Hidden Carmina

by Adri Sinclair

  Changes

  Silence has descended on our courtyard. With the gypsies gone and Momma, Jarrod and Lilly in Russia, I am utterly appreciative to have Lady E around. Uncle Will has taken on the hunting expeditions from Jarrod and life continues as normal. Time has sped along again; it is almost a month since they left.

  Lilly’s baby boy is born healthy and busy. We speak just about every day as well as e-mail or texting. Lilly tells me about the developments between Momma and Dimitri, which is a little crazy to imagine. I can’t envision Momma with someone like the flamboyant Dimitri but Lilly assures me they are a formidable pair together and she’s convinced there’s a history that we’re not aware of.

  Jarrod has taken up his place amongst the local group of hunters and scouts. Lilly says he is in his element with so many new things to learn. She also tells me about the gift John had left Dimitri for his Museum. I found the description disturbing but she assures me it is very beautiful.

  When I ask about Darya and Alina, I was extremely happy to know that they are the appointed nannies to both Lilly and Baby J.J. – named after John and Jarrod. The orphanage is thriving and Lilly is amply proud about the success rate of the kids who are not adopted but manage to work through education. She speaks of ‘her’ kids and I know Lilly means it when she says it.

  Waking up with Liam by my side has been more wonderful than anything I’ve known. He has taken to shifting into wolf shape at night. While the fireplace is constantly crackling, Liam’s cold body leaves me shivering at times. I tried to hide it from him but that did not last long. Liam doesn’t sleep like I do, and therefore he is aware of any change occurring in my body. Being so close to him and having to use so much willpower to maintain a safe relationship is difficult on both of us. Liam wants to kill me and I want to let him; not exactly a healthy combination!

  “Carmina,” Alissa, from the Vulture House, speaks fast when I allow access to let her into my mind. “Your uncle is an hour away. Darious? He’s not alone.”

  “Thank you Alissa, who’s with him?”

  “Jackie,” Dian answers with a slight irate tone.

  I push the ledgers aside and drop my hands into my palms. It is not truly a surprise to know that Darious is on his way. Even without Mother’s projected speculations, it would be a natural development to have my uncle check in on the clan and myself. I did not expect to hear that he has Jackie with him. What does that woman want?!

  “She’s still an Ancient, but she is interfering with my house,” I hear Uncle Will’s growl. “We’re heading to Edward and Joshlyn’s to check on reports.”

  Before I could ask what sort of reports, the two younger Vultures close their link with me. It is obviously on a need-to-know basis.

  “How are you doing with the emotional front, Carmina?” Maria asks.

  I learned recently about the inability to disconnect expressively from the Ancients. While it is true that I can close links, and even true that I can learn to fade the emotions, it is also true that there is no way to remove myself from their consciousness completely. They can feel my link like a nerve burning through their awareness.

  Liam reminded me of the time when I first met the Lynx house, and how I faded to the background, making myself almost invisible to Jackie. He suggests that I try to do the same with my emotions. Jackie cannot be disconnected from the fibers; meaning she will always have a margin of information about myself and everyone in the Ancient Houses. I have to learn to disguise my thoughts and moods from her. To do so, I have to constantly be aware of her connection and steer away from it as far as I can.

  “I don’t know, to be honest. But I will not shy away from Jackie. What passed between us is in the past. I will not be the escape code for her to get at the clan or the Moretti House.”

  “We’ll be around Carmina, we’re not far off.” Joseph assures me and I thank him.

  “Where is Lady E?”

  I hear her quick steps coming up the stairs from outside and laugh. Of course, she would not be too far away. Lady E has stepped into Momma’s shoes with vigor and sometimes I’m convinced she can be in two places at once.

  “Right here, sweetheart.”

  I feel the links fading one at a time. The comforting energy privately stays connected between Liam and I. We have not broken our network since the night he broke through the door, physically and mentally speaking.

  I start tidying up the books and ledgers, keeping the design papers and coal pencils out.

  “Carmina, you don’t have to let Jackie on the grounds. You are speaking for your Mother.”

  “And speaking for my mother, she will be allowed. I cannot give them any form of upper hand by causing dissention in the Houses. How much does she know about… my skills?”

  “Not much, she knows you can link. You are fast and your senses are developed. Everything after that has been kept from her, for obvious reasons.”

  “Then I hold some advantage. The clan is safe too; they don’t know about the other thing either.”

  With that, Lady E opts to be at a distance and ducks out into the back. I don’t move from the kitchen table, but focus on drawing the design in front of me. I hear the pair scuttling up the stairs and enter without knocking. Darious is Momma’s brother and, just like John doesn’t knock to raid my fridge, Uncle Darious comes and goes in Momma’s home as it pleases him. I don’t realize how tense my body is while waiting for him to speak. I know he is there but I focus on the paper in front of me, waiting.

  “Good evening, Carmina!”

  When Uncle Darious speaks, I jump and knock my cup over with a yelp. I muse how much it is like watching a scary movie. You know it is coming but still you jump when it does.

  “EEp! Oh! Uncle Darious, I’m so sorry!” My hands tremble as I mop up the mess I just made, trying to rescue the design.

  “Oh, I am sorry dear girl, did I startle you?” He is laughing openly at me, taking the towel and wiping down the table.

  “You did! It’s so good to see you!” I fling my arms around him. It is good to see him. I know he’s never been fond of being around me, but he has never been cruel to me. In his own way, he tries being civil and I always accept his efforts without question.

  “Come in, Jackie,” I call to the woman I know is waiting in the hallway. Uncle Darious looks surprised.

  “She’s so human. Clumsy. Ugh.” I hear Jackie’s mind and withdraw firmly into a corner. I have never used this ability on the clan. Hearing someone’s thought is a choice that I don’t make. I feel it is rude and intrusive. I ask what I want to know, and will go about finding out things in the natural manner that is my human nature. However, with Jackie and Uncle Darious, I am not comfortable making the same choice. I shamelessly listen, and know that Liam is listening with me. There is also the added skill of not reacting or responding to what is said. This is as a result of living with three voices in my head for twenty-three years. I became so good at it that the Ancients questioned my knowledge of them. I apply the same skill now.

  I offer the pair a drink, inviting them to sit down.

  “How are you, Uncle Darious?”

  “Oh, same day, different weather. So, I’m good. How is your mother? Where’s she off to, then? She never said where she was going?” He asks.

  “Oh, Momma is with Lilly and Jarrod sorting things for little J.J. He is the cutest thing! Have you seen the pictures?” I coo.

  Uncle Darious chuckles and nods, “He does look like his father.”

  “I don’t know where they are at the moment.” I continue, “Lilly got it in her head that the best will do for J.J, so they are going from place to place. They spoke about shopping in Italy and New York.” This is also not strictly the truth, but not a lie. Lilly is online shopping for the baby in both the places mentioned.

  “Your mother spoils you girls so much,” Uncle Darious comments, curtly.

  “She does. I realized that while I was on my own holiday.” I say, referring to my stay with Dimitri.r />
  “How are you, Jackie?”

  “Wishing you were dead.” I hear the snide remark and ignore it neatly.

  Outwardly, Jackie shrugs at me but doesn’t speak.

  “I hope you will both stay. It is so good to have family around. I have no clue about all this clan stuff and a little help won’t go wasted. Lady E has been a marvel. I’ve been terrible, she’s been taking care of most the day-to-day stuff.” I invite Uncle Darious.

  “Lazy too. What does the mutt see in her?”

  The eager look on Uncle Darious’ face when he replies is riddled with greed. “Of course, child. You’ve never taken an interest, have you?”

  “Nope. I prefer my pretty pictures,” and hold up the soaked design to him. Tentatively, I check the air in the room. The energy circling up from Uncle Darious and Jackie is one of pacified contentment. It is obvious; whatever their reason for being here is, it is going better than they both expected.

  Dinner comes around and, as is the custom, Uncle Darious takes up Momma’s seat in her absence. Uncle Will and Lady E have not joined us, nor have I seen John today. Liam’s hand squeezes mine when I brace myself to enter the hall. Jackie is sitting in my place and I close my eyes for a brief moment.

  He kisses my cheek and whispers: “Armor yourself, my lovely, and smile.”

  I feel anything but smiley. Squaring my shoulders, I head towards the table; halfway, I stop to look at the opening doors behind me. John bursts through with Roland shortly on his heels.

  The thought passes through my mind: The Cavalry has arrived.

  “Mina!” John shouts jovially, “I turn my back for one day and you shirk your responsibilities already! What will your Mother say?”

  I roll my eyes at John but thank him in private.

  “She will say I am a good daughter for respecting our clan customs – and that I’m lazy, and maybe that poor Uncle Darious has a soft spot for me after all.”

  “Poor Uncle Darious. If only you knew, little brat.”

  Jackie glares at John, who unceremoniously lifts her from her seat and points me to it, “Ancients have no business sitting in clan positions. We’re not peasants. No offense, Darious.”

  This causes me to smile at John. It is not often that his passive aggressive nature shows. When it does, there is no mistaking it for kindness. John the Ancient is not the same person as John the clan-friend.

  There are chairs on the right side of the table that will always be open, unless there are Ancients or visiting Elders in the house. John has always taken up place there, while Liam would take a seat next to Lilly and I on the left. Uncle Darious’ skin pales noticeably and I watch as the vein in his head become more pronounced, but John is an Ancient and that counts for something.

  “None taken,” he responds, but it is clear he is showing great restraint.

  Liam sits down next to me and, before the words come from Jackie’s already open mouth, Roland chirps in behind John.

  “Except your brother, John. He’s dating a peasant, totally under the influence of a bewitchment!”

  It does not take long for Jackie to get up and leave. Uncle Darious stares after her with a passive disinterest. I realize that my Uncle is where he wants to be: at the head of Momma’s clan. I search Roland’s face but there is no indication why he is here. He looks relaxed and comfortable, like this is an everyday event for him. Which I know it’s not. Why is he here? What is going on?

  Dinner drags by painfully slow. I was relieved to be leaving after settling both Momma’s guests in her home. It is custom and there is no other way. Thankfully, Uncle Will and Lady E stay there too. This makes me feel a little more at ease. When we get to the cottage after dinner, I find a note from Lady E.

  “Dearest Mina,

  Moved all the important documents to our home.

  Keep your guard up around Jackie – I don’t like that thing.

  We’ll be back but don’t worry if you don’t see us openly,

  We’ve chosen to work behind the scenes.

  Don’t bother yourself with the day-to-day stuff,

  I have it in hand and the hunts will continue under Will’s direction.

  Sorry for not speaking in person, but some things work better when they are less obvious.

  Roland is here on business, so don’t stress over his appearance either.

  We’ve got this.

  Remember: your Mother’s clan, your decisions.

  EM.”

  Being… In Spring

  Liam laughs at his mother’s devious streak and comments about the person to outsmart her having to be born or created, still. Sitting in the bay window with Liam, I tell him about my fear of us being driven apart again. I confess that I am afraid Jackie may have more tricks up her sleeve and will try again to provoke me in some way.

  “I don’t think I can stand it. Please, Liam, tell me there is nothing else that woman can use against us. I can’t always control what happens in my brain.”

  “I do have something to tell you, Carmina. Once I do, from my side, there is nothing Jackie can spring on you. I… am sorry about this, and for it coming out this way. I’d have preferred it never come to light at all. But if Jackie is devious enough, she will still try to use it. She knows you weren’t told before.”

  I turn to Liam, who looks nervous, “Liam, you make it sound so serious.”

  “It is. Carmina, something happened when we first met. Something I didn’t expect and by all accounts should not even be possible.” He wipes over his face and I watch as the resolve sets into his posture, making him rigid.

  Eventually, Liam gets up from the bay window and goes on one knee in front of me. He takes my wrist in his hand and kisses the pulse. He opens his mouth and gorgeously rakes his teeth over the gentle throb close to the surface.

  The fire ignites immediately in me, thundering through my blood like an angry ocean. My breathing becomes rushed but there are no words forming, just a raw charge escaping in the form of an indulgent moan. When Liam gradually lifts his head to me, I see the gold in his eyes turn to burning liquid. The essence we share flowing from him in a cold fever. His voice is measured and edgy when he speaks again.

  “I soul-bonded with you, Carmina.”

  “What does that mean?” My mouth is dry and I’m licking over my lips. My view is filled with his mesmerizing eyes.

  “It means,” Liam kisses my palm, “that there can never be anyone else for me in this world. If you die, my love for you will live on. If you leave, my love for you will stay. I cannot stop it, or make it go away, nor can you. I marked – no, branded – your soul with my desire for you, Carmina, and no matter where it goes… I will forever be searching for it, wanting it, and needing it.”

  “What does it mean for me?”

  “I don’t know Carmina. Nobody knows. You and I… There’s no way to tell. A bond like ours happens amongst Ancients – only after they are made immortal, and only in pure blood.”

  “I don’t have pure blood Liam, I am sick, and human.”

  Liam closes his eyes and puts my hand to his face. “And that is all the more reason why nobody has a clue about you, or us.”

  “And Jackie knows …”

  “All the Ancients know. Initially, that was the singular reason my folks requested permission to… teach you about us. I didn’t do so well without you and, at first, didn’t tell them.”

  “Liam… I don’t think you did this by yourself.”

  He frowns at me.

  “Well. I didn’t remember you for a time after. And other than the ache on my wrist, I didn’t feel like there was anything wrong. You didn’t do this to ME.”

  “Carmina…”

  “No, hear me out, Liam. I don’t love you because of this soul-bond thing. I loved you from that first moment I met you. Before you even touched me. I didn’t run away. I didn’t scream. I wanted to know you; my entire being wanted to be with you. I was given a chance to test that with our second meeting. I didn’t recollect
, I wasn’t drawn to you because of this.” I move my arm.

  “I fell in love with you all over again, without your help or interference, Liam. With or without this… hold… you think you have on me, I’ll love you. What if… what if, Liam, it wasn’t you? What if it was me? How can you be sure?”

  “I can’t but–”

  “You can’t, nor can I.” I cut him off. “Don’t be so hasty to claim my soul Liam, for all you know, I claimed yours. I have been doing a lot of ‘impossible’ things as of late, so don’t tell me it is impossible either.”

  I kiss Liam thoroughly, feeling him respond to the heat. I don’t want to talk anymore. I just want to be with him. I have felt a power inside me all day and, right now, it is not drawing back.

  ***

  Liam feels light, triumphant and elevated from a dark pit. Carmina’s words are absurd, but they are also a source of light for him. She is right. Nothing about their relationship is straightforward. Nothing about their selection is ‘natural’ to their natures. She’s not angry, or upset, or shocked. Liam marvels at her control and the kiss threatens to disband his logic and senses again.

  “Mina…” he whispers against her lips.

  “Not listening.” She objects to him and Liam feels the usually dependable instruments, designed to regulate his actions, fade.

  “Mina… please…”

  She does not answer him with words. Carmina kneels in front of him, her body moving slow and with purpose. Her hands on his bent knee, she leans close to his skin and inhales his scent. She’s his huntress again and a frenzy creeps through his bulk. Carmina bites into the inside of her lip sharply, filling her mouth with as much blood as she can coax from the cut and kisses Liam again. He can’t take what she’s doing to him and the passion beats down any measure he tries to implement against her assault. She tastes… so… good. His hands grabs onto her hips and yanks her into him.