Hidden Carmina

by Adri Sinclair

  My chest hurts. My head hurts. My body hurts…

  “Wake up, wake up, wake up. Rocky roads. They take you to Dublin. Sullen said all rocky roads can lead there… wake up!”

  “Mina…” I hear Lady E’s voice and I open my eyes. I am inside my mother’s home and I don’t want to be here.

  “Come on sweetheart, drink some water” I sit up, pushing the water away and fly towards the door, but Liam is there. His bulk is blocking the door liberally. The anger and hatred I feel towards this man in front of me force itself into my fists and I hit him against the chest, screaming.

  “You monster! How could you do that?! His soul will not rest now! How … could... you?”

  “Carmina… come sweetheart, calm down. Let Liam explain.” The strength of Lady E’s embrace is the shock that drills through my anger and brings me to a standstill. Liam has not moved at all and has made no defense against my assault. The pull around his lips is tight, drooping down. His eyes are on the floor and he does not look at me.

  “Carmina. The caravan was attacked. When Roland and John went to check on the family… their corpses were piled already and …” Liam pauses. “There was nothing we could do for them...” His voice is distant, iced and … hurting-raw.

  “Roland rushed to his father’s side, but when he hugged Briaan, a small explosion went off against his chest.”

  Liam pulls his hand through his hair.

  “We… couldn’t do anything. His blood turned toxic, where it touched his family, it started... We can’t touch the blood. It had to be burnt. I’m sorry, my Rockflower… I’m so sorry.”

  “They – They – They’re all gone?” the tension in my chest tightens again and the sobs threaten to pull me apart at the seams.

  “Yes. Lucas and his new bride… I’m so sorry… Carmina… we couldn’t…” Liam seems to be asking my forgiveness but there is none to be given.

  “But how?! HOW is this p-possible? And why t-them?”

  “Sweetheart, we don’t know. We’ll figure it out. I promise, Carmina.”

  “NO! No promises, none of you can keep them!” I shout at her.

  “Mina…” Liam speaks but I cut him off too.

  “Liam… i-t makes no s-ense,” I weep, “someone had to know where they were. Y-ou don’t just f-ind a-a g-ipsy caravan…. If-if-if they don’t want to be f-found…”

  “I am sorry Carmina…” Liam reaches for me but I pull away from him.

  “Roland insisted John bring him here to you. The only way we could do that was in wolf form…”

  I lift my hands to my face and stare at the dry blood.

  “I did– I did–” the words won’t come out, the sentence is stuck, a rippling sigh later “Liam… this is all my fault… look what I am doing to those who love me.”

  Liam moves fast and grabs me into his arms, snatching me away from his mother. “No, my Rockflower. You are only the paint that marks the target. “

  “I’m sorry, dear, sweet girl. Now more than ever, you have to show strength. For your clan, for your family and for yourself.”

  I lean my head against Liam’s shoulder, feeling the comforting strokes of his hand through my hair. How many more will have to die? Where will this end? Roland… he’s gone. Briaan, Sullen, Lucas, Bianca, Raina… a whole bloodline wiped out and it is because they cared for me.

  “John…”

  I gave them no time to think, pushing away from the pair in front of me.

  John! Roland was his friend as much as mine. Oh gods… I run outside and lift my head finding John’s wolf scent and following it as best I can. It was not hard, with the fully lit moon casting clear snow sparkles over the enormous paw prints.

  “John?” I keep calling to him internally. Eventually, I track him to the far side of the Lynx territory. There are no words to offer him, so I sit down, wrap my arms around his shoulders. His body is lightly swaying, and John pulls me closer to him. I feel his energy, seeking and finding comfort in me being there. Sadness and despair, anger and anxiety dart between us. John lays a soft kiss on my head.

  “We’ll find them, Carmina.” The words crack under emotional pain and hurt, but there is an unspoken promise of vengeance and justice. I believe John.

  “I am sorry John…. I’m so sorry.”

  John does not speak again; he hugs me to him tight and I cling to him. When his howls go up into the air, it is sad and yet an honor.

  Honor

  I manage to pull myself together for long enough to honor the Romany family; my extended family. I know how important birth and death is in the culture. Briaan and Sullen would not forgive me if I didn’t do right by them. I would not forgive me. Without the book to help me, I had to rely on memory and Internet information to put together a suitable, if not traditional, funeral. The deeply spiritual nature of this procedure is also a healing focus for me. I sit with John and Liam, carving a coffin with each their names on it and, sorting through their worldly possessions, I fill each one. I didn’t know the name of the new bride-to-be, and so I called her “Lucas’ Love”. Raina’s coffin was empty barring the token Liam and I gave her before they left after their last visit.

  It was important to them, as it is to me, to give them a big send-off. I gathered the clan and together we lit candles in storm lanterns, filling every open space, even the trees. Every meal for the next three days was dedicated to their memories, recalling the happy times. It may have seemed horrific in every sense to see us laugh and joke, even sing from time to time – but this is what needed to happen. They were loved. They are remembered and as a clan, they will be missed.

