’t distant. I was busy. I was absorbing. I was plotting even though I had no idea what kind of plan I was looking to form and enact at that point. I had a feeling that wouldn’t be more concrete until I had my lab results back.

  “I’m not, I promise. I’m learning,” I answered. I crept up onto my tip-toes and kissed him lightly on the lips. “And I’ve been a little distracted, waiting for these results. If you want to come with me, you are more than welcome. After all,” I paused with a smirk, “if you plan on being with me, you’re going to need to know what could happen to you if you piss me off, right?”

  “You know the rights things to say to a guy,” he laughed.

  That only caused my smile to widen.

  “You’re right, I do. Now,” I reached around and gave him a generous pat on his behind, “get dressed, or I’ll leave you in here to wonder.”

  “I better get dressed, then.”

  “Yup, and let me close the door so I can,” I retorted.

  “Roger that, Ms. Hunter,” Ryder said with a light salute.

  He moved away from the door and began to stuff his long legs into some of the same type of pants I had in my hands. When I closed the door, I couldn’t stop my head from shaking or wipe the smile away.

  Chapter

  FIFTEEN

  I paced back and forth in a patient room within the medical wing of the Fallen Paradigm’s massive complex on Kiawah Island. No need to go anywhere else when everything I needed to know was there within the sterile walls. A part of me nearly had a panic attack while the other part tried desperately to remain calm. It didn’t matter how much of the same white walls I would see or where. Nothing about my reaction would ever change as far as I could tell. A week hadn’t even passed yet.

  Was I being too hard on myself?

  I wrung my hands while I paced, Ryder watching me with worried eyes and a wrinkled brow. I couldn’t look at him without fear of shattering.

  “Mila, can you sit down? You’re going to give yourself a coronary,” he lectured through a frown. “Please, don’t be so nervous. Everything’s going to be fine.”

  My quickening stride paused just long enough so I could shoot him an evil glare, and then start up with marching again while glaring at him.

  “Nervous? Nervous doesn’t even begin to cover what I’m feeling right now,” I explained.

  I began to twirl a lock of my dark brown hair and pulled slightly, just enough to take my mind off my racing hard and sweating upper lip. Ryder unfurled himself from the gray, plastic chair and came to stand at his full height, looming over me in a not-so-intimidating manner. Of course, I never felt overwhelmed by him. Not even when his face was twisted in anger and violence. That was an occasion where I typically loved him more because of the context of that rage. Placing his hands on my shoulders, my body froze, and I stopped walking while my head began to shake in defiance. His hands moved up from my shoulders and to the side of my face, making certain I look him square in the eyes and couldn’t look away. Which he succeeded.

  The brilliant, green of his eyes shimmered beautifully in the fluorescent lights of the room.

  “I know, I know. But, no matter what they say today about your abilities, it’s not the end of the world. What could be worse than fighting the only government we’ve ever known for our freedom to be who we are without fear, huh?”

  “Well, turning you or anyone else besides King into a smoldering pile of radioactive pulp, for one.”

  “Hey, if it’s all for the greater good, by all means,” he joked with a smirk and dropped his hands back down to my shoulders. “I’ll take one for the team.”

  I playfully smacked him on the arm. His smile and laugh were both so bright they outshone the brilliant walls of the horrible room we stood in. He rubbed the place on his arm where my hand made contact as if it hurt him. I knew better.

  “That’s not funny,” I squealed.

  He took a step back toward me and brushed my hair out of my eyes, tucking it behind my ear.

  “Seriously, you’re bad ass. No doubt about it. And we’ll take it all as it comes,” he guaranteed.

  The confidence in his face made my heart flutter and then skip a beat. That sureness made me believe it too. We could do this. I could do this. I could persevere. I could fight the good fight.

  A gentle knock on the door drew our attention from our proximity to the white, glass, and metal slab that separated us from the world outside. He dropped his hands again and I took one large one in one of my small ones, turning toward the door as Gaia, my mother, Rayna, and Doctor Aserov entered the room. I didn’t see where Rayna was necessary since she wasn’t family and didn’t know nearly as much about my ‘condition’ as Doctor Aserov did, but there she was. Bright, clear, and beaming. I died a little on the inside.

  Everyone walked in and, once they were settled and I could hear my pulse in my ears, Doctor Aserov looked out at me from behind the sparkling lenses of her glasses.

  “That look on your face is breaking my heart, Mila,” Gaia began.

  “Wipe it off your face,” Rayna jabbed. “There’s no bad news here.”

  “It’s actually really cool,” Gaia pushed on while my mother hung back and watched the exchange with her arms crossed over her chest.

  I felt my shoulders droop and my expression tighten.

  “Cool? What
the Hell does that even mean?” I asked.

  “Do you want to see?” Doctor Aserov queried.

  “Uuuh—” I glanced at Ryder, and then everyone else in the room, my eyes meeting the gorgeous blue my sister inherited and holding her stare. She gave a slight nod, and that was all I needed to know. “Yeah. Yes, please.”

  Ecstatic energy pulsed and hummed underneath my skin just before the true extent of my nerves kicked in.

  “Then follow us. We need more equipment for this, and a larger screen,” Rayna said with a wink.

  She was indeed correct. The screen in this patient room was no larger than a thirty-two-inch television, leaving all the details to the imagination. Especially the minuscule ones. Each person filed out of the room and began to walk down the hallway toward the back of the medical wing. Two large metal doors stood down the long hallway and, within the matter of an instant, the hall seemed like it was a long and only growing the closer we got to the threshold. Everything I ever wanted to know about myself that wasn’t a factor in my life before the last few weeks lay beyond those doors. A dark cloud that obscured the doorway and everything good that came before it.

  “Horatia,” a very low voice called from our left. Each of us turned to find a massive man in white scrubs running toward us. Sweat beaded across his hairline. “We need you in patient room ten. We’re having a problem out of one of the Specials.”

  My mother split from the group, looked back at Rayna and the good doctor, and opened her mouth.

  “Take her. I’ll speak to her later.”

  With that, she was off to offer her services as the spearhead of the Paradigm. The man followed right beside her, talking animatedly, his hands flying in all sorts of directions. Their backs grew smaller and smaller until I had to pull my stare from them.

  Within minutes we were through the double doors and standing in another room that was just as big, if not bigger, than the training labyrinth that I had seen a small group of Specials train in. A massive projector screen lay perfectly flush against the far wall with the projector embedded in a nook right across from it. The walls in this room weren’t white, unlike all the others except for my personalized quarters. A calming, deep green covered them. It reminded me of the forest we ran for our lives in before we made it here. If the air smelled of pine needles. I was certain I wouldn’t have been able to tell the difference once the panic attack struck. Not only was that a screen, but there was also a neat row of padded seats that looked to have been arranged there just for our viewing purposes. They were comfortable chairs with a lot of padding and leather that molded to your body once you lowered yourself into them. The only part of this room that mirrored the rest of the complex was the eggshell colored linoleum floor.