I Never Planned on You

by Stefanie Jenkins

  “And that’s when you guys started dating?”

  She shakes her head. “We were still just friends although my roommate was convinced otherwise. We hung out on the regular. We would help each other study, attend parties together, drive home together for holidays.”

  My heart breaks at the realization of all I missed.

  “After Emmett’s birthday I was having a hard time again, and your brother took me to a carnival. There was something that was happening that neither of us could explain. So, he got me on a Ferris wheel of all things and asked me on a date. I know we used to make fun of him because he didn’t have a romantic bone in his body and his idea of a nice date back in high school was McDonalds and making out in the back of a movie theater.”

  I laugh at that memory of how awful my brother was, yet he always had a girlfriend—go figure. I’m actually impressed right now.

  “But with me he went all out—well, he tried. He showed up at my dorm with flowers and had made reservations at a fancy restaurant downtown. Things didn’t exactly go as planned, but things never do. When we got back to my dorm, he didn’t try to invite himself in but kissed me good night. And oh my God.” She starts to blush, and I feel nothing but love for them. I am actually happy for them.

  “That kiss, Dani, was seriously the best kiss of my life. We’ve been kind of inseparable since, well, minus this one little misunderstanding.” She smirks. “We healed each other. I mean, it’s still quite a process, but we’re doing it together. He makes me really happy.”

  “And you make me really happy,” Zach adds as he walks in and sits on the arm of the couch next to her. I blink a few times just in awe at this.

  “Why didn’t you tell me,” I ask more confused than ever now.

  They both look at each other before Haylee says, “I didn’t want to overwhelm you with all of this. Zach wanted to tell you right away, but I was afraid that you would leave, and we’re just getting you back. So, I told him to wait while you adjusted to being back.”

  She looks down at her feet. “I actually live here too. I have been staying at a friend’s apartment who is out of town. I just didn’t want to throw this in your face. A lot of things have changed since you left. I even made him take down photos of us.” She points to the empty nails on the wall. I look over and remember how I thought that was odd upon my arrival, but I never remembered to bring it up to Zach or Kyler since then. I thought maybe it was like where photos of either of them and an ex used to be, but in fact it was Zach and Haylee. I don’t know what to think now. This is a lot of information to process at once.

  Zach clears his throat as I take another sip, finishing off my coffee, and place the mug on the table. “On nights when I said I was working late, that wasn’t entirely the truth.” I raise my eyebrows at him, and he holds up his hands as if in surrender. “Okay, that wasn’t true at all…I was with Haylee. I didn’t like hiding it from you, but I needed to respect Haylee’s decision. But after our fight last night, I went straight to her place and told her I was done hiding. If you were going to be back in my life, then I wasn’t going to hide from you, and if you couldn’t accept that, then…” He trails off, but he doesn’t need to finish.

  I scoot closer to them and reach out to grab Haylee’s hand. I pause, thinking of the words to say. “I’m sorry you felt you needed to hide this from me and that I made the past three weeks difficult for you by forcing you to sneak around. I’m here—I don’t plan to leave either—so it’s time I start making up for lost time and fix the mistakes I’ve made, starting with you both. I love you both so much, and I don’t want to come between you two. So, I’m sorry for everything I put you through, but you found each other, so I guess maybe something good came out of my leaving. You guys look happy even though it may just take some time for me to get used to.”

  Haylee starts to cry, and I pull her into a deep embrace like we used to do. I want my best friend back. I’ve missed her and hate that Zach was right. I was selfish, incredibly selfish, trying to deal with my own grief, that I didn’t think at the time how my actions would affect those around me. While still holding on to Haylee, I reach my hand over to my brother, and he takes it in his. I squeeze his hand and meet his eyes. Without using words, he knows I’m sorry for what I said yesterday.

  Our moment is interrupted when we hear a throat clearing behind us. “Breakfast is ready,” Kyler chimes in. Zach is the first to rise and follow him into the kitchen. As Haylee and I rise, I place my arm around her shoulder and she puts her arm around my waist.

  “Okay, what do you say first thing after breakfast we put those pictures back on the wall,” I say.

  She nods and replies, “Sounds good. Then we can catch up when I go get my stuff and bring it back. Your brother has had enough of this separation. Looks like I’m coming home.”

  I find comfort in knowing that my best friend lives here too, that my brother wasn’t alone, although it is definitely not something I expected. It seems like a lifetime ago since we spent time together, just us. We join the boys at the kitchen table, and I laugh when I look down at the for breakfast—cereal and fruit. Oh my, I think I moved in here just in time to save these boys and their poor attempt at cooking. They definitely have a lot to learn.