  Momma and Uncle Darious arrive at the gate almost simultaneously. Momma would not hear of Lilly and Jarrod returning, but she was not going to dishonor her friend-family by not being here. I am confused as to why Uncle Darious is here, and it is clear that Momma is at the end of her patience with him, drilling past without greeting.

  Grabbing John, Liam and myself into a group hug, Momma does not shed one tear. She turns us around and ushers us into her kitchen, ignoring her brother’s gruff remark about life going on after death. Momma’s eyes are dark and brooding. It is clear she’s not in an accommodating space.

  “Darious, what do you want? Have you not done enough to hurt my family?” Momma lashes out at him the moment he appears in the kitchen. Uncle Darious pulls a wry, bitter face and spits when he speaks.

  “Me?! Look at the filth sitting at your table, if you want to point fingers.” He glares at me. There was no warning at all. Momma’s billowing dress leaves a black blur as she whirls around the table, pinning her brother against the wall, lifting him off his feet. I feel my eyes stretch and the surprise from the witnesses. My mother does not lose her temper, or so I thought.

  “What do you want?”

  I am frozen in place; it is Liam who steps up to Momma, placing a hand on her shoulder. Momma’s eyes flick quickly to Liam and back. Lady E appears in the doorway as if she’s been there all along. She lightly clears her throat, like a mother mediating between two children.

  I am gawking at the passion blazing around the two women and John slides across the floor towards his mother, who gives him a warning look. Liam does not move away from Momma, keeping his hand lightly on her shoulder. I watch, as if in a dream.

  “I came to call Carmina to justice,” Uncle Darious speaks when Momma lets go of his throat.

  My head lifts to my Uncle and I feel the anger sting behind my eyes. I bite down on my lip and swallow. I do not read his mind; there are enough Ancients in this room to deal with him. Right now, I don’t have the will or the energy.

  “To justice? What is she accused of?” Momma growls.

  “It is clear, Margarith. This little human scum brought this onto our clans. She is responsible of the deaths at the caravan! She knew where they were.”

  Lady E, dainty as a flower, steps around the doorway. Her wild hair fizzes in the air and her voice is like a bell when she speaks. I have never heard an
ything so beautiful and so chilling at the same moment.

  “Will you bet your life on it, Darious son? Will you bet your Father’s wrath on it? You know how your daddy just love sibling rivalry and false accusations.”

  Darious shambles around and Lady E lifts her hand in a threatening manner.

  “So, let me read your memories. Let’s see what you are hiding, my dear boy.”

  “She is going to be the death of the Moretti name, and she will take every clan along with her. She caused trouble in the Lynx house and ours… yours… is next!”

  “Ours.” Lady E purses her lips as if to think about the word being used. “So you think us weak, dear child? You think the Morettis are incompetent or incapable or both?”

  “You are under the influence of that thing. All and sundry speak of it. Listen to the clans. You have a traitor and she is sitting at your table!” Uncle Darious is shouting. Lady E pulls her hand away and bestows a gracious smile upon him.

  “Under the influence of a human? Don’t be absurd, my dear. Is this the story the Lynx is spreading? The same Lynx who was spared by that ‘thing’? Twice, or was it three times now? It is not Carmina who caused the trouble in the Lynx House. It was that hellcat.”

  “Jackie is trying to help you! It make sense for the brat to get rid of the gypsies, they were in on it!”

  The words were not cold when the knife from the stand in front of me flies at him. Lady E moves him out of the way without turning around. I wish she didn’t. He has no right to speak of Roland and his family in that fashion. If the dead can’t defend themselves, it is easy to make them guilty of crimes they did not commit.

  “I don’t think our girl, our clan member, Darious, the one sitting over there by the pile of knives – Carmina – likes you slandering the dead. I will send your father to speak with you. Go. Home.” Lady E’s movements are perceived to be light, but the stumble from Uncle Darious out the door indicates the light shove against his shoulder held more power than not.

  Uncle Darious’ visit was brief, but there is a sense of urgency when he leaves. I have heard the rumors about the traitor amongst the Valley Clans. Are they thinking it is I? The death of the Romany travelers is going to serve as confirmation and if the Ancients don’t react to the direct accusations against me… I dread to think about it.

  “They think… I did kill them, but not how they…” I look at the faces in front of me in desperation. “I need fresh air.”

  I want to run but the energy levels are too low and perhaps a view of the world that is not blurring may help me find my balance again. I look towards the volcano and to the puff of dark smoke still lifting sinisterly against the light sky. Maybe I’ll go to the clearing.

  When I get to the courtyard gate I see movement among the tree lines. I narrow my eyes but it is gone before I can focus. I inhale as deep as my lungs can allow and open my mouth to smell the air, and listen. The gushing wind sweeps any trace away before I could get a fix on it. I stand and wait, but there is no more movement. I look back at my mother’s door and change my mind.

  I have not been inside my cottage since…

  The inside has been modified and there is no solid wall dividing the bedroom and the living space. Between the two rooms, serving a dual purpose, is a modern fire pit reachable from either side. I smile at the recognition of Liam’s input. He has never liked being enclosed, and he always worries about me being cold.

