by Jean Murray
Why did love sicken her so? Wasn’t it supposed to be this grand beautiful event? Dreamy. She stared at the scar on Kendra’s chest, remembering her sister’s journey with Bakari. The couple had literally gone to hell and back. Lilly and Asar’s relationship was not what Kit would call easy. Both had sacrificed so much to be together. And, then Bomani and Siya. Kit shook her head, realizing it wasn’t easy for any one of them. Kit’s situation, although dire, was just another trial of many. A test of wills.
She could wallow here or fight for Kamen.
Kit looked up and met her sister’s gaze. “Where do I find him?”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Kamen hid in the chamber not wanting to see Kit, let alone knowing when and where her transition would take place. He lay on the cold floor barely able to move, consuming more souls than he should have.
No one had ever unraveled him so completely. Gods, the taste of her was still on his lips. Her rose color scent had penetrated his soul. Heat burned his cold body at the thought of her taking him to the brink and over into the chasm of ecstasy. The powerful orgasm rocked him to the very core of his being. He had never given a female power over him for fear of losing control. The incident in the shower proved his fears. He could not make love to her without shifting. What kind of life would that be?
There had been blood to pay for his act. The beast rose to claim her, sharp and sure. He barely got down the steps and into the chamber before it tore open his flesh. Fresh claw marks scored the wall of the entrance as it fought to get out. The beast refused to relinquish its hold, for how long, Kamen could not gauge, but long enough for Kit’s transition to be complete. She was better off bonded to another. He would spend his days in the shadows longing for her as he always had or stay locked in his chamber. Imprisoned was his preference because the urge to kill the bastard who marked Kit overwhelmed him.
“And, you think I am the one with issues,” Inpu said from the far shadows of the chamber. Fresh blood dripped from the priest’s fingertips.
Consumed by his pain, he’d failed to notice Inpu’s entrance. “This is the last place you should make a house call, Priest.” Kamen rolled onto his hands and feet. The chamber was no place for anyone but the beast or those with a death wish.
“Like I said before, I really don’t give a shit.”
“Then why are you here.”
Inpu walked forward with a scroll and clear vial in his hands. “How is Kit?”
Kamen leaned his head against the stone floor. Even the mere mention of her name caused dagger-like pain in his chest. “I have taken your advice, Priest. I am staying away.”
“She has transitioned. But not by you?” Inpu asked with a significant amount of astonishment.
So, it was done.
Kamen suppressed his groan in favor of glaring at the priest. Why did everyone assume he could? Both Inpu and Asar knew Kamen’s limitations. Inpu had warned him to stay clear.
The priest looked down at the items in his hands. “Well, I have some bad news. It was all for not.”
“What are you saying?” Kamen growled, his impatience with the priest’s intrusion at its end.
“She can sleep with a thousand gods, and it will not save her.”
Kamen surged up and grabbed Inpu by the throat. “Do not test me,” Kamen snarled. His entire body shook with rage at the picture Inpu placed in his head.
Yet even as Kamen tightened his grip, Inpu did not flinch. “There is only one entity that can consume evil.”
“It cannot happen. The beast will destroy her. I cannot control it.”
“It is your fear the beast senses.”
“I fear for her life.”
“Fear for her life or yours?”
“Mine?” Kamen released the priest, thinking him mad. Kamen had accepted his path and what he had to become. He shouldered the burden without a second thought. Inpu had lost his mind if he thought Kamen was afraid to be with Kit. It was all he thought about. He had weighed the risks over and over, and there was only one acceptable outcome. Kit would be happier with someone else.
“I do not know why I wasted my time. For her sake I hope you figure it out soon.” Inpu shoved the scroll and vial into Kamen’s hands. The god walked towards the door and inserted his hand into the latch.
The large stone rolled away, revealing the passage way to Kamen’s room.
Kamen raised his arm to shield his eyes from the piercing light.
Inpu turned and looked at Kamen. “Maybe it is time we both stopped hiding.”
“What is this?” Kamen asked, holding up the vial and scroll, knowing Inpu would not have left his room unless it was necessary.
“Freedom.”
Kamen unrolled the parchment, the paper cracking under the stress. It was written in the old language. Words about the origins of Ammut, the Devourer. The very beast sharing a piece, if not all of Kamen’s soul.
“The beast was conjured by the tears of the creators.” Inpu nodded to the vial. “Ammut was unleashed upon the world, erasing the imperfect products of evolution. A balance in the chaos. A clean slate, as it were for man. The gods needed something to control their new children. A single drop of the creators’ tears was placed into each vessel. A part of Ammut lives in each soul. For us, it’s called ba. For man, a consciousness of good and evil, passed on for generations.”
Kamen leaned against the stone wall, unable to fully process the significance of Inpu’s history lesson. “So what does this have to do with Kit?”
“Nothing. It has to do with you.”
“Priest, you are making my head ache.”
“It is time to release the beast. Stop controlling it.”
“You have gone mad.”
“Perhaps, but if the gods trusted the beast enough to devour men’s sins, then why would it harm the woman you love? You are not afraid of the beast, Kamen, your fear resides in the fact Kit may love you back.”
Kamen shook his head. It could not be that simple.
“You are the remedy, Kamen. For Kit. For Apep.”
Kamen stared at Inpu, confounded by his words. The beast was not some blessing bestowed upon Kamen. It was a rabid feral animal, his punishment for betraying Asar. “I do not understand your twisted words.”
Annoyance contorted Inpu’s expression. “I do not have time nor the patience for this.” The priest walked midway up the steps. His form shimmered as he readied to dematerialize.
“Where are you going?”
The priest glanced over his shoulder with sorrow filled eyes. “To visit my wife.”
Inpu had the same look Kit had given Kamen the night she stayed in his bed. A defeated acceptance. The priest was no match for Nebt. Not in his current condition, yet Kamen could not force the priest to stay. “May the gods be with you on your journey.”
“Pray the gods do not follow me.” Inpu dematerialized into the shadows, leaving Kamen to stew over his words.
Release Ammut? Asar had built this very chamber to contain the beast. Now, Inpu wanted him to set it free. He stared at the open door and the steps leading up to his room and then to the palace. It was madness to think the beast would not destroy it all.
He fingered the vial in his hand. Could he tell Kit the news that he was the cure all along? Gods, would she ever be able to forgive him?
A cascade of spasms sent him to his knees, a stark reminder of the damage the beast inflicted on his body. He crawled up the steps and dragged himself into the shower. Exhausted and emotionally drained, he sat under the running water. How many times before had he done this? Yet this time hurt deeper and harder than any other. He barely remembered washing.
He searched for the parchment and vial, not certain he had the forethought to place it somewhere safe. He sighed, seeing it on the sink countertop. A blessing, but a little too late.
Trust the beast? Give up his control? Kamen shook his head. Without it there was too much uncertainty. A wildness he feared but also craved. A longing to be free and
unencumbered by his curse. Kit tempted that side of him, eroding his control like winds against the sphinx.
Could he trust Ammut enough not to hurt Kit? Was he strong enough to try? He closed his eyes, willing the battering questions away and praying for his strength to return.
“Kamen.” Kit’s voice roused him from his stupor. She stood in the doorway, her eyes wide as she stared at him sitting on the floor of the shower. Bitterness swirled amongst her floral scent. Gods, Inpu was right. Her transition had not stopped the infection. The days Kamen had spent in the chamber only allowed the evil to dig its claws in deeper. If she did not hate him before, she would now.
* * *
“You can kill me for intruding later,” she said and stalked towards him. Damn him for looking so utterly helpless when she wanted to ream him a good one. She latched under his arm and hoisted him to his feet but not without significant trouble. Either he was resisting or so weak he couldn’t support his own weight. Despite being on his feet, most of the weight shifted to her. She stumbled into the sink and knocked a crystal vial into the bowl. She steadied herself before shuffling out the door.
His heavy body pressed into hers, pinning her to the bed. She kept her eyes forward and tried to ignore the fact that he was completely naked. Breathless, she shifted her weight and flopped him on the mattress. Sweat beaded on her forehead from the exertion. She hefted the equivalent of tree trunks onto the mattress.
Once she got him situated and covered, she glared down at him. “Don’t think this is going to get you out of trouble.”
He blinked, his eyes remaining unfocused. His skin was so cold, like in the human realm, but he shivered uncontrollably. Kit dug through his bureau, pulled out two more blankets, and piled them on.
At the hearth, she loaded in several logs onto the fire. The room’s temperature spiked, creating a fine layer of sweat against her skin. Despite the extra warmth, he trembled.
No matter how furious she was with him, she hated seeing him like this. Not her guardian. He was supposed to be the strong one, fortifying her with strength she didn’t have. Maybe he did need saving as Kendra suggested.
Flustered, she sat down next to him. He turned his head away. “I know you don’t want me here, but too bad. It’s the least I can do.” She slouched against the headboard. Regardless of his absence and refusal to be part of her transition, she owed him.
His wet hair clung to his neck and cheek. She ran her fingers through its length. The black locks were surprisingly soft and had a slight wave.
Kamen shuddered, but the trembling lessened under her touch. Hours had passed with her just petting his head. Her fingers cramped into a ball. When she stopped, the trembling returned. “Shit, Kamen. How often does this happen to you?” she asked, knowing he wouldn’t answer. “And, you do this alone?”
She slid her hand under the covers and touched his chest. It was still ice cold. “I don’t know what else to do.” She hopped off the mattress and paced the foot of the bed. Why was she doing this? It was killing her being here, knowing…she swallowed and wrapped her arms around her waist. She stepped towards the door, tears rolling down her cheeks. A muffled groan halted her.
She loved him.
Wiping her cheeks dry, she returned to his side, stripped off her leather uniform and slipped under the covers. She inhaled sharply when she came in contact with cold skin. Shifting his arm to his chest, she pulled up tight against him. A low growl escaped his throat. Warning or not, she draped her naked body against his. She reached across and pulled his other hand to his chest, just as she saw him sleep. She heard his teeth grind together. His eyes flickered with an orange flame behind the blackness. “Get over yourself,” she growled.
Ignoring him, she tightened her arm around him. “I may not know a lot about you, Kamen, but I understand keeping people at a distance. Trust me, I’ve been doing it most of my life, but at least I know when to let someone in now and again. Geez, if I hadn’t reached out to you, think of where I would of have ended up.” She sighed. “You can shut me out later. Just accept this, I’m not asking for anything.”
He exhaled a heavy breath and relaxed a little under her touch. The shaking stopped within a few minutes. Kit absently traced the scattering of hair on his chest with her fingertip. His perfect skin stretched taut against his large pectoral muscles.
Unless showing impatience or disgust, Underworld gods didn’t breathe, so his chest remained perfectly still. No heartbeat pulsed under her fingertips, yet he had blood that flowed through his body. It took some getting used to.
Such fierce power under her touch, but it remained leashed until needed. It was this very chest she had clung to and cried her tears. Her fear had blunted her experience in Duat and subsequent rescue, but she remembered how protected she felt. Safe, just as she did now.
The sensation scared her as much as it soothed her. She had such little control over her life—today was no exception. How much of Kamen’s life was controlled? He was at Asar’s beck and call. Why, when Kamen could shut anyone down? She had never seen him hanging out at the warrior hall or with any of the women assigned there. He lived a solitary life. The question was why? What was he hiding from her? Were they so different? Not likely.
Kamen shifted, the first movement in hours. He grasped her hand and flattened her palm over his heart.
Your welcome, she thought but didn’t speak. His body temperature had risen to almost normal. Too warm, she shifted up and threw off the two extra blankets. She looked at him resting comfortably. Now would be the time she should go.
She paused, indecisive. His brown eyes met hers, his soul almost reachable. Despite all that had happened, she returned back to his side. Strange how comforted she felt.
Maybe they both needed saving.
Chapter Thirty
Kamen woke with a start, startled to find Kit still asleep at his side. He inhaled slightly at the sight of her. Her normal rosy cheeks were pale. The brilliant shine to her ebony hair blunted and darkness outlined her closed eyes. The beast stirred in his chest. The craving for her had not lessened a bit.
Her chest rose and fell rapidly and her brows bunched together. She whimpered and pulled the covers tighter to her chest. Her eyes flicked back and forth beneath her closed lids. Dreaming, he realized, and not pleasant by the grimace on her face.
He leaned over her and brushed his fingers against her temple. “Easy,” he soothed, hoping to break her nightmare.
“No,” she gasped and lashed out at the air.
“Kit,” he shook her gently.
She arched against the mattress and struggled against an unknown force. She scratched at her throat, leaving long welts against her skin.
He grasped her wrists, only to have her struggle harder. Tears rolled from the corners of her closed eyes. Her pleading turned to screams.
“Kitten,” he hollered and pinned her to the bed, fearing she would hurt herself. Her eyes snapped open and she screamed again.
She blinked and finally focused on his face. “Kamen,” she choked.
He released her wrists and cupped her face. “Kitten.”
She closed her eyes again and pressed her palm to her forehead. Pain creased her brow. He opened his soul and drew on her energy, focusing on the sharp sourness. Along with it came her beautiful rose scent, both imprinting deep in his soul.
She opened her eyes, relief relaxing her features. “Thank you, you didn’t have to do that.”
“Yes, I did.” He owed her more than just absorbing her pain. She had done more in one night than anyone had done for him in his lifetime, even after how poorly he’d treated her. He leaned back, giving her some space and gathering the courage to tell her Inpu’s information. “I am sorry,” he paused and devoured her blue gaze. “I only want to protect you.”
“I wanted it to be you,” she said, swallowing when her voice cracked.
Kamen’s heart shattered with the pain dripping from her words. He would never forgive himself for fa
iling her. He rolled onto his back and stared at the spell scrolled in the ceiling. He had wanted to be the one. Now, she was bonded to another, forever out of his reach. Gods decreed fate and apparently wanted to torture him.
“You have nothing to say?” She sat up. The sheet dropped around her bare waist.
Kamen forced his eyes to remain on the etched ceiling. He could not look, lest he kill the bastard whose symbols graced her chest.
“Damn it, look at me.” Her voice rose to a shrill. When he refused, she hit him in the chest. “God, you are stubborn. Don’t you get it?” She pounced on him, pinning him to the mattress. She glared down at him. “I’m in love with you.”
He exhaled a staggered breath. She might as well have slapped him for how startled he was at her words. Stunned, his gaze drifted to her chest—bare of any markings. Her soul remained unbound. He opened his mouth, but no words came. Gods, Inpu was right, her words scared him. He was not worthy of her love and was not sure if he ever would be. He wanted to voice his doubt of her feelings, but Kit never sugar coated anything.
“Give me a reason to stay—please,” she pleaded.
Frozen in a battle that could not be won, Kamen could only stare at her with wide eyes.
A frown creased her lips, and she slid off the bed to the floor. She grabbed clothes, not bothering to put them on and stalked to the door. Kamen leapt across the room and grabbed her around the waist. He yanked her back against his chest. “Do not misunderstand, Kitten. My soul will be forever and always yours.” He brushed his lips against her pounding pulse. A faint scent of another male was present on her skin. A scent he longed to replace with his own.
“Then, why are you pushing me away? God, why did you make me sleep with someone else?”
“It is complicated.”
“Complicated? That’s your excuse.” She barked a laugh. Her skin flushed hot and she struggled against his hold. “Damn it, let go of me.”
“You deserve better than to be bonded to a criminal.”
“What?” She stilled and turned to look over her shoulder. Doubt flickered in her eyes.