  I sit down next to Kyler, and our knees accidentally brush under the table. I quickly pull my legs up, crossing one leg over the other away from him. Our eyes meet for a moment, and I remember what it was like to wake up next to him—or, well, I guess partially on top of him. His body was warm, and hard. I could tell that he works out. Well, I know he does because I’ve seen him with his shirt off, but to actually feel his body and have his arms around me… I don’t know what I’m feeling about it. Our eye contact is broken when I hear my brother’s voice.

  “So are you going to see Mom and Dad soon?” Zach asks.

  I slowly push the food in my bowl around. “I will. I promise.”

  Zach gives me a stern look, but Haylee smiles over at me and places her hand on mine. “It’s okay, Dani. You’ll go when you’re ready.”

  I’ve crossed off reconciling with Haylee from my list. Next up, my parents. I know I can’t hide from them forever.

  I t’s been a few days since the big reveal of my brother and best friend not only being together but living together. I guess a lot has changed while I’ve been gone. I’m happy for them, but it’s still a little weird for me. I never would’ve put the two of them together, but they seem really happy. I truly hate that they felt they needed to hide this from me, though, as if I were a fragile bird or something. Who am I kidding—it would have definitely freaked me out, but I feel like my arrival may have disrupted their lives. If Zach and I hadn’t had gotten into it the other day, would they have waited to tell me still?

  The quiet here at the house is nice. There always seems to be a lot going on. It reminds me of growing up in our house; it was always busy. The quiet used to terrify me. I mean, it’s still a little scary but a nice break from everything. Tonight, Zach and Haylee asked if I wanted to join them for dinner out and then a movie, but I graciously declined knowing they deserved time alone. Kyler was also out with his sisters. I haven’t met them yet, but from the stories I’ve heard, I think we would get along. I think it’s sweet he is so close to them.

  I’m deep into my second scary movie, wrapped up under my favorite blanket, and my empty bowl from dinner on the coffee table, that I don’t even notice the sound of the key opening the front door. I jump halfway off the couch when the door opens a little too quickly, hitting the wall behind it. Thankfully I had placed my glass of wine back on the table, otherwise it definitely would have spilled all over me and the couch.

  “Jesus Christ!”

  “Nope, just me!” Kyler throws his hands up in the air to claim innocence. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”

  “You didn’t startle me…you scared the shit out of me,” I state a little too loudly, but I feel like I have to raise my voice so he can hear me over the sou
nd of my heartbeat.

  Kyler closes the door and takes his shoes off before striding over to the couch with a look of concern as I’m still clutching my chest, willing my heart to slow down. However, the closer he gets, the more it speeds up. I’m starting to think my rapid heartbeat has nothing to do with the act of being scared and more about being close to the one who did the scaring.

  “Are you okay?”

  I nod. “I’m fine.” I wish he would stop asking me that. I know he doesn’t mean anything by it, but every time he asks, that phrase puts my head back in a bad place of memories of everyone asking me if I was okay after Emmett died.

  He looks around the room. “What are you doing sitting in the dark? I thought you were going out with Zach and Haylee.”

  “No, they needed some alone time, so I told them I wanted to stay home. Plus, I’m not really a fan of being the third wheel.”

  Nodding, Kyler lets out a laugh. “Welcome to my world.”

  I let out a low laugh too. “Yeah, now I know how my brother felt all those years ago back when…” But I refuse to finish that statement. Kyler must have assumed what I was going to say or at least that it had to do with Emmett, so he just quietly nods before getting up to grab himself a beer. Walking back from the kitchen, he takes a sip from the bottle before plopping down on the opposite end of the couch.

  “So…what are you watching?” he asks, tipping his bottle toward the television.

  I readjust myself on the couch after reaching for my wineglass and take a sip. When I bring the glass away from my mouth, I look over and see that he is staring at me. Does he see something interesting? I am mentally going over my appearance: leggings and a comfy top that hangs off the shoulder, no makeup, and a messy bun on top of my head. Do I maybe have pasta sauce on my face or something? He jumps a little in his seat, and I remember he asked what I was watching. Right, that must have been why he was staring in my direction. Get your shit together, Dani, I replay in my mind over and over. I look up at his face, and he raises his eyebrows at me, still waiting for my response.

  “The Strangers.”

  “Huh?”

  “You asked me what I was watching. It’s called The Strangers. It’s probably the scariest movie I’ve ever seen.”

  “Then why the fuck are you watching it, home. Alone. In the dark?” The look of confusion on his face gives it away pretty easily that he isn’t much of a horror movie fan.

  “How else am I supposed to watch it? I can’t help it. I love horror movies.”

  Nodding, Kyler takes a sip of his beer. “Gotcha. Horror isn’t really my cup of tea. I’m more of a comedy or action man myself.”

  I roll my eyes. “Let me guess, is Die Hard your favorite movie?”

  He laughs and I notice he has a nice laugh. “Nope, although it’s a classic. Office Space is actually my favorite.”

  “Ugh…are you serious, Lawson?” His eyes go big at my use of his last name, and it makes me giggle on the inside. “Office Space is seriously the worst movie ever.”

  Kyler places his hand over his heart in a fake dramatic way as if I have just offended him. “Are you serious now, Jacobs?” Raising his eyebrow, he shakes his head at me. “And to think we could have been friends. You break my heart saying shit like that.”

  I shrug and take another sip of my wine. “Sorry, babe, not my fault you have shitty taste in movies.” I quickly cover my mouth my hand, realizing I called him “babe.” In my peripheral vision, I see that he noticed it as well. I avoid his gaze, and after staring at me for a few moments, he turns toward the television and watches the movie.

  We sit in silence for a while, both not knowing what to say, and end up watching the entire movie together. I laughed during a few moments when either he jumped, I jumped, or both of us jumped. Kyler even offered to refill my glass each time he got up to get a beer. I guess he’s not so bad even though his taste in movies could use some work.

  As we watch the credits go up, Ky clears his throat. “So now what?”

  I turn back to him in confusion. “What do you mean?”

  He nods toward the television. “I mean are we going to watch another movie?”

  “Oh, well, technically I never invited you to watch the this one. You kind of just sat down and never got back up.” I shrug and try to play it cool. Luckily the room is still pretty dark so he can’t see me fighting back a smile. For once, it was nice to have quiet and not be alone. Also, knowing that this type of movie isn’t really his scene but he still sat here watching it without complaint is nice too. Whenever I forced Zach into watching a movie of my choosing, he would talk and complain during the entire thing, and I would be so frustrated by the end that I would suggest he pick one that he wanted to watch so that he would shut up during it. Thankfully, Emmett never complained about things that I wanted to watch—at least I think he knew that he would earn his reward for going along, if you know what I mean. “Ummm…do you want to watch another one?”

  “Yeah, that would be cool. I mean, if you want me to? I guess I did kind of just crash your night. I can leave if you want and leave you to your horror movies,” he says as he starts to rise from the couch.

  I quickly jump over to his side and reach out and touch his arm. “No, please, you can stay.” I smile at him, and he sits back down. “If you want to pick the next one, you can…I mean, don’t pick something super crappy though.”

  He looks down at his arm the same time I do, and I realize that I have not removed my hand from him. I quickly pull it back and drag myself back to my side of the couch. My mind quickly travels back to a few mornings ago when I woke up on this couch with his arms surrounding me, and it was the best sleep I had gotten in a while. Shit, maybe I should just say I am going to go to bed and run back to my room.

  Kyler takes the remote and searches the on-demand movies. “How about this one?” I realize it’s my brother’s favorite movie, Happy Gilmore.

  “Yeah, sure, let me just run to the bathroom real fast.” We both stand at the same time. “I meant alone, ya know,” I laugh as we both head in the same direction.

  “Oh, of course. I’m headed to my room to change into something more comfortable.”

  “Oh, right, duh. I’ll meet you back out there.”

  He nods and walks into his room, closing the door behind him. I walk into the bathroom and close the door as well. After washing my hands, I look in the mirror. Oh my God, I look a hot mess. I let my hair down and run my fingers through my curls. I pinch my cheeks to add a little color to them. My pulse begins to race, so I grip the counter and take three deep breaths. Get a grip. I open the door and head back to the living room. I turn the corner and see Kyler sitting on the couch in gray sweatpants and a tight Philadelphia Flyers T-shirt. There’s no hiding his muscles as his T-shirt clings to his body.

  Come on, Dani, stop looking.

  I also notice that he has a blanket partially over his lap. He catches me staring and smirks. “Everything okay?”

  “Yep. Fantastic.” I take a seat and pull my feet under myself and adjust my blanket. “Let’s get this over with.”

  Kyler smiles as he presses Play. We watch the movie in silence, and he laughs more than I do. I eventually fall asleep, and at some point I feel myself floating and briefly open my eyes to realize that Kyler has carried me to my room. He places me on my bed and covers me with the blanket from the couch. I hear him mumble something as he leans over and places a quick kiss on my forehead before exiting the room. I am halfway conscious and still trying to figure out if I’m dreaming or not. I roll over and fall asleep without my headphones.

  T he following week, I find myself lost in my thoughts of Dani while sitting at my desk. My phone buzzes on top of the pile of papers I had neglected to deal with this afternoon.

  LAUREN: Still on for dinner?

  ME: I am slammed at work.

  KATE: You better not back out, asshole! We’re not afraid to come down there.

  ME: Okay. Okay. *Hands up in
surrender* I’ll be there.

  KATE: So how are things at home