  Another window has been added to the front room and the bay seat was moved. The darkened Moretti Emblem is on the old windowpane but the window itself has been made small, like a gap filled with glass. I lean against it, tracing my fingers around the edges.

  When I hear the soft, shuffling approach, I am ready to attack. Taking a crouching stance, my attention focuses on the front and side doors. My entire body is tense and I can’t smell anything. The doors are closed and the room I am in is filled with newness and the smell of paint.

  “Mina,” I hear my name too faint to be sure it was not the wind.

  “Help me.” This time, it is louder. The thud just outside my door rushes me towards it without thinking. The small body of a young girl is lying face down, smeared with mud and soot. I can hear her heartbeat, and with strength I did not know I had, I hoist her over my shoulder and blitz her into the front room. Her blackened hair is matted to her face. I light a fire and rush to get warm water.

  It is when I manage to take the outer layer of sulfur-smelling, smoke-coated clothing off that her scent rises up and fills my body with shockwave after shockwave.

  “Raina!”

  It didn’t take long for Liam and John to arrive with help to get Raina back on track. The girl’s a fighter and while her condition was one of dehydration and near starvation, she recovers pretty quickly. I help her through the bath and after a few tries, the blonde color of her hair returns. I keep her a secret in my cottage; Momma, John and Liam know she is here, but nobody else. I am learning the importance of not trusting just anyone.

  After a day, Raina is getting color back in her cheeks too and the sadness in her eyes is becoming more prominent. It is easy to forget that she is thirteen years old. She looks near my age and, while she has a very small frame, the wisdom in her eyes already far surpasses that of most people older.

  Raina is weary of the two Ancients around us. Of course, John has re-stocked my fridge and pretty much moved into the kitchen. I worry about him too, as he has become more withdrawn since… Well, he lost one of his closest friends too. And these vampires want to tell me they don’t have souls? Yeah, right.

  I have to find treatments for Raina’s hands. The child has dug into snow and iced mud for days to disguise herself. I am astounded at how well she managed on her own. Raina tells me that she went hiding around the volcano. She figured, in all her child-like innocence, that if the volcano goddess Chantico is a friend of mine, then she will be a friend of hers too. I swallow hard at the thought. I tried explaining that the incident was a coincidence and Raina smiled a knowing smile at me and said, “Sullen says there’s no such thing as coincidence. She says there are actions and reactions. She says you take action and therefore, even in faith, there will be a reaction.”

  I didn’t want to argue over this. It is evident that Raina has a very fond and admiring love for Sullen. I’m not about to convince her otherwise.

  When Raina is ready, she tells us about the day her family died. Sullen and Briaan had been worried for a while about being tracked. Not to distract Roland from his work, they didn’t tell him. They tried circling back to the friend-family estate to replenish their food and water supply, and to speak about the growing concern. The pair was worried that the tracker was after Raina because of family history and problems. Raina is considered impure by her home-family and some of them were less than accommodating. Sullen instructed her to head to the borders of the friend-family, our clan, and hide out in the trees until they catch up. When the caravan did not arrive as it should have, Raina headed back but saw John passing with Roland and she knew that Sullen and Briaan’s worst fear had come to pass. She was terrified and didn’t know what to do, so she went to the volcano to hide out. Hunting was hard for her. Eventually, she was driven to the tree line and when she saw me at the gate, she knew I was safe. She’s been watching for days to see me, not knowing if I was attacked too.

  Raina tells me that she and Bianca were taught by Sullen and Briaan to always count me as a friend. If anything should happen to the caravan, they should try and get away and find the friend-clan.

  “Briaan said you are the warrior to end the wars,” Raina looks at me with a tilted head.

  “I didn’t know there was a war…”

  “Well, there is. Briaan would not tell stories about that. He says there’s a big war coming and you will be the one to end it.”

  I sigh and shake my head. What do these people think I am? I am nothing but human. I am the original carbon print for bad luck and now they put this stuff in the kids’ heads
?

  “Well, let’s hope there is no war.”

  “Sure. Sullen also said that your circle would be complete when you spill blood to love. I don’t know what that means but it sounded important.”

  I gawk at Raina and shake my head again. “I have no idea what that means Raina… Sullen has always been cryptic.”

  “Yeah, that is because if you tell the future in any way, you change it, thus becoming a liar by your own design. Sullen doesn’t like liars.”

  “Raina, I know it is hard, but do you remember anything else said about the trackers?” I am careful not to stress the girl.

  “No. But I don’t think it was one of ours.”

  “Why?”

  “Because ours would not poison Carmina. That would bring the dead back because they passed in unhappiness, and nobody in our caravans wants the wrath of the dead. It’s impure and very bad luck.”

  “You know about the poison?”

  Raina’s eyes filled with tears. “Yes. I watched him…” she points to Liam, “…burn my brother. I ran to the caravan but when I got there, I understood why. It was horrible! The smell was so bad. I think whomever did this is going to be haunted for a long time.”

  I rub over her hand and nod, “I hope so. They’ll deserve it.”

  I write in my Dairy the three things that I’ve been told by the gypsies: