Rage took over rationality. Ignoring Henry’s voice in my head telling me not to respond, I typed back: Why don’t you crawl back under the rock you came from you sick cow?
A message came straight back: Give up Emma, he loves me. Go back to Ireland where u belong.
James loves his family, you’re wasting your time you lunatic. Go to hell and leave us alone.
Wake up u stupid bitch. James wants me & only me. U r past it. U can’t satisfy him. I can. And do.
U better watch out, we’re going to the police. They’ll track u down and put u in the mental institution where u belong.
U r so stupid & blind. Why dont u look in the bedside drawer & c what James bought for me? Maybe then ull believe me.
What?
I looked over at James’s bedside locker. Unlike my messy one, which was covered with books, magazines, sweet wrappers and tissues, James’s was very neat. He had only one book placed on the top. It was about rugby, Winning! by Clive Woodward.
I slid across the bed. With trembling hands, I pulled open the top drawer. Inside was James’s good watch, some cuff-links, his passport and cheque book. No sign of anything else. I pulled open the bottom drawer. Lying there was the Father’s Day card the children and I had made for him last year. ‘We love you, Daddy’ was written across the top and Yuri had drawn a picture of four stick people with big smiling faces … our little family. Underneath the card were some photos of the children when they were very small and one of us on our wedding day, looking so young and happy. I lifted the photos out, and that was when I saw them.
The red crotchless knickers were in a corner of the drawer, underneath the photos and the card. James had hidden this disgusting thing under our happy family pictures. I stared at it in disbelief. I felt a cold chill down my spine. I didn’t scream, cry, shout or freak out. I just sat there, staring at the knickers. I felt weirdly calm and clear-headed, as if all the emotions had been drained out of me in a split second.
James came into the room wrapped in a towel. He stopped dead when he saw my face.
‘What?’ He looked at my hand and saw the underwear. ‘Christ, not another delivery?’
I shook my head. ‘No, James. These were in the bottom drawer of your bedside table. She texted me to let me know where to find them.’
‘What? How the hell –’
‘– could they have got there?’ I finished his sentence. ‘I can think of only one way.’
‘Emma, they –’
I raised my hand. ‘Stop,’ I said quietly. ‘Stop talking. Stop lying. Stop making up excuses. I have the proof now. I know what I need to do.’
‘What do you mean?’ James looked stricken.
My mind had been made up for me. I had only one option. There was only one path for me now. ‘I’m leaving you.’
‘WHAT?’ James’s mouth hung open. ‘You can’t be serious.’
‘I’m deadly serious.’
‘Emma, come on, don’t do this. You can’t walk out now. We’ll fix this. I’ll fix this. Henry’s calling me today with the name of that detective. I’m going to pay him whatever it takes to hunt down this crazy woman.’
‘Too little too late,’ I said, somehow still calm and in control.
James grabbed my arm. His voice was breaking as he said, ‘Emma, I’m begging you. Don’t do this. We’ll work it out.’
I pulled away from him. It was as if ice was running through my veins. I felt nothing for him. I was completely numb. ‘So you keep saying, but the problem is, James, I don’t believe a word you say any more. You’ve been lying to me for weeks. I’ve been a blind fool and I’ve had enough.’
‘You can’t leave me,’ James said faintly.
‘Yes, I can, and I am. I’m going to take the kids home to Dublin for a while. I need to get away from this house and you, and figure out what to do.’
‘You can’t take my children away.’ He was so horrified that I almost cracked. I had to steel myself so I wouldn’t cave in to him.
‘I’m hardly going to leave them here with a father who’s never around.’
‘I’ll work less. I’ll come home for dinner. I’ll find out who this lunatic is. We’ll track her down and put her in prison.’
I shook my head. I couldn’t believe how calm I was being. My voice wasn’t even shaking. Was this what happened when you went into shock?
‘Too late, James. I’ve given you so many chances and you lied and lied. I’ve been an idiot and I’m not going to be made a fool of any more. I don’t know what happened, but since we’ve moved here, you’ve changed.’
‘I haven’t changed, I’ve just been working hard, maybe too hard, and then some lunatic started stalking us. How am I to blame for someone else’s psychosis? I have done nothing wrong. You have to believe me.’
‘I don’t.’
James looked at me in shock. I was appalled by my own coldness, but I had just reached the end of my tolerance. I couldn’t do it any more. It was as simple as that.
He kept pleading and claiming his innocence. He asked me to go with him to Toulouse that afternoon, for his away game. I refused. He told me he’d book the Eurostar to Paris for us the following weekend. I refused. He begged me to wait until he got back from his match in Toulouse on Sunday to sort everything out. I refused.
‘Please, Emma, please. When I get back, we’ll go to the police together and get them to stop this nonsense. Come on, darling, we can sort this out. But we must stay strong and we must stay together.’
Finally, I agreed to stay and wait for him to come back from Toulouse … but I had no intention of waiting for him. I was going as soon as he was out of the door.
Once he had gone, I dialled my parents’ number. It rang ten times before Dad answered. He sounded out of breath and very grumpy. ‘What?’ he snapped.
‘Hi, Dad, how are you?’
‘Who is it?’
‘Your daughter.’
‘Barbara, you can shag off if you think I’m sending you any more money.’
‘No, Dad, it’s Emma.’
‘Oh, what’s up?’
‘Well, the thing is, I need to come back for a bit.’
‘Back where?’
‘To Dublin.’
‘Why?’ He sounded suspicious.
‘Because … well … because I need to get away from here for a while.’
‘Where are you going to stay?’
‘With you and Mum, I hope.’
‘Are you bringing the children?’
‘Yes.’
‘What’s a while? A day or two?’ he asked optimistically.
I hesitated. ‘No, Dad. I was thinking more like a couple of weeks.’
‘Weeks!’ Dad sounded shocked. ‘Why? Why do you need to stay here for a couple of weeks?’
‘Because … well, the thing is –’
‘Jesus, Emma, will you spit it out? I’m in the middle of watching the golf. Rory McIlroy is four up on the thirteenth. He birdied the last two holes.’
My composure crumbled and I began to sob. ‘Because James is having an affair and I’m being stalked and if I don’t get out of here I’m going to have a nervous breakdown.’
Silence.
Then, ‘UNAAAAAAA!’
Dad had rushed off to get Mum. I could hear him roaring, ‘Una, get down here! Emma’s having a breakdown. Hurry up, she’s bawling. She wants to move back in with us, kids and all. Sort her out.’
I could hear Mum’s feet running along the hall. ‘Emma? What’s going on?’
‘I need to come home, Mum. I uh … uh … need to get out of here for a bit.’
‘Why, pet? What’s happened?’
Hearing Mum call me ‘pet’ was the final straw. My composure went right out of the window. I wailed into the phone, ‘It’s awful, Mum. James is having an affair and I found knickers and I’m being stalked and the kids hate me and they love Claire and I’m all paranoid and I made a fool of myself and I can’t sleeeeeeeep.’
‘There,
there, Emma,’ Mum soothed. ‘You sound a bit hysterical. Now I need you to take three deep breaths and try to talk coherently. All I can hear is screeching. I hope the children aren’t there to see you in this state. It’s not good for children to see their parents upset.’
I tried to calm down, gulping in air so I could speak. ‘Mum, I need to come home. James is having an affair.’
‘I don’t believe it. James wouldn’t do that.’
Typical! My own mother wouldn’t believe wonderful James could possibly behave badly. ‘Well, he is,’ I barked, anger taking over from tears.
‘How do you know? You’re inclined to be dramatic, Emma. Don’t jump to silly conclusions.’
‘Well, Mum, let me see. He’s been getting tons of sextexts, he works late every night and … oh, yes, I happened to come across the whore’s knickers in his bedside drawer.’
‘Are you sure they’re not yours?’
I screamed silently and, in a strangled voice, said, ‘Yes, Mum, quite sure.’
‘I still don’t believe it. James is devoted to you and the children. Maybe the pants were left there by the people who rented before you.’
‘No, Mum, they do not belong to the previous tenant. They are his mistress’s red satin crotchless knickers, OK?’
There was a moment’s silence. ‘You can’t run home every time you have a problem in your marriage, Emma. All marriages go through ups and downs. You need to stay there and work it out.’
I willed myself to remain calm, but it was impossible. ‘Mum, if I stay here, we’ll break up for good. If I come back to Dublin, get some space and clear my head, then maybe we can work it out. I am not running away at the first hurdle. I’ve put up with so much stress and I’ve given him the benefit of the doubt a million times. But right now I need to get out of this house before I go insane.’
‘How long are you planning on staying?’
‘I don’t know. A couple of weeks, maybe.’ How long did it take to get over an affair, stalking and humiliation?
‘What about the children?’
‘They’re coming with me.’
‘What about their schooling?’
I was getting exasperated. ‘They’re four and three. A couple of weeks won’t make any difference. They’re not going to miss out on trigonometry and bloody Yeats.’
Mum sniffed. ‘What does James think about all this?’
‘I don’t give a damn what James thinks about all this. This is what I need. Believe it or not, Mum, I actually matter, you know. I am a real person with feelings who has been put through hell and, if it isn’t too much trouble, I’d like you to take my feelings into consideration for once.’
‘I’m sorry, Emma, but it’s out of the question that you take those children away from their father. You need to stay there and try to work this out. Now, if you want some space, go and stay with your sister. I’ll get the first flight to London tomorrow and I’ll mind the children while you go off with James somewhere nice and try to sort this mess out. Marriages require lots of hard work and compromise.’
‘James is working this weekend. He always works at the weekends so we can’t go somewhere nice and, besides, I want to kill him, not spend more time with him.’
Mum tutted. ‘Don’t you think there have been many times when I’ve wanted to drive a stake through your father’s heart? I’ve lost count of how many occasions I’ve wanted to smack him over the head with a golf club, but I just got on with it.’
Crikey, poor Dad. Did he have any idea how close he’d been to death?
‘Now, calm yourself down. Don’t let the children see you in a state. Get dressed and go about your day. I’ll see you in the morning. What you need is time with your husband to rekindle the romance. Every marriage needs that.’
‘What about the small detail of his mistress, Mum?’
She coughed. ‘Nonsense. I don’t believe he has one, and if he does, she can be got rid of, I assure you. Many’s the wife who saw off a mistress. Now, lipstick on, Emma, and best foot forward.’
‘We’re not in Downton Abbey, Mum!’ I was exasperated beyond belief.
‘Maybe not, but those upper-crust Brits had the right attitude in times of stress – stiff upper lip and carry on.’
I needed to get off the phone before I lost my temper and said something I would regret. ‘Fine. Me and my stiff upper lip will see you tomorrow.’
I rang in sick to work and then went in to talk to the children. I told them they weren’t going to school today and that we were going for a little stay with Auntie Babs. They were thrilled.
‘How many sleepies will we have in her house?’ Lara asked.
‘Well, I’m not sure. A few,’ I fudged. I had no idea how long it would be, plus I hadn’t even asked her yet.
‘Is Daddy coming with us or will he come after work?’
I tried to sound breezy. ‘Well, sweetheart, Daddy has to work, so he won’t be coming with us.’
‘Is Claire coming?’ Lara asked.
‘No, just Mummy.’
‘Oh.’ They both looked disappointed.
Once more, I saw I needed to spend more time with them. Mind you, now that I was going to be a single parent, I’d see plenty of them.
‘Come on, let’s pack a suitcase for our adventure.’ I tried to pack, aided and abetted by the children. They were more of a hindrance than a help. Yuri kept putting his football in and Lara insisted on packing her whole army of cuddly toys and dolls.
‘Lara, darling, you can’t put all of your toys into the suitcase. They won’t fit.’
‘But I can’t leave any of them here. They’ll be lonely.’
‘But Mr Hippo is almost the same size as the suitcase. We can’t bring him.’
Lara crossed her arms and pursed her lips. ‘Well, then, I’m not coming.’
Mr Hippo was enormous. James had won him at some rugby club quiz a year ago. Lara had taken a huge shine to him. I was going to have to be persuasive. ‘All right, why don’t we leave him with Daddy? Then Daddy and Mr Hippo can keep each other company so neither of them gets lonely.’
Lara thought about this for a minute, then nodded.
‘I’m not leaving my football with Daddy,’ Yuri announced.
‘Babs doesn’t have a garden,’ I said. ‘You won’t need it.’
‘But it’s my Liverpool one. I love it.’ Yuri hugged it.
I crouched down. ‘Yuri, pet, why don’t you leave it in your bedroom so it’s safe? When we come back we’ll play with it.’
He shook his head vehemently. There was no getting around him and I didn’t have time for intricate arguments. ‘OK, put the ball in.’
‘What about Mr Hippo?’ Lara complained.
‘He’s just too big.’
‘It’s not fair, Mummy.’ She burst into tears.
I grabbed Mr Hippo and flung him into the suitcase. ‘Fine, he can bloody well come.’
‘You said a bad word and you’re grumpy again,’ Yuri noted.
‘Hello?’ Claire’s voice called from downstairs.
Yuri and Lara ran down. ‘We’re going on holidays,’ they told her.
I followed them, lugging the suitcase.
‘What’s going on?’ Claire asked, puzzled.
Seeing her reminded me that I wanted to talk to her about buying the kids sweets and fizzy drinks, but I didn’t have the energy. I couldn’t face a confrontation. Not now, not with everything that was going on.
‘We’re going on a little trip.’ I decided to be vague. I didn’t want Claire to know my marriage was in tatters. ‘But don’t worry, I’ll pay you while I’m gone.’
‘It’s kind of sudden. Is everything all right?’
I busied myself with the locks on the suitcase. ‘Yes, I just fancy a break.’
‘Is James going too – a family holiday?’
‘Uhm, no. He’s away at a match in Toulouse. He’ll be back on Sunday.’ I felt my resolve breaking and I began to cry.
Claire ushered
the children into the lounge. She came back and put her arm around me. ‘What’s wrong?’ she asked gently.
I wiped my eyes. ‘It’s this stalker person. She’s ruining our lives. I need a break from it all. I need to get away and clear my head. Everything is such a mess. I just don’t understand any of it. Who is this person? Why is she trying to ruin my marriage?’
Claire looked a bit sheepish. ‘Actually, Emma, I didn’t tell you this because you’ve been so stressed, but there is a woman at the school who’s been asking me questions about James.’
My head snapped up. ‘Which woman?’
‘The one with the long blonde hair and the really tight jeans and she always wears high heels, even when it’s raining.’
I racked my brains. There were quite a few mothers who fitted that description. ‘What did she ask you?’
‘Just what James did and where he worked and stuff.’
I stared at her. ‘Why didn’t you tell me? It must be her. How long ago was this?’
Claire looked uncomfortable. ‘A couple of weeks.’
‘Do you know what her kids are called?’ I wanted to find out her name.
She shook her head. ‘She has one boy, but he’s in the baby class.’
‘Oh, my God, it must be her.’ I was annoyed with Claire for not telling me. This was the woman. It had to be. I’d be able to confront her on Monday at the school gate. I’d get Claire to come with me and point her out. I’d give that bitch a piece of my mind.
Claire was worried now. ‘Emma, it might not be her. She could have been interested in James because of his London Irish jacket.’
‘No, it’s definitely her, it has to be.’
Yuri and Lara came out. ‘Are we going?’ Lara asked.
I bent down to her. ‘Yes, pet.’
‘Would you like me to do a grocery shop for James while you’re gone and keep the place tidy and do some laundry?’ Claire asked.
That was a great idea. I beckoned her to the side of the hall. ‘Actually, Claire, that would be great. Can you keep an eye out and let me know if anything or anyone arrives to the house? I’d really appreciate it.’
Claire put a hand on my arm. ‘I’d be happy to. Don’t worry, I’ll be here to look after everything. You go and try to relax. You deserve a break, you look exhausted.’
Mad About You Page 29